Disciplining a 11 year old boy who has ADHD and ODD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP

Julie - posted on 11/11/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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How in the hell do you discipline a kid that is not phased by anything. You could strip him down to nothing..and he will still continue to act out very extreme and destructive.

"NO" means absolutely nothing to him. It's like he literally doesn't hear that word. And god help with plans change....MELTDOWN!!!! And it is always someone elses fault. He is never the one to blame for things going bad.....according to him.

I feel like he is a verbally abusive partner....only he is not my partner he is my 11 year old son.

What works? How do you get through to them? or are you stuck in HELL

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Phyllis - posted on 11/11/2010

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I find that the only thing that works for my son (he is 7 and ODD/ADHD) are logical consequences. If he breaks it, he cleans it up and pays to fix it. I don't care if that means he can't buy the Nerf gun he was saving for. If he makes a mess, he cleans it, or he gets to do nothing else until it is done. I don't send him to his room, since he will forget why he is there. If he refuses to clean toys or a mess, he sits on a chair or in the corner for awhile, then he either cleans it or goes back to the chair. This can go on all day and if so, there is no snack time (just meals). If he does not get his clothes to the hamper, they do not get cleaned. If he doesn't get his lunch to his backpack after 1 reminder, he goes to school without a lunch. It only took a week of this to turn him around. If you say 'no' and he argues, use this reply "My answer is no, and I will not discuss it anymore." Then DON'T. Just ignore him if he continues to try to argue. It won't take long before he gets it. If he is freaking out and being verbally abusive, you can say "I will not discuss this until you can speak to me with respect." Then do not let him engage you again until he is calm. The key is NEVER back down or he will take advantage of it and eventually you will be back at square one. At my sons age there was a lot of yelling and shrieking at me from his time out chair. You have to be completely unresponsive in order for it to stop. Even if it means earplugs. He must understand that YOU are in charge, not him. This means you make the rules, and never lose control yourself, even when all you want to do is yell back. You must be totally calm and rational, b/c when he is irrational, and you get irrational, nothing is accomplished. Smile when ya just wanna scream. Pick your battles. Work on the big things and don't sweat the small stuff. Sometimes the small stuff (a not so tidy room for example) can be overlooked if he is otherwise having a pretty good week. Best of luck. If you are consistent and unmovable, it will get better! (Sooner than you might think) And remember to use lots of positive reinforcement, always 'catch' him being good at every opportunity. Message me if you need to talk!

Debbie - posted on 11/12/2010

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You should read "The Explosive Child" by Dr. Ross Green. We've been going through the same thing for years with my son, who is now 17, and have learned through psychological testing and many mental health professionals, that there are kids that have not developed the skills necessary to handle frustration. It's the same as a learning disability such as reading. You wouldn't punish your child because they are having trouble reading...you get them the help they need, right? That's why discipline doesn't work with our kids...it's a disability. I HIGHLY recommend the book...I just started reading it but it is already very helpful in understanding what is happening with my son...and our family.

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Teresa - posted on 11/11/2010

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be calm and be persistent with him let him know that you don't like his behavior and that he may have his things back when he calms down. Give him a time limit start small and work your way up, I have been dealing with this since my son was 7 years old and counseling for him will help too and dont be afraid to go through a little counseling yourself it will help and they can teach you to keep yourself in check and learn to walk away don't continue to fight with him that only makes it worse. If you walk away then he will see that he is not going to win the battle and he will learn

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