Husband with ADHD?

Tina - posted on 08/24/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Just wondering if there are any ladies out there that have husbands who have ADHD? How do you find it to effect your marriage and home life? How do you work with it, what do you find works?
Just looking to connect with others who have this added challenge on top of working to make a great marriage!

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My husband and youngest son both have ADHD. My husband tried meds for awhile, but they weren't very helpful. He just learned to cope with his condition and make it work for him. Marriage counseling has been the best for our marriage. I think his depression has been a much bigger factor for us than his ADD ever was. We're doing good now. Hang in there, it's worth working for!!

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My husband's ADHD comes out in the not being able to concentrate on "boring" things and total lack of planning. He makes friends easily, but can be a disappointment to others because of the lack of follow through...

Tina - posted on 08/31/2010

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Thank you for all your responses!
I am more than willing to learn about it, but my hubby feels that I am trying to "fix" him. I dont want to fix him but I do want to understand so as to work together to make the best life for our family as possible! The big challenge right now is getting him to see that there are things he can do to help himself instead of just shrugging things off in a "I have ADHD" and it cant be helped kinda way.

Another thing I find really difficult is that most of the population does not understand what ADHD is and how it affects individuals, their families and friends. I suspect that our second son has it too and to watch people look at him, then at me/ us, as if to say "your a crappy parent" Kills me... and I just want to hide away!! Or to watch people see my hubby coming, turn and act like they didnt see him or hear him.... Its heart breaking! He is a wonderful, faithful man with such a huge heart... if only they would give him a chance.... ya he is different, he is loud and talks a lot with out noticing that the person on the other end is Not interested in the least, But he is worth putting time into!! Do any of you find that? Do others have a hard time around your man? How do you find it for having friends? We have very few.

I too am glad there is resources! Is their gov. programs too?

Thanks for taking the time to read... all I know ladies is that though it may be difficult at time... we have men that are very talented and smart and have so much to offer if we are just willing to stick by them, and accept them for who they are!!
Blessings on all your marriages!!! Take care!!
Tina

Mary - posted on 08/30/2010

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My mother in law and I are very close. I believe I am closer to her then to my own mother. When my sons started to act out and the school started to evalulate them she went with me to all of the counciling and met with everyone with me. All she kept saying over and over again was my boys too. Meaning my husband and his two younger brothers were the same way. She just wishes they had the same services available to her 35 years ago when my husband was young. Maybe he would have done better in school. Both of my teenage boys have adhd and aspbergers. My mother in law has been right there beside me helping with all of their treatments. My oldest son graduated with honors last spring. My middle son is in the top 15% of his class. Keep up this faith.

[deleted account]

You are already ahead if your husband admits it. I believe mine has it like my son, but he is balking at finding out for sure...

Phyllis - posted on 08/30/2010

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My husband and my oldest son both have ADHD, and I suspect my youngest son is ADD. It really is like having a 3rd child sometimes. The tough part is that my husband was never medicated and refuses to look into it, and he thinks that my son should not be on it either. We are often in major disagreement over it. I have to use a lot of the same strategies with hubby as I do with the kids, but I refuse to let him use it as an excuse for not getting important things done. It's been 9 years and we are making progress...lol

Peggy - posted on 08/29/2010

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My son was diagnosed with ADHD last year and found it was genetics that caused it. So it made me realize that my husband also had it too but was never treated for it. We had many problems in our marriage and now that I'm understanding ADHD more, it all makes sense now. A good website to help was www.adhdmarriage.com and a book called Married to Distraction.

Jennifer - posted on 08/29/2010

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My husband is very much ADHD. As it's a genetic condition, odds are good that one of the parents in any ADHD household is the culprit who passed it on. The main thing I've noticed is that it's not just my child who has to be constantly reminded of things that he needs to get done. I also have to bite my tongue every time my husband gets frustrated with behaviors my son exhibits (my son is the apple from my husband's tree). All that being said, it can be like having a hidden weapon on your side in the battle to understand what is happening in the ADHD mind. My husband is often able to understand/reach our teenage son when I can't. It can be a challenge, but the key for those of who are married to ADHD spouse is to exercise all the same patience and understanding (and desire to learn) that we do with our children. My husband and I will celebrate 19 years this October. I hope we have at least another 19 more.

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