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Oldest child & I both have ADD...Help!?

Suzanne - posted on 02/19/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

16

15

My oldest son just turned 11 (and is taking Strattera). He was diagnosed with ADD (inattentive type only) a year ago after several years of very bad times at school. We went to counseling to figure out exactly what was going on and how to handle things. t didn't really help on how to handle things but did help us to understand ADD and what he is going through. Through the process of discovering his ADD, I realized that I have it also. I have many of the same problems my son does so I can truly relate to him.

Here's my problem and I'm wondering if others of you face the same challenges and how you deal with them...

My husband works evening shift so he isn't here to help with the kids. We have 3, ages 1, 8 & 3. I feel like I spend the entire night chasing my tail! My husband is at work so I don't have anyone to help me keep up with their needs. I have to constantly prompt my oldest to get his homework done. He really won't get it done unless I"m right beside him. He usually doesn't seem to need my help, just my presence. He has a very hard time with his handwriting also so that compounds the problem. If I can manage to sit with him and help with the writing things tend to at least get completed that night. But that leaves my other 2 ignored. He can't stand any level of noise what so ever and that just isn't possible. He's always fussing at someone about something.

My middle child needs my attention too and the 3 year old also. I seem to spend all night helping or I should say managing the oldest and the other 2 get left out. They are all demanding me at the same time all the time and meanwhile I"m trying to cook supper and manage the things I need to accomplish also. I seem to spend the entire night running from one child to the next with everyone out of control. There is no way I can go anywhere on a school night or no homework will get done at all. I have ADD too and have trouble staying focused too which only compounds the problem. We seem to get absolutely no down time in the evenings to just relax. The night is filled with trying to get homework complete (sometimes it is, sometimes not), eat supper, get baths and HOPE to get them to bed by 9.

My husband is no help either. I try to get him to help me figure out how to handle things but he blames me for mot being able t manage them and says "I'm not there, I"m at work, YOU figure it out" It makes me want to scream sometimes out of frustration! I can not seem to get any type or routine or schedule going at all. How do you all manage it all?

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2 Comments

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Charlotte - posted on 02/20/2009

14

0

Hi Suzanne, I am new here- but when I read your post I thought that it sounded very familiar. I have a 7,5 and 3 year old. The 5 year old has ADHD and my husband is constantly traveling for work- so I am also juggling the homework/dinner/bath/bedtime mania at our house alone most of the time.  I also work, so if I don't try to stay organized everything falls apart- including our moods.  Things have gotten a little calmer since I started cutting back on bath time. All 3 kids used to get daily baths. Now it is every other day or sometimes I even skip two days. Also I do a lot of crock pot cooking- which tends to take care of itself while I am helping with homework.  I try to give the 3 and 5 year old a little art project or some fake homework to do while I am working with the 7 year old on her homework. And I am using a more tough love approach at bed time, which they finally seem to be getting, although it has taken a bit of time to get them used to the fact that bed time means bed time. Also, when we all come home from work and school, I take 30 minutes to just be with them, with no distractions- paying lots of attention to all 3 at the same time and talking with them or dancing or doing puzzles. They seem to not be as needy when I start cooking and doing homework once they have had some concentrated  mommy time. Of course there are still days where it is just chaos- but generally it has helped tremendously to have this new routine. By the way- I also have ADD and do not take medication, so sticking to this routine is no small feat for me :)



Good luck to you.

Donna - posted on 02/20/2009

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12

Hi Suzanne, You were very helpful in answering my post; let's see if I can help you a little bit...I don't know how you manage - at all! I only have 1 child (a boy, also 11 years old ) I work part-time (6 hours a day) and even with 1 child, the evenings are p r e t t y draining! I can not even imagine! The one thing that I have tried that works pretty good is to have my son do the easiest/quickest assignments first, and to time him by putting him on an egg timer. My son is a dilly-dallyier and could waste 20 minutes sharpening his pencil. This causes homework to drag on and on all night. I ask him; how long do you think it should take you to do your math? He gives me an answer (10 min, 20 min - whatever) and I put him on the timer. This helps him with time too because his sense of time is way off, but the timer gives him an idea of what 15 minutes really means. And he likes to "beat the clock" As soon as I put him on the timer, I forget about him, and move on to the other things I have to do (dinner, chores etc). When the timer buzzes, it reminds me to go check on him, redirect if he's off in outer space, or praise him if he's done and on to the next thing. Homework still drags on, but the timer helps keep all of us on track!

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