anyone go to extreme measures to deal with your ADHD child?

Lisa - posted on 05/27/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My 11 year old son has ADHD and possibly ODD. We are having enormous problems with his behavior. It is disrupting our entire household, and is causing me a great deal of stress. When he doesn't get his way he argues, yells, throws things, slams doors, kicks toys and basically goes into an all out rage. I am at a loss of what to do. Punishments don't work for him. Anyone experience this and gone to extreme measures to help him? I feel like I need other solutions.

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Jessica - posted on 06/07/2011

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The summer between 1st and 2nd grade required a 6 week partial hospitalization program at our local behavioral health hospital. In at 8 and pick up at 2:30. She went 5 days a week. They had group therapy, one-on-one therapy time, and adjusted her meds. She still has problems but those 6 weeks were a godsend when she started 2nd grade.

Patsy - posted on 06/01/2011

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I have a 13 yo and a 16 yo, both with ADHD/ODD. Counseling is the only way to treat ODD. The trick with ODD is not to let the child know how they are affecting you. It is like fuel to the flame. If he/she thinks they can get to you in any way, they will keep going. SO, when he throws a tantrum, don't make a huge deal out of it. Don't give in and argue with him.. it's what he wants, rather what the ODD wants. Keep statements simple and to the point. " I said "no" end of discussion" without even raising your voice. Ground him and take away possessions without any emotion from you. Even if you don't think it's affecting him, do it anyway. But the key is, "never let them see you sweat"..lol

Terri - posted on 06/01/2011

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My oldest was diagnosed as ODD when she was 15. Previously, she'd been diagnosed as ADHD, but they realized when she was a freshman in high school that the diagnosis was lacking, and she had ODD as well. The problem is, there isn't really any medication that you can take for ODD. The best treatment seems to be behavior modification. The hook being that most kids respond best to behavior modification when they are under 10. Anyway, our family therapist gave us a book about raising ADHD kids and dealing with ODD, and part of what she said still rings for me: It takes two people to make an argument. Through her, I learned effective ways to shut down arguments and to get my daughter to see that she wasn't going to feed off the negative energy she spread out towards everyone. Yes, she still got angry occasionally, yes, she still made some horrendously stupid life decisions, but I am happy to say that at 26 she is a wife, mom, and a productive member of society who is a wonderful person to be around for the most part. So you can get through it. It just sometimes feels like you'll never get there!

Maureen - posted on 06/01/2011

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We are in the process of applying for help from an agency that provides in home therapy as part of a family stabilization program. Sounds pretty intense, but basically my son (11 as well) is such a handful we need some direction. Apparently they'll help us learn to respond to him in a more effective way. Not that we're wrong, it's that he needs to be parented in a different way. His moods rule the house and it's incredibly stressful. I'm really hoping this works, as I'm about to ask for a script for valium or something. I'm also hearing that my son might be able to get a mentor. That would be wonderful!! My daughter is also behaviorally involved, they're saying RAD or ODD, she's only 6! I feel just as you do, gotta get some relief!

How is your son at at school? Are there any strategies that work there? My best friends son is an angel at school and heck on wheels at home. My son has trouble in both settings, but moreso at home.

Alison - posted on 05/31/2011

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Lisa- I have a 17 year old that was diagnosed at 4 with ADHD. It has been a BATTLE since. We have tried everything in our power to find the right help and its so difficult. We've been to school counselors, mental health therapists that work with kids with ADHD and regular doctors. He also had been admitted into a GreenLeaf program because of his anger outbursts. He's done several after school programs with counselors. It really depends on your child, how they react and accept these types of treatment. Mine is still struggling, dropped out of school and is trying to get his GED. He has come off of his ADHD medicine and has been much better as far as the angry outbursts. Some kids do outgrow alot of the behavior issues. Its just finding the right program and having a wonderful doctor to help you through each step. I pray that you find something that will grab your sons' attention. I feel for you honey! I know and understand and remember so much of the stress and still have that same stress. My son is so smart but can be all over the board with his decisions. With ADHD kids, you have to direct their every move until they reach the age that their minds can finally grasp the responsibility of being an adult. Its not an easy road. Thank God for the people praying for us because we wouldn't have gotten through it!

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Rachel - posted on 09/03/2012

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Yes, I can say I know exactly how that feels. My 10 yr old was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD with ODD. Nothing helped him at all. Even with meds he has good days and bad days. After several years of this I finally was tired of crying everyday after he left for school. The lack of control even with punishment was horrible. He often would forget exactly what he was punished for and do the exact same thing again. My oldest daughter was often left out because he controlled our household with his behavior.



