I'm so overwhelmed...I just want to spend every moment crying I'm SO frusterated. Anyone else?

Dawn - posted on 07/09/2012

I totally understand! I have two kids with ADHD and they are driving me crazy this summer!! It's even more fun when the neighborhood kids come over daily: one with ADHD and one with anger issues. Trying to mediate their play should earn me the Nobel Peace Prize some days, lol.

Here's a helpful suggestion, if the teacher will allow it. My son's kindergarten teacher, someone fresh out of school and full of new ideas, brought in yoga balls and clip boards for the kids. The active ones (like your daughter and my son) seemed to LOVE them. The kids sit or lay on the balls while doing their schoolwork on the clipboard; it gives their body something to do while their brain has to be focused on something "boring." The teacher saw so much good come out of this that she convinced the principal to let her try the 1st grade class next year with all beanbags and yoga balls instead of desks. Since I already know my son will be in her class next year, I am seriously thinking of buying him his own ball to use in class. I have also read about this in books.

Amy - posted on 06/24/2012

My ds had nasty side effects from his stimulant too. Definitely not worth the one benefit...focus. He lost weight, started having tics, had a terrible temper, and cried a lot. I hated to see him that way.



I did keep him on his Intuniv. He takes 2mgs in the am. It helps to keep him calmer, but not with his focus or impulsivity. Oh well, like I tell my sweet little adhd boy...nobody's perfect!! LOL



As far as punishment goes...I think you just need to figure out what works for your child. Every kid is different. Time outs work like a charm for mine. I take his age and double it. That's the time he has to sit in his chair. If he talks or gets out of his chair, it automatically adds another 2 mins. He hates it! and it works great :)



One day at a time.

Amy

Carolyn Hannam - posted on 06/24/2012

I know how you feel everyone is a doctor!I get the same with my family He is so smart other people are screwing him up!I think he need some disipline and a good spanking!I dont think he has adhd Do they not know if it was that simple why would I go through so much everyday.My guy is 8 and very smart and very righteous lol.He suffers from low self esteem and just wants to be normal medication stimulants are causing negative effects for him so i am not sure the next step.He says the adhd makes his head hurt.I think its important to let what other people say fly over your head i try and enjoy every moment and when people roll their eyes or ask me stupisd questions i now say he is a great boy he is just having a tough moment I say to him alot that i can see that was difficult for you i dont understand can you tell me about that?Or i tell him i can see a situation is difficult for him and ask him what would make it easier ?Itry to listen more and talk less and never apologise for his behaviour.He has great remorse after he is out of control so i try and help- him It is easy to say somedays great and some days i get tired Hope i helped a little

Kristin - posted on 06/21/2012

No you are not alone. My son was diganosed with ADHD, speech problems, asthma and behavior problem at age 3. I refused to medicate him and still dont, I carefully monitor his diet and he is allowed slim to no sugar at all, no red foods as red foods have high natural sugars (this includes strawberries). I also put my son into behavior classes, recommended by his speech therapist. The program we used and still use is called CHADS and boy did I learn a lot. Getting frustrated with yourt child, yelling, screaming, crying makes them WORSE. What I do with my son is 1 2 3 logic. He gets 3 chances if I hit 3 he is in his room no questions asked and he will stay in there until he calms down and apologizes, then I tell him bad behavior has bad consequences and I will take something away (trip to the park, a treat etc). I dont argue back with him, I take a deep breath to calm myself and stand my ground. When he is good he gets good consequences. I was extremely fortunate that his kindergarten teracher was very helpful and she gave him good consequences/ bad consequences at school as well ( ie if he was bad and didnt listen he wasnt allowed out for recess) We also have to give my son a lot of structure, consistency and discipline. One slip and its back to square one lol Also with my son he is kind of a follower so the teachers would sit him by quiet less disruptive children and other strong positive leads to help him with his ADHD. I am not saying it will be easy it takes time and consitency on your part, but it will get better and there is a lot of support from communities to help parents deal with difficult children. Oh and iof my son goes on time out in his room i completely ignore him and let him scream, rant, rave whatever he needs to do until he calms down, once he is calm if he made a mess he cleans it. But I always have a quiet discussion with him once he is calm and tell him that I love him but I dont like his bad behavior and I always always follow with a hug. Good luck

