how do you get kids to do their chores without fighting with them?

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Kara - posted on 09/30/2009

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before he was put on the right meds, nothing! now he is on a very strict schedule and i have no need to tell him.

he has an alarm that goes off and beside it there is a chart with a picture of the time i let him take by himself and the thing he has to do at that time. works really good but the alarm can be annoying.

Jennifer - posted on 09/29/2009

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We used to have this problem, but since we made a chart for my stepdaughter along with a prize chart, it's like living with another kid. We have a chart with a list of things she needs to do daily, they are broken into two seperate lists, one for the A.M. and one for P.M. This way she can earn two stickers daily for her chart. We have a space on the chart for extra stickers and we have two lists of what she can earn extra stickers for doing and what can lose her a sticker. If she gets two stickers a day, one for A.M. one for P.M.(not counting any extra stickers she may earn) she gets to pick a small prize, like having ice cream for dessert, or getting her nails painted, having a 1/2 hour of WII time, etc. Then at the end of the week she has a prize chart broken into three sections, small prizes, medium prizes, and large prizes. She counts the stickers she earned for the week including extra stickers and picks a prize from whatever category she earned 0-5=small 5-13=medium 13+=large. She loves it and we are able to ask her why she did or did not earn stickers for that day and she is checking her lists to make sure she is doing everything. It's a little work, but boy does it pay off. We keep all the charts on the fridge.

Shirley - posted on 09/29/2009

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Quoting sheri:

i am having the same problem with my 13 year old daughter.. when i go to school, i sit there and listen to these people discripe a child that i don't know, oh she is a great student, she does what she is told, why don't i see this child at home?? we give positive feedback to her all the time, we keep her focused and make goals for her that we know she can reach, but decides she won't met them.. it is a fight everyday with her to do her chores, homework and to be in bed at a certain time. i know that 13 shouldn't have a bedtime. but she gets on the bus at 6:30am so we make her go to bed by 8 pm that way she is sleeping by 9.. she has a hard time falling asleep..

if anyone has any sugestion i would love some.. i am at my wit ends and are running our of things to take away from her. she goes to counseling once a week, she is lieing, stealing and i don't know what to do with her.. HELP I AM LOSING MY MIND TRING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO... thanks everyone.. it is so good to have other parents to talk to about this..



Im so with you..my 13yr old son is exactly the same..Ive tried all the usual things, rewards and taking away his luxaries etc etc etc but nothing really helps. I hate to admit it but he doesnt do anything for free or out of the kindness of his heart(chore related) so I have noticed that if i wait until he wants something, thats when i give him the instruction. Eg: He wants money to go out to movies(or what ever) so as he asks me, i tell him he needs to do a chore ( Im always specific)..he does it and gets his reward. Bribery and corruption at its best ;-) Seems that works better for us than the rewards charts etc because he always looses interest and then nothing gets done and that leads to arguments. Oh yes, he is also a terrible sleeper..does not shut eyes until at least 11pm.  Also, with taking away luxaries like cell phone etc..I did that last school term when i caught him bunking a day of school..told him he could have it back if he got good grades for the term...didnt work..after week one ..he simply forgot about the phone. I think i set the goals too far apart so now I just keep the punishments to a minimum time frame( like a few days) for full impact.



 



Hope some of this helps and if you could share some tips, that would be great!!

Sheri - posted on 09/29/2009

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i am having the same problem with my 13 year old daughter.. when i go to school, i sit there and listen to these people discripe a child that i don't know, oh she is a great student, she does what she is told, why don't i see this child at home?? we give positive feedback to her all the time, we keep her focused and make goals for her that we know she can reach, but decides she won't met them.. it is a fight everyday with her to do her chores, homework and to be in bed at a certain time. i know that 13 shouldn't have a bedtime. but she gets on the bus at 6:30am so we make her go to bed by 8 pm that way she is sleeping by 9.. she has a hard time falling asleep..



if anyone has any sugestion i would love some.. i am at my wit ends and are running our of things to take away from her. she goes to counseling once a week, she is lieing, stealing and i don't know what to do with her.. HELP I AM LOSING MY MIND TRING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO... thanks everyone.. it is so good to have other parents to talk to about this..

Denise - posted on 09/27/2009

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What I do is make up a daily schedule and post it on the fridge. Make it simple and easy to read. Like Monday== Clean room, do homework. Stuff like that. .If she does everything on the list with out any fighthing she can have a hour of t.v. games play time or whatever she would like to do. That way you get your child to do what is needed to be done and the child gets what they want too. I do this with my child daily and it works.

Tammy - posted on 09/26/2009

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well, its hard to get any child to do there chores...mine are teens now and they have good days and bad but i guess my advice would be don't fight back with them, be consent every day about chores, one of mine does better if its written down on a list so he knows whats expected. if they miss a day i let them know that i noticed it wasn't done and that they will not do anything on the weekend if all chores aren't done by friday. hope that makes since, weve had chore lists for years.

Luna - posted on 09/26/2009

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I realized thet my ADHD son "didnt know" how to clean his room very early on. I found out that if I broke it down for him, he could finish the job. I would tell him to clear up all the cars and not touch anything else and then report back to me when he was done. Then I would tell him to put away another category and then another.... That worked for us.
When he got older I did have a star charts and it worked - you just need to know what your kids currency is: An extra hour game-ing, a trip to the mall alone with you. Even better sit down with the kid and find out together what the stars will be for.

Good luck :-)

Shelly - posted on 09/23/2009

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My son is 10 and I have started having him earn time on the computer, video game, etc. When he complies with a request then he earns time toward the things he wants to do. When he does not comply then he chooses out of the consequence jar and must do the task he picks before he can do any of the fun things he wants to do. At first it was a battle, but when he saw I meant business he began to want to earn time.

April - posted on 09/19/2009

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I agree with routine. We have a bulletin board that lists everyone and their chores for the day (including mom and dad). We don't give allowances because there are somethings that they have to do without rewards in real life too. We list expectations and consequences like before tv you have to do homework, clean up toys, etc. If not the toys are taken away or tv is taken away for a day. You have to find what works for your family and stick to it. I like what Alyssa said. It becomes less of a fight if they know what to do and know the consequences.

Renae - posted on 09/18/2009

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We give a base allowance and then add to it according to jobs completed, appropriate behavior etc. Also, as Alyssa said, letting them know the schedule (after A comes B) and make sure B is something they really want.

Luna - posted on 09/15/2009

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For me, telling him what I want to be done ahead of time and then hold him too it works. He knows that if its not done, he can not turn on the tv, he can not play video games or what ever he wants. But most important: I never give in anymore, so now he knows that here is no way out, since a no is a NO!

Keep at it, there is a way.

Alyssa - posted on 09/15/2009

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When it comes to room cleaning, what ever she doesn't pick up/put away I'll take from her for a week or so. The immediate loss of something they want does wonders! After doing this a few times, she's much more compliant! Yes, the first 2 or 3 times I did take quite a few things out of her room, but you gotta show them you mean it!

Other chores need to be done before any "extras", like playing video games, hanging out with friends, or whatever. Again, they will get the instant "reward" of being able to do what they want once they are done.

And nothing works with ADHD kids like routine, routine, routine! If they know that at this time they have to do "A" and then they do "B" before they can do whatever, then it will eventually become less of a fight.

Ginny - posted on 09/15/2009

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Give them a little money.I still have that problem with my girls not wanting to do chores.But my youngest likes the money even when its only a dollar and she will do them.

Laurie - posted on 09/14/2009

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I have that problem also. If anyone knows anything that would be great. When my son was younger star charts worked wonderful but now at 10 he could care less about them.

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