Hello, ADHD adult here

Courtney - posted on 11/27/2008 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I joined this group not because I have children with ADHD (yet) but because I do. I distinctly remember what it was like as a kid/teenager/adult who always felt like nobody ever really understood me. It was a huge relief when I got the diagnosis and began taking meds and was able for the first time in my life to concentrate and focus and remember things. It was a huge relief to realize that I wasn't broken just different. I figured maybe I could be helpful to someone with a child who has ADHD but doesn't know how to explain themselves to anyone.

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Nancy - posted on 01/16/2009

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Me too>  But both of my boys have the gift of adhd!  Not bad just different!



Nancy

Angie - posted on 01/14/2009

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I also have depresion and am taking 54mg of Concerta and 40mg of prozac. This caused a huge contaversy in my extended family. I use different planners, and even a PDA sometimes with alarms to keep me on track. I had severe anxiety and depression and PTSD when my kids were really young and decided to do all I could to change. THe results have been amazing. I have done meany different things, but the main thing was I was determined that I wanted to feel normal, like everyone else seemed to feel. My head was always in a cloud, like afog that could not be lifted. My psychologist explained it like this...because I have the IQ of a 33 year old and the attention of a 12 year old, I am anxious and depressed. Because I know I am capable of much more, but my mind will not stay on task (much of this comes from the wonderful childhood quote "she does not aply herself" I heard every semester since 3rd grade) So, as far as I am concerned many of you who are feeling this way, that is why. You know you can do better, but you do not have the propper tools yet. It takes a lot of hard work and determination, I have only been on meds for 2 years, but my hubby (nonADD) can attest to the amazing difference in me when I do not take them. You have to start slow though when starting meds. My first reaction was vomitting, because my body couldn't handle the change, so we lowered the dose until I could handle more. I would be happy to answer any questions if I can be of help. It was so important to me to get my life figured out so that my children did not have any similar childhood to mine. My son has ADD. We are not hyperactive, but very distracted. He is beginning to show signs of hyperactivity, so I am thinking about trying to increase his doseage, he takes 18mg of Concerta.

Angie - posted on 01/14/2009

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I have ADD and so does my son. It took 9 years to get a proper diagnosis for myself. I had all the classic symptoms as a child too. I was actually diagnosed with bipolar at one point, and my shrink said no, that wasn't it. It wasn't until I found a doc that does eeg testing that I got a proper diagnosis. It can be very hard some days, being a mother, wife, caregiver, business owner, etc. I am starting to do elderly care in my home and my biggest challenge is still time management and organization. I have lots of books on the subject, but have a hard time implementing things, especially getting them to stick. I have to get passed this in order to be successful at my new venture and to teach my children these important life skills.

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2009

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I just joined this group and not only do I have 1 daughter diagnosed with severe ADHD and currently medicated, 2 other daughters that have not yet been diagnosed but I am sure they have it and I also have severe ADHD.  I am using my past as a guide to be pro active in my daughters lives.  I wasn't diagnosed till I was 19, dropped out of college and have no thought of ever going back.  My problems were never addressed and now they are difficult to change.  I struggle daily with the feeling of being stupid, although I know I am highly intelligent and gifted.  I hope that my girls never feel the way I did.  I am currently medicated and it seriously has saved my marriage.  I no longer am a volitale structure in my house.  My eldest daughter knows mommy is on the same meds and there is no shame in having ADHD.  I am working on behavior modification with her and her sisters and it works.  I actually can say I am proud to be a mom with ADHD because I know how my girls feel about certain things.  I can understand their anxieties and fears and frustrations.  I know what can set them into a white rage and I know how to talk them down.  My only frustration is the lack of support for old friends and my rage towards the people that tell me ADHD doesn't exist and I should let my kids have more freedom and not structure their lives so much.  Hello....our routine and structure is how my kids have done so well in their lives!!!!

Teri - posted on 01/13/2009

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Hi Everyone,



My husband has ADHD as well as 2 of 4 kids. (the other 2 are too young).  I read your stories, and I so see my husband.  I would love to learn more about what it has been like for you growing up and how you saw and see yourselves.  I am still trying to figure out my husband (20 years) and my kids.  My husband has had anxiety over the years.  I also see it in my kids. I think I am the one suffering from depression, because I struggle with it all.  I need to talk to my doctor.



I will keep this conversation on my list to check.  Thank you for starting this conversation.

Lisa - posted on 01/13/2009

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hi all, well i have just read everyones post and it is so me. I can't tidy up, my memory is no excistant , i dont have a lot of friends as i find it difficult to socialise i am so ADD , i think i need to book an appointment with my gp, as at present i am being treated for postnatal depression. thanks everyone i think you have just opened my eyes to something i prob already new i had x

Ashleigh - posted on 01/06/2009

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Wow, lovely to meet everyone!! It's good to know that we are not all alone in this!



Mary, I'm curious to know whether you take medication at all? If it is too personal a question, then please don't answer. I am on and off of meds, and have struggled to find one that seems to stick with me, and where I feel a huge difference. The reason I'm asking you is that you have stated you too suffer depression, and this has been an ongoing thing for me since I can remember, and unfortunately for me, I only get to see my doctor/pschiatrist every few months, but do feel it is important. You just seem very much like I am, which is why I am asking! I sometimes feel like I could have under-lying bipolar but not 100% sure. My grandpa suffered bipolar, so I just wonder. I think it may be more depression though, just wish I lived in a country which had better medical care, and therapists!

Corrina - posted on 01/06/2009

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i believe it is hereditry, ive 3 sons with it and a son with dyspraxia also , we r a very unique and interesting family. my husband is on medication but only on working days, ive been taken off off stratterra as iv e heart and blood pressure problems . . . . . . . . . . . who wouldnt with all this going on lol! ! ! humour is essential or u'd go insane! my eldest son has been on medication since he was 12yrs old and thats only because he tried to take his life 4 times in 1 week. my 7yr old has adhd severe combined,o,d,d and c,d autism and tourettes because he has heart conditions hes unable to be medicated, he has tried to hang himself and repeatedely talks about killing himself, my 5yr old has dyspraxia and my youngest has adhd but hes to young to medicate hes only 4yrs old. my daughter is 6 yrs old and has diabetes and epilepsy, i love me kids but every day is very exhausting. most weeks involve numerous appointments for the kids and us. in northamptonshire where i live in the u.k they tend to leave you to get on with it, there is no therapies, no support no intervention or help. sometimes i feel very isolated and lonely but i never really am. im very intelligent and always excell in all i do as does my husband and my children, specialist seem to think that adhd isnt an issue if you do academicly well, i disagree, socially we all feel slightly different, we are a little more fragile than others and definitely more volatile at times. it feels like its the blame game in our area and most people tend to blame me, the mother, that hurts and at times ive questioned myself if its my fault or me seeing things that aren't there. i know im a dam good mum and do my very best for my family but wonder if id known about myself and my husband both having adhd if we should of got together or not.i worry for my children and eventually my childrens children

Nita - posted on 01/04/2009

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I'm adult with ADHD and bipolar disorder. I also happen to have 2 children with ADHD, as well one with a side of bipolar. I like to think of it as a hamburger with or without the fries. Humor is necessary. My husband is also ADHD. This makes us a really interesting family. Meds are a good thing. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until I was 30 and it was so much of a relief for me and my mom. It gave a reason other than I was just ornery for why I was the way I am. The bipolar was not caught until I was 38 I'm now 40 and I feel like my life has just begun. It' good to meet y'all.

Jill - posted on 01/03/2009

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Hi! I'm Jill, and I also have ADHD. (Gosh, it sounds like and AA meeting. :) I am a teacher, and I also did very well in school, so when I told my mom I thought I was ADHD, she thought I was crazy, saying, "But you always did so well in school." This only goes to prove how little people truly understand about this disorder. My daughter (age 15 now) was diagnosed at age 7, although I suspected it in kindergarten. She did so well in school that I didn't think she needed meds. As she got older, she began to get in trouble for talking and was starting to struggle socially. After she was on meds (which worked miraculously) I suspected my husband might be ADD. I asked the doctor for a form used to diagnose adults, and what do you know??? It should have had my name on it. I started on medicine right away. I take 20 mg. of Metadate CR once a day, although I think I could sometimes use it at night as well. We later had my husband diagnosed with ADD, but he doesn't take meds unless he really needs to get a project for school done. (He is also a teacher.)



I have read studies that show that children with untreated ADHD often end up being depressed and have a low self-esteem because they rarely feel successful by conventional standards. Many end up self medicating with drugs and/or alchohol to make themselves feel better. Most medications for ADHD are stimulants and cause some of the same feelings of well-being that can be caused by more dangerous, addictive, illegal substances, so I strongly believe that children should get the medication they need early on. I get so frustrated with parents who won't consider trying medication for their children, because they can have so much more success in school and socially if they are treated. As a teacher, a parent of an ADHD child, and one who suffers from it herself, I can spot it a mile away. Even in a child as young as 5, (I teach kindergarten) the behaviors stand out and are very noticeable early on, in comparison to their peers. I know that some children cope without medicine, but I definitely think that if you are suspecting you or your child is ADHD, look into the medicine, give it a try, and see how it works. The earlier you can make your child feel successful in life, the better. The same goes for adults. I am amazed at how much better I feel about myself when I take medicine and actually get things accomplished. I laugh when I read your descriptions about how you clean, because I have the same exact experiences. It helps to know we are not alone!

Tina - posted on 01/03/2009

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hi my name is tina I live in ont canada my children have adhd as well as myself . We are all on meds for it and is going to family councelling . Trust me I know what u were going though with not knowing what was wrong but knowing that there was sumething just not right . I find with haveing adhd you just have to take one day at a time and take the good days with the bad lol . Like I don't dare put anything down that important b/c I sometimes forget were I sat it down lol anyways u have a great night t/c ....Tina

Corrina - posted on 01/03/2009

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im glad you can help us, thanx. im also an adult with adhd, im 33 and wasnt diagnosed till i was 30, my husband is also diagnosed aswell, maybe we got together cos only anuva person with adhd gets you haha!! i consider my adhd as a gift im alot more determined than non adhd people, we can achieve anything

Mary - posted on 01/02/2009

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Hi Courtney and Ashleigh. I'm another adult with AD/HD (and biologically based depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and OCD) - I also happen to have 2 children with AD/HD, as well.



I don't know about the relationship between my depression and my AD/HD; however, I find it amazing how many other adults I know who have some form of AD/HD and are depressed as well. I know that, in my case, both are part of my genetic make-up (according to my psychiatrist, at least.)



Glad to meet you both.

Ashleigh - posted on 12/31/2008

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Hi Courtney, firstly thanks so much for your reply.. Gosh, it's amazing how after so many years we tend to pick these things up. Especially when you talk about very little patience, and frustration. I have always had such little patience, for example, when standing in a queue at the shops, I get very aggitated, and anxious, or when driving somewhere and there's alot of traffic. I'm always on at my husband for his driving, telling him he could have gone past that car, or 'why are we going so slow', and I always just put it down to that just being my personality.

And I am pretty much the same when it comes to cleaning, I start in one place, and then tend to drift to another in an instant, and it too takes me so long to get things sorted. I tend to tell my self that I will put something somewhere just for now, and then I'll put it away later, and it takes me forever to get round to it. I was also clever in school, but did not study at all. I picked up books, but got extrememly bored after a short time. So I got good grades, but could have got so much better if I had studied.

Also I have suffered depression as far back as I can remember, and have always put my feelings toward that.. I have extreme mood fluctuations, and this tends to cause a great deal of strain on our marriage. And ontop of everything we are trying so desperately to help my son who is ADHD, and trying to get the right meds for him, and I have a 9month old daughter, so my hands are pretty full.

Thanks so much for suggesting the book, I will definately look out for it. I have only really in the last 3 months started researching into ADHD since my son has been on medication, so this is all pretty new to me, but I am finding out more and more each day. But thanks so much for your response, you have been a great help, and this site is amazing in being able to relate to other people and share experiences. All your information is very much appreciated, thanks again!

Courtney - posted on 12/29/2008

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Hi Ashleigh. Perfect example of my ADD....I completely forgot I even posted this message :)

As a kid I always had the feeling that nobody really got me. Always just left of center...you know what I mean? I got pretty good grades as well but not because I studied. I'm very smart (most ADD/ADHD people are) and can learn things quite easily and fairly quickly. I was totally incapable of being still and always was in trouble for talking in class, not paying attention, etc. A common complaint from teachers throughout school was "Very bright but does not apply herself". Common, who am I kidding, it was more like CONSTANT! I have/had very little patience and get easily frustrated. I cannot clean as a rule but not because I don't want to but because I don't even seem to be able to make the connection between a mess and it needing to be cleaned. Sort of like my brain just doesn't notice. When I do clean it takes a day because I start one room and then get distracted by something in another room so start that and my "cleaning" continues in this manner until it's finally done. Not that I mind really, as long as I do it. Mainly I started looking into the whole deal by a fluke. In the 6 months before I got married in 2002 I started taking a diet pill that contained Ephedrine. I got straight A's that semester, planned my wedding, etc. I was able to focus and concentrate on everything. At the time I chalked it up to the stress propelling me through it. This past January I talked with my Dr. finally (only 6 years....) and realized what my deal was. I began by taking Adderall XR which I liked but by Dec. it didn't seem to be quite as effective anymore. I have now switched to Concerta. 36mg in the am and 18mg around noon. Nothing ever works completely so don't use that as a guide, you have to focus (ha ha) on the small things. I have tried other "tricks" like using a small notebook to write things down but I inevitably forget to write in it. :)

I think my 4 year old has it as well but he's too young for me to look into that. There's a really good book series that starts with one called Driven to Distraction. It's written by 2 psychiatrists that have ADD so it's easy to read.

The thing with ADD that I've learned is that all of us can focus on things that interest us and when we want to so none of us is the same and being able to focus on something that most of us can't doesn't mean you don't have it. Also, our ADD is much different from children's ADD in that we have had many years to learn to deal with the world on our terms without meds or even a name for our "problem".

Also, anxiety and/or depression are "side-effects" of ADD, not necessarily the problem themselves.

Write more and we'll talk more. I'm so glad you responded.

Ashleigh - posted on 12/29/2008

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Hi Courtney, it is good to know there are other adult ADHD adults out there, although I am not 100% sure if I am, maybe you can help me? i also always felt misunderstood as a child, but never struggled in school, my grades were actually quite good, but I was constantly in trouble. I suffer from a depression illness, but sometimes wonder if it's related to ADHD. I struggle to get organised at home, although I hate mess, but my motivation to do things never lasts. My son is very much ADHD, and I have just been put on Concerta 36mg's, which I see a slight difference but not very much. I have always suffered extremely low self esteem, and wonder if it has anything to do with ADHD, I would appreciate your advise if you have any! Many thanks!

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