Does anyone elses child with ADHD have a hard time making friends?

Kristy - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 104 moms have responded )

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My beautiful 9 year old daughter has ADHD and has not only had to struggle with school work but she has a very hard time making friends at school. She has told me that other kids don't want to play with her even when she asks them. I know that kids pick on the kids that aren't "normal" ( whatever normal is!) so I was wondering if anybody has a child having the same difficulty...please contact me :)

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Melissa - posted on 10/22/2011

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My daughter is 11 years old and has a lot of problems with making friends. I feel as though she can have friends but it's a constant struggle to keep them. She's a follower because she wants to please them , I think to keep them. As soon as they find this out my daughter ends up being hurt. It becomes a game for the other child. It breaks my heart! She also has anger issues and anxiety. I feel bad because sometimes I can't handle her at times. I think back when she was a baby and you think everything is perfect. You don't realize how fast something can change. She has had this disease starting at the age of 5. She is very intelligent and makes awesome grades, but I wish she could just have 1 true friend. That's all I want for her it doesn't even have to be a lot, just 1 real friend..
Melissa

Tammy - posted on 02/26/2013

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My 11 year old has severe ADHD and PDD-nos. He is on medication for the ADHD which helps him focus; however, he has a hard time making friends. He tells me he does not want to get on the other kids nerves so he stays to himself. Any advice would be helpful.
My 7 year old has ADD and can be a loner or talkative to kids. He is content being alone or with kids. It does not bother him; however, my 11 year old wants friends so bad and has a hard time making them.

Diana - posted on 09/13/2013

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I am a mom and a teacher with 3 post graduate degrees (one of which is a doctorate) and have done a lot of research and work on ADHD in children. My son has focus problems but not always as well as boundary problems and difficulties making friends.

I do not think everything can or should be contributed to ADHD. For one thing, ADHD is in part a social construct and is defined by the DSM IV. But, would we say that a collection of symptoms is necessarily indicative of an illness? Not without an objective diagnostic tool. There is no such way to diagnose ADHD yet. Even with MRI findings, the studies are at best inconclusive. Plus, I do think that many doctors are at a propensity to medicate. I also think that the prevailing school system in North America does not account for individual differences sufficiently.

When I was a child, I had did not have too many friends if at all, because I was a book worm and was too happy reading rather than playing with other children. But, at that time, teachers did not consider me to have ADHD - I was simply a child who prefers reading books on her own than playing with other children. Now, children would be considered odd and the question of ADHD comes up.

I truly believe in letting kids be kids. I learned to read at 7 and a half. It didn't impact long term academic performance. Did it mean I had ADHD? No, just that I preferred to read.

Lets put things into context. So, for the sake of the children, lets work in reducing medication and focusing on teaching and working with kids while individualizing instruction as much as possible. Personally, I'd rather that my son has less friends or even no friends than even take the slightest chance of giving him medication where one of the possible documented side effects is heart failure.

Rabecca - posted on 03/23/2009

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it is very hard. Here's s few things I tried and seem to have worked, I talked to the teacher asked her to pair up my son with kids that could use a friend in group activites from that he started talking to a boy he seemed to like so I asked him to get his phone # I called and asked the boys mom for a play date and told her the trouble my son had been having making friends and that really fell on a moms heart. I talked to her about his ADHD and she was happy to help we made some play dates and now they are good buddies at school and at home. I can see the confidence growing everydaya nd he does'nt feel so alone at school anymore

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Sara - posted on 06/07/2014

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Hi Allison,

when i read your comment i was crying, like it`s felt to me you are talking about my daughter i have exact age and grad child the similarity is overwhelming.I thank u for making me feel I'm not alone! i wish u good luck!!

TIA - posted on 10/30/2013

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DIANA,
Every one needs at least one friend. Mental health is just as important as physical health. Depression can lead to suicide.

Each mom has to make the decision about the risks and benefits. Even Tylenol is responsible for deaths every year.

Thank you for standing up against the trap of blaming everything on ADHD. Also your encouragement to understand that all kids are unique is a breath of fresh air.

