How is the best way to dicipline an adhd child??? Help

Anita - posted on 10/15/2009

I can tell you that my pediatritian specalizes in ADHD and 2 years old is far too young to place a diognosis to him of ADHD on him. You will want to wait untill he is about 5 then let the schools do the evealuation. Then you will need to take him to your pediatrition at that time. In the mean time try making some changes in diet like try lactose free milk and if you give him juices look for ones that have 5 or less sugars in them and avoid atificial flavors try staying with organic juices and make sure his diet is balanced and healthy diet will help also. You may want to stay away from artificial food colorings and dyes in his diet. I have my son on medication now but at 2 years old that is too young to medicate or even diognose him because alot of times at that age simple diet changes will help. But my son could not be accurately diognosed until he was older. Some other things you and your preschool teacher may want to try is some things that we use in our schools one is to give him an exersize ball to sit on rather than a chair if he is getting up and moving around alot, that way he is able to move around his desk area and stil maintain focus on the task at hand. It works for my 10 year old. Another thing you can try if he seems restless give him about a ten minute break and get a floor levle balance beam and have him focus on walking on it and staying on it and when he makes it to the end reward him for being able to stay on task, with a stickers or some thing like that. Also get a small tresure chest with little toy prizes from the dollar store and a recipie box put some index cards in it and have him put a star sticker on the card for each task he gets done and tell him at the end of the day if his work at school or at home is done he can trade his star card in for a prize from the treasure chest. The key is keeping task small and simple. Kids with ADHD tend to get overwelmed with mutiple tasks and give him his own small personal space that no one else is allwoed to use.

Camille - posted on 10/14/2009

according to my childs psycologist, you never punish a child with ADHD but to discipline, go easy, children with ADHD find it easy to follow a chart of some kind. rewards for good behaviour, get your child to tick off his achievements everyday and at the end of two weeks offer a reward (go to the movies or the museum etc). Discipline only by simple rules and boundaries-not punishing and good luck xx

Melissa - posted on 10/13/2009

I agree that the schools are more problem than help. I know ours is. They only focus on the bad. They seem to act like ADHD is something we make up to let our kids get by with disobeying.

My son is ADHD, one week he was on cough medicine, I sent a note to tell the teacher that it effects his ADHD meds. Bet some of you didn't know that. anyway i told her if you have a problem call me. instead she put him on red and made him see the principal.

When i went to pick him up, she said we need to see the principal. Before they could start i reminded them i sent a note and that his cough meds interferred with his meds. they acted like i was lying and that couldn't be true.

i went straight from school to the dr and got a letter stating exacty what i had said and sent it to school. was there any acknowledgement, or admitting they had been wrong. NOPE

Shannon - posted on 10/13/2009

I too have faced this challenge and I agree with all the other advice listed. The most important thing to remember is keep your cool! That is why making sure you have some kind of system set up is the key to success, they then can not get you frustrated and upset, which only makes the situation worse. The only other thing that I would suggest is when implenting a system where privileges are removed make sure that the first "strike" is one of forgiveness, we need to recognize that they are not perfect and that a warning will come first, but then the second, third, and so forth has a repercussion, and the most important thing of all is stay consistent! Even though you may see improvement don't slip back into old behaviors, because if you do your child will to. Lastly, and this still works for my son who will be 13, when and if you use the time out method, make the child sit and fold his arms. By folding his arms, my son realized that he was calming down, he absolutely hated it! Apparently, he must feel something different when he folds his arms and even to this day I threaten him with and he still hates it. It is kinda like saying "pull yourself together" and literally by folding the arms they are physically doing just that. This works wonders in the car and out in public when your options are limited... I hope this helps, God Bless!!

Pat - posted on 10/12/2009

My son is 7 he is ADHD and possible Bi-Polar so we have lots of fun in my house. I found that if we can stick to a routine it is very helpful as far as time-out that does not work I have tried taken toys and games away but he doesn't care, the best thing I have found that works with him is not letting him play outside or if he is good for a set amount of timehe gets a new(small) toy.

