Help me please! My son is ADHD, Bipolar &ODD. I'm at my witts end!!

Tara - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My son is 9 years old and he's ADHD, Bipolar and ODD. There are times when I can't control his fits. He has hit his Grandma, Brother and me. He is on one medication for Bipolar but the doctor is reluctant to put him on anything else because he was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome ( kidney disease).

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who has a & year old daughter. She is only here a couple times a week and nights a month. My son did really well with her for awhile and now he is really jealous. We try to do things fair but there are things you can't do with the boys that we do with her. He is non stop always saying he can do everything better than her ( which I know some is normal) but it's getting really old.

He is for the most part a good boy, I changed his school and now he only has 13 kids in his class so I'm hoping it will help. I am at a loss!!! He has counslers that come to the house and meeting at differnt child psycologists but nothing seems to be helping.

I am afraid that it will break my boyfriend and I up. He is the most patient and understanding man I've known. What do I do? Why does my son dislike every and anyone? Anyone have any suggestions? Please help me!!!

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User - posted on 02/28/2011

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Wow, my son is 11yrs old I also have 3daughters 16,10,2.. my son is bipolor, adha, odd & also has a sencery disorder.. He beats my ten yr old badly, smothers her chokes her... he has threw bricks threw my windows beat my walls doors new car & sisters with bats golf clubs. He is so strong when he goes into a raging fit. When my 2yr old was 7wks old i thought he was going to hurt her badly. I cry every night.He beat me so bad ripped my hair out of my head it took two grown men myself & sister inlaw to hold him down his meds didnt work anymore, i broke down along with my brother that night as we tried to control him, my brother looked at me & said sis i am sry it's time he needs to be placed ... he had to call 911 took 3 cops to hold him down cuff him get him in cop car... took him to cpep witch they had to pin him down 7female nurses an give him a shot in his bottom to put him out ... from there the docor looked at me told me, mom i am sry he has to go to a mental in pation hospital... it killed me i lost 25 pounds never slept it helped him, but mnth later back to the old him had to send him to dads 5hrs away.. he can not be in a reg. school ... He is back with me but i can't do it anymore so i know your pain, he gets worse by the days ... good luck

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Ashley - posted on 12/24/2013

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I can completely relate to this I also have an 11 year old brother with ADHA, bipolar and is constantly having fits and outburst's. Sometimes i get really scared and think about calling then cops for my parents sake. Last spring he had a traumatic meltdown that scared our whole entire family. My dad called the police and the ambulance took hime to a hospital. He got lots of therapy help and help with doctors to help balance his medicine. Still today my brother Pierce can't help himself right now he is throwing a temper tantrum its very scary I love my brother but i can't help myself to ask why. What I do know is that everything will turn out okay don't worry don't give up on your son theres always light at the end of the tunnel.

Ada Enid - posted on 02/19/2012

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Hello,

God Bless You All! Looks like we are all in the same boat. My 14 yr old son was diagnosed when he was 3 years old with adhd, i did not want to medicate him so I took him to therapy but it did not work much for 3 years. He has been taking meds (Concerta, Lamictal and Intuniv). He also has seizures, he bit me and kicked me so hard that my brusses were so blue it looked like someone bit me up. I used to lock myself in the bathroom to cry it out and prayed. I selected Taukwando because the master assured me that it would help, so it did but we could not afford it for long so we had to stop taking him to the classes. He has always been an honor roll but it has been a big struggle. I can say that maybe for the last 3 years is when he is better, even that sometimes he gets very temperamental, he has pushed me and his father but we confronted him and he knows that that we will not tolerate it and rules and regulations are in the house and if he does not want to follow them he will be attending a military school. His doctor even told him that if it happens again she herself will call the police. he just had yesterday a solo emsemble and he had an execellent score!!! He loves music (plays the sax) and wants to combine that with engineering. He is very dramatic also we have to be carefull how we speak and ask him things. I have a 4 year old with Nephrotic Syndrome also and since Dec10, 2011 we have been in the hospital, so I make sure I call him in the morning before school and before going to bed and we spend time in the hospital, we just celebrated his b-day in the hospital because his brother was still very sick. I am in the hospital right now. Both play baseball so that helps and Joshua (14) like to go to church retreats, I try to keep him busy; even at home with chores even that it is a battle sometimes, oh that the worse he asks "WHY" all the time when we ask him to do something. You do not know how upset we get and another one he does not keep quiet, loves to argue. I think he should be a lawyer :). I lost my job in July/my husband 2 years ago so now I have more time for both of them, I try to have individual dates/activities with them as well as making sure I am in their baseball practice/games. My husband is less patient but he has come around a lot. Many blessings, if you need to talk: my email is taina1967@gmail.com.