Cathy - posted on 10/28/2013

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I have a 9 year old son who was diagnosed with moderate to severe add, inattentive type. he has a few friends that he's been playing with but every year he plays with different kids, he doesn't have a best friend. It does worry me as he gets older that he might not have someone to play with.
I wish schools did more for kids that don't qualify for special Ed but do have add, when my son was in 2nd grade the school had a social skills class, they only did this for a few months. I think the schools could do alot more to help kids with add but unfortunately all they want is to medicate kids, my son just received his report card and received all Bs and 2 As but every time i talk to the teacher she complains how distracted he is, it's very frustrating and i feel this is something that affects kids.......sorry to rant but it has been very frustrating

Dani - posted on 10/13/2013

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I know this is for moms, but it is important!!!!! Get your kid out there, find the parents of other ADHD kids and set up play dates. I am 21 and was just diagnosed with ADHD and mild depression. Nobody ever thought that there was something wrong with me because I always got good grades, even though I was always bouncing off the walls and couldn't understand "enough". By the 6th grade nobody wanted to even sit next to me in class. I just gave up hope on ever getting a friend. now I'm in collage and sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I still don't have any friends. It makes my semester if one person invites me to hang out. My point is, if you don't want them like me, do something. If kids her age don't want to play with her, younger kids think its cool to play with an older kid. Make sure she knows you love her just the way she is.

Allison - posted on 02/21/2013

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Hi Kristy! I was looking this all up when "Circle of Moms" conversations came up. I was amazed and happy to see that some others are struggling with what we as a family are struggling with right now. My daughter is 8, as well beautiful, kind and smart. We do think she struggles with some ADHD issues(which we are currently looking into). This whole 3rd grade year seems to be a huge struggle for her making friends and keeping them. As well, she wants some sort of BFF but it does not seem to be reciprocated at all. She is also very fun and outgoing and will go up to children and ask them if they want to play etc...

She portrays it as if she wants to play with 2 girls, they will play with her but one will ignore her because she wants the other one all to herself(if that makes sense?). Of course, I always try to stand back and see what role my daughter plays in all of this but one of the girls was at my house last weekend for a sleepover and they had a great time. This week she doesn't want to play with my daughter and rolls her eyes at her when my daughter asks to join in. I realize that there is a lot of exclusion and jealousy with young girls but I do worry that there is more to this. As well I worry that it is always my daughter being left out or excluded and she is not the one who is being sought after to be played with alone.

Now my daughter is telling me how "lonely" she is and how she just wishes she had one good friend to talk to?? It breaks my heart! I know the bottom line is that my girl is loving, caring and friendly. So, why is she having such a hard time??

I think of myself at her age and I was shy but had great, core girlfriends. We had our issues but we still had valuable, close friendships.

I just don't know what I can do for her or how to help this situation???

Rebecca - posted on 02/10/2013

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hi my daughter has the same problem she is 11 yrs and has found it diffuclt to make friends it is hard having to see her cry all the time

Rita - posted on 01/06/2013

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Sit down and talk with her, make her feel special which I am sure you already do. Tell her there is nothing wrong with her and she will make friends. They will come around in time and they will be true friends. Kids' can be so cruel at times especially when they know that something is wrong. I'm assuming that she is in grade 4 at her age but maybe not. Tell her when she sees' someone at school who is all by themselves' to go over and ask if they want to be friends or if they would like to do something. I'm sure she isnt' the only one who is left out so to speak. At her age it doesn't matter if that child be male/female but hopefully female. This way kids wont' be teasing and saying "oh, you have a b/f". As well kids' her age dont' know what to say, they think she may not understand. They could also think that because of her ADHD that she isnt' able to do things that they can. Its' to bad that schools' don't speak with other kids at the beginning of the year and explain that what these children have is not something they can catch. Like I said, some just plain dont' understand. If she has lunch at school, maybe put something extra in so she can offer it to someone she is sitting beside. You dont' want to tell her to get up and walk lets' say to the front of the class b/c that is the someone she wants to be friends with. This will only confuse others' and perhaps they may pick on her then. You dont' want that. Does' she get involved with outside activities? If so perhaps she can make friends while in that activity. Hopefully she is able to be in these activities. I know my grandson has ADHD but not very active in sports. His sports would be on a game at home. As well he doesnt' have a whole bunch of friends but those who are, are his best friends. It may take time but encourage her to be active at school, I know it can be hard. Even the simple games that she does understand. I do hope for your daughter that someone special will come along even if its' someone younger than her. Tell her its okay to find friends that are not in her class, it doesn't matter. Again tell her how very Special she is to you and in time she will find that very special friend who doesn't care if she has ADHD. She may only have a few, but a few is better than none. Perhaps even ask her what they say when she asks "do you want to be my friend" Tell her they dont' necessarily have to be friends but those who will walk around the schoolyard with her, talk to her etc. so she doesn't feel alone. I wish you/her good luck, more so her. It will happen, hopefully sooner than later. I can imagine how you feel when she tells you this. Again think positive, there is always someone looking after her from above and always will be. They are "Gods" special children and we can learn so much from them. I will be thinking of both of you.