Val - posted on 06/14/2012

Don't feel alone. I finally had to get an anti-depressant. I just could not stop crying. It was problems with my daughters school (complaining about her behavior), problems at scouts, people saying I need to give my daughter a spanking, problems at church she is too fidgety. All the while she is making really good grades, and getting with held from field trips and sent to In school suspension. Then my daughter hits herself and says she is going to "kill herself" , of course she is only 7 so we take her to a child psychologist and find it is her medications and that we need to take her to a new doctor. After anti-depresants I look at it as a low point. Right now things are getting better, but 3 years after her initial diagnosis I can only remember a few good months here and there since she started school. But you got to keep the faith. Hang in there Nicole.

Sarita - posted on 06/14/2012

I, too, know what you are going through. I have an 8 year old who was diagnosed when he was 4 but I knew something was up ever since he was 1. He used to throw fits for hours on end and bouncing all over the place. As he has gotten older it just gets worse. The talking back, fits, whining, not to mention the constant talking and inability to sit still even at the dinner table. When he was 2 we got him into an early intervention thing but it didn't really help. At 3 I took him to a psychiatrist and was told his behavior was all my fault. Finally we got him diagnosed after he started preschool and they put him on meds. And OMG the meds have been a rollar coaster too. I think in the last 4 years he has been on over 10 medications ranging from stimulants which made him psychotic to non stimulants that didn't help to antidepressants that made cry to mood stabilizers that caused his moods to become so erratic to blood pressure medicine that caused him to pass out after 15 minutes. So far nothing has worked and has been more of a headache sometime than his normal behavior.
My family's reactions vary from understanding to comments like "He just needs his rear beaten" to just ignoring me completely. All the family I have near me have told me on SEVERAL occasions that they won't take him even for a couple hours to give me a break. My husband tries to help but he works (I'm a stay at home mom) and his patience level is less than mine so I feel not only do I have to deal with my son I have to play referee.
We have started summer vacation so now I don't even get the break of sending him to school which has taken it's toll on me. Yesterday I finally had had enough after my 4 year old who has some problems ( no adhd but some other problems that haven't been diagnosed) pooped in her room and my ADHD kid decided to smear it all over their carpet with one of their toys. As soon as my husband got home from work I just left. Didn't say anything but by and walked out the door.

It gets depressing. You want to be a good mom but they keep acting up and you keep yelling. Then you feel bad for always yelling but when you try to stop they just do something else. Then it all builds up and you just don't want them around most of the time. By the time you get to that point you feel like a HORRIBLE mom for even thinking that and that makes you depressed. And when you are depressed it is even harder to deal with the kid and your temper has a tendency to get the best of you and you start snapping over even the little things. The best advice I have is to make sure you make some "me" time. I know for some of us that is almost impossible. Yesterday was the first "me" time I have had in over a year besides going grocery shopping at 2 in the morning and that isn't very relaxing.
I hope half of what I wrote made sense. I know I got to rambling.
If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to hit me up too. my email is baled.smith@gmail.com :)

Val - posted on 05/08/2012

I so understand what you are going through. My daughter was diagnosed at 5 with ADHD. She was put on a stimulant medication. Now she is 7 years old and she has ADHD, anxiety, OCD. After totally freaking out in school and saying she wanted to "kill herself," A child psychologist believes she has Aspergers syndrome in additional to ADHD. She has hit herself hard trying to hurt herself. She has scratched her arms until they were bruised and bleeding. After her meds wear off she is all over the place. She has a lot of tantrums (and in the most embarrasing places). She has cryed at school almost weekly, and this week refused to go to PE, and spent the hour crying in the principals office.

It appears that her meds are letting you both down, because she should not be getting unorganized and having the issues in class. She may need a non-stimulant. Just talk to her doctor. So you can have an easier time managing her behavior both at home and at school.