Rebecca - posted on 10/11/2009

There's a lot of great advice that has already been given to you. I agree with the time-out method. My second daughter was always acting up and nothing we tried would get through to her. We only realized she had ADHD after she went to preschool and the teachers pointed it out to us, then we started researching ADHD nad sure enough, she is 100% ADHD. Anyway, we finally tried the time-out method where she is set in a time-out for the amount of time in minutes equal to her age (i.e. 7 yrs old = 7 minutes). She is in a spot where we can keep an eye on her, but where she is semi-secluded, and as previously mentioned by another mom, her time-out doesn't begin until she is quiet. She is now 9 and almost completely without need of a time-out. Every now and then, when she is need of some discipline we will put her in a time-out, but it has become easier as time has progressed. Good luck and it should get easier for you too.

Amy - posted on 10/11/2009

It is hard to dicipline an ADHD child due to the fact they can't help themselves. It is improtant to stay calm and in control. Find somthing that the child can focus on to calm down. For example my son when he doesn't listen I send him to the table where he puts together a puzzle (my son is 6). There he refocuses and calms down. Then after six minutes I let him get up and we talk about what he did wrong. It works for me. Just find something for he relates to and use that to get through to him.

Leanne - posted on 10/11/2009

trust me..i know how you feel. Mine is 9 and has been on meds since he was 6. None of the meds seemed to work, so we took him off of all of them. He kind of goes through spells where he does really good for awhile. Right now, we are going through the not so good period, and it makes you want to scream sometimes! The biggest thing i have noticed with my son, is that you absolutely have to follow through with what you say.

Deborah - posted on 10/11/2009

We have tried several punishment techniques and reward techniques with our son and none have really worked. Time Outs sometimes works but not always. I read somewhere that ADHD kids tend to turn around and do the same thing again even after being punished. That is exactly how my son is. We are repeatly getting after him for something he just got punished for. It's been real frustrating because we can't seem to find the right thing for him to make a difference. If we take something away, he has forgotten about it after 20 minutes anyway so it doesn't make much of an impact.

Deborah - posted on 10/11/2009

Quoting Wendy:

It is very important that the people at school know how to handle an ADHD child. My child will be 18 next month and the years have been long and hard. In elementary, no one knew how to deal with her...and she was just labeled the bad child. In Junior High not much changed, but, in High School they totally left her behind (literally refusing to deal with her at all). It is a constant battle at the school. She has an outburst (as I call them), and they call home for me to pick her up. When I ask about her right to an education, they just tell me they can not handle her. I have grown to have a lot of patience and there are several consequences in place at home for her to follow, using them as a guide to keep her on track and focused. Unfortunately, at school "they have too many children to focus on one". Some schools would rather never see them again as to have to deal with them, and in my situation it got worse as she got older.

My sister also had a problem with her son when he was going through the ADHD stuff. I think he was first diagnosed in first grade and was off the meds by high school. His teachers would constantly send notes home with him and he would get sent to the office all the time. My sister had to go up to the school pretty regularly to deal with something. I didn't want the same to happen to my son after seeing what she went through with him. My son started Kindergarten this year and I told his teacher as soon as I met her on Meet the Teacher night. I told her that he has ADHD but is taking medication for it. She did tell me that she has dealt with all types and that he will be fine. I told her that I was worried about him being "labeled" or thought of as a bad kid. But she did not give me the impression that she would let anything like that happen to him.

Deborah - posted on 10/11/2009

Quoting Lori:

Hi i am just reading on your conquence thing that sounds like a wonderful ideal. I have been battling 2 years with getting a proper diagnosis done, i went to one specialist that diagnosised my son in 15 mins, and told me to put him on medications, do you know how to get proper testing and do you use meds?

My son was 3 when we first started seeing signs. It's so hard to diagnose at that age because you don't know if it's just them being a boy or if there really is a problem. I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't quite right. He was basically bouncing off the walls at home or anywhere we went. He was in preschool at the time and progressively got worse as far as sitting still and doing the task at hand. He would often get up and start doing his own thing away from the other kids. His teachers told me what was going on then I talked to the director of the preschool. They told me that I should talk to his pediatrician about it and have him evaluated at one of the local elementary schools that do it. I took him to the school and they found him to be fine. But he was usually fine one on one. I know in preschool, his teachers were always having to help him or hover over him to make sure he finished his activity. I, then, talked to his pediatrician and she suggested taking him to a psychologist that specialized in it. His psychologist could almost tell right off the bat that he was ADHD. We had to meet with her and my son had to have several sessions with her before she gave a diagnosis. We had to have his teachers fill out an evaluation and we had to fill out one. Our results were pretty much the same. After the psychologist diagnosed him, she contacted his pediatrician and started him on the meds. He's been doing much better. You can definitely tell when it wears off.   

