how do you cope with the mode swings of a child with ADHD

Erenora - posted on 01/22/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

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i have a son who is teenaged, ADHD. i sometimes don't understand his modeswings ........happy one minute, sad the next and hardly ever still or being quiet.

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Claire - posted on 06/06/2012

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Thanks for this, my 7yr old son has recently been diagnosed as having ADHD and dealing with the mood swings is a nightmare. I have found that if I can stay calm he comes out of them easier. It is just hard to remember sometimes as he know what buttons to press. I forget that it is not just meltdowns I need to apply this approach to but also his argumentative outbursts.

This has helped me to remember that I can help him if I help myself to remain calm, harder said then done sometimes! Also has helped me remember I am not alone in struggling to cope with the endless moodswings.

Love this community, it helps so much with the advice and sympathy even just the knowing that people are there going through the same issues.

Claire

Lorraine - posted on 01/23/2009

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Hi Erenora,



I know what u mean my boy is coming up to be 11 next month and he is the same, their is no answer for it just let him know that if he wants to ever talk about anything u will be their but dont judge i find that helps.also ignor him when he is in a bad mood and he will soon snap out of it.



 



from Lorraine

Caroline - posted on 06/08/2012

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I don't have a child with ADHD but my husband has it and our marriage nearly didn't make it until I put him on some special glyconutrtional supplements .... and here we are 13 years later still married and so much happier, he is far more focused, less mood swings and sensitivity, more stable in personality and can concentrate on one thing, he now has a very responsible job looking after all the construction workers as the OH&S SafetyOfficer
http://www.navig8.biz/LifeStyle2

Patricia - posted on 06/02/2012

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don't ever let them put it over you i have 2 kids with adhd possibly a third 2 young to tell they say what a load of rubbish just like the other 2 and 2 with add it is a constant battle give them one instruction at a time write things down that they have to do for there routine make sure they know very regularly that you love them have patience try talking about things normal stuff to begin with and then hopefully the will tel you or you ry to talk to them about what is bothering them adhd adhd add kids are impulsive they do things without thinking remember that also but i never let that be an excuse for misbehaving make sure that they definately know right from wrong mine do and aren't that bad but i have to be consistetant with everything hard at times but it will be better for them later in life and now

Jane - posted on 05/15/2011

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My son is ADHD, ODD and Bipolar. He is now 16, but was originally "different" when he was tiny, a problem when he was three, in counseling by four, on meds by five, and suicidal and hospitalized for the first time by age seven. His mood swings are legendary, but we now mostly have them under control, thanks to the meds, years of therapy and anger control training, and several hospitalizations. When he isn't under control he is often finally wise enough to go off to his room and play video games.

We don't ignore his mood swings. We do gently suggest that he go off by himself for a while. He is getting better at doing that.

As to how he treats his sister, oh, boy! Where to begin? She is Miss Popularity, an A student, and a varsity athlete. He is always on her case and drives her crazy. He is very, very jealous of her, and thinks everything is simply handed to her. In truth, she has worked hard to earn everything.

When she is home he hassles her, but when she is gone he misses her.

Every summer we sent her to a camp for three to four weeks, to give her a break from him, and we have helped her defend her possessions from him. Oddly enough, she was recently diagnosed as ADD that she has been controlling with exercise.

These kids don't understand their mood swings either. However, with a lot of help they can begin to recognize them and even start to figure out what the triggers are.

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Natalie Delacroix - posted on 07/29/2014

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One of the probs with ADHD teens is lack of sleep. If possible cancel his 1st period so he can start school around 9:00. Vigorous exercise in the afternoon will also help stimulate sleep. Consider neurofeedback
Dr DeLaCroix, Cerebral Fitness Inc