Mechelle - posted on 01/02/2013

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My 8 year old also has a very hard time making friends. He has a hard time respecting boundaries and picking up on social cues. He doesn't have anyone to play with during recess and during class, his classmates distance themselves during learning activities. He currently goes to social skills group therapy but......when he gets the chance to play with his cousins (though they are younger), he doesn't like to share, and he acts extremely immature. He also acts selfish and mean towards his two year old brother whom he sees on the weekend.
I don't know what to do!!

Sophia - posted on 11/20/2012

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ADHD is not always the problem in making or keeping friends. help her by having movie dates at your house ,go to the park meet other moms.. sometimes kids become friends because their moms are friends.

Katara - posted on 11/09/2012

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I am currently going through the samething an as a parent its heart breaking seeing other kids form bonds and growing and my son who is adhd. struggling to make friends or even interact with kids he is very outgoing but he is so hyper kids distance thierselfs from him. I put him in soccer and no w that its ended looking for something else to put him in. we dnt really have family where i live so i feel guilty about him not growing up with his cousins who are the same age. i am trying everything possible to get him where he needs to be befor school next year.

Val - posted on 10/31/2012

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having the same problem now with 6 yr old... she does not have a BFF and gets quite upset about it... im always saying be nice to your friends.. and ask them what they would like to play and listen to them instead of trying to take the lead... also we have noticed her hair is breaking off so not sure if that is due to stress at school..

Cheryl - posted on 09/06/2012

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Our story is the same as everyone on here..Life has been hard for a very very long time for our little ADHD girl. BUT, We have discovered that in my daughters case, her behavior was caused by SEVERE gluten sensitivity. She is a different child. I'm SOOO happy for her. I was so scared that we couldn't go gluten/dairy free as a family but we did it...There's so many people in the same boat. It's an epidemic. (we're also dairy free until/when her gut heals...lactose intolerance is common with gut damage due to gluten...but sometimes you can add some dairy back in years later - we're not there yet).



You can test for the celiac sprue antibodies but don't test for the full celiac panel because that's a waste of time and money...That test is for full blown celiac disease. Or you can just eliminate gluten and dairy or just gluten for a time 2-4 weeks and see if you see a change. My daughter reacts within an hour so it's pretty obvious in our case.



If your child is showing ADHD symptoms, you should rule out any food sensitivities (especially gluten and dairy)



Best of luck to you all

Tina - posted on 08/17/2012

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My son is eight has ADHD and sensory processing disorder, but I to feel like I need o monitor him very closely when we do getogether with other kids, too make sure he doesn't misinterpret another kids action and over react or act in appropriately. He has been on meds and they have been adjusted but they don't help much with his social issues, and I find it very isolating and exhausting. I don't see this getting better because it has gotten worse as he has gotten older.

Susan - posted on 08/13/2012

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I struggle with the same issue -- Payton my son is 12 and he struggles with making and keeping friends. I feel like my entire summer has been entertaining him -- he has very few friends and his brother has no problem making tons of friends. Its a struggle to balance both of them -- I worry about Payton now and for the future. Will he grow to make friends or will there be other issues? Mom- Susan *any advice???

Claire - posted on 07/17/2012

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my son is ten and also has adha has the same problem in school and makin friends in and out of school he get picked on alot frm children they just find it hard to makes friends and in large groups my son in club after school jui jitus and he loves it and helps him to make friends to and give him the conferidents too hope this helps and hear frm u soon

Julie - posted on 05/22/2012

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Well my daughter will be home schooled for the rest of the year (about 8 weeks) Her anxiety and outbursts are scaring the kids and becoming a great concern to the teachers. I can't wait for the doctors to find the right "cocktail" tailored to meet Chloe's needs so she can functional and "be a normal kid again" as she tells me.