FARHANA - posted on 11/05/2009

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Hi Tara, your story sounds so much like mine...I hav a 10yr old with epilepsy, ADHD & mood disorder. Im also struggling to find solutions @ da moment. We are in da process of finding a school that specialize in treating similar kids. As much as we understand that he sometimes has no control of his actions, we do enforce consequences. Patience, I must admit is wearing thin @ da moment. He sees a therapist on a weekly basis. I know its really hard becos @ times, all I want to do is run away. But keep in mind, there are so many like us going thru da same thing. We've been thru so many pyschologists, but maybe we just need to persevere til we find one that works for us. Hang in there, & I hope all works out for u & da rest of us...Take care!

Carlana - posted on 11/04/2009

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I am so sorry for you Tara. My son has ADHD, ODD, and OCD. All the good letters of the alphabet - haha. Anyways, it is a hard thing to go through - mine is 13 now but he has damaged a police patrol car in the past, damaged school doors and other expensive parts...it is hard to keep up with him at times and now he is failing school again. Know that somewhere out there someone is going through the same dilemma as you - even though you feel all alone against "the system"... I know that is not much of a comfort when your son is "raging" - but all things pass and when mine is asleep I know that I can walk in, kiss him, and remember that no matter what I love him and deep down inside no matter how many times he says he hates me that he does love me as well. Hang in there and if your boyfriend is "the one" he will hang in there too!

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my almost 12 year old had ADHD and ODD.. he is on 2 different meds and they seem to be working... but even when he is off his meds i have learned little things that seem to help him... he is the oldest of 3 and seems to want to think he doesnt need as much help as his younger siblings.. this is what works for me... when he starts to get emotional either mad as hell or really teary eyed. i stop what im doing and we talk... he has a hard time verbalizing his problems sometimes so here is where patience is a virtue.. i learned that little things trigger these behaviors in my son.. something as simple as getting a bad grade on a test he starts dwelling on and it becomes almost an obsession... i talk to him.. and we devise a plan to solve what ever problem he is having... mostly that stops the behavior and hes back to the young man he has become.. if that doesn't work though i have him help me in the kitchen.. when children with this problem feel as if you couldn't do it with out their help in particular they tend to take pride and work harder... to do that they have to work harder on controlling themselves... and it becomes a circle... mostly...lol good luck hope this helps even a little.....

Amy - posted on 10/31/2009

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Hi !! My 10 year old has ADHD, BIPOLOR AND PTS. I was told the mother is the one that usually gets hurt because you think you can help them , but what it comes down to you need to walk away when they start acting like that. Walk away and say if you want to act like that then you can but i am not going to put up with that so i am walking away and you are not to flow me. They told me that if i go to my room shut the door and dont lrt her get to me.Soon she will be fine and will stop because you are not giving them what they want. I have 4 girls and a step daughter and step son . So she cant have my full attion all the time . Thats why she has to understand she's not the center of att.