Rachel Michelle - posted on 04/28/2014

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I have ADD as well as my Teenage daughter. I can understand both sides of your situation! My daughter's ADD affected her life so bad that she quit school and was doing online school until recently. Now I am dealing with n her mood swings and this awful depression! Which I have as well but I am on medication for it. She is not yet.. Her whole life I knew as well as others that something was wrong with her. But what? Medication was NOT an option then. I use to resent parents that just dosed there children instead of dealing with the real problem! Only if I knew what I know now! I would have gotton her started earlier, its easier I think.
--Also my whole Family was against meds.
Well I did every kind of counciling you can think of! From Boy's and Girl's Town coming to my home everyday for 6 months! To Quantum Healing Center Etc.... and now I have come to the realization that she needs medication to get better as well as counseling and support! I don't tell my family that I have her on medication because I did not want to hear their judgemental opinions! When I first got her on medication is when she dropped out of school, it was finding the right dosage that made everything a lot better. It took us a while to get to that! I think we will always Be adjusting her medication her whole life. I can say that "As having ADD, I know it is likely that there are other underlying mental or emotional problems such as bipolar or depression." Especially if it runs in your family like mine. Now I am on step 2 which is trying to get a good doctor to diagnose her with what depression she has and what kind of medication (if needed) does she need. At least she has some control now with her outburst. And shectells me she feels better.
The best thing I can do is to:
° Remain calm and collective.
° Make sure to provide the most stable environment I can.
°A Schedule!!! That is very important for people with ADD! And Depression!
°Make them write "a to do list" daily. Praise them greatly when they finish a list!
°Get them to Make a "Goal Chart" (short or long term) and if their goal is to be a Tattoo artist do not be so judgemental. (They are probably just trying to get a shock from you..) Testing your buttons. Shock them back by telling them what's involved in that career! (Like they need to be an artist..lol)
°Discipline when needed. Dont be too easy on them because of their condition.
°And most Important:: LOT'S AND LOT'S OF LOVE AND PATIENCE!
--And that sounds easier said then done! Also keep your childs problems and medications in just your family. If you tell everyone in your family you will get a million different Oppinions and Judgements! And take it from me, it will just make you doubt what your doing when you should be confidant and show your confidance! It will help you and your child.
-----And when it comes to DEPRESSION REMEBER THAT PUNISHMENT IS DIFFICULT AND DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEY DONT SEEM TO CARE ABOUT ANYTHING YOU THREATEN TO TAKE AWAY! BECAUSE THEY REALLY DONT CARE. ---So make sure you are aware of what moods their in when their in them. It will help you to determine how to deal with the situation.

DAWN - posted on 06/11/2012

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mayb u could look in2 bipolar disorder?
my child was diagnosed adhd for 4 years before they finally found out it was bipolar.
i wish you luck on your journey. i pray it will be a smoother one than ours xxxxxx

Sonya - posted on 06/04/2012

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I have 5 boys with ADHD and a 18 year old daughter with it. It can be difficult to handle the mood swings. I usually try to give the kids their space and when they calm down after a mood swing and then talk to the kids. Give yourself a time out as well to stand back and then go talk to the kids.

Sonya - posted on 05/16/2011

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OMG sounds so familiar! It is so sad that there is no magic answer or solution. It seems like the older the kids get, the moodier they become.

Jenn - posted on 05/15/2011

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I think a lot of that can also be attributed to normal teenage mood swings...A lot of teens have mood swings seemingly triggered out of the blue and by nothing...Blame it on the raging hormones. It may not necessarily have all that much to do with ADHD...However, it may...Try to see if there is anything bothering him, like having a hard time making/keeping friends, or struggling at school, that could be causing him frustration and causing mood swings as a result...I would also take the medication he is on into consideration if the mood swings are a fairly new thing...He may need an adjustment in his dosage or a new kind altogether now that he is older..The most important thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him no matter what and keep the lines of communication open..Do not pry but stay involved and show interest in his life. It wouldn't hurt to mention it to his doctor if it is truly affecting his life and yours.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/15/2011

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i hear ya my son has adhd but hes only 9 and wow boy has temper tantrums where sometimes i think he should have been a grl hes such a drama queen

Debbie - posted on 01/29/2009

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I agree with with the posts...it's best to just ignore the mood swings. I talk to my son after he is finished with his meltdown. We discuss what was bothering him and how he can handle things better. Therapy is a wonderful tool that has helped my son greatly.

Joelle - posted on 01/29/2009

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Hi. I have 2 sons with bipolar . One has Bipolar and OCD and the other ADD and Bipolar. I can be very difficult to deal with. I love this circle of Moms because I feel as though I am not alone now trying to deal with this behavior. Once my kids got on the med for the bipolar it was like they were different kids. My son with OCD most symptoms went away and his moods are less frequent. My other son with ADD and bipolar his symptoms of depression and his mood changes have gotten alot better. They both take Lamictal. They participated in a study at MGH when they were diagnosed and they monitored them on the med for 12 wks. It is still like walking on egg shells at times but we have learned to better understand their illness they go to therapy monthly which has helped alot.