We have came along way. We no longer struggle with these issues and he is now fixing to turn 11, although occasionally we have a really bad day. I wrote a book about a program that I have developed for him, after alot of encouragement from my family and friends I recently published it. It's made our lives so much different, no more yelling or screaming, tantrums, and throwing or hitting. I have even had friends of my daughters use it on their teenage household and it has made a huge difference.



Here is the link if anyone wants to look at it.



https://www.createspace.com/3950459

Ami - posted on 08/02/2012

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Yea my son has went even further than that. When I punish him he went to school and made up lies that we hurt him. There fore his school made complaints on us to CPS and they opened a case. Now my carrer aspirations as a Child advocate attorney is ruined. I do not know what to do. If he keeps the lies up the way the law is where we live they can take my kids and I have two kids a son thats ever bit hard and my daughter is 7 going on 16 with her emotional attitude. She has no problems she just has the I deserve every thing given to her when and where she wants it. Any one got advice please do I am at my wits end

Carrie - posted on 06/09/2011

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I am having the same problem Lisa with my 6 year old son. He and his brother have ADHD, diagnosed a couple months ago. Just recently my 6 year old was diagnosed with ODD as well. It has been very stressful for me and his father doesn't wanna seem to help much either. So i'm glad I have this site to talk to other moms like you and know i'm not alone here.

Kelli - posted on 06/08/2011

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Please investigate diet as a way to help. The artificial chemical food colors, food flavors and preservatives really do have an affect on children's behavior. We have done this in our family now for 4 months and wow, what a difference. My son hears me now, he is not constantly moving, most of the time does not get as angry as he used to, his grades have improved, it has helped us all. He is not perfect but at least now it seems like normal, appropriate behavior.

Sandie - posted on 06/07/2011

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I am not sure I have the answer but my daughter is ADD/FASD but not hyperactive. She also shows signs of ODD but not officially diagnosed. She goes to an Outpatient Rehab for Peds at our local hospital. There is another mom there that has a child that is ADD/OCC. They see an Occupational Therapist and that has helped them tremendously. It might be an avenue to check into. I know they work on lots of behavior modifications with him and he is now trying to monitor himself better (he is 11).

MbcsMom - posted on 06/06/2011

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We have been doing the Feingold program (instead of meds) for 11 years now to cope with behavior much like what all of you have been describing and it has worked wonders.

Feingold is an elimination program/diet which cuts out artificial dyes, flavors, sweeteners, fragrances, petroleum based preservatives (BHA, BHT, TBHQ) and possibly some foods. Membership in the Feingold Association provides you with a listing of processed (and chain restaurant) foods which are free from the above additives so that you don't have to rely on label reading. Label reading can get you part way there, but isn't sufficient to avoid the preservatives which can be hidden in other ingredients or sprayed on packaging materials. More information at www.feingold.org

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2011

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my son is ADHD and I'm not sure about ODD but he has issues with tantrums and a lot of the other things you posted about your child. For us we take away things he enjoys doing like playing wii, playing with toys, watching tv, going outside, having friends over etc. It seems to work for us.

Melissa - posted on 06/02/2011

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Your not alone. My now 16 year old was diagnosed at 3. The doctor wanted to put him on Ritalin, I refused. He was suspended in kindergarten & 1st grade twice. Kicked out of daycares & home cares. Would run off campus in elementary. Finally in the 5th grade was put into special ed, then I held him back again in the 5th grade and he was mainstreamed. I had to call the police on him twice when he would go into his rages. It DOES get better in the 8th grade I took him off Concerta (best med all the rest made him crazy). He is now in the 10th grade med free and doing great. As stressful as it can be, try to be patient...they have to learn control. Best wishes

Carlena - posted on 06/02/2011

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I have a 13yr with ADHD, an 11yr old with special needs and ADHD/ODD and a 4yr who more then likely will be diagnosed as ADHD. To top it off, I have ADHD, so there are days that are very interesting to say the least. We are looking at getting my oldest on meds, but currently we are also doing the Feingold Diet. It's helped a LOT. Thru this we were able to discover that the 4yr old is Extremely sensitive to HFCS and can't have any products that have it, otherwise his behavior is totally out of control. And he's told us he doesn't like how it makes him feel "yucky and mean" to his baby brother. It's a lot of work some days, but we also have various food allergies to contend with in this family. After see how they behaved at Easter with unapproved candy, my husband and I are even more convince it's working. My kids will be kids that need meds on top of the diet, but it might be a shot for you to look into. www.faus.org