Anita - posted on 10/11/2009

My Hunter has ADHD and he seems to never listen either but I find that having a consistant cool down place for him to stand in or sit in helps when he is being punished. I have a naughty chair that is red and make him put on a fire hat with a siren on it to indicate he is in trouble. When I put him there I make sure he makes eye contact with me and fully understands why he is there. Eye contact and a clam but firm tone is key when you are explaining why your child is in trouble. He is there for one minute for each year of his age and I do have to keep putting him back in it some times but he knows if he gets out his time starts over. Then when he comes out I get on eye level with him and ask him if he understands why he was in the naughty chair and why the behavior is not acceptable. I also have a magnetic chart of things to do for the day and for each responcibility he completes he gets a smilely face on the board then at the end of the week he is rewarded with some thing tangible for him like a quarter to put in his jar for every smile he earns and a fun one on one activity date with Mom or Dad or extra video game time it is his choice, for filling all his spaces at the end of the week. Giving them smaller tasks one at a time lots of praise for a job well done. Always remember routine is key and staying calm but firm and always go to your childs eye level. You will be surprized how well it works I was.

Wendy - posted on 10/10/2009

It is very important that the people at school know how to handle an ADHD child. My child will be 18 next month and the years have been long and hard. In elementary, no one knew how to deal with her...and she was just labeled the bad child. In Junior High not much changed, but, in High School they totally left her behind (literally refusing to deal with her at all). It is a constant battle at the school. She has an outburst (as I call them), and they call home for me to pick her up. When I ask about her right to an education, they just tell me they can not handle her. I have grown to have a lot of patience and there are several consequences in place at home for her to follow, using them as a guide to keep her on track and focused. Unfortunately, at school "they have too many children to focus on one". Some schools would rather never see them again as to have to deal with them, and in my situation it got worse as she got older.

Laura - posted on 10/10/2009

I have 3 of them, all under the age of 10! Constant repetition. The best way to get his/her attention is to remove a privelage or favorite item/toy. it's not because they don't necesarrily want to disobey, they just forget 2 seconds later. Hang in there.

Amanda - posted on 10/10/2009

Quoting Lori:

Hi i am just reading on your conquence thing that sounds like a wonderful ideal. I have been battling 2 years with getting a proper diagnosis done, i went to one specialist that diagnosised my son in 15 mins, and told me to put him on medications, do you know how to get proper testing and do you use meds?

 

you need to make sure you are seeing a proper pediatritician. My daughter had to go through assessments, and that did not even occur until after me and her teacher each filled out assessment surveys.

Even with the results my pediatrician and I take reviews every couple of months.

Only problem is most doctors are all inclined for medication so I suggest you do your research. Decide what you want, and most importantly what you think your child needs.

Lori - posted on 10/09/2009

Hi i am just reading on your conquence thing that sounds like a wonderful ideal. I have been battling 2 years with getting a proper diagnosis done, i went to one specialist that diagnosised my son in 15 mins, and told me to put him on medications, do you know how to get proper testing and do you use meds?

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2009

well my stepdaughter has ADD and when she was younger spent i would say about half her life in the corner:) not really but that was our version of the naughty step....now i do a reward system (ala suppernany) where i made her a cardboard flower pot (my stepson has a lily pad) and we have house rules...when they obey the rules she gets flowers to add to her flower pot (stepson has frogs) and when she misbehaves we take the same amount of flowers away. we used to make them write sentences (like old schoolroom chalkboard) "I will listen to my parents" 10x the first time she misbehaves and increasing 10x the more she does it. but out of all the techniques....she loves collecting the flowers the most so tries to find ways to earn them....even wanting to do chores just to get more! But i don't know if an ADHD boy would be the same, mine is not the hyperactive type, and girls with ADD are different from boys with it. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 10/09/2009

make sure there is consistent follow through, along with specific discipline for a situation. We do 5 to 15 minute time outs in our home for our ADD daughter. Although because there are four other kids, who in her eyes were being favored because they did not get in trouble as much as she, we added something else to our home.



It is a penalty jar, all the members of our home are on it along with things we all need to work on. Such as LYING 10 cents, NOT Worrying About Ourselves INSTEAD of the Others 10 cents, or something as small as NOT Being Cooperative 5 cents. We keep it between 5 and 10cents, and we even had a family meeting to figure out the things we believed each other needed to work on.