Lacey - posted on 05/22/2012

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My daughter is 8 and has problems making and keeping friends. She is very outgoing and creative, but seems to have issues with boundaries. I will be looking forward to reading more of the responses.

Claire - posted on 05/21/2012

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hi kirsty i have a 10 yr old and he finds it hard to make friends and to fit in to and he did find it hard in school but since he started takin his meds there has been big changes with his school work and but as for the friends tht hasnt change but but i am sure with time it will does you takin daugther take meds for adhd. hope to hear fm u soon

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My son is 7 years old and has the hardest time making friends. As much as I hate to admit, I know that most of it is his fault. Kids will try to play with him and he always ruins the game one way or another. If it's soccer he will kick the ball the wrong way on purpose, if it's a board game he will knock the pieces off the board. If someone tries to let him ride their bike he will take off with it and not want to give it back. He interrupts conversations and is just rude to the kids. He has a soft heart and always feels so sad that he does not have friends or that he does not get invited to birthday parties. We have tried to talk to him and encourage him to play nice and participate in games. We have explained time and time again that people do not like to be treated rude, and they want to play without having the game ruined. All he can say is that he does not try to ruin the game but that no one plays the way he likes to play. We tried sports but he is NOT a team player. He BMX races and that has helped him some because he is really good at it and he does not have to be a part of a group. But we need to figure out a way to make him play nice. It's so hard to take him to BBQ's because he is not nice to the other kids and we always get embarrassed and end up leaving. He has a sister that is very out going and gets invited to things all the time. She has tried to bring him along to functions that he would like but he always ruins whatever they are doing. We have tried everything that we can think of to help him and we are just at a loss and don't know what to do. Summer is approaching quickly and we really want him to be a kid, play outside with friends, and just be a kid. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. We just want him to be happy and have friends.

Julie - posted on 05/19/2012

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Hello, my name is Julie. I "googled" this site moments ago in hopes of hearing from other parents going through similar situations. My beautiful daughter Chloe is 9 and is undergoing test to diagnose her with ADHD. She was once so happy and energetic and had too many friends to count LOL. Well all that has drastically changed. Her friends from kindergarten no longer speak with her and she can't keep friends. She has outburst at school..crying and screaming to be left alone and it's scaring the other kids (with reason) This probable diagnosis has been really hard on her as she feels she can't control her emotions nor can she keep her friends. She told me yesterday she has spent the last week and a half alone in the school yard and is incredibly lonely. It breaks my heart and I wish I could change places with her. I guess I'm just wondering how some of you have coped and perhaps some tips on how I can help her at school..to be a little happier. It truly breaks my heart.

Amy - posted on 10/25/2011

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Right there with you guys - my 9yo daughter has no problems approaching other children and making friends very quickly - but cannot keep them. She's impulsive and when she's upset - whether it be a small situation or large - her mouth has no "filter" and she will tell them how she feels. Regardless if it hurts feelings or not. She has continually gotten intro trouble at school for talking (when shes not supposed to) calling out etc. So after 4 years in the same school, same kids, they no longer want anything to do with her - possibly for fear they will get into "trouble" by association - or they simply dont want to deal with her and her mood swings...It breaks my heart that she isnt getting invited to sleepovers or birthday parties and the like. I work with her all the time on how to keep friends and how to treat someone etc. but I fear the damage has ben done. We have even considered changing schools to give her a fresh start (now that she's taking natural supplements) but havent made the move yet. I have seen on other posts about getting her together with other children in my area - but I'm having a really hard time finding any "meetup" groups in my city - I will have to start a post for that I think....

Marilyn - posted on 10/22/2011

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Hi Kristy, Boy do I know what you are going through. Reading your post is like reliving what my don goes through all the time... he has gotten so much rejection he has given up on making friends. It is so painful to watch other kids interact while he is just left on the sidelines. I am so tired of watching this repeat itself, that I just made a new group at Meetup for kids like ours to meet for an activity where they can just be themselves. Check Meetup to see if there are any groups like that where you are, you'll get friendship and support for BOTH of you. You're not alone!!! Good luck!! : )