You need to take a break. Drop her off at one of those gymnastic "mothers night out" thing a majiggys and relax (they all have them). Take a walk (alone). Because I can tell you this year I cried so much my doctor gave me an anti-depressant. Things are still not good because now I have to get ready for a lengthy evaluation for autism at school and one with her doctor. You can't go through this stuff alone either or you will just go crazy.

Val
robixqueen@yahoo (if you ever just want to talk about your day.

Amy - posted on 05/08/2012

Great advice Jennifer!

You are so right. It is hard not to expect the bad behavior when that's what you get MOST of the time. I really do need to try hard to not worry so much about all the notes and phone calls from school. It consumes my days, and then ruins them. Then, when it's time to pick up my son from school I am already stressed out and thinking about the note that is inevitably going to be waiting for me in his book bag. I'm sure it is miserable for him too, poor little guy. I'm sure he feels like he can't do anything right.



I need to focus on the positive! Maybe a white board for chores would be a good thing for us too. He really needs more praise and less punishment.



Thanks for the wake-up call. I needed it...

Amy

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2012

One last thing, your family is never going to get it!! As much as they say they understand they really have no clue. I had to grow a backbone and tell my family to mind their business unless they were going to come into my home and help me on a daily basis. Advice is a good thing but unconstructive criticism is not!! Also, I think you might need to relax a bit, it seems like your so stressed out and worried about what she may or may not do that your expecting it and that may contribute to her moods. Kids play off our attitudes!! I would say before she goes to school, tell her to have a good day and try her best! Start having her do a chore a week, if she does not already, and reward her for doing them. We have a white board with goals on them and when they get those goals, they get a star, after so many stars they get a treat, after 2 weeks if they have a majority of stars we do something kind of big, like dinner, a movie, or a fun night. Again this really has helped my family, because I was where you were where, I dreaded every interaction even though I tried to hard to be involved!!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2012

I understand where you are coming from because I used to be in your shoes, I have a 10 year old son who is Autistic, ADHD, Epileptic and has other health issues that stem from him being born with a cleft lip and palate. I have a 7 year old son with ADHD and was kicked out of kindergarten because he could not control the filter on his mouth, then I have a 4 year old son who is really the easiest. All the while I am a stay at home mom with a husband who has a very demanding job and works around 60 to 80 hours a week on average. It is overwhelming, it is stressful because on top of the kids, schools, doctors, husband, bills, you have to try to remember to brush your teeth. My best advice is A. therapy, whether it is counseling through church, or a support group, you need a place to vent because your daughter is no the person you want to vent on and that is what we do by yelling. B. Set timers for tedious tasks like homework, getting ready for school, chores etc. My 7 year old son used take an hour and a half to get ready for school because he is so easily distracted and slow with getting himself together. I started setting timers for everything from eating, to getting dressed to brushing his teeth, I made a game out of it kinda like beat the clock. He loves it and now is ready in 45 minutes!! C. As hard as it is and I know it was hard for me, you have to change your way of thinking from OMG what is she going to do now, to how can I turn the negative into a positive. It is an insane thought but positive reinforcement goes a LONG way because kids crave the praise. It is like when a kid tries to help feed the dog and the majority of the dog food ends up on the floor, our first instinct is to freak out, but instead you should try a thank you, it was very big of you to help, can you help me clean this off the floor now. I know it is hard, my 7 year old son had me in tears daily because I know how smart he is, he was testing 3 grade levels above his age, but he would not do his work, he would talk in class, I was getting the emails, the letters, going to the meetings etc. So I took him to a child psychologist who not only gave him tools to work for, she gave me tools to use and helped us with getting into a family therapist that counsels us all in our daily lives. It will get better, and nobody is perfect!! I still get frustrated and find myself getting ready to scream, I will catch myself and rethink! It has really helped my family and there is so much more peace! I hope any of this info will help you and good luck!!