Most important in our home was not allowing our daughter to believe that ADD was an excuse to fall back on, we always enforce the idea of self awareness.

NO MATTER WHAT, try to keep positive.

Sandra - posted on 10/09/2009

I have a 6yr son and we struggle daily with power struggles and arguments, attitude. Our son is also a non listener and takes a minimum of 3 x or more to get what we need him to do. Each child is very different when it comes to ADHD but all I can say is be consistent and firm and a lot of praise when she/he deserves it, it kinda balances out by the end of an evening. We give time outs most of the time which means away from all distractions for 6 minutes then we talk about why he is choosing not to listen, then he has consequences because of his actions from no tv,no computer, toys anything he would normally want he's banned for not choosing not to listen for that day, even some days this is a reoccurring night after night but its what works for us. Is very frustrating indeed and very hard work.
If you'd like to chat more with me and share our stories send me a email or add me to your circle of moms. Keep your chin up :)

Jennifer - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Tammy:

I have two of those. My son is the worst. Most of the time they are extremely intelligent. Focus on what a friend of mine told me to do. Get them to practice sitting still for five minutes with a timer, then the next time move it up one minute. Show them that they can discipline themselves. Try to focus on positives. At school they will only focus on the negatives, and later on that is the attention that they will try to get. I did not start early enough with my son, since I work so many hours. He is going to stay with my brother who is home at night, to try to get Billie on a consistent schedule. They also have to be working for something. Post it somewhere, and remind them about the post.

I'm really sorry that the school in your area isn't using positive reinforcement.  We are very lucky that our daughters teacher understands ADHD and uses positive reinforcement in the classroom. She also knows about our charts at home and sends home notes daily. Is there anyone at your school you can talk to? It's very important that they have support both in and out of school.

Rachel - posted on 10/09/2009

I put my son at the end of the hallway. There is no distractions there for him and he can scream and kick all he wants till he calms down and then he is really sorry that he behaved badlly.

Erica - posted on 10/09/2009

thanks everyone,I got alot of good ideas!!!

Tammy - posted on 10/09/2009

I have two of those. My son is the worst. Most of the time they are extremely intelligent. Focus on what a friend of mine told me to do. Get them to practice sitting still for five minutes with a timer, then the next time move it up one minute. Show them that they can discipline themselves. Try to focus on positives. At school they will only focus on the negatives, and later on that is the attention that they will try to get. I did not start early enough with my son, since I work so many hours. He is going to stay with my brother who is home at night, to try to get Billie on a consistent schedule. They also have to be working for something. Post it somewhere, and remind them about the post.

April - posted on 10/09/2009

This is a very good question! My daughter responds well to getting put in the corner, she has time to think and calm down and comes back with a better attitude.

Leesa - posted on 10/09/2009

when my 8yr old boy stops listening I stop talking and he watch's to see what i'll do next.I then take away all the things he loves toys tv games ect,ect...that gets his attention realy fast.sometimes he will flip out so I keep doing what im doing and tell him when he is done with his tantrem and is ready to use his ears we will talk.never loose your cool no matter how upset the boy makes you. that is how he wins

Tonja - posted on 10/08/2009

Just a note here. I found a dry erase chore chart. It came with magnetic stars in diff colors for up to 4 children. It also has 3 spots for you to write in rewards for 3 levels/amounts of stars received in a week. Anyway, the point is...my 8yr old is ADHD and my 10 yr old is ADD. We have been doing the chart for 2 weeks and it's working fantastic. I have started with some basic items, make bed and brush teeth, pick up room, and some other chores like load dishwasher. My point is...they have the option on how many stars they earn. So far I am just doing 2 levels of rewards to see how they progress. My ADHD daughter is eating it up. She makes her bed daily now (I never expected that but bonus for me) because it's an easy way to earn 7 stars in a week. Last week the first level of stars earned a treat, second level earned renting a movie and both kids reached the second level. So this week I uped the amount of stars needed. In the last two weeks I have also noticed a change in behavior as well. I made a list of different things that I can do as rewards because some weeks I just don't have extra cash to do things. So some of the rewards I plan to use are doing a craft together and going for a bike ride together. What I was told was to change up the rewards to keep them interested. So far so good here...you may want to try it.