Marilyn - posted on 10/22/2011

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Hi Kristy, Boy do I know what you are going through. Reading your post is like reliving what my don goes through all the time... he has gotten so much rejection he has given up on making friends. It is so painful to watch other kids interact while he is just left on the sidelines. I am so tired of watching this repeat itself, that I just made a new group at Meetup for kids like ours to meet for an activity where they can just be themselves. Check Meetup to see if there are any groups like that where you are, you'll get friendship and support for BOTH of you. You're not alone!!! Good luck!! : )

Terri - posted on 09/21/2011

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hi kristy my name is terri my daughter has the same problem my daughter is 14 years old none of the kids at school dont like her because she is different then other kids and i think its wrong for kids to be acting like that.everybody should respect eachother and not hate anyone i think its terrible the way the world is my daughter has aspergers adhd learning disability odd and mood disorder and she cant seem to make friends or keep them i wish i could make everything better for her terri

Kim - posted on 09/20/2011

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Speek to the school in your area of what other children within a year of your childs age (up or down) have ADHD. Do your child(ren) have an IEP? or does the school offer IEP's? Maybe if you speak to the school you can start up a meeting for parents with ADHD children attending school in your town, or area (don't know how big the area is where you live). Just a thought....., might help you get into contact with other parents with ADHD children, and if your school doesn't offer IEP's you can get that started, make it possilbe for your childr(en) to interact with each other.

Kim - posted on 09/20/2011

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@ Kimberly and Michelle....I think you should speak to your child(s) pedatrician. You might try a different medication then the one you have your children on. Or it is possible they may have another issue besides ADHD. or the meds they are on could be how it is effecting them...which a lot of them do have the side effect of behavioral modifications. The ADHD children I have known personally all have a self esteem issue, usually brought on by other children teasing them if they know they have ADHD as being gross, weird, retarded which isn't the case. I have posted in a couple of thread of how our son was tested...( 4th week of his 7th grade year)..but what I didn't post was the test given was done in 6th grade...he is advanced in Math 8th grade level in the 2nd nine weeks....and Reading 9th grade level in the 3rd nine weeks. They are going to retest him in a couple of weeks and if he still test advanced they are going to move him up, since they feel he isn't being challanged enough. All children learn from friends and family on how to socialize...as parents we have to look at ourselves and make sure we know we are doing what is appropiate social behavior to set the best examples. Its always "Do as I do and not as I say" .... There are non stimulants offered in place of the ADHD meds that are stimulants. I believe the doctor will know which action or option to take. Depending on your personal family situation it might be worth seeking some family couseling! Wishing you both the best!

Kimberly - posted on 09/19/2011

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We changed schools for other reasons, but it took almost a full year for him to feel comfortable & start making friends. Change is really hard for him.

Amy - posted on 09/18/2011

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We had to change schools. He was diagnosed and medicated in the 2nd grade, but the kids had already decided how they felt about my son, and even though his attitude and behavior vastly improved, they were unwilling to forgive him. He was bullied by ostracization, but the school told me "we can't make kids like your son." Interesting... they would not allow kids to make a child with glasses or cancer feel left out, but with ADHD it's okay.

Anyway, the change in schools was the BEST thing we've ever ever done. If it's a possibility for you, you might consider making that move.

Helen - posted on 09/15/2011

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hello my daughter is now 13 and has just lost all her friends because of her adhd she cant understand that its not always about her and what she wants to do,that her friends want to do there things she cant get a grip that sometimes she needs to join in with them and she needs to make sacrafics to listen and be with them,so i no exactly what ur going through its heart breaking when my daughter says to me she has no friends and doesnt want to go to school because of it and to be honest school havent been much use either,i wish u well sorrry ive no answers to help u both x