Melissa - posted on 05/06/2012

I thought I was the Only one!!!!! I feel so guilty for wanting a break from my 9 year old son. We fight from morning to night! The only time we don't argue is when I'm too exhausted to make him ick up after himself or brush his teeth or TIE HIS SHOES!!!!!! I felt like a failure for telling my mom I just want a break!!

Kristy - posted on 05/06/2012

Oh, and yes I cry because it is the only way to get rid of the pent up frustration I have inside. Without a support system, how do you vent that frustration? All my friends kids are practically perfect! lol

Kristy - posted on 05/06/2012

Do I ever know how you feel!!! It is good to know that I am not the only one too. My daughter has not yet been officially diagnosed, but that is only because when I try to get help I get looked at like I am the crazy one, or I get shuffled around. I never thought it would be this hard to get a diagnoses, especially since it is so talked about anymore--so main stream. Not that it matters because I have been reading in these posts how ADHD medication makes their children rage, my daughter rages enough on her own. She doesn't have any reason to be rage out of control, but she does for whatever reason? I truly believe my daughter not only has ADHD, but ODD as well--sometimes I even think she may be bipolar.
Every day I deal with slammed doors, yelling, hitting, back talking, and then the next minute she is happy like nothing happened at all. The more I try to discipline her the worse it makes it too. I find if I react calmly to her, almost ignore the bad behavior, she calms down quicker; however, lately she is getting worse with her out bursts so maybe that is not working either.
I truly find myself mourning for the daughter I always dreamt of having. I want to spend time with her, but find myself spending that time trying to get her to listen or calm down. I am co-leader of her Girl Scout group and have been for the last 4 years, and I am constantly worried how she is going to act at meetings or go-sees. I think we have even had a few girls drop because of her. Every day she misbehaves at school; her teacher does not like her. She was a straight A student last year, and this year her grades have dropped. She currently has an F in conduct.
As far as my family understanding, they don't get it at all!!! My mom thinks she has seen the worse of my daughter, but my mom is not around enough to know the worst. My favorite saying of my mom's, "She doesn't act that way with me." Well lately my daughter has been acting more that way with my mom, so she has decided to not come around and spend as much time with my daughter. When my daughter is there now and acts up with my mom, she just threatens to send my daughter home to me, and she hasn't even seen the worst! This hurts my daughter greatly, because (although my mom hasn't earned it) she loves my mom to pieces. You would think my mom seeing more of how my daughter acts would bring some empathy for my situation, but it doesn't. This year we went up north to visit my grandparents, and they got to see a little bit how my daughter behaves--they decided not to have her around anymore. So I guess maybe my family does get it, but instead of trying to help they just abandon the situation. I guess I can't blame them really.
I too find myself dreading my daughter coming home from school, and am grateful after a morning of fits and yelling to drop her off at school. So, yes I get it!

I know all of this sounds so harsh. I love my daughter more than anything, but the daily battle is exhausting not only for my husband and I, but for my ten-year-old son as well. Now my husband works out of town three to four days a week, I have become a single parent those days and wow am I happy when he comes home.

Good luck to you and your daughter. I pray to find the one thing that will bring my daughter peace so we can have the mother/daughter relationship I so yearn to have with her, and I hope the same for you and your daughter as well.

Amy - posted on 05/05/2012

Wow. I do know exactly how you feel!

My ds was diagnosed with ADHD the month before he turned 6 (3 months after starting Kindergarten), but I knew he was different since he was around 3. I chose not to medicate him until he was almost 6 and a half. I just couldn't bring myself to do it before then, but I got to the end and I do mean the END of my rope with his behavior. He would not listen, he was VERY impulsive, would say rude & inappropriate things, talked constantly, was always touching other kids and could not stay in his seat for more than 2 minutes. He was SUPER hyperactive. It was aweful.



But I do have to say that his diet makes a difference. I try very hard not to give him processed foods or sugar. Only natural sugar, like fruits. Also, exercise. The more he gets, the better he behaves.



Was she showing any signs before she was 7? Supposedly they say that true ADHD is a diagnosis BEFORE the age of 7.



Amy