should we take our ADHD son out of public school?

Dana - posted on 04/29/2009

Our daughter was diagnosed at age 6 as ADHD and immediately put on meds. She did fine in elementary school but was severely picked on throughout the 5th and 6th grade. We thought all was better for her in 7th and it really seemed it was but when she started 8th grade we realized we were wrong. Her meds were not working like they should have (her teachers didn't even realize she was on it because she was the same either way). We also found out she was still be picked on. We talked about homeschooling her. I was already homeschooling our youngest 2 kids because our third daughter has Epilepsy and I didn't want her going through all the "normal" kid stuff with something she can't help. So when we talked to our oldest daughters teachers we asked them their thoughts on homeschooling her and all agreed it would be a good idea. I was very surprised. There school was already overfilled with kids and they just didn't have time to give her the help she needed as far as socially and schoolwork related (taking time to make sure she was paying attention, writing down assignments, etc). So she finished the semester and came out of school in Dec. We took our 10 year old out too (we think she may be ADD but not enough to need meds). Honestly it has been the best decision we've made for the kids. They are so much happier now. Rebekah, our oldest, told me just today that she never realized how much LIFE she missed by being at school all day. She not nearly as tired or frustrated as she was then. And her ADHD is minimal for the most part. Her behavior and attitude has completely changed for the better. I completely recommend at least giving it a try, maybe over the summer if you aren't ready to completely cut the school ties. You'd be surprised how much those three months of no school can make a difference. Good luck!

Dianne - posted on 04/29/2009

My son is 15 and has been bullied since preschool. I feel yours and his pain. Children can be so cruel, especially to another child they see as different. As his mom I have talked to the guidance counsler and principle regarding the harrassment with my son. If the school system sees how active you are in your sons education and are constantly calling them regarding issues and concerns they will act fast. Ask your son who the kids were that are bothering him, keep records of all conversations and events that have taken place. Notify the principal and tell him to notify their parents, alot of times parents have no idea what there kids are like away from home. There is a no harrassment policy in the school system that they must abide by. Your son should not be denied an education, and have to constantly be watching his back because of a few bad seeds. Have them put your son in an IEP program which involves the school psych. so that she can aide in keeping him from feeling depressed and angry and to keep his confidence high. It doesn't matter what school you send him to, because of his inability to socialize, it will happen there as well. With constant communication and a little teamwork between you and the school, your son will feel a little safer at school.

Anne - posted on 04/25/2009

trying to keep them in the school system is best. you can talk to the school have a meeting with all his teachers and school principles and try to resolve the problem. atleast until he is in a grade were he can leave and go to tafe to finish his schooling.

if not then home schooling would be the way to go. i know a few parents that have had to homeschool their boys for the same reasons.

i hope you find the best way for your son and the hole family.

Nicole - posted on 04/25/2009

Maybe honestly your son doesn't have ADHD he just displays those symptoms because of bullying. My son is like that at the best of times and begs me to remove him from school. He is now in grade 8 and i don't think he is going to succeed. i feel i will have to give in and let him has his choice on his education if it is going to keep him going. Look into what the other kids are doing to him and don't take it lightly.

Heather - posted on 04/25/2009

Keli, you said that his meds wear off half way through the day. This is very common as the ADD/ADHD meds only last for about 8 hours. They really start to diminsh there proper effect in about 4-6 hours. You may want to talk to his prescribing Doctor about the possibility of getting a "booster" dose that will stretch out the effects of the meds until after he gets home from school. I know several people who have chosen this course of treatment and it works wonderfully. The child is focused enough to get through life after school and through homework time. May be worth checking into. Hope this helps. Sounds like you have gotten some really good advice through this post! :)

Glorielsa - posted on 04/24/2009

hi keli my mame is gloria I have a 11yr old son in 5th grade we have had a difficult year, he has been singled out for hi's ADHD and ataked ficiclly at the play ground by 5 kids and got in a figth after that.It is very hard specially if you don't have a understanding teacher, but what I did was that I talk to the teacher knowing that she wasn't understanding my sons condition and told her that it was unfear for my son to be dipress and unhappy because the lack of understanding from his classmates, it was very humiliating for me to do this but at this point I'm doing werever I can to help my son.fortunatly his school is small and changeing into a charter this next year and the teachers are willing to help the kids, she had a talk with the whole class about been nice to each other above their many differences and it seem to have worked no more sadness latelly from school so I'm hoping for the best or I'll just keep advocatting for my son.

Keli - posted on 04/24/2009

you guys were all great with the advise. As most of you asked, yes, he is singled out because of the ADHD. The meds start to wear off half way through the day so we now put him on a stronger dose. He said he'd start "freaking out" in class which means making noises, fidgiting, bouncing off the walls and that's why kids make fun of him. I may look into a charter or private school, but won't that just allow him to run away from those kind of people instead of learning how to take it???