Melissa - posted on 06/01/2011

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Hi Lisa...it is very trying when children do these things...I myself have three children with varied problems...ADHD/ADD OCD and ODD...I have and still get through with support from family, friends, Dr's, schools and councilling...try and get as much you time as you can...I am currently doing Yoga, going to councilling, one of my boys is on medication ( which helps him alot ) but I do have a 16 year old who just refuses to take it now and he is struggeling...but he will improve...the same as your son...sometimes it does take alot of paitence and understanding and plenty of support from others...I have alot of family and friends to talk to and find this really helps alot....but please try and do some things that you enjoy and that will relax you...it really does help :)

Hope all goes well :)

DeAnna - posted on 06/01/2011

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My son is 11 and is ADHD. He is on medication. He does very well in school but the second he get home and someone doesn't give him his way... well you better move out his way. If he hear a kid talk about him or if I correct him, he snaps..... I try and hold him so he doesn't throw things or slam things and now he want to hit me. I really don't know how to handle that part. I don't let go until he is completely calm. It is very hard because I just want to loose it with him but that would not do either of us any good. I pray over him everynight that one day this would leave his little system and he will be okay!

Tammy - posted on 06/01/2011

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I have a 12 year old boy with ADHD and, like all the parents are very frustrated and exhausted at times. After Dr's Psych, counseling increased activity has decreased the outbursts and anger issues. He loves to ride his bike and, so when he gets into big trouble which he just did he now has to have a chapperone with him when he rides. It comes to a point as my son said not very long ago what else can she take away and, why should I try to be better and, he gave up. So we still let him get as much exercise as possible which relieves the energy and he also knows what he has to earn back which is riding with friends. My son came to me 1 month ago and he was in trouble and, asked me why was he born with ADHD and that it just wasn't fair :( I then realized he was just as exhausted as I was.

[deleted account]

My 12 year old son has ADHD/ODD also. The doctor recently put him on something for the ODD. He takes the Daytrana patch for the ADHD and it works WELL and now on Kapvay twice a day for the ODD. We were having extreme behavior problems with the ODD and it was driving me crazy. After he had a blow up with the CIS working at school, we had to do something. His rages are horrible for our entire family. Punishments and spankings DO NOT WORK but taking away the things he holds dear DOES. I would start with counseling (it helps some), a reward system for good behavior and talk to your doctor about medication for the ODD.

Hope this helps.

Echo - posted on 06/01/2011

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Talk to your doctor about getting him on something for the ODD. My son was taking Seroquel for about 2 years. It was really to help with him not able to fall asleep but it would have a lasting effect for the morning irritability. He went off of it in late January. Biggest mistake ever! Yesterday his psychatrist re-prescribed it.

There really isn't a punishment with ADHD/ODD kids that works. We usually just take away screens. (tv, computer, video games, cell phone) We've been in the same boat as most of these posters. My son showed signs at 3yrs, we went the counseling route then found a program for preschoolers with ADD/ADHD. He's seen countless therapists over the years. We're always looking for the right one or one that has new advice. Good Luck!

Rebecca - posted on 05/31/2011

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my son is 7 and was only diagnosed a year ago, i had to fight to get him in to see a specialist for 5 years about his behaviour.
he also has the violent outbursts, yelling, arguing, ect.
its even at the stage where i cant leave him alone with my 5 month old due to the fear of him hurting the baby.
i am currently seeking helpful therapies to help with his anger, cleanliness, self esteem ect.
i have yet to find a punishment that does work, you name it, ive done it.
it is a massive uphill struggle and it puts alot of stress on the family but when i stop to think about the overall situation, i could not love him anymore if he didnt have ADHD. he is my boy, all he needs is a bit of a shove in the right direction.

Denise - posted on 05/28/2011

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I have a 10 year old with ADHD/ODD. I have very similar problems as you are describing. We are currently on a patch for the ADHD. I have had him in counseling and waiting on an appt with a psychiatrist. I am constantly being called to the school because of his behavior. I have had him in therapy for almost 2 years now. I have had to take out a petition with the juvenile courts with him last week. They gave me some extra information about "schools" that deal with children with "mental" difficulties. I have been reading and trying to find every possible thing I can do to help him. He will throw things, break things, start arguments, hit, anything to get his way. It is very exhausting. I hope the psychiatrist can help (we have a 6 week wait). Does your city offer any services in or around your area? Check with your dept of social services, sometimes they can offer some suggestions of places to get help. Good luck!

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