Amber - posted on 10/08/2009

Our son is almost 7 and we take him to counseling, which is more of a family session. We implemented CONSEQUENCES and it has worked wonders! When he is out of line (he is prone to outbursts) he has to do x amount of jumping jacks. The key is consistency and the consequence has to be something unpleasant to him. An "allowance of behavior" system has also worked well (we just started doing this). When he goes an entire day at home, school, etc. with expressing his emotions calmly and appropriately and completes his daily duties (keeping room clean, showering, brushing teeth, playing nice with baby brother) he earns $1.00. When he reaches $5.00 in a row in a given week we match it (we haven't made it to 5 in a row yet but we are getting there!). Hope this is helpful.

Paula - posted on 10/08/2009

With mine, if he starts acting up or having a meltdown, I tell him its time out time and he goes to his playroom and plays quietly. It distracts him from what he was upset about and he knows that he can come back out when he's not upset anymore. It works for him. Just remove them from whatever is making them upset helps a lot.

Susan - posted on 10/08/2009

Kids with ADHD like alot of attention, they usually are also very creative, coloring, painting, playdoh, finger paints, it will keep them busy for a while and out of you hair. I have found the the best punishment for them is either take away a favorite toy, or a timeout weather it be in there room or in a corner, just remember they don't have a long attention span, so only give them a time that they can handle. Sometimes 2 minutes is long enough for them, the so called experts say there time out should go by there age..5min for a 5 year old etc...but do whatever works for you and the child. Hope this helps :-)

Gretchen - posted on 10/08/2009

thank you for the encouragement. whenever i hear of other mothers struggling with the adhd children my heart really just goes out to them. my son is only 6 and like i said we have been through the mental units, hospitals and been kicked out of schools and day cares...i just want to try to help! thank you very much!

Katy - posted on 10/08/2009

What we did for our son who is ADHD/ODD, and our daughter too - just to make things fair - is we came up with a strike/reward system. Every time the kids do something bad, like lying, being disrespectful, fighting, or breaking any other house rule, they get a strike on the board. Once you get 3 strikes, you're out! Which means you have to take your shower/bath & stay in your room, on your bed with only books, until dinner time. As soon as dinner's over (no dessert) you go immediately to bed. If it's after dinner, you go to bed pronto & lose a priviledge the next day (no tv, etc.). Now, to counter the strike system, we have a reward system. For every day that you don't get 3 strikes, you earn reward points. Say you only get one strike on Monday, at the end of the day you've earned 2 reward points. Once you've earned 10 reward points you have a special priviledge point. The kids are allowed to choose something that they'd like to do like stay up an extra half hour (not on school nights), have extra tv time, video game time, go to 7-11 for a slurpee, that sort of thing.
This system has worked wonders for our family! I rarely have to yell to get point across, I just say "Well, that's a strike.". Sometimes I have them put their own strike on the board so they can visualize their mistake as well.

Erica - posted on 10/08/2009

I was wondering about charts,so Im gonna give it a go!! Thanks

Jennifer - posted on 10/08/2009

My mom is a special need teacher and she has really helped with our ADHD daughter. Gretchen hit it on the head. You need to use time outs and the stairs are a perfect place!! If you don't have steps it needs to be somenwhere where there is no stimulation available, no TV, no coloring, nothing. I also can not stress hard enough positive reinforcement. If your son is consistently not doing something you want him to do you need to get charts up and start rewarding when he does them. It works wonders!!!

Jan - posted on 10/08/2009

Hi Erica, we sit our Grandson on the naughty step, it has worked for us. He still plays up & sometimes we know he has done something wrong when he just goes & sits on it sulking!! Explain to him what he has done wrong then forget about it, or it'll antagonise him. Once he has done his time out, take him away from the situation that he was told off for & keep him occupied with something positive. Good luck. x

Erica - posted on 10/08/2009

I will deff give it a try,thankyou. Im really getting frustrated,somethings gotta give.

Gretchen - posted on 10/08/2009

i went to an ADHD parenting class for 9 weeks and they suggested a time out method that really worked. my son has been in and out of hospitals and mental units and this time out really helped. they have to be in a room where they can see you but cant make eye contact with you. they need to be isolated. their time out time does not start until they can be quite. its pretty rough the first few times you do it. the first time i used this we sat in time out for almost 2 hours before my son realized he still had to do his original 20 minutes. the second time we only were in time out an extra 45 minutes. and now (a year later) i dont even need time outs!