So CONFUSED and sad

Kelly - posted on 10/11/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )

27

2

HELP, please any input is so appreciated!

My son just turned 9 years old. A description of him: Creative, Loving, Affectionate, Very smart - especially in math, very interested and curious in building things, inventing things, understanding science, About 1/2 year below grade level in reading (has been in reading intervention since 1st grade), Comedic, Very Sensitive (both emotionally and some sensory such as loud noises, rough clothes), Lacks ability to focus, Always has had challenges focusing and sustaining eye contact and conversation - with this he often lacks ability to read social cues (i.e knowing when he is annoying someone or saying something offensive), does hyper/self-stimulating/immature behaviors such as high pitch screaming, baby-talk, history since pre-school of bad temper tantrums.

In March of this year, after hearing for nearly the entire 2nd grade school year that he lacked focus (but no reports of hyperactivity at school - just reports of being tuned out and class clown) we decided to try meds. Put him on 30 mg of Vyvanse. Reports from school have been consistently AWESOME and we see on the weekends that he is focused, calm, respectful, does not engage in immature behaviors, high pitch screaming, baby-talk, etc. Only concerns have been that he is sometimes TOO focused (school has NOT complained of this - I just feel this way sometimes - like he is so serious and focused and flat at times - not always) and also he has to be encouraged a lot more to eat (which is worrisome because he has always been a small and skinny kiddo). But, nobody at school has agreed with me on this. They tell me he's very social at school and full of personality.

Mornings SUCK - I repeat myself continuously, he's sill and can't listen, lacks focus, can't get things done, makes us late, drives his sister crazy, drives the dog crazy, is totally unconcerned with time, etc. but of course his pill hasn't kicked in. I have tried to make it better by creating a checklist with photos that shows everything he needs to get done before he can have some TV time prior to school. This helps, but we still have some terrible mornings and then I lose it (raise my voice) he is so sensitive and gets so ANGRY and it's all my fault and he thinks I'm so mean, etc., etc., etc. I know in my heart it's like he can't hear all my warnings, calm talk, etc. He only HEARS me once I am angry and then he must be like, "wow, she so's mean!" This is the way it seems anyway.

This Saturday morning, after we had been up late the night before at a birthday party he seemed wiped out. We had nothing planned so I thought I'd give him a med holiday and hopefully just pack him full of calories and chill that day. It was an EPIC, BAD DAY. He did not listen to anybody. He was rude. He was annoying. He was in everyone's face. He was disrespectful. He was sassy. He was loud. You get the picture. I gave him warnings that if I continued to have to talk to him about being disrespectful he was going to lose having a 'movie night' with the family in the basement (big couch, big TV in basement - family snuggles and eats popcorn and candy). Finally, after 3 strikes he was told to go to his room - no movie night. I go upstairs a while later and find him in my bedroom, watching TV! I calmly tell him he needs to be in his room and that he is not having movie night with us. HE FLIPS OUT. Goes in his room. Yells at me that he has already taken enough time upstairs being grounded and that he really wants to do movie night. I repeat to him calmly that he is to be in his room, that he had plenty of warnings and that he is NOT going to do movie night with us. He SCREAMS, YELLS, acts like (but does not) he wants to hit me. Bangs on his walls. He yells things like, "You just think I'm a stupid idiot. You hate me. You are being cruel. You don't want me in this family. I can't even watch a movie with my family. I hate this. My life is hopeless. I just want to run away from this family. I just want to be dead. I want to kill myself!" WELL, OMG. I never heard him say things like hopeless, wanting to be dead, wanting to kill himself.

My husband and I talked outside his room and waited for him to chill. He did not. We were freaked about the suicidal rant and we put him in the car and drove to children's hospital ER. He yelled at us the whole way that we were taking him to jail and that he would 'get his revenge'. Again, OMG.

He shortly calmed down at the children's hospital...as they were giving him slushies and letting him watch Spongebob...sigh.

Doc checked him out for medical issues and he was fine. Mental health assessment was required. Freaking out inside I am...wondering if I did the right thing by bringing him there. It was humbling to say the least. Of course, they have to talk with him to rule out that we are abusing him. We may not always know how to deal with ADHD, but my kids are MY LIFE. Certainly no abuse happening. Mental health provider finally talked with my husband and me and said she felt - probably because no meds, probably so angry with consequences and w/o coping skills that he threatened those things without really understanding what they meant, may be some anxiety issues in play (I certainly have always felt he's prone to anxiety - he's very afraid of being alone, stays RIGHT by my side at grocery store, likes me to stay at birthday parties even at this age, etc.)

Next stop is to get with psychologist this gal recommended. Right now, we are only under care of pediatrician who prescribes the Vyvanse (after we had an assessment by a pediatric behavioral psych who only does ADHD assessments - he does not do ongoing therapy).

Questions - Can anyone relate to this? I am so freaked out. I just want life to be good and happy for my son. I am so sad. Ugh.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

44 Comments

View replies by

Nicola - posted on 11/10/2010

5

3

Hi i have a 15 year old son, with similar disability he has been diagnosed Dyspraxic autistic spectrum, extremely touch and sound sensitive, but extremely intelligent a pro on the computer actually been told he will fly past his exams which believe me after what we have gone through is a great relief. i have never been able to hold or cuddle our son, he cuddles the cat and sends it over to me that way, his speech was very poor we had to learn to slow down our own speech and that made him speak slower and more clearly, he does have communication difficulties and recently experienced an awful case of not being able to defend himself and the head teacher believed the bullies rather than our son, but we are trying to put that all behind us difficult as iit is he is in main stream school and the head needs to be re-trained in dealing with situations were special needs students are involved.
I do feel all your anxieties i was exactly the same worrying what will happen, will he be able to cope in the world without our help, as he needs routine and organisation.
hope this helps a little only to glad to help hope to hear from you soon as i am a few years ahead of yourself as far as understanding our lovely caring, frustrating, children
Nikki xx

Nakenya - posted on 11/10/2010

1

2

I can definitely relate to everything that you are saying. My son is also 9 and he is currently on Vyvanse and Abilify. His meds have been changed several times over the last 4 years. Everything seems to work for a couple of months and then It's back to the same o same o. He throws temper tantrums at school and he's failing every class right now. This is unusual because he is normally an honor roll student, in Challenge as well. It's like we're back to his 1st grade year all over again (pre med). He's seen councilors and therapists but it's all like blah blah to him. So know that you are not alone. I sometimes feel that I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown in the process of it all. Over all, I know everything will work it's way out and he'll be ok because I look to the hills from which cometh my help and I know that we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us. He puts no more on us than we can bear!!

Louise - posted on 11/10/2010

48

0

Oh wow... can I ever relate. I have three boys and it is my second that has caused me the daily lack of joy due to all the "episodes". I am struggling with meds wearing off too quickly and then what 'cause he is a nightmare then... It has been over three years that I am trying to find a solution to that... we are on the fifth doctor and we have retried everything with each new doc... so tired and apathetic.

While reading your story a thought came to mind that I wanted to share with you as it may help. What we do so that he is medicated when he needs to get up is time when we give him the meds. Example is that it takes 45 minutes for the Concerta to kick in. So as he doesn't need to be up until 7:45 a.m., we administer the Concerta at 7:00 a.m. He is still sleeping. We go into his room, sit him up and he takes it while half asleep. He then falls asleep again. The meds kick in when it is time to get up and we have a much happier home.

See if that might work for you and good luck!

Carrie - posted on 11/10/2010

3

5

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 during a terrible 1st grade year. She also uttered the horrible, gut-wrenching words that she wanted to die or even "please kill me." I know the horrid feeling in the pit of your stomach when you hear your beautiful, fun, smart child say those words. To this day (she's 9 1/2 now), I still cry when I think back to it. Fortunately, we were able to find and start working with a wonderful psychologist who helped us sort out what was going on and start treatment. We do medicate (Concerta), because it's the only way she can make it through the school day and actually learn. She is also in on-going, regular Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with the psychologist. When she first started going, it was once a week. That continued for several months. Eventually, we were able to stretch that out to once a month. Even now, she continues to go once a month, and I can tell when the time is getting close. She needs that regular "tune up." It has helped her mature, learn how to control her own behavior, talk herself through her anxiety (yes, she has co-morbid anxiety disorder as well), find her self-esteem, and learn appropriate social skills. The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been so key to getting her to where she is today. If you do not currently have a psychologist that you and your children work with, please find one without delay. Don't give up! You are obviously a loving, caring, devoted Mom, and there are a lot of us who understand what you're going through right now. You are not alone. It WILL get better.

Amanda - posted on 10/25/2010

1

12

It sounds like a horrific day. I feel so bad for all that you went through. I would like to contribute that I take medication for depression (mostly because I do not know how to handle my son's behavior). I know that if I miss a day of meds, it it the worst for my body and mental state of being. The body that now become accustomed to this chemical and needs it to operate. If you are afraid that he is too focused, serious and won't eat, then speak to the Dr. about adjusting the dosage. I don't think that a med-free day is something the body can handle.
Again, I am so sorry for this horrific time you went through. I hope that it all can be resolved and never happen again. Best wishes and best of luck, ~a

Lealyn - posted on 10/24/2010

7

43

the fact that he has sensory issues automatically puts him on the spectrum. you can try other routes to have him tested such as talking to his pediatirician this should be helpful especially if he didn't meet all of his milestones but i will warn you it can be a hassle i wanted my son tested and no one could tell me who was supposed to be responsible for ordering the tests the pediatrician told me to talk to the psychiatrist the psychiatrist told me to talk to the pediatrician and the school the school told me to talk to the pediatrician and the psychiatrist....so when all else fails... call ur local autism association and cry...it works. and just as an added note of encouragement there is life beyond the horror stories...my boyfriend is an adult w/ Aspergers despite what they tell you he is very affectionate and capable of emotion....expressing it is very difficult for him however and he will always be more of a show you type than an "I love you, baby" type if you know what i mean. It is definately a challenge but when you love someone it is worth it.

Amanda - posted on 10/24/2010

2

8

You are definitely not alone. My seven year old has many of the same issues. He is only is first grade, and he began the year with extremely bad grades (I'm talking 60 or below on nearly everything. After communicating with his teacher and principal, we came to the conclusion that Parker will only do well at school when he is taught one-on-one. This allows him to slow down and focus. His grades have increased exponentially, but only when working one on one.
But I extremely worried about his social skills. He is very much the loner, And I think the oher kids think he is strange. He desperately tries to it fit in, but it is not working, and it breaks my heart. I wish we could give one another the magic words to fix our situations, but at least you know you are not alone.

Mechelle - posted on 10/19/2010

2

24

My so just turned 9 as well and he has quit a bit of the same behaviours as your son. His school however is very helpfull and supportive. He started medication in grade 1 and has been in (IEP ) program . He doesn't eat muchand he is very same. I constantly worry about his weight. His teacher encourage him to eat during the day(during school) they ask all subasitute teachers to encourage as well. I dont believe he has ever stated that he wished he was dead , but has a very sensitive personality and has a hard to listening once he is uoset. He is unable to process anything at that point and has to be separated from everything. He doesnt do baby talk but he does do the screamingand driving oher people in the faily crazy.My experience with meds has been a good one. I have never taken a med free day , only because of experience with other family members who have ADHDand have seen the results often.. I hope you are able to get the help you need and say that any help is better than nothing even if its just an ear to listen.. Good luck.

Kelly - posted on 10/18/2010

27

2

Well, I am happy to report since our horrible Saturday 9 days ago we have had a pretty good stretch.

Mornings are still TOUGH...don't get me wrong...but, I think that visit to the children's hospital ER was a bit of a wake-up call - to him and to us as parents, too. I do think my husband and I both 'get it' more as to how to work with him a bit better in coming towards him with a helpful, how can we help resolve this? and not so black and white with him when he's not medicated - as this approach seems to send him over the top.

We've managed to circumvent a few almost major morning/evening meltdowns.

I'm very anxious to meet with the psychiatrist a week from this Friday, though. I think as a side note if we like this guy I might make an appointment to get myself assessed. I am very obviously adhd myself (I think) and I had a fairly big breakthrough with my son that made me realize that my random way of going about 'routines' etc. adds stress to his world. Interesting.

We made it through surgery this morning GREAT. The nurses at the hospital were very awesome in talking with us the days preceeding and decided with his history of anxiety and ADHD diagnosis and given what happened the last day we tried to skip the Vyvanse that he should take it today on surgery day, just like he would any other day. They had me wake him this AM at 5 am and take it. He took it with a sip of water and slept until we had to wake him at 6:45 to leave for the hospital. He was calm and quiet, even though nervous. He did great with the surgery. It was an hour long - I was a nervous wreck, but I was so proud of how he handled it all. Not one meltdown before or after surgery, etc.

Now, his meds are wearing off... :) because he took it so early. He's feeling good enough to be on PC and play Club Penguin but some kind of bug made something he purchased dissapear...soooo he keeps fighting back tears.

Will write more later...

Marie - posted on 10/16/2010

14

72

Ladies. Your stories are all so familiar to me also. My son is now 11 years old and what diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4. It can be a very hard thing to deal with especially when he goes into the I hate you, I'm stupid, Nobody likes me etc. Would love to talk more with anyone on things that they are doing to see if anything else can be done with the fact that it seems like the meds are starting not to work. He's on the highest dose of strautera that he can take he's at 60 mg. On top of it all now that I am expecting a new baby in Dec he seems to be getting even worse. He's putting on weight and getting mad because he's pants aren't fitting. He's getting more active outside and doesn't eat more then what he should or even a lot of sweet and junk food but it just seems to be getting worse.

Chyenne - posted on 10/16/2010

2

11

Amen to that. I honestly tell people if my child isn't medicated then I have to be. And was I was on antidepressants until they diagnosed my adopted 6 yr old with ADHD/ODD

Jamie - posted on 10/16/2010

65

33

You are FAR from a failure as a Mom! I wish everyone could spend the day with a child with special needs like ADHD etc (no meds by the way) and then see how much of a challenge it can be! Then they can see how much a difference the meds actually make!

Kristy - posted on 10/15/2010

54

0

Kelly, thank you for sharing your story about boy scouts; it was helpful. I have read everyone's posts, and I now do not feel so alone. I talk to my mom about what is going on with my daughter, but she cannot relate at all. She tries to give advice that somehow makes me feel worse. I mean I was a perfect child; I was really a good girl. She doesn't know what it is like to have your daughter call you names, or hit you. I talk to my husband, but he is just as lost as I am. Other moms often can't relate; as a matter of fact, I usually feel judged by other parents and can feel their disaproving glares when my daughter is misbehaving. It really helps to hear other moms stories who have children that are so very similar to mine. I don't feel so alone, and I don't feel like such a bad mom when I hear that there are others going through what I go through on a daily basis. It also makes me want to cry, because all though it provides me with relief, after reading everyone's posts I know the journey is going to be long and the struggles will continue on. I know there is no magic cure. No medicine that can transform my daughter into a sweet, even tempered little girl that can deal with her emontions without having a meltdown. Today is my first meeting with the child psychologist, and I am so nervous and emotional. I feel like I could cry on a dime right now. So thank you Kelly, and everyone for sharing your stories they are so helpful and encouraging. So to reiterate the sentiment Kelly typed ((((((hugs))))))

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

PS - meant to also share my son is being seen by a well regarded pediatric psychiatrist for an eval 2 weeks from today.

Monday, he is having a day surgery. His anxiety is going to be through the roof. Might be a ROUGH day. The children's hospital recommended he for sure take his meds.

I find it interesting that several of you say you have heard or experienced bad things w/ regards to Vyvanse. This is the first and only med we've tried. I don't feel like we're experiencing too much in the way of bad side effects. He had meltdowns way before he was ever medicated at all.

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Hi Ladies! I am new to this site and haven't totally figured it out yet. I wanted to reply to each of you individually, but now just found a whole new page of replies. YOU ARE ALL SO AWESOME. I am literally sitting here in tears from all the encouragement. Thank you you!

I appreciate the mention by many of you regarding ASD/Aspergers...it has definitely crossed my mind. I mentioned it to the behavioral phsychologist who did his initial assessment and he did not feel it was there. I still wonder, though.

When he was really little, I always wondered if he was on the spectrum. He was a late talker, really had sensory issues, lacked eye contact, etc. But, he was/is very affectionate and social so docs have always said, no no no to that. Hmm...

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Tracy, Thanks for your response. Glad to hear things are looking up for your kiddo. I have to remind myself the SAME thing every morning! I need my husband to mentally get there...if he's ever home to see my son in the mornings he is convinced my son CAN control himself better and that I am being walked all over. I try to be firm, but kind and quiet. If I have to calmly repeat myself 20 times (like I did this AM to ask him to take his pill...while he did everything else but take it) then I do. But, yes, some mornings I lose it and raise my voice. Ugh!

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Oh, Kristy - your description of the troop meeting brought back memories of my son when he first started cub scouts in 2nd grade. My husband had a different job then with more flexible hours and he though it would be cool to be the den leader. OMG...it was ROUGH. My son was NOT medicated yet at the time and his symptoms would REALLY hit high levels in the setting where my husband would be the leader. My son would go into hyper show-off mode and his ADHD PLUS showing off that the meeting was at our house and that HIS dad was running the meeting...it was BAD. He was so disruptive, annoying to friends, rude, etc. I literally had to pull him out of one meeting and sit upstairs in his room with him - he had to miss part of a den meeting at our house with his dad leading...crazy. It was especially embarrassing when parents came to pick up and I'm upstairs with my crying and yelling son. Ugh. (((((hugs))))))

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Ann, Thank you for such kind words. I am so sorry for the struggle you are having with your son. Is it your son on Vyvanse that is saying he hates you before and after school? Is he angry at school? I hope I am not being too nosy. I am just curious because Vyvanse lasts about 9 or 10 hours in my son's system and the anger isn't really there when he's on it. Do you feel like the Vyvanse is controlling his ADHD? Or do you think the anger is a separate issue for him.

This is SO stressful on us as moms. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on - please message me. I'm still learning this site, but getting the hang of it. Having kiddos with these issues is SO isolating. Though I am not a single mom, my husband works long hours and travels lots. He's rarely home when my kids are awake - sucks. So, I can semi-relate to your life of dealing with this solo. (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) When my husband is around he jumps to conclusions that I am not disciplining firmly enough, etc., etc. He doesn't have much patience for the times when my son is not medicated and really cannot focus on our guidance.

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Thank you, Carrie! I know what you mean about feeling guilty for the dx...I am definitely ADHD myself (though I have never taken meds...probably SHOULD) and I have battled anxiety most of my life (see this in him, too). I feel guilty for him getting this from me - which is irrational...I know, but I do.

OH, and THANK YOU for mentioning the HIGH PITCH SCREAMS! I thought my kid was the only one! He does this when NOT medicated. Like a self stimulating behavior or something. He's done it since he was little...drives me NUTS ;-0

Kelly - posted on 10/15/2010

27

2

Maureen, I could have written so much of your post! Thanks for your encouragement and support. My son has also made the "my stupid brain" comment and he has also said "my brain gets so crazy without my pill." which makes me feel so sad for him. Especially, when I occassionally lose it and YELL in the morning to get him to hear me. ugh.

Tracy - posted on 10/15/2010

3

5

I read this and thought OMG this is my son to a T! He just turned 9 and is on concerta( ritalin), and also celexa for the anxiety.... all seems pretty good but there are still the morning issues but I just have to remind myself (alot) that he can't help it. He does however wake in better moods since the celexa was added so even tho I have to repeat myself we are not arguing as much. I wish lots of luck to you :)

Kristy - posted on 10/14/2010

54

0

I can so relate to you. I myself at this very moment am feeling very sad and helpless. My daughter is 7 years old, and she resembles much of the same personality traits you just decribed in your son, both the good and the bad. Tohight we had a Brownie Troop meeting, I am the co-leader, and my daughter's behavior was so bad -- I was embarassed, and I normally do not get embarassed. She spit in another girls face; she pitched and hit another; she hit and yelled at me (which is normal at all meetings); she blurts out random things, not always nice. She thinks she is being funny, but she is not. I was mortified. I like to think I am a good mom; I'm an involved stay-at-home mom who loves her children. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so very, very helpless and so very, very sad. She is not on medication. She has not been offically been diagnosed with ADHD yet. I started the process of getting her diagnosed with ADHD last May. I had been referred to a psychologist by my doctor, who I left messages for on his machine and never got a call back. I had a friend refer me to a psychologist, again message machine, no call back. I finally got a hold of a psychologist who I found online researching psychologists who specialize in child psychology and ADHD. I talked to his receptionist, told her how frustrated I was that I haven't been able to get a response from anyone, and she had the psychologist phone me an hour later. I have an appointment with him tomorrow at 2, and I pray that he will be able to help. If not I don't know what I will do. I looked at her tonight, and although I love her so very much, I felt as if our mother-daughter bond is slipping away. I look at my daughter and feel sadness and stress. Stress because I am waiting for her to misbehave. So yes, I can defnitely relate.

Ann - posted on 10/14/2010

1

0

I can so relate to your story. My son is 7 and has extreme ADHD and I alsohave and 11yr old with ADHD and it is like dealing with and army of angry men when they are together. I understand how you feel when your son just does not want to focus and cooperate in the morning. I have the same issue. Even this morning I had to get loud and be mean to get my son to listen and stay on task for school. I have the problem of he is great at school and when I am not around. But when I get in the picture it is a no holds bared thing and he just attacks me everyday with out fail..He is on 40mg of Vyvanse and it seems to help his concentration and his behavior at school. I get the lovely comment of "I hate you" everyday when he gets off the bus when he goes to the daycare or when I show up to pick my kids up that is the first thing that he says to me. I am a single mom and I have all the admiration in the world for mom's that go through this everyday. My son has a child psych, and sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.
With the issue of him telling you that he wants to die and that he wanted to kill himself. I have learned to ask my son how and why, and if I relate to him and help him remeber what he would be missing if he were not here and what would I do if I did not have him around. Or even I have brought to him the thought of what his brothers would feel like and how much they would miss him. This tends to side track him and helps him to remeber how important he is to this family, however the attitude and the disrespect are not going to be rewarded an the punishment stands then I walk away.
I hope I was able to help and to give u a little similance and to let you know that you are not the only one and there are lots of mom and dads that go through this and I just wish I was as brave as you to put this on here and ask for help.

Desiree - posted on 10/14/2010

898

17

You have my sympathy on this issue. On a "normal" school day your son seems to be just like evry other little boy who is bent on pushing all the boundries and just generally driving mommy and daddy right round the bend.
A Saturday after a party and on med holiday sounds like a little boy coming down from a sugar high and a late night. Now having tasted a little bit of freedom is going to push some more just to see how far he can get. i know hat you are going through because my son who is 10 does exactly the same thing. and become hell bent on driving me around the bend. The frightened part is par for the course, have Children with thier special abilities is a trial in itself. and there are very few groups that we can go to for any kind of support and most of the time our families cant understand what we are going through.

Carrie - posted on 10/14/2010

1

4

I ABSOLUTELY can relate to this!! My son is 11 now and I have known since he was 2 that there was a strong possibilty that he had ADHD. I am a pediatric physical therapist, and have seen a lot of preschoolers and early elementary kids with ADHD, so I was pretty clued into the signs/symptoms. My son had an awful time getting to sleep, even a a very young baby. It was SO frustrating! We went through temper tantrums during his preschool years, before he was on medicine (which he started in Kindergarten), that were SO bad! He would rage and hit me and scratch me and kick me and scream and... well, you get the picture. It was horrid! I was scared to bring him out places, because I was never sure what would happen with his behavior.
He now takes Adderall XR for ADHD and has also been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (which I also have). I have felt so guilty for his diagnoses and am so sorry for the challenges he is going to face for the rest of his life. It tears me up inside.
At any rate, mornings, and/or days that we forget his meds for some reason or other, are AWFUL! I get so tired of the whining, the high pitched screaming, the disrespect. I try to remain calm, talk quietly, not engage in "debates" and insist that he calm down before we will talk. It's not easy. It doesn't always work. There is definitely a helpless feeling attached to all of this. It is exhausting to think that this is always going to be with us. And terrifying to me that he is going to have to continually work to be appropriate and make good choices from now until forever. I know all kids have to face those challenges; however, we all know kids with ADHD often have a harder time thinking through things and making good choices.
Anyway, you are NOT alone. There are tons of posts here that sound exactly like what I go through and what you have described in your post. It takes a lot of strength and patience to be a mom, and extra to be a mom of a kid with ADHD. There will be really bad days and hopefully more days of amazing creativity and joy! Keep trying!! You aren't alone...

Lealyn - posted on 10/13/2010

7

43

Omg have i been there....thankfully most of the time with his meds my son has gotten better at self control but we still have meltdown days but he is now nine i have been doing this since he was 3. some days i just want to hide under my blankets and never come out...not an adult reaction i know but i am human too and seriously overwhelmed sometimes. As i read ur post i also had another thought. You might also want to have him screened for Aspergers....i know what you are thinking oh great another diagnosis to deal with but there are some things u mentioned that may be red flags....sensory issues, overly focused (especially if it is in one or two interests), motor skill delays, learning delays, failure to make eye contact, and severe meltdowns can all be symptoms. I am not trying to alarm you but if that is the case then there is tons of help out there and when you know what you are dealing with it makes it easier to cope. Hugs and Best Wishes

Joan - posted on 10/13/2010

24

34

Ok so read some more and am wondering if anyone would be interested in having a chat session on yahoo messenger or something cause it sounds like we could all have a very stimulating conversation. We all have the same issue with our babies and have all learned different things. Inbox me if your interested.....

Joan - posted on 10/13/2010

24

34

PS my son is 7 now.

Joan - posted on 10/13/2010

24

34

That sounds like a typical day in my house with my then 4 year old. He was diagnosed with ADHD at 4 and put on meds a few months later. Adderall made it worse so I returned to the bottle to the doctor, then we tried concerta worked very well alone for a year then stopped completely and upping the dosage did not help. We tried Strattera same results as adderall. Added Resperdol at various points did not like it or the idea of putting my baby on a mood stabilizer but tried it anyway did not work. In between all of this I took him to a phsychologist and had a full eval done since many of the symptomes of adhd mirror other things to include bipolar and some forms of autism. It turns out that my son has adhd the hyperactive impulsive kind as well as Asberger's syndrome (high functioning form of autism), odd, a sleep disorder, an adjustment disorder and a mood disorder. Which now I believe that the mood disorder and well as the adjustment disorder were because of him not getting the right treatment for the autism, the adhd as well as the lack of sleep. I have him sleeping through the night (for now) have been going through patterns of this since he was five but he did not sleep through the night at all beofre then (before age 5). He also attends 10 hours a week of ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis or Behavior Therapy). I am proud to say that I have a happy normally active child who is improving daily. I have gone through rounds with the school (repeatedly) to get him what he needs.
It could be withdrawals from the meds, other underlying issues or he might just be saying things he knows will get your attention. You did the right thing though suicidal thoughts or words should always be taken seriously. Keep your head up and get to the bottom of things. PS Behavior therapy helps with not only social skills, personal boundaries but also with academics espacially with problem areas.

Rose - posted on 10/13/2010

5

1

Your story almost made me cry remembering what it was like with my son before he was diagnosed with the autism spectrum disorder PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder - not otherise specified). My son was so much like yours. Loving, creative, great in math and anything to do with technology. He learned to use a computer at the age of 2, but he was horrible with reading and could not stay focused on anything he did not have a specific interest in. He had terrible issues with personal space and when he talked to someone, he seemed to need to be right in their face to make his point. He got in a lot of trouble at school and was teased alot. I spent alot of time at his school, because I was the only one who could get him to concentrate on anything for more than about 5 minutes at a time. I fought with doctors too, because they told me that there was something wrong with my son, but they could not decide what it was. We went from a diagnosis of ADHD to Tourettes Syndrome to Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Finally when he was 12, I forced my way into the local Autism clinic and threatened to sue if they did not do a series of tests. Luckily my bluff worked and when the testing was done, it was discovered that he has PDD-NOS. They put him on Adderall XR and Clonidine for the Tourettes Syndrome, and a sleeping medicine at night, and he is finally able to function somewhat normally. My advice is to keep fighting for your child and never give up. Educating yourself and others around you is the only real way to get help for these children, and always no matter how they may act, give them all your love and support. It makes a world of difference in how they act in the long run. Good luck and my prayers are with you.

Michelle - posted on 10/13/2010

18

3

I can TOTALLY relate to your situation! You just described day to day life at my house. Actually, my daughter is 7 and is ADHD(inattentive & hyperactive)/ODD/ASD has good days, bad days and horrible days. Lately she has been saying the whole "I wish I was dead" "You're killing me" and "I am going to hurt you" thing with us. When she doesn't get her way or is grounded from a favorite activity, we get the "I hate you", "You think I am just a stupid little girl"...you name it, we have heard it. It is heart-wrenching to hear that coming from such a petite, cute, loving, helpful and smart little girl. I am learning to listen to what she is saying when she says those kinds of things, however I try not to react to it. Sometimes she will say it just to see what kind of reaction she will get. When we do react, it causes a major meltdown with her. Sometimes when we DON'T react, we still get the meltdown. We usually just leave her in her room and let her calm down, which doesn't take too long for her lately, and then we try to talk to her about what is bothering her and that we don't like to hear those negative words and that they hurt our feelings.

Right now she is on 30mg of Vyvanse with a booster of 1mg of guanfacine which is the generic of Tenex. The booster is a new thing, just started yesterday, so we don't know how that is going to work out yet. She is labeled as anorexic (26th percentile for her age/height group). She doesn't eat much and has a hard time falling asleep. We tried the Melatonin with her and after 1-1/2 weeks, it did NOTHING to help her relax/calm down enough to try to fall asleep. We try not to NOT give her her meds. Some days, it gets so hectic or she happens to get up too late, she doesn't get it and she is bouncing off the walls, argumentative, destructive...you name it. We try to keep her occupied with things that will stimulate her. She loves to read, but gets bored if she isn't on her meds. She loves to do crafts, but doesn't have the attention span to get very far with it.

My daughter is bright enough to know when she is going to have problems and lets us know that she is going to have an outburst as we call them. She has taken to ask for a stimulant when she knows she is going to lose control or simply can't calm down. We talked with our family doctor and he suggested that we allow her to have a little bit of diet caffeinated soda to help her. IT WORKS for her!

I would talk with your child's doctor about trying a new medication. I know that there are some out there that don't have the side effects of the suppressed appetite or the sleep issues. The doctor we just saw yesterday mentioned it to us, however it is not a good fit for us. This medication (I can not for the life of me remember the name) can cause elevated cholesterol levels and she would need to have blood drawn every 2-3 months to check it. It takes 4 people to hold her down to give her a shot or draw blood and I did not feel like subjecting her, us or the clinic/hospital staff to having to do that! A lot of kids that are ADHD also have anxiety/depression issues due to the chemical imbalance in their bodies. Our doctor is recommending that we start her on an anti-depressant to help her with it. I would also have the doctors test for ASD or Asperger's. Some of how your son is acting at home and at school is how my daughter is. We have to make sure she has headphones/ear plugs when we go someplace we KNOW is going to be loud, have to remove the tags from her shirts and pretty much stick with cotton material because everything else "makes her itch", she has texture issues so we have to continuously try to find something that she will eat that won't "make her taste buds offended" (her words, not mine LOL)

Our doctor has told us that not every medication is right for every child/adult. It may take some time to get the right diagnosis and the right medication to help him be the best he can possibly be.

This is a learning process for both parents and the child that is ADHD. Check with the school to see if they have some kinds of specialists that may be able to help him cope with certain situations. You don't say if he is mainstreamed, in spec ed classroom or both. My daughter is in both, however, because of the noise level she prefers to either wear her headphones (supplied by the school) or stay in her spec ed class if she feels like she isn't going to be able to handle a situation.

Hang in there...stay strong...You are a GREAT mom!!

Angie - posted on 10/13/2010

5

23

Wow, I don't come to this site regularly or anything but there have been nights when I would be searching the internet and these message boards all night for someone who was having the same problems with meds. My son is almost 8 and is VERY difficult to deal with but never had him say anything like that before or have a breakdown like that before and I feel for you because that could be me in a couple of years. Anyway, the amazing similarity I was speaking of (lol) is the way you say he is on the meds. My son was on Concerta all of first grade and at first was wonderful but as time went on he seemed depressed, never wanted to go anywhere, could not get him to smile for anything, etc. etc. I felt terrible! He said he didn't feel sad but he sure did look it. Of course the teacher never complained. But, my family is against meds anyway and then with him acting like that on top of it made me feel very judged and almost like I was poisoning my son or something. Oh, and also he wouldn't eat AT ALL, except at bedtime. So, I wouldn't give it to him anytime he wasn't at school (weekends, holidays) and all of a sudden on those days he was 20 times worse than he ever was before we ever started him on the meds. I could never find anything about this happening with anyone else and it was one of those things that the dr. didn't really comment on b/c it seems like they think that you're just crazy or don't know what you're talking about.lol Anyway, he's in second grade now and we tried to go med free b/c after the summer of being med free and then I tried giving him concerta again and it was the same zombie boy and plus this time he said he didn 't like the meds so we tried vyvanse and he just didn't want to take them but he's been making low 70's all year and last year was AB honor roll and I just want him to get a good education so we just started on the vyvanse again yesterday so hopefully he will get adjusted to it. I wish you all the best and am really glad that God led me to open this email and click on your post:) Good luck!

Dawn - posted on 10/13/2010

4

11

Reading this sounds exactly like my son. When he is not medicated, it's a complete nightmare. He tells me he hates me, hits me, throws rocks at out house, etc. It's just terrible, I thought I was the only one with behavior issues. He is doing better in school, he even got a cetificate for best day ever. I was so proud!! I know what you mean before the meds kick in. Total chaos.
I hope this makes you feel a little better. I know where you're coming from sister!

Celeste - posted on 10/13/2010

4

28

Wow....sounds like my house when things don't go my sons way, could they be related? Mine is just 10 and was diagnosed with ADHD-Innattentive type...with GAD/mild depression onset by school struggles when he was 7....We have chosen not to medicate and go the natural route and monitor his diet/excersise ect, we have seen a Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrician who has met with us and will prescribe when and if we decide.....I feel for you, we had a similar instance with the "wishing I was dead" 'The world would be better off without me'.....this was when he was 7....we lost 3 family pets in 1 year and he wanted to be in Heaven with them, it is horrifying to hear your child say those types of things but honestly, I remeber as a kid saying things like that to myself and I certainly never acted upon them, I think it shows that these kids can express themselves and that our response is the most important part of all this, they are exposed to so much these days that they pick this stuff up from t.v. , internet, or peers......My son is super sensative and has very little tollerance for other children that misbehaive or bully, I have sat with him on so many occations trying to explain boudaries regarding friends and what is/is not acceptable and he just looks at me like I am crazy...I have learned to step back and let the chips fall where they may, we need to teach our children to be good decision makers and they need to fail when they are young when the consiquences are little, such as loosing a friend.......Regarding "Mornings Suck"although this is not a before school issue with us it does happen a lot......constantly reminding him what needs to be done before we leave....We now have a Clipboard....it is handed to him with the list of what he needs to have done and the time we are leaving.....I call it the Captain's log(he is an avid Boater/fisherman) I have learned to just stay calm and remember what his psycologist advised me......"What is a Task for me is a Project for him (for my husband too it seems).....that helps me remain calm crazy at it sounds but it is true, think about how many tasks we do on a daily basis compared to our husbands, well, maybe yours is super organized but for the most part men are not, they are simply Not Capable of handeling tasks/projects the way we do, now add a learning issue on top of that and it's enough to make you want to bang your head against the wall, I have..I am still not sure if I buy into all this adhd stuff, I mean I think we all have this to a certain degree but I am sure that mine has Processing issues and apparently does not get the whole public school training so we have an IEP starting next month, hoping that helps boost his confidence...
YOU ARE GOOD PARENTS, just keep your head high and stick to your guns......I bet the next time he acts out on Family Movie Night he will remember what bad behavior got him......I think these so called "disabilities" they have put on our children are wrong....I think these are just "Outside The Box" thinkers that try to push the envelope like all children do but they are just more creative at it......We are going to start a social skills class that will help him with tollerence issues and such......they sometimes need to hear from someone other than their parents what is/is not acceptable.....Hope this helps and you are feeling better, its hard but you will get through it.....

Renee - posted on 10/13/2010

5

14

OMG! I'm totally crying right now just knowing that I'm not alone!! Those days are so horrific and you feel soo incredibly alone and hearing identical stories from complete strangers really helps tons!! I wish I had some advise to offer. My son is 12 and we've been struggling with this since the 4th grade. We've done therepy, meds, IEP plans at school. And the fact of the matter is, there is no cure. It takes all the energy and patience of ALL members of the family and just staying informed of what he deals with to get through. Constant reenforcement that he is loved and cared for is important. I wish you the best. Hang in there. Alot of the characteristics of ADHD kids that keep them behind in school, will be very helpful as adults. I know plenty of successful adults that struggled so we always are reminded that there is a light at the end of this, just keep your head and be strong for him when he can't be for himself.

Jaime - posted on 10/13/2010

2

40

My daughter has terrible mornings as well. I have found that it is a terrible mistake to attempt drug holidays for her. It only ends up frustrating both of us! We have tried numerous drugs and I agree, the Vyvanse was not a good option for us. I think we may have found a good combo right now. She is on the Daytrana patch with a small dose of Ritalin (10 mg) first thing in the morning until the patch kicks in. Makes mornings so much more manageable. I also feel like a terrible mom when the arguing, whining, distractability finally makes me lose my temper. I will snap at her and then feel horribly guilty for the rest of the day!

Shelley - posted on 10/13/2010

1

18

Yes, I can relate. My son went through some/many of these same things at about the same age as yours. My advice, the best thing I ever did - get him to a pediatric psychatrist. Not only are they the experts at medication, but they also can offer therapy. There are many nuances that they have a better handle on than our pedatricians. They are THE experts in this area. Ask your pediatrician for a referral and ask other parents in your area or check with your insurance. Five years later, after my son was in second grade, and going through something similar...he is now a 13 year old 7th grader. Has been stabilized on medication for years yet still sees the psychiatrist monthly for medication management and therapy. It helps him to just check in with the doctor. It takes a little time....but it will help. Good luck!

Lee - posted on 10/13/2010

1

24

Hello! I find myself in your situation many times every other day. On or off medication. There are sometimes when my son's levels are just not what they should be that day. And because of this, it really is better to keep them on their medication constantly. Children like ours need things to be constant...bless their hearts, even though I'd LOVE to not be able to make my son start his day with a mouthful of pills that have to be counted by a AM / PM pill counter usually used for elderly people on a lot of medication. My son is ADHD, OCD, and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder...however he is only ODD with myself and my mother who care for him most of the time.) What makes it worse is that he has a twin sister who excells in everything. EVERYTHING!!! LOL And this causes them to be very competitive, otherwise I think he would be content at school to hang out with the quiet kids. His father and I are divorced however because of the military? Its mostly been my mom and I bringing them up. (Doctors always try to pin the problem on this, but his dad leaves every other year for Iraq.)



But I digress. These outbursts? I have been there. Honestly? As bad as they are, and as bad as they sound, as long as you dont see horrible physical signs of violence? Go with your gut and try to calm them. Love them. Keep them at home. Send them to a room. Channel the anger. Give them a breather away from the situation whether this means go to their room or stopping the car and getting out for fresh air. I had some doctors try to have me send my son away. I am so glad I chose different options. I look at him while he is sleeping and think "he wouldnt be here for me to kiss him goodnight while he is sleeping if I did that!"



Make sure you engage his mind more too. I have also started finding things he likes to do specifially like Monopoly and cards. Children like this need to be away from tv and more into challenging games. Its hard, but I figure when I get the chance I take it. He gets enough tv everywhere he goes anyway! And when he does watch tv? I try to make it a learning channel. He loves the weather channel...go figure! He LOVES counting money too...lol. And sometimes I'll let him work for good behaivor and take his money to the corner store for a piece of candy. These are all good options for kids like ours who tend to be extremely gifted as well.



All these gluton free diets and stuff? Good in theory. But most people these days? We are lucky to sit down for dinner all together!!! I look for Gluton free products at walmart...but doing all my shopping at the natural organic store? Out of my single mom price league. So we do a few products...they make their apple juice walmart brand glueton free. But that is about it. I'm lucky he loves fresh veggies and fruits, etc.



But really? Just love him. Overly love him and go with your gut. Write him a note on occasion (especially after a bad episode...I've found it means a lot recently) and put it in a folder for school or on his pillowcase. Think of what you would want to hear after a situation. Make sure if you said somethings (we all do it...nothing to be ashamed of as long as it isnt huge) that you say "hey...mama messed up. I just dont like it when you do___ and it makes me upset too. Lets try to not have another morning like that...ok?" And of course when the mornings are good? PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE!!!



However, I just saw you were on the Vyvanse. This was when my son had his major, major problem. I'd consider switching!!! We did the medidate to take him off periodically and then put him back on adderall...once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Along with respirdone and one that begins with a "t " sorry i cant remember! But your doctor could I'm sure. I've not met one person who had a good experience with vyvanse. He always felt like he was crawling outside his skin.



I really hope I've been of some help. You are not a bad mother. I've said all these things. You sound just like me. You want to give him the world...and you want to be able to help him be successful. You are a good mom for all of this. I dont even know you and I can tell. Good luck with everything. Post back and let us know!!! I'm going to start check this more often. : )



P.S. kozmodancer@yahoo.com is my email...email me with any questions. We moms have to sick together!!! : )

Chyenne - posted on 10/13/2010

2

11

I can completely relate with the mornings. I have 4 boys...Ond is just ADD and was only on meds during junior high to help transisition to high school...dr wanted to keep him on meds but with the Iep at school he is getting a 3.2 GPA! My adopted 6yr old is another story...He is ADHD and probably mis diagnosed with other issues........He HAS to be medicated! We have issues every morning. We also have eating issues, but these occur even off meds. The school will not make sure he is eating his lunch.so i took him off meds for 2 days only to have the teachers calling me begging me to put him back on and they would do anything to get him to eat! LOL.

Anyway mornings and weekends are bad......He can not dress himself without wtching what my other 6 yr old is wearing that day then he copies him. He can not focus..he cries at the breakfast table. Then when there is a change in schedule such as long weekends and holidays, summer break, or starting a new class he regresses in almost every area acting like a 3 yr old. He sees a phychiatrist every 3 months but that is just to manage meds. They all say if he is doing fine in school on meds then we wont change a thing. And he is, but I wold like to see him get help for social skills ect and maybe ween him from meds. I am affraid he will be medicated for life or complete failure if not.

Linda - posted on 10/13/2010

2

15

My son is 22yrs old and I know exactly what you are talking about. I have felt the same way, a failure as a mother. He is our oldest of 5. He was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten. We also have two daughters with ADHD. When our son was 12 years old I had had it and called my insurance company crying and that I wanted a total nuerological work up on my son. They calmed me down and made an appointment with a pediatric nuerological phychologist. Then we got the correct diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. He is doing great. He is in college and just moved out on his own. The symtoms you have discribed about your son sound just like my son. I have to get to a meeting so I can't write more, however my email is lsheretosave@gmail.com if you would like to have further discussion. Take care Kelly and YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!

Maureen - posted on 10/13/2010

30

4

The scene you described on movie night could have happened at my house. My son has stated he wants to run away, we don't want him, he's stupid, etc. Our kids need reassurance that because they have ADHD, their behavior will not always be what they want. It's hard to reassure my son and at the same time not have him feel like he has an excuse to act the way he does. I feel you did all the right things on movie night. He had a very strong reaction, a tantrum, to being "consequented," and he was looking to say anything that would get your attention. I don't feel he was fully in control at that time.

We have to use our best judgment as to how our kids are really feeling. Our daughter also has ADHD, and one day she said "my stupid brain!" after she had a meltdown. Keeping the kids' self esteem intact is important, and there are many days I yell (for me, too, it's the only time they listen!). That is NOT good for their self esteem, but I am human, too. Both my kids are in counseling. We don't spend as much time analyzing the behaviors as we do teaching the kids to cope when they have impulses to do something they KNOW they shouldn't.

This isn't an easy road. My son recently was moved from group to group in gym, as no kids wanted to work with him. He was making noises, and he continued when they asked him to stop. He has no idea how this affects others. He has been in a social skills group at school, and I have him enrolled in a social adventures group at a local special needs camp. He still doesn't get it! He can tell me what the right thing to do is when I give him a scenario, but when it comes to applying it himself, forget it.

I think counseling will help your son. We are starting family counseling too, as my son's behavior (and my daughter's, too a lesser extent) has strained us all. We can't go anywhere or do anything without considering what mood our son is in. We can't truly enjoy ourselves while we are out, either. Can you relate? I was so hesitant about family therapy, but we need to do something or I'll lose my mind.

You are not alone!

Kelly - posted on 10/11/2010

27

2

THANK YOU, Phyllis! I love my kids more than anything. This can be so isolating and so easily I can feel like the worst mom on the planet.

Do you feel melatonin helps a lot with your son falling asleep?

I called his teacher at school today to ask how he's been at school lately. She says he's doing great, he's listening well, enjoying his work, seems more confident and is social. I do feel better having heard that.

I just have GOT to help him with resources for coping better when he's not medicated. Right now, it's like ON and OFF switch! Ugh.

Thanks, again!

Phyllis - posted on 10/11/2010

580

23

It is stories like yours (which is so like my own) that make me angry at the people who assume that we medicate our kids b/c we are too lazy to deal with them. You are not alone here, many of us are going through the same things to some degree. I would absolutely add ongoing therapy to your son's routine. My son is 7, has ADHD/ODD and a borderline conduct disorder. Anger management helped him a lot, and medication is a must for him. He simply cannot function in society without it. He has told me more than once that he hates who he is when he doesn't take his meds. Even at his age, he understands he needs them. Before he was diagnosed, he only slept 3 hours a day, he was wild and loud and violent. He was kicked out of every sitter and preschool he ever went to. One caregiver suggested an exorcism. (I think she was serious, which is creepy.) I felt like I was just a bad parent, and that I was constantly being judged. I could not even take my son to the store. If we had to go in public I had to have him on one of those kid leashes, or he would run off in traffic. ( i had a baby at the time to handle too) Now that we have started a program, things are better. He is on Concerta, and at night he takes Melatonin (OTC) and Clonidine (prescription) to sleep, and even though his appetite is low (a common effect of most meds) he is gaining weight ( although slowly) and growing well. In the mornings, I have to give him his meds before he is out of bed. I make sure he has at least 2 hours to get ready for school, as the meds don't kick in for the first hour. Things will get better! I promise! HAng in there, and message me if you need to talk.

Kelly - posted on 10/11/2010

27

2

I guess I didn't really 'ask' much, huh? I just would love to hear from anyone who can relate to this. I am so sad, frightened, etc. Feel like a failure of a mom.