Kelly - posted on 10/11/2010 ( 44 moms have responded )
HELP, please any input is so appreciated!
My son just turned 9 years old. A description of him: Creative, Loving, Affectionate, Very smart - especially in math, very interested and curious in building things, inventing things, understanding science, About 1/2 year below grade level in reading (has been in reading intervention since 1st grade), Comedic, Very Sensitive (both emotionally and some sensory such as loud noises, rough clothes), Lacks ability to focus, Always has had challenges focusing and sustaining eye contact and conversation - with this he often lacks ability to read social cues (i.e knowing when he is annoying someone or saying something offensive), does hyper/self-stimulating/immature behaviors such as high pitch screaming, baby-talk, history since pre-school of bad temper tantrums.
In March of this year, after hearing for nearly the entire 2nd grade school year that he lacked focus (but no reports of hyperactivity at school - just reports of being tuned out and class clown) we decided to try meds. Put him on 30 mg of Vyvanse. Reports from school have been consistently AWESOME and we see on the weekends that he is