User - posted on 01/28/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:



UGh i am so glad to read this today.  I am dealing with the mood swings right now also.  It is so painful. my daughter 11 has ADHD.  In the morning she is down right nasty to everyone.  If something does not go her way it is everyone's fault but her own.  She takes no ownership.  Then she treats her little brother 7 bad too.  I feel bad for him because she just talks horrible to him and you can see that it really hurts him  He is a lovey kid who just wants to be with her.   I get so frustrated at her yelling and demanding.  I do my best to stay calm which is better some days than others.  But what do I do.  i do take priveledges away but then she is always "introuble" so she says.  She just doesn't hear how she talks to us.  When the meds kick in it is like she is a different child.  So loving and caring about others.  But when she is off (mostly in the morning)  it is like she is a different child.  So, I ask how much do i ignore.  I usually try to make her do things in her room so she can take time to settle and let the meds kick in but it doesn't always work.  I think I just like hearing I am not alone.  I guess this didn't really help in suggestions.





And I am soo glad to read this today also.. At least I know I am not alone in this.. My son is 11 with ADHD and was diagnosed at age 6.. In reading alot of the posts, it seems like this particular issue is a common thing with kids in the same age bracket...10-13 yrs old or so... And so I am praying that it's just the pre-puberty/peer/age thing... Funny that i visited with the principal for nearly two hours today myself... It seems like my son's mood swings are just the same as you described.. especially when he does not get some type of food/snack at least every hour on the hour no matter how small the portion is... I learned today that there are alot of social/peer issues going on these days at his age including the bullying/being bullied, especially if other kids know your child takes meds. and that he is not right when he has an "off" day..... It made me so sad because he is, just as you mentioned, the most loving and sweet and caring kid u could ask for when all is "right" in his universe.. I feel like I need to pay extra mind to all of this and just let him know he can tell me whatever is on his mind....Im trying to remind myself of the issues and try to understand and put myself in his shoes somewhat...Wow, that in itself is enough to make me moody... Not sure that it helps you any at all but thanks for letting me vent..



 

Tara - posted on 01/28/2009

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Jennifer, part of that maybe an age thing because what she is doing is exactly what my 14 year old (who does not have ADD/ADHD) does to my 12 year old (who is the one wiht ADD). I just want for the day when my older one realized how much he hurts his brother and hope it changes. They are also the best of friends (of course... so it may be a sibling thing).

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2009

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UGh i am so glad to read this today.  I am dealing with the mood swings right now also.  It is so painful. my daughter 11 has ADHD.  In the morning she is down right nasty to everyone.  If something does not go her way it is everyone's fault but her own.  She takes no ownership.  Then she treats her little brother 7 bad too.  I feel bad for him because she just talks horrible to him and you can see that it really hurts him  He is a lovey kid who just wants to be with her.   I get so frustrated at her yelling and demanding.  I do my best to stay calm which is better some days than others.  But what do I do.  i do take priveledges away but then she is always "introuble" so she says.  She just doesn't hear how she talks to us.  When the meds kick in it is like she is a different child.  So loving and caring about others.  But when she is off (mostly in the morning)  it is like she is a different child.  So, I ask how much do i ignore.  I usually try to make her do things in her room so she can take time to settle and let the meds kick in but it doesn't always work.  I think I just like hearing I am not alone.  I guess this didn't really help in suggestions.

Erenora - posted on 01/27/2009

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I would like to thank all the mothers who replied  to my question. Most of you said the same thing, "ignore the mood swings". I think this might work to some degree because this is something i have not been able to do very well. sometimes when i try to ignore him he notices what i am doing and becomes very argumentive. I guess i'll have to keep trying and not fall into his trap; which makes me argumentive also.                                                     



                                                                                                          thank you all so much , I really



                                                                                                          do feel so much better knowing



                                                                                                           that i am not alone.

April - posted on 01/26/2009

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Quoting Sonya:

My 14 year old girl has adhd, odd and is bipolar to top it off. she is extremely moody and has her meltdowns as well. We are finding she is manipulative as well. I do not think anything in the world can get you prepared with a teenager with hormones and mood swings. It is definitely not easy to deal with in any means. I have to say it seems like we are all in the same boat when it comes to teens and being moody. My daughter goes to a camp every summer, which specializes in kids with adhd. She seems to be happiest when around the kids with same issues such as herself. They are probably asking each other how do deal with parents who are moody. I just know that the one thing I am trying to do is give her space, within reason and let her know she can express how she feels and that I will not hold it against her, but will talk to her.