Kim - posted on 09/14/2011

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Hey Kristy Hyam, My son is 12 years old, and he had a lot of issues at school at first. Kids told him he was stupid and in the stupid class, then they would spread rumors about another boy that had ADHD with Aspurgers telling my son that boy was gross. So many people don't understand what ADHD is or what it means.
We have been blessed with having a pediatrician with another that comes in and helps him on occassion that had an ADHD son (which is an adult now). Public schools are designed to teach to the MASSES, and for so long ADHD children have been given a very bad rap!!!! One day we were at my doctors office and my husband and I were talking about our son and his ADHD...the women next to me asked me "Aren't those THE CRAZY KIDS?" Keeping my composer I kindly educated her....asked her questions
1. did you know that over 90% of your surgeons have ADHD?
2. Did you know that a child with ADHD really doesn't have a disease?
3. Did you know what ADHD is?
Of course she said no, I let her know that children with ADHD only have ATTENTION problems because their brains work so fast the medication they are given is a form of speed which has the reversed effect in children then they do on adults. The medications slows their brains down enough so they can hear and retain what is being said or taught. ADHD children are ADVANCED compared to the Average child.
We had our son's IEP meeting lastnight (7th grader ...first year of JR. High) His test came back in math at the 8grade level 2nd semester, Reading he is a 9th grade 2nd semester reading level. The last 3 years he carried a 98% in Math and on the honor roll. When my son came home and told me about what the other kids were saying to him, I let him know he isn't being taught easy stuff but being taught in a different way that its sad that all those kids that said that, have parents that don't know the truth about ADHD and don't take the time to educate themselves or their children. Not to forget they aren't teaching their children how to be respectful. Just letting my son know what ADHD is all about changed his self worth which had a chain reaction on how others viewed him. Children have to learn to cope on their own, how to assosiate with others. They watch and learn from us. Children with ADHD can be presented different if they have a teacher that doesn't view them as normal or equal..because they aren't educated themselves on ADHD.....and if they have other issues like Aspurgers, ODD, RAD etc...that can also make a difference. I am curious does your daughter have an IEP or does her school not offer one? If not I suggest you find a school that will provide her with an IEP which gives them the ablity to meet her needs. These children are above normal, they turn out to be more the type to be a surgeon, designer of some kind, may it be cars, buildings, inventions etc. Give them the chance they will show us all the way! One of the other things I told my son, (when one boy kept telling him he was retarded ...everyday) "Dude, you need some new material" the next day the boy again said the norm and my son did respond as I suggest (keep in mind I told him to say it in a nice way, that he didn't want to be viewed as a bully). He was excited when he came home and told me the boy didn't know what to say after that and then apoyligized to him. These child aren't usually followers they beat to their own drum....which I find refreshing. If your child does or doesn't have an IEP I would speak to her teachers and see what they see on how she is enteracting with her schoolmates. Some teachers have a problem with a parent appearing to be "the know it all" but you are the parent, you take control and make sure they understand, you respect them but they must take in consideration what you feel your child needs, and you want to make sure your child has the best, that you are open to suggestions. A child doesn't care how much you know, until he/she knows how much you care!!!!! Thats my signature when emailing teachers...gives a suttle reminder why they are there...works great! Good luck and please keep us updated!

Kimberly - posted on 09/13/2011

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My son is 8 and yes it takes him quite awhile to make friends unless they are younger also. He gets shy around a group of kids his own age and very negative setting himself up for rejection. At age 3 &4 he greeted everyone with hugs at preschool but still managed to get kicked out because the young director could not handle him compared to the older teachers in the mornings.

Lorrie - posted on 09/05/2011

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my 7-year-old daughter has the same problem!! but there are times when she does make friends and gets phone numbers and tehn there are times when she wont want to play with other kids and only want to play on the computer - its like an obesession with her. she was excited to have a friend over so i invited the friend but now she wont play with her friend. not sure if she is used to not playing with other kids or if she just doesnt want to and when she finally does want to they get put off by her and figure they will not play with her - ??? i need help too. i dont know what to do with her. makes me sad. i dont want her to be alone.

Jennifer - posted on 07/10/2011

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i heard of a place called total rehab for add and adhd children and teens. no med's they teach them how to deal with there add or adhd. throw music therapy, i have a friend has a daugther doing it and really helped her. im going to put my boys throw it ill let you guys no how gos it last 10weeks 3 days week

Jennifer - posted on 07/10/2011

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i heard of a place called total rehab for add and adhd children and teens. no med's they teach them how to deal with there add or adhd. throw music therapy, i have a friend has a daugther doing it and really helped her. im going to put my boys throw it ill let you guys no how gos it last 10weeks 3 days week

User - posted on 06/17/2011

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My son is now almost 9 and was diagnosed with ADHD at around 5. It has been a constant struggle with him behaviorally. He has had a very very hard time making friends and is almost overbearing for the other children his age. He has cried to me on many occasions because he wasn't included or wasn't invited to the birthday party when everyone else was going. This issue has really weighed on me. I can deal with the symptoms of ADD but I can;t stand seeing him hurt. I have tried soccer, karate, art classes to get him out there but it hasn't helped much. Part of the problem is that many of the parents where I live are not appreciative or helpful when a child is "different" Some of the parents have shunned him, not included him or don't even speak to him. He hasn't done anything aggressive or really mean to another child so I really don't understand it. This is just at time overwhelming for me.

