i feel like i am losing the battle

Selina - posted on 03/16/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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hi im selina and i am new so bare with me. am a mom of 4 girls and my sweet sarah who is 7 has adhd. she has been on concerta for 3 years now and is doing ok.....i guess. she still has anger issues sometimes and meltdowns at night right when we all sit down for dinner. never fails its like clockwork. she is on the extended release now and it seems to be working better. i am worried about one thing, she wets the bed every night! is this normal for adhd? tonight was horrible!!!it took her 6 hours off and on to do her homework. she would get up and look at me and laugh. her father and i are divorced and she dont see him very much. he is always "busy" could this be part of the problem? we have alot of good days but after a day like today i get so discouraged. she is doing great in school shes in gifted. am i picking "the wrong battles" here or could it be something else?

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Michelle - posted on 04/01/2010

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Hi Selina
My son is now 9 and has been on Adderall xr and risperadal for his ADHD and ODD. First of all the bedwetting is normal in these children as when they do finally shut down to go to sleep they really shut down so don't feel it fast enough to get up and go to the washroom my suggestion is by some goodnights for her let her wear them at night and this way she can be dry in the morning and not feel embarassed my son didn't stop wetting the bed completely til last year. My friends son who also has ADHD was put on a medication that helped him to stop bedwetting so that is an option as well. I am also divorced from my sons father and we went through the exact same issues when we moved in with his step dad.....He was afraid that if he liked his step dad or called him dad or let him in he would hurt his dads feelings. I finally sat him down and explained to him that mommy and daddy don't get along and each have a new partner so now he has even more people to love. Once he realized it was ok to love his step dad things changed. You may have to sit her bio dad down and discuss with him what is going on as he maybe sending out signals that he does not mean to which are causing her to be confused

Chantal - posted on 03/31/2010

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I to have a son with Adhd along with Odd and some sensory problems. He has always been defiant and his aggressiveness had recently been so bad . I have him now after concerta(Tics and cough) and straterra didn't work) a med called Intuniv. It helps with the aggression along with Adhd. He is doing better. I also put him in a day treatment program for behavioral issues. It is so helping and I have support. My husband left me with 4 kids over a year ago..some of the things your daughter could be experiencing is depression..that can bring out aggression and meltdowns. as far as if her father is telling her things..kids are loyal to their biological parent. she may feel this and that's why she told your fiancee she couldn't love him. step parents never take the place of bio parents..but I agree with Donna about someone to talk with. As far as wetting the bed my son still does. also his dad wet the bed until age 12yrs. It could be their bladder isn't fully grown. its perfectly normal that some kids wet the bed. I have a friend whose son wet the bed till 11yrs old. if your doctor suspects a problem then see about it but I don't like the testing they do for it and if its that needed.The laughing can be a cover up for embarrassment or for something they have a hard time dealing with. Anyways I hope the best for you and congrats on your upcoming marriage...

Donna - posted on 03/31/2010

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Selina- its sounds like you are doing all you can. I was also a child of divorce, and its painfula nd I had to make my own peace with it after all the bickering and fighting were a thing of the past. It does sound like her dad is saying things to her, but also I went thru that with my mom, feeling like my mom was forcing me to love all her new husbands (yes all:)). Perhaps you can have a talk about it with her, telling her u don't expect your new hubby to replace dad, just think of him as a good friend that loves her. That might take the worry off her mind that you expect her to treat and love the new hubby like dad instead of her biological dad. Good luck to you, I hate having to watch my little one struggle and be depressed and see our relationship suffer a lot of the time because our family is stressed out and he can't get all the attention he deserves. My little one has to deal with a dad working across the country for months at at time, and a 'normal' little brother that gives him jealousy because he compares himself to him. I am sure it will get better, just keep talking with her.

Good luck:)

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Selina - posted on 04/10/2013

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hey guys. sorry I haven't posted on here in so long. its truly been crazy the past three years. I found out that you all were right. her dad was telling her things. and got that resolved and things were better for about a year then found out that the "wonderful fiancé" was saying mean things to her. needless to say he was gone quickly. I met someone last year and he is awesome. sarah adores him. we were married and soon after her dad started up again...he is not in the picture very much anylonger so things are better. sarah stopped wetting the bed and is on the honor roll ....we still have homework issues sometimes but I cant complain. she started band this year and is playing the trumpet. her dr took her off the concerta and shes taking vyvance now. still doing my research on it. still have outburst at her siblings but not as bad.

Selina - posted on 03/31/2010

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hey donna thank you so much for your reply. i am so glad its not just me. after a while you cant help but think " what am i doing wrong" she does have grand parents but they live away from us. i am engaged to a wonderful man and sarah talks to him alot. he has helped her so much. but lately i have noticed that if she sees her dad she comes home and acts differently to louis. and has told him " i really like you, but i cant love you" so i am wondering if her dad is telling her something and it is getting her upset and confused. as for the bed wetting she didnt do it when she first potty trained but it started long before my divorce. she was potty trained at the age of 2 and started wetting the bed around the age of 3. we are waiting for another month and her dr. is going to check for bladder problems. i feel for you with the meltdowns and like you i dont get to see the benefits of the medicine. we talk alot and go for alot of walks. all i can do right now is that and listen and give lots of hugs

Donna - posted on 03/22/2010

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Hi Selina, I also have a son 8yrs old with that same pattern of meltdowns towards dinner. He is on Aderral XR, and since he is at school I never get to see the benefit of it, so at night and the morning we have all the usual issues.
HIs behavior and meltdowns were worse when his dad worked long distance for months at a time, and he had a bad situation at school. The bed wetting, if its a return to bed wetting, perhaps the emotional upset in her life right now is worse than usual? The doctor that prescribed the meds may be able to tell u if that is a side effect. Do you have any grandparents she can relate to? I have noticed with my son, that he disrespects me and has more attention problems when his dad is gone- and often he blames me for his bad situations. She might be needing someone to talk to about what she is feeling, you grandparents may be helpful.
Keep up your spirits, You seem like a very good concerned parent.

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