i need ideas from other moms!! advice, whatever it may be HELP ME on my adhd son!!

Kim - posted on 03/03/2012

Marni, i felt you were literally reading MY MIND!!! just to hear those words that you have just written were AWESOME! you have some wonderful ideas, and i have a hunch that some of the same things you have done with your daughter will work for my son also!

i am actually a at home mommy so i do have the time to do stradagies that you have listed above. i have actually just found a computer program for him called explode the code and it seems to really interest him, plus while he does it there is a teacher as well as me helping him! finding a tutor is def something i have been looking into. it is very hard to find someone who actually works with kids that have learning disabilites in my area (but im NOT giving up!) And we do have a dog!!!! And that idea doesnt sound crazy at all! i cant believe i never thought of that. Yes, his self esteem is low and i think a non judgemental animal is a perfect idea! i cant tell you how much i appreciate your thoughts and reassurance to me as a struggling parent! Again Thank you!!!!

Marni - posted on 03/03/2012

First off - you are not alone. I have been there with my daughter and I can totally relate to the feelings of frustration and helplessness. Hang in there, it does get better but it means a major time commitment on your part which I gather is really hard since you are going this alone.

Debi was in 3rd grade and reading on a kindergarten level and we were fighting with the school to get her services as well. Behavior issues were a constant problem because of teasing and intolerance of her inability to be still (this also meant that her self esteem was taking a major beating). It was at this point I wanted to rip out my hair and throw a major tantrum because I felt like I wasn't being heard. I didn't feel she was ready for fourth grade and they wouldn't hold her back. Sound familiar? She is exceptionally good in Math so they felt that her reading would eventually catch up. What bull!

Here is what we ended up doing - First she spent a summer working with a reading specialist - I had to pay for the specialist but it was worth every penny just to get Debi to learn strategies other than phonics to decode text. (Our kids NEED one on one attention) While she was working with the specialist 1 1/2 hours every day M-F, I also had to spend time with her every afternoon finding activities that were fun but involved a bit of reading for her - like "can you read the concession sign at the park and tell me what you think about what they have?" We also had Debi start reading 30 minutes before bed every night to our dog. Sounds crazy, I know, but animals are non-threatening and a child doesn't have to worry about letting an animal down if they stumble on words - it gives them a chance to work on fluency. If you don't own a pet, perhaps you have a friend that does, that might let your son read to it in the afternoons? Any type of animal that will sit still with him will do.

Ultimately you have to let go of all of the anger with the system, it isn't helping you or your son - I'm not saying to stop advocating for him because you should definitely keep the school accountable; but your best way to ensure your son's success is to invest more of the time you used to spend in meetings at the school one on one with your son. You know him best and you can make big celebrations for all of his milestones no matter how big or small. This will boost his confidence and let him know you are there for him in a way you can't measure. Remember - any book is good, even books heavy on pictures - start with books that only have one sentence on the page and help him to use the pictures as context clues. As he gets more comfortable, move up in small increments to books that include more and more text with less and less pictures. Remember this is a slow process, so be patient with him and very encouraging. If he doesn't know a word it is okay to tell him, gradually he will recognize it when he sees it and depend on you less.

Finally, we took a step that might not be an option for you - I don't know what type of job you have. I am a nurse and I chose to flex my hours so that I could homeschool Debi. I spent a great deal of time researching the options and chose a curriculum geared especially for kids with reading challenges; but mostly, I think the change of pace, removing all of the classroom distractions, and the pressure of peers and providing that one on one attention made all the difference in the world for our daughter. The first year she had a massive learning explosion and it was incredible to share that with her.

Debi is in sixth grade now -and she still struggles with reading but she is reading at grade level (i.e. The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe and other like stories), slowly and somewhat haltingly but she is capable and totally grasps the meaning which means that even though she is a slow reader she is learning. We still homeschool and I make sure she gets plenty of social opportunities with peers through sports and church.

Another thought - I bet writing is a major challenge as well - it is because his hands can't move as fast as his brain. Invest in a computer program to teach typing - this has made a HUGE difference in Debi's ability to communicate with the written word. You'll save your son much heartache if you enable him with this - and get your school on board with letting him use technology in the classroom.

Hope this is helpful and I wish you much success!