Terri - posted on 01/23/2010

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My son has ADHD and was diagnosed the day before he turned 3....he is now 4 yrs & 2 months. Before that I belonged to a mom's club but gave up because my son hit the other kids and didn't get along well with others. The other mothers weren't too appreciative, either. He is a sweet, loving, beautiful boy. He has good and bad days. He is very impulsive which just adds to it. He hits, bites, curses and has melt downs. He is in school full time and is doing very well. He also has sensory issues and gets OT 3x a week - which he enjoys. I have good days with him and bad days but am happy to deal with his issues rather than have a child who is completely disabled. I have a hard time with family who thinks that we (his parents) do not discipline him enough (I've heard it all!) or that we let him "get away" with everything (we don't). Having a child with ADHD is exhausting (he never "stops") and is a lot of hard work. He sees a developmental pediatrican and has been to a psychologist, psychiatrist and a neurologist. He's been for a sleep study and am thinking of taking him to an allergist. I am so thankful that he goes to a wonderful school and has great teachers and he works with a 1:1 teacher to help him with his impulsiveness. He overall is a very smart kid and has an extensive vocabulary and is great at figuring things out on his own. For having a child with ADHD, the work never ends but I will never give up doing what is best for him. If anyone knows of a play group for ADHD kids on Long ISland (Suffolk) I'd love to hear about it.

Nicola - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hi kirsty my daughter is ten in a few weeks and has been at the same school since she was three she has adhd and like your daughter cannot make friends our doctor says that this is perfectly normal for children with adhd to not connect with other children, i know it's no comfort but your daughters not the only one.

[deleted account]

oh god yes....my son is 14 next monday and he has always had difficulty in making and keeping friends....its so hard because you want to make everything ok for them but you cant ....its ok for other mums because they understand but you cant make the kids understand...my son is very very shy and has no self esteem whatso ever...no matter what we have tried....we even tried joining him up at a sports group but he just didnt have the paitience to sit and listen...hes very much a loner which is hard so i can imagine how you feel

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YES! My now 12 year old son has the hardest time making good friends. it is hard to see this friendly young man watching kids his age hang out and want to be a part of it, but just not seeming to fit in...I feel so lost because I really can't help him...organized sports seemed to fail him as he was AGE wise younger than most of his team mates emphasizing the maturity level differences. (He has always been a little immature when it comes to social skills, though an extremely intelligent youngster.) We are debating putting him into boy scouts not certain if this will help or hinder things if he joins, but doesn't manage to "fit in" there as well

Monique - posted on 04/20/2009

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I understand what you are saying but my 7 year old acts out in school as well! My Daughter is always asking why cant the kids come play with her why does she have to go play with them and do what they want to be her friend! It's hurts my feeling but I have to put my self in her place instead of say what I really want to say. I tell her she will find her one special friend that will accept her for her, like I did, I have ADD so I know How it feels, but I didn't have the same encouragement as I have with my baby! So I just say be patient and let her know she is special!!

Jodie - posted on 04/19/2009

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I only have one friend i find people arnt interested in talking to me because thay see my son being norty.

Dawn - posted on 04/17/2009

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This is very normal for the ADHD child. They have great difficulty making friends, fitting in and just "knowing" how to play well with others. My son is 11 and we have been dealing with this since age 3. His specialists say this is normal. In many communities, they have special workshops where ADHD kids can get together in a controlled environment and practice "play" skills. Might check on that and see if that is helpful.

Louise - posted on 04/17/2009

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My daughter has adha/ high anxiety & seperation anxiety....she was diagnosed with this from age 5 ...she has had a very hard time being excepted by her fellow class mates...i think it come sdown to that because of her anxiety and short fuse she has the tendaciy to blow up and other kids dont see that as one of them so they disasociate themselves and its really sad...this is going on in nearly every school in the world....the best way i havre dealt with this problem is constant talking to the teacher making sure the teacher understands and we have a behaviour book that comes home everyday thats broken down into 3 sessions and that way i can monitor her at school and coach her behaviour as well as at home ! good luck my heart is with you on this..

