i fell like a let down

Debbie - posted on 04/14/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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us as a family are going throught hell at the min my son toby is 12 hes got adhd hes been expelled from 3 schools and is now at home hes so agressive and distructive but because hes so big hes 5ft 11 size 10 foot at 12 and when hes at school he refuses to do anything totaly trashes his work and disrups the whole class room so they refuse to have him in school at home hes driving me mad

ive just got him into a pru its a unit for kids with behaovior problems (only problem its only for 6 to 8 week )but hes refusing to go there and keeps spitting his tables out with out me knowing now somdays he rufuses to take his tablets and its just so hard i feel like im just banging my head against the wall all the time he never ever listens he hurts his sisters all the time ive got doors hanging off because of him punching stuff but because im trying to sort him all the time my girls are missing out and it makes me feel so bad because my daughter morgan whos 6 is showing all the signs of adhd too shes far worse than toby was but shes soo soo good at school but ive eventualy persauded them to test her because shes so bad at home but to be honsest i dont know if shes doing it cos she knows toby gets so much attention when hes carring on i dont know if im coming or going as tobys been out of school now for 3 month at home because they dont know what to do with him i had to turn all the job offers down so now i feel like im stuck in the bottom of a hole an see no way out i need some advice please i feel like im cracking up is that normal !!

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Debbie - posted on 04/20/2009

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thanks hun it is soooo hard somtimes i do feel like im smashing my head on a wall well most of the time i feel like that but ur right im his mum i would never ever give up on him if i did who else would be there for him !! no-one im just struggling trying to find a school that will take him now and to be honest no one wants to know when they hear about his behavior yes they uped his meds and personaly i think they need renewing ive just made an appointment to see his doctor thanks again hun its nice to know im not going nuts lol xxx

Cherie - posted on 04/15/2009

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Good for You Debbie!  Don't give up on him!  A different doctor might be a good idea.  Have they been increasing his medications, since he is going through this growing spurt!  Mario is on concerta and he is taking Zoloft, an anti deprerssant.  Apparently people with ADHD typically suffer from depression also.  Not to mention he is also going through hormonal changes and preteen issues!  I am a single mom, and I totally understand the "no husband" support.  I would not trade my church family for ANYTHING!  Through them they help point me to the ONE who can change all things to good.  They encourage me, support me, and pray for us.  Pray....pray....pray that God would change your son from the inside out, and that you would recieve wisdom to how to handle different situations, and that you would find support from others!  This is my prayer for you!  I believe in a God that can take any situation that seems dead and hopeless, and raise it from the dead.  Your son is a special gift, he has a destiny and a purpose, and I praise you for not giving up on him.  As hard as it is, and as many times as you feel like you can't do any more..... never give up the hope that God can help you and your family through this.  Feel free to contact me anytime.  I feel connected to you, because I have been there and at times still find myself there.  It is hard to feel like a failure, and for others to view the child that you love, as BAD!  Surrender your son to God, pray for him every chance you get, continue in your boundary setting, and listen for God's direction!  Help is on the way!

Debbie - posted on 04/15/2009

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thanks cherie i feel like im fighting a losing batter with him ive tried everything charts n rewards n grounding him taking stuff off him losing privlidges and he dont care what we do. he jumped out of his bedroom window to get out he is on meds but they dont help at all and to be honest ive no help at all his dad tried but hes very soft its down to me to sort kids out and ive no real friends because i dont have enought time in the day to spend time with them so its realy just me even his docs n nurses dont help at all im even thinking of asking to see a different doctor she only sees him twice a year and thats no good we just get repeat prescriptions for him they dont seem intrested im him at all but even school just think hes bad and they give up on him but i refuse to hes my son and i will keep fighting thanks again hun xxx

Cherie - posted on 04/14/2009

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Quoting debbie:

i fell like a let down

Hey Debbie.  Hold in there.  I also have a 12 year old bot that is bigger than me, and has had extreme problems with his behaviors.  He has caused alot of turmoil in the family, and takes much time away from all my other children.  Only by prayer, surrendering to God, and support of good friends have I been able to make it through.  I have cried out to God so many times that "I can't do this anymore.  God you have got to take care of this, and change my 12 year old from the inside out."  I always have been good at inforcing consequences to behaviors immediately, and sticking to them: but with my 12 year old, he pushes and pushes the limits constantly.  I have had many tears and upset stomachs knowing that once again i was going to have to enforce a conswqunce that I knew he was going to fight against.  He has threatened to run away. live on the streets, kill himself, live in foster care, says he hates me, and the biggest was threatened to kill me.  But I keep trusting God that as long as I keep setting the boundaries, and STICKING to them, that my 12 year old will finally see that he can not bully, manipulate, or intimidate others to get what he wants anymore.  It is extremely hard to do, BUT I have seen a big difference since I have learned to shut my mouth...don't explain or try to reason with him....just set the boundary....enforce it immediately (without alot of talking), and pray to God when the hurtful verbalizations are thrown my way.  I am now getting hugs, respect, and some peace back into my house.  I have enforced a consequence for every inappropriate action, and it is posted in the house.  (House rules).  I also have done a 3 strike rule for my 12 year old.  If I tell him to do something, and he does not do it immediately, argues with me, or is disrespectful, he gets a strike.  If he gets 3 strikes in a day.....he is OUT!  For my 12 year old this means he doesn't get to go anywhere, call his friends, or have ANY special privaledges the next day.  I have consequences for many behaviors like:  any overall grade that is a D or below in a class at school (no video or computer games), slaming doors (time out per age, and an extra 7 minutes for every door slammed while in time out), detention at school (grounded to his room.. has to also eat in his room/ we call it jail.  He is only allowed out to use the bathroom and do his chores).   You need to find what he enjoys to do, and what he hates.  Use these things as consequnces to take away or inforce as punishment.  Good luck!  It is so hard to do, and I feel your pain and frustration.  I will pray for you, and that God will give you the wisdom to know what to do, and the strength to enforce.  I pray that God would touch your son and give him a passion to be responsible, mature, and respectful.  And I pray that God will surround you with other who can and will support, encourage and uplift you.



 



Cherie paulson



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