I totally agree, I have two step children that my husband got custody of when they were 3 and 2.  The oldest has a cognitive disorder and the yougest has fas and adhdd.  Space and supervision on there melt downs is what they need.  And they need some type of out let like camp or sports or anything.  We are still getting to the bottom of my eldests cognitve disorder, it has been a long three years.  But I have learned many tricks to combat her manipulations and outburst and physical attacks on hr siblings.:)

April - posted on 01/26/2009

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The best advice that i can give you is paitience. I have an 11 yr old step son, who has fasd adhdd severly. His meds are a big help, but paitience and tolerance and understanding. We found out when he was four. It has been a long road of much paitience. If his mood swings are like that (which my sons were) take him to the doctor because maybe his meds need to be adjusted like lowered or raised. :)

Sonya - posted on 01/25/2009

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My 14 year old girl has adhd, odd and is bipolar to top it off. she is extremely moody and has her meltdowns as well. We are finding she is manipulative as well. I do not think anything in the world can get you prepared with a teenager with hormones and mood swings. It is definitely not easy to deal with in any means. I have to say it seems like we are all in the same boat when it comes to teens and being moody. My daughter goes to a camp every summer, which specializes in kids with adhd. She seems to be happiest when around the kids with same issues such as herself. They are probably asking each other how do deal with parents who are moody. I just know that the one thing I am trying to do is give her space, within reason and let her know she can express how she feels and that I will not hold it against her, but will talk to her.

Marsha - posted on 01/24/2009

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My son was having melt downs when his meds wore off at the end of the day too. He would scream and cry and beat on the windows. We even had a neighbor across the street and two houses down talk to us because they could hear him. The doctor switched to a different medication and it did the trick.

Toni - posted on 01/24/2009

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I have a 15 yr old daughter who has ADHD and ODD. She is very difficult to deal with. Our lives are a daily battle with her. I also have a 4 yr old little girl who is a doll. My 15 yr old is so jealous of her. It's so hard every day with my oldest because she is mean and nasty to everyone. Very demanding and rude. She's nice one second to her little sister then mean the next. It very confusing to her little sister. She is on medicine, but it makes her more anxious. I keep hoping she will outgrow some of this anger towards everyone. It's a daily struggle and I wish I could say it is getting better with age. It has gotten worse with the teenage years.

Vicki - posted on 01/24/2009

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HI ERENORA,



I HAVE A SON WITH ADD, AND ADHD, AND IT IS NOT EASY AT ALL WITH THE MOOD SWINGS. HE IS 11 YRS. OLD AND THERE ARE DAYS I WANT TO PULL OUT MY HAIR. HOWEVER THERE IS HOPE. WE CHANGED HIS MEDICATION, AND THAT REALLY REALLY HELPED OUT ALOT. PLUS HIS DR. WAS A HUGE HELP, AND STAYED ON TOP OF IT. HE HELPED ME THROUGH A REALLY TOUGH TIME WITH MY SON. ALSO THE TEACHERS WERE WONDERFUL AS WELL. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR CHILDS DR. TO SEE IT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE FOR HIM AND GET HIS TEACHERS INVOLVED. HAVE THEM WRITE DOWN WHAT THEY SEE AND WHEN AND THE DR. WILL BE ABLE TO BETTER HELP YOU. ALSO PATIENCE, AND ALOT OF LOVE. UNFORTUNATLY, IT'S NOT THERE FAULT, AND ALOT OF TIMES THEY DON'T KNOW THEY ARE DOING IT EITHER. I KNOW, BELIEVE ME. IT IS DIFFICULT. IT WILL GET WORSE, BEFORE IT GETS BETTER, BUT IT DOES GET BETTER. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR SON. I HOPE EVERYTHING WORK OUT WELL FOR YOU.

