8 Year old daughter and melt downs

Krista - posted on 01/22/2009

Does she do the same in school settings? This is the major issue at this point. She is getting very emotional and having metldowns at school. The teacher has made an effort to help her, but.. I think in the end that it has made things worse for her.  When the teacher sees her getting upset she draws attention to her and tells her to go to the restroom and wash her face, that she has some pencil in her eye and that is why they are making tears. WHen she has these episodes during recess or pe...the teacher stops whatever game that is going on and the other children are not allowed to play it because of how my daughter was reacting. After the other day.. I am just not knowing what to do. I asked her why she acted that way, and her responce was that if she got upset and continued...that eventually the teacher would take her out  and that is what she wanted. The school is a very small private school, with only 6 kids in her joint 3-4 grade class. Any adivce?

Pam - posted on 01/22/2009

Hello Krista,my name is Pamela,iam a mother of 4 beautiful little angels,my oldest son has adhd,and also odd,i have twin daughters that will be 8 in march,one of them also has adhd,she was also diagnosed with this last year,up until than i used to think she was just a very active child,even though my son has had this disorder for years, i some how could not see the similaritys with the two,my daughter is very much like yours,she often has emotional breakowns in which there really isnt any explanation for,she is a very emotional little girl on her meds,off of her meds she isnt.....but does not have the capability of controling her impulses,she takes the ritalin 3 times a day at 15mg each dose,i find when these types of meltdowns happen with her,there is no consoling her,all of her emotions are completly out of control at that point,it could be over something very tiny,but in the end its never the same as it stated out to be,i use to think if i gave in to these melt downs that i was giving her her own way......i was very consistent with not allow her to control the situation with these melt downs because i figured this is what she would do all the time to get what she wanted,well needless to say it did not matter how consitent i was or how stubborn i was the meltdowns did not go away.......i was left to wonder what am i doing wrong as a parent?how can i help my daughter?after doing alot of research,and just trying different things with her i finally found something that works for her........when these meltowns happen,and trust me they happen every day,i usually look at the situation that brought her to that point first before i make any conversation with her i make my own assumption of what got her so upset in the first place,than i usually ask her to come to me,this works well because you are not running to her,she knows that she will not get my immediate attention by yelling or screaming,i than come right down to her eye level were she can see me and see my exspession on my face she can see that iam clearly concerned about what the problem is and that she has my attention,i than ask her to please stop crying.......because if i cant hear what she is telling me i cant fix it for her,i give her a few minutes to gather herself,and at that point she usually has some what calmed herself to the point that we can talk,before i even start conversation with her i give her a hug,i do this just so she feels as though i care,i care why she is so upset and i know that she needs a hug at that point,than i ask what the problem is,and even though sometimes this spirals into another crying episode i remind her that i cant understand her when she is so upset and that i really wanna help her fix this problem and in order to do that i need my big girl to tell me what has made her so upset,at this point she usually starts a conversation that i can actually understand..........what ever the problem may be with her at that point,i try to point out other possibilities that could have been done to avoid the situation to were it has came,i ask her her opnion and ask her to tell me what she thinks the best solution would have been,we than go overagain how this situation could have been handled diffently not only by her but by any one else that may be involved,i do this so that she doesnt feel as though it is always her fault,i than tell her ok the next time something like this happens you already know now how to handle it,so you will be the big girl in the situation and you will find the answer to the problem,and this makes her feel important that she knows now how to handle this situtation,and she doesnt need mommy ,i tell her that evry one always needs someone to talk to when there upset cause sometimes even adults dont see things clear when there are angry or upset and that it is always a good thing to calm your self down before you talk to any one about the situation because when you are that upset no one hears you they only her how angry you are,so to get your point across you need to put on your thinking cap and think how you can explain how you feel,this usually works very well with her,it may take some time for her to get use to it ,but i always remind my girl to use her words,mommys understand words not crying or screaming,i hope this helps you out,good luck and keep me posted.....