Child doesn't want to live at home anymore.

Monica - posted on 09/14/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I don't know what to do here. My almost 9yr old asked if I would let him be adopted by someone else so he doesn't have to live in our home anymore! I know all kids go through this "phase" of not liking their parents, but this isn't the first time. I don't know what to do to help him!? Is it all just the ADHD and him not getting everything his way? Is he depressed(this is where I'm leaning with it) or what? Maybe I'm just not the right mother for a child like him. I don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me get this out here. Albeit I'm embarassed to even admit that my child said this to me. (actually, he left it in a note on my pillow)

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Sherri - posted on 09/04/2013

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Doesn't seem like anyone has posted to this site for a while, but I'll leave a comment anyway. I have a daughter who is 13 and may have ADHD - I am waiting for the results next Wednesday. She is currently in a children's psychiatric hospital. My situation is a little different than everyone else that posted. My daughter was abused when she was under 3 and has had major behavioural problems ever since. She has spent her whole life going from one counsellor to another. Last year her behaviour became much worse at school and at home. She was highly irritable and moody and talked about suicide. She had many outbursts to the point where I had to call the police several times. She was put on a waitlist (about a year ago) to go to the psychiatric hospital where she is now but her GP put her on bipolar medication. It seemed to help reduce her anger bursts and moodiness, so when the hospital contacted me again and heard she was doing better they said she didn't need to go there and that I should continue with counselling in the society. Last January she decided that she didn't want to live at home anymore. Of course I told her that it wasn't an option, but she had friends who were in foster homes and they glorified it. She began getting into drugs, alcohol and sex and wouldn't come home. I filed numerous missing children's reports for her. She has also been self cutting herself which has put her in the hospital many times. As a parent this has been the most difficult time period of my life. When I read about parents with teens who have ADHD I can relate to all of it. I hope when I learn the results of all her testing I will be pointed in the direction of some good mental health resources for her. My heart goes out to everyone who has or is going through mental health issues with their teens. It's not easy!

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Unknown - posted on 02/25/2014

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i have a 13 year old daughter ,iam awaiting on test results in meantime she moved out living with her sister ,but will be living with her sisiters friends parents she would not go to school even though additional help was put in place ,she lies to extent she lost her friends ,she got to be centre of attention constantly she does not like word NO !!i dont have rules as she thinks i do ,her friends have commented on her behaivour to them and to myself ,she plays adults of each other ,worst thing she always said sorry ...only words actions speak louder as they say ,she even told me iam best mum in world ,when word no u cant sorry iam most hated person ,she been destructive to state of dangerous ,seemingly she had no tantrum since living with her sisiter she not yet enrolled into her new school 2 weeks down line ,so when routine rules structure are implemented is this when she kick off again ?she been like this since nursery /primary school screaming shouting in public not wanting to go to school ..she would bang her head on floors ,,age of 1 yr bite herself say it was another child ,bang her head of walls damage doors ,smash items in house ,cos she cant go out late on a school ngt ..her father never had anythg to do with her ,past 2 yrs has mentioned him thats as far as she spoke of him ..her gran treated her different from my other kids pushed her away ,rejection again !!iv been thre protected her ,,spoke to her ,lot !!! she knows she wrong but refuses to get any tests done cos her ;low attendace at school she now up front maybe ...a school reporter got to stage i cant cope with her lost control of her ,iam been threatened by my own daughter ..now iam hated person alive !!! i sit put myself in her shoes but i realise iam totaly different nature thinking at that age she was ,,were did i go wrong !!! ?

Lynn - posted on 09/19/2011

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I have a 16 year old an a 13 year old that say the same thing.An when they dont get there way they tell me that they hate me an cant wait untill there old enough to move out.Both of them have ADHD to.

Nathalie - posted on 09/15/2011

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I completely understand what you are going trough. I went trough the same thing with my son. The hospital psychiatist told me that it's a form of getting the attention that he wants. If he is depressed all that goes trough his head his negative toughts. My son even went has far has starting to hurt himself and treatening to kill himself. At that point I brought him to the ER at the childrens hospital here and told them that he wants to kill himself and they helped me out alot. It's so hard as a parent to go trough this, I felt so bad and did not sleep at night all the time. I would sit down with him and ask him to talk to you about it or get him an appointment with a psychiatrist. Wishing you luck with everything.

Heather - posted on 09/14/2011

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One more thing...Is has nothing to do with being the 'right' mother, you are his only mother. Being a mother is SO HARD sometimes, Lord knows my kids have put me through the ringer! But, at the end of the day, I love them and will do whatever I need to to help them grow into productive, stable human beings. My kids are so smart, which is definitely a double-edged sword, and can be so manipulative. We just got over a rough patch with my 16yo DD, and when she said that she wanted to stay with a friend for "a little while", I told her that wasn't an option. It sounds rough, but I told her it was home of foster care, and she could take her chances!

Rochell - posted on 09/14/2011

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I think we have all been here at some point in time, my son has ADHD combined type on top of several other issues, and he can be very impulsive and angry at times. He even went to the extent to tell his therapist how he wanted to kill me. Little freaky, but at the end of the day... they are snug in their beds.. where they feel safe. At 9 years old (my son is 8) it seems odd that he would be able to be depressed about too much unless you have recently gone through any major changes in life, it could even be that school started back up... my son very much dislikes any changes.. and every change is a month or more of our family being abused by him emotionally and sometimes even physically. I'm loving this site, not for what is going on, but just to know that we are not all alone! I wish you the very best with your son, and I would just tell him.. if you want to live somewhere else... then we will go to the police station and let them give you a bed there... your choice.. here or there... Just don't let him play with your feelings because these children are very smart.. and maybe he's just trying to get a reaction out of you??

Heather - posted on 09/14/2011

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Have you thought about taking him to a child psychologist or therapist? I have two kids with ADHD, one also has depression. The depression, though, was not diagnosed for years because we attributed everything to the ADHD. If nothing else I would talk with his ped.

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