Yvonne - posted on 04/17/2009

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hell yeah!! i feel n hear u!!...my son is now 21yrs of age (ADHD- severe learning/emotional probs and mild Autism= are his attributes), his sister is coming upto 20 yrs of age (she's the normal one)..17 mnths seperate them. He's found it very, very very diffcult to make friends, he still does (invariably i have to tell off teens on our block for pickin on him...i'm his Mam!)..although i must say, i do leave him out front (Only) where i can see him, n neighbours kids r out (neighbours kids hve grown up with him, n are protective of him)..he TRUSTS only Who he knows...but i will add...my son went through puberty (his body did anyhow) at 14yrs old, but Mentally (WHOOPEE me) he's going through it again....he's on par with a (13/14 yr old NOW), although he's VERY immature!...hope this helps!.

[deleted account]

yes my son has the same problem and he also gets pick on ... its not an easy thing to deal with... we can talk more about it if you would like... to much to post in here lol

Dee - posted on 04/17/2009

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my son is 22 I remember him at 10 sitting down on the step one day and crying saying why can't people just except me for who I am, it brought me to tears, funny thing was he had alot of friends and was popular, good in sports but had a ruputation with the teachers and they were frustrated with him not all but some of them and they use there teachers lounge as a place of gossip about certain children so instead of going into the next year with a clean slate he would never be able to start fresh with a new teacher. It would always be the same thing. I think it can be harder for them to make friends and be except lets face it kids are very cruel at times to other kids we have all seen it. Thats why right from the start I feel its so important to teach are kids to be excepting and get them envolved young in volenteering and responsibilites so they understand nothing is easy and everyone needs to be treated the same and if you want to be treated well they need to treat others well.

Denise

Linda - posted on 04/16/2009

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This is a typical problem for children with ADHD.  May I suggest that you look in your area for a group of parents who also have ADHD kids.  The support groups are a good way to exchange what other parents are having problems with, and giving support for things just like this.  I have found through the 35 yrs now that I have been dealing with ADHD, that these children seem to get along better with children older then they are.  They are intelligent children and sometimes their peers their age are not old enough for what your child would be into.  Try church activities, a YMCA if you have one available, boy scouts or girl scouts (they do make excepts for children with ADHD) for their behavior problems.  This gives the children a chance to have friends in controlled areas.  You can also have the child invite one child at a time to their home, where they are out of the school enviroment, which also helps.  Sometimes children when in groups like in the school setting are mean to the kids, even though they might actually like the child.  Then they can go back to school and say they had fun at your daughters home, or might not be nice at all to your daughter, but if asked to come to your home again would come.  You will have to explain to your daughter that this is just the way kids are when there are groups, and maybe this would give your daughter something to look forward too.  It is hard and difficult on the parents as well, but hang in there, as they mature and she can become involved in more activites it usually changes.  My 11 yr old grandson is having the same problems.  No one at school likes him, but when he changes enviroment, like coming to grandma's or an aunts where there are children not from his school he is able to make friends.  I hate to say it but the teachers who pick on the students with ADHD do not help this situation at all.  Once they have been singled out in a classroom other students don't want to associate with them because they are afraid they will then also become a target of the teachers.  Good luck and hope that some of the suggestions I have given help your daughter.  you might suggest to the teacher that your child due to these circumstances be allowed to play on the computer durng recesses and lunches so she doesn't have the feeling of being not included, but special to be allowed to use the computers during free time.

A.C - posted on 04/16/2009

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My 9year old faces the same issues, although she is liked by her classmates she has always been the outsider. When she takes her medication she becomes more withdrawn and this just adds to the problem. Last year I volunteer in school and I see first hand how the kids cling together and leave a few out it broke my heart. She is in girl scouts, sports with the same results. This year I took a diffrent approach to try and help her. I suggested she reach out to the kids who are also like her wondering the playground not being included because they are not "like the others" (what ever that is). She finally listened and did so and has made 2 good friends who trully appreciate her for who she is.



Be assured she is not the only child who is facing such challenges and you are not alone as a parent dealing with this. I remind my daughter everyday that its better to have one good friend than 10 bad ones.



 



 



 

Margie - posted on 04/15/2009

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My 10 yr old daughter is ADHD and has a hard time making friends. When she is on her meds she keeps to herself . I don't push her to make friends but keep her in social settings such as girl scouts.

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