Amy - posted on 01/23/2009

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My 6 1/2 year old has been on Concerta for ADHD for two years.  It was very hard to find a doctor willing to medicate a 4 year-old, but we'd tried everything and were exhausted after deteriorating behavior since the age of 18 months.  (He was adopted at 9 months old.)  The Concerta has been GREAT and we've had to hardly tinker at all with the dosage the past two years.  Our psychiatrist added Risperdal and Tenex to help with moods.  He also has ODD and other mood disorders.  The meds are also useful for intrusive and impulsive tendancies.  He's never been "zoned out" by any of these meds.  On top of all this, as the age of 5 we had a sleep-deprived EEG performed to look for brain abnormalities that could be causing the behavior problems.  He showed petit mal seizure activity, so we put him on Lamictal, which also helps with mood.  Has he had a recent psychological/educational exam?  The Vanderbilt scales are complete by both caregiver and teachers to determine mood issues.  Results may show ADHD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, Bi-Polar and Depression/Anxiety.  If he swings between happy and sad, he may have more to diagnose than just ADHD.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may also be a good route to take.

Lorraine - posted on 01/23/2009

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all they will tell u is strucher, do you play games as a family, something as simple as cards help them learn to share but u have to let Allayna now the rules before u start and what u wont stand for. they also like to now where their boundaries r, eg; the rooms u share like the living room and the kitchen, bath room r all shared space and that her bed room and yours in your own space, make it so you have to knock and wait for them to let you i, u also do the samething when it comes to your room, but explain to them that if you ask them to get something from your room is different. If she does not like to tell u what is wrong try getting her a book to write her feelings down but tell her that you r allowed to read the book to help u to know how she is feeling.



I hope some of this helps

Tara - posted on 01/23/2009

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My son just turned 12 and at times is the same way. I think part of his is also the age thing. My Dr said that anxiety goes hand in hand with ADD/ADHD and that some medications make the anxiety worse. That is the other part of my sons I believe but he is doing so well with his meds that I choose to just deal with the mood swing when he is coming off the meds than to change to a different med.

Jen - posted on 01/23/2009

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My girls don't share a room. Mattie (the youngest, 61/2) is free spirited and just loves everyone. She has tons of friends and is involved in everything. Allayna (the oldest, almost 9), is my daughter with ADHD. We don't talk about it like it is a problem to her. She has always been socially withdrawn. We allow her to be involved in anything that she wants, because we don't want her to regret not doing things. If she wants to do a Dance Clinic, then we let her. She gets so upset, because "her friends" like Mattie too. There is only a 2 1/2 yr age difference. Mattie acts more mature for her age, so she gets along with everyone. This really is the source of a lot of the anger toward her sister. Laynie was friends that are just her friends. But, you can't tell kids who to be friends with. We do separate slumber parties. If Mattie has a friend over, then Laynie stays somewhere else with a friend or Grandma. Vice Versa. That way they get their own time with their friends.



I always dreamed of my daughters growing up best friends. Right now they have this love hate relationship..... I just hope she grows out of the competiveness. I try and explain to Laynie and Mattie, that friends will come and go, but they will always have each other.



There is something called ODD:



http://addadhdadvances.com/ODD.html

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_f...



We are going to try and get in to see a child therapist. I think total family counseling will help deal with the day to day stuggles.

Jennie - posted on 01/23/2009

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we have a 6 yr old who has daily melt downs after his meds have worn off.. he's so dramatic about things and cries easily..i also found that if i ignore him, he comes out of it after a little while.. his mouth gets him into trouble at the end of the day and i get aggravated sometimes but if i send him to his room to cool off or go color, he does ok.. i am taking him to see a psychologist in indianapolis to be evalutated and make sure that ADHD is the only thing we are dealing with.. he is my great nephew and was exposed during pregnacy to some pretty heavy drug and daily alcohol abuse.. not saying that has caused anything but i want to make sure.. good luck and if someone comes up with a good plan, please let me know.. :0)

Jen - posted on 01/23/2009

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It hard to deal with this. I am very inpatient, and catch myself getting aggravated. I have to personally just step away and ignore the mood swings and the demanding. Our biggest issue the anger toward her little sister. My daughter is ADHD is going to 9 in one week. She has so much resentment against her little sister. We live next door to my husbands parents, and my daughter goes there alot. I am not trying to "get rid of her", but sometimes she needs a place where her sister is not there, and she can have all the attention to herself. Grandma and Grandpa are really good with her.



We have tried incentives, and behavior charts. But when the medicine wears off, we know that she is going to get moody. She can go from happy to sad in a matter of a second. You never know.



The peditrician told us that it is part of the ADHD, and she has some of the ODD tendencies. We can put her some more medicine, but that only makes her spaced out, and we don't get the real kid in her. So it is a no win situation.



I have been looking for a children therapist to help us. I think that maybe if she talks to someone, we can find out exactly what the issues are.



This probably was not much help, but know that you are not alone.

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