Cindy - posted on 04/20/2009

Both of my kids hate(d) junior high. My daughter keeps trying to transfer to a different school, but then again, a lot of her friends were trying to do the same thing. Heck, I hated Junior High. Didn't we all?? However, for me, getting my kids on medication has helped a LOT! But I agree with many of the above posts - that you need to assess your son's specifics. Is he being harassed like every other 7th grader? Or is he singled out because of his ADHD qualities? Have you tried talking to the school counselor, or any of his teachers? Most schools these days have non-harassment policies that you can look into. He may have to struggle through Junior High like we all did, or you might have to look at alternatives. As his mother, you know him best & it is your job to the best you can for him. Follow your gut - it's usually right. Good luck.

Christine Weinandt - posted on 04/19/2009

ill throw you my two cents. or "50.36 worth lol

let me start by saying non of my kids will 16 18 21 this month... none of my kids were diaganosed til after 12..but i had a daycare full of ADHD kids and i have ADD and I seem to deal with ADD easier than some parents.... i was told since son was little oh ya he has add... for a long time we were in denial.... but all my kids have add(son also has odd ocd etc) all my kids have struggled for diff reasons... but mostly my son he always hated school... and so did many of my daycare kids..... imo..

if any child has ADD or ADHD its is alot easier to be shunned by other kids ... im sure you have seen parents etc get tired of the constant talkin or moving or anger etc... well kids are way worse..... they are often shunned sorta and they dont know why other kids get mad at them or wont play with them or tease them... that being said...



my kids went to reg schools for few years then we switched to smaller school... then back to reg highschool...........and then.................we found online schools last year...... if i coudl do it all over again i would have never sent my son to public middle school or high school.... only the "questionable kids" would take the time to become his friend (aspbergers-hes always asked his sisters how to make friends he doesnt get it...he just doesnt know how to chat with ppl lol) his entire school life was nothing but stress for him and us... the iep's were rediculas....to most of the world im a sweet overly helpful overly kind mom... to the high school they think im scarry cause i dont just agree with what they want.... my son got one A his entire time in schools and constant issues and i do mean constand... although unlike most add kids.... hes not hyper and he doesnt talk much (aspbergesr) and he looks normal....hes a national ranked wrestler... good looking if i do say so myself.. girls chase him.. iq of 135 he only needs to be told things once and he understands..........but all of im sure know you cant see add.... the brain jumping all over etc... they need to learn diff and do things diff to suceed... every year my son was sure he was getting a in all and he had everything in....ahhahahah we switched insight schools... of minn.... now.... im more or less his para i make sure he gets work done and if hes having a rough day he works less if hes having an easier day he does more school work. last semister was his first online... he got an a+ in economics... and his lowest grade was a b... and he was insights student of the month for dec and jan for our state... high honor roll.... those things made his confidence go way up hes much happier....we do make sure he does things with others....... that being said...... both my daughters would prob fail doing online schools... for diff reasons........



so what i mostly want to say is......... explore all your options..... public schools ... private schools... charter schools..... home schooling....online schooling...



every child is so diff you have to see what works for them...



BUT just getting him away from the negitive stuff at school has made everyones homelife more positive and happy... he will be graduating this spring.. my oldest daughter will graduate from colledge next fall... she has severe dyslexia and add



to me it seems it doesnt matter whitch route you use... if your child is happy and can learn in that enviorment.... if i had a do over i would also have used add drugs alot sooner.....



im sorry im so wordy lol

christine

Claire - posted on 04/18/2009

i should move!! that sond so great that they support you!!

Marcie - posted on 04/18/2009

I live in Alberta Canada were there is lots of funding available for people with children with Special Needs. The public school was the ones that found the school and the public school board is actually the ones paying for him to attend the Private School.

I lived in Nova Scotia till our son was in Grade 5 and there was no help there, than I lived in Ontario for his grade 6 and again no help and than we moved here. The first month that we were here we had a mental health worker and after two years the funding for the private school and we just got approved for funding so that all of his meds are paid for, travel costs to appointments and if he is struggling and needs some support in a mentor way they will also pay for a mentor. I love this province.

Claire - posted on 04/18/2009

where did you go to get funding for this school an where did you find this kind of school? this sounds wonderful!!!

Marcie - posted on 04/18/2009

I have a 14 year old son with ADHD and he was in a public school until grade 7. The regular school setting became to much for him, his teacher and unfortunately for the other students that were in the class with him. He was than approved to get funding so that he could attend a private school were there are three teachers for every classroom, which only has a maximum of 10 kids, and he is doing much better.

This private school can focus on his abilities and weaknesses and can adjust the program for him accordingly. The school also wont do suspension so no matter how much he hates it an trys to get suspended....not going to happen. I love this school and have no regrets about transfering him....oh and I get a daily email about his day, which lets me know how he is doing.

Claire - posted on 04/18/2009

I suggest spending some time at the school to see what is really going on as wellas constant contact with teachers. Let them kno what is going on and have them keep you informed if behavior changes.. I have had great success with my son age 11 on meds and staying in touch with teachers... Take a day off of work and check out his environment at school. My sons still has problems with impulsivity too, but I just remind him of boundries and have him explain to me what the repercusions would be if he had follow thru with an impulsive act or if he has already done the act, then have him explain why and how it could have been done differently. I ama single mom of twins so im double dosed.. :) remember that we are the ultimate decision makers in our childrens lives :) The switching of classrooms works well for my ADHDer.. I spent a week with him the first week of the semester watching him and helping if he needed it to guide him through his day of school. Sometimes you have to take some time off of work and do for your child. Its hard work but can be done. Be strong and do what you think is the best for your child. ultimately you are the one who knows your child the best and can do the best in deciding what will work the best for them. All of our ADHDers are different.. :) stay strong

Eve - posted on 04/18/2009

This reply is directed to Andrea, I am also a single mom who works fulltime. I have a son who will be entering 5th grade in the fall. He is ADHD and it is somewhat managed with medicine. however he still has problems with controlling his impulsivity. I have been seriously thinking of homeschooling him when he enters middle school; however my problem is how do i manage that, being a single mom, working full time? I saw your post and would like to know how do you manage? Does your son stay home all day by himself?

Dee - posted on 04/18/2009

I agree this is a very difficult age, I have two boys both very smart that went to 2 totally different schools and one of them has adhd, they both have been victims of harassment, the younger one alot of bulling to the point he would cry and did not want to take the bus and one time he was even caught walking home from school without permission because he knew we would not allow him to walk on the busy highway and we work far from his school all because of bullys on the bus. The policies they have in the school don't really work I've found and kids can be real mean to one another they seem to find a kid who is more mild mannered or meak or just different in someway and then its game on. My older son is the one with adhd and he did real good until high school thats when it got to be an issue for him, at that age it gets real ugly because there much older and they drive etc, I would find out exactly what and who and try to work with your son and school now especially if these kids are going to be kids he is with along the way from my expirence these things don't go away they get worse if not addressed, I would have loved to have been able to home school or afford private school for my kids that was not any option we did look into it. Things are better for my younger son now in high school , for my older son it was much more difficult and he was the one with the disability.

Heather - posted on 04/15/2009

As a certified teacher and former homeschooling mom, I agree with both Robin and Andrea.  This can be a rough age, socially and academically.  There are plenty of resources out their to continue a public school education as well as homeschooling.  Research them both and then make an informed decision that you and your son will be comfortable.  Good Luck. :)

Andrea - posted on 04/15/2009

Hello, my son is 12, adhd among other things, and in 7th grade. We were able to successfully school him in a public school until 7th grade, where I now had 5 teachers to deal with, and they all had way too many students to deal with to care about my son. My child soon fell behind, became very depressed, suicidal and started having problems with his peers. We did all the necessary psychological counseling ect, where a counselor asked me if a different school was an option. I looked into other local schools, none of which would work with our schedule. While searching, I came upon a site for homeschooling, and I inquired. My son started the second half of 7th grade with homeschooling. He absolutely loves it. He has excelled in his grades. He is self sufficient. He achieves his goals. He gets along better with his friends (who I may add, are all very jealous he gets to go to school in his jammies), and I have had several calls from his friend's parents asking about homeschooling. My son has the ability to do his school work so that he may have half days the same time the school does, so he can go hang out with his friends. The school I have him enrolled in is a public school that uses the internet as the basis of their schooling. I don't have to pay for anything, they sent us a computer, printer, all his school supplies, books ect. We make a daily plan for what lessons he will do, and I can see his progress daily. He still has a teacher to manage his classes and he can email questions to. He is considered a special needs child, and they also offer him the same accommodations the public school had to. I am a single mom, I work full time, I never thought homeschooling was an option till we tried. My child has never been happier, and actually looks forward to doing his school work. If you do look at home schooling, make sure you go through a school that is accredited, and that the classes will transfer back to a "regular" public school or college.

Robin - posted on 04/15/2009

First off, Why is he being harrassed?  That would be the first thing to look into.  Kids generally are not thrilled with school at this age.  And, with a child with ADHD, they get bored easily and require more motivation or extra challenges to keep them focused.  Where I live, our teacher is working with us to help us know how our son's behaviour is throughout the day.  With her help and the help of our ADHD doctor, we have managed to find medication and behaviour modification that works with getting him through the school day and homework time. 

Having ADHD and being Harrassed....may not be directly linked.  I would try to get your son to tell you the reason's why he is being harrassed.  Then if it is the kids just being bullies, consider getting a enterdistrict transfer to another school in town.  Then maybe he can start of fresh with new friends.

Hopefully things get easier for him....good luck!