Chantal - posted on 10/29/2009

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Thats a tough place to be! I have a Adhd/Odd 8 yr old son. He has siblings who he fights with. But he is progressing very well the other day he played with his older brother and friends all day without much fighting. At this age they are immature and its hard for them to deal with their anger. I tell my son to go hit his pillow and walk away if he gets angry. He does. he still does hit but its not as bad and I make him apologize asap. The one thing that has helped my son tremendously is therapuetic horseback riding..We have challenged people of all walks that ride and the way they respond is amazing. Riding a horse is close to human gait and it helps them to use muscle they normaly may not use and helps with cognitive manipulation also having responsibility of riding taking saddle off..might help..best wishes...

Tammy - posted on 10/29/2009

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What you are describing sounds very normal! I hate to tell you this but I have been experiencing this since at least 2000! If your son is like mine he is a very pessimisstic young man. As a nurse, I can say your doctor is right, with the nephrotic syndrome. Your son, requires more time and attention then average child! My, son is now 17, and we are just now beginning to have a close relationship. Because of all his diseases/disorders its as if they were born with no filter between thier brains and their mouths....they just have a tendency to speak without thought. With some cognitive therapy this can get somewhat better. Where is your childs biological father? These issues can and do everyday split up marriages. I hate to be a bearer of bad news but your son will have to be your #1 priority, if you want him to one day fit into society. Your future isn't bleak ,however ,as it does sound like you have alot of help in place with therapists coming into the home. I would strongely incourage you to look into seeing a psychologist yourself, as there are times ,when it all seems so overwhelming ,you don't know if you have the strength to go on! Believe me , when I say, you do. Just take one day at a time, and one step at a time, and try to always keep your cool. Also, I found that finding things for my son to hit or tear up when he became angry did help some. Examples, ie. Large phone book to tear up, hitting the mattress, or multiple pillows. I also invested in a punching bag that helped alot. Hope I helped. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Tammy

Christa - posted on 10/29/2009

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Tara, Check out this website www.2b4evergreener.com. It gives some info about the effect our household products can have on children with ADD/ADHD, anxiety and others. Maybe just by switching out products you will be able to change some of the affects his ADD/ADHD have on him behaviour.

Stephanie - posted on 10/28/2009

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I know exactly where u r coming from. I've been through it all with my sons, especially my youngest Alex, he's 13 now,I don't know how we made it this far! His problems started when he was 4 at preschool and the only time we've had a break at school was during 1st grade. In 5th grade they declared him mentally unstable so they could assign him an IEP, last spring I had to watch the cops handcuff him and have him committed to a psych hospital for 5 days because he was treatening to kill my older son and even put a knife to him. He now attends a school for bad children called Alternative School and he does okay. I've wanted to kill myself, started drinking heavy,tried drugs and it has ruined my marriage. If u have a good guy to help you be thankful and don't ever stop discussing things with your partner because u have to have somebody to help u which I haven't had.As for the other kids its really difficult, my 2 fight non stop. If you can spend time alone with each child doing something they like once in a while it might help or maybe if the girl is gonna be their and u want to do something special tell him ahead of time ask for his ideas on what to do,o rtry getting him something special just for him to do while you spend time with her. I could go on and on but I'll stop their, hope some of this helps!

Jamie - posted on 10/27/2009

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Oh Dear Tara,



I def understand your pain. My son is 5 and has ADHD and is OCD. Our simple daily routines are a chore and ends up being a long drawn out battle. I am trying to find the same answers right now with my son. he hates when people look at him, he can't stand if you get to close to him when he does not want you to, kicks and punches wall with his hands legs and head. The list forever continues, especially in school and after care. The best thing that I have found right now is an abscure amount of patience, talk to him on his level, get eye to eye level with him. A little more one on one time seems to work for a little while. I have learned that children with these issues have underlying things going on in their minds that we will not be able to figure out until they are ready to share them with us. It's very painful as a mother to watch your child and your family go though this, I know. My fiancee has been with my son and i for almost 3 years now, and if it was not for him, I may have lost all self control and sanity a long time ago. let's keep in touch and see if we can work together in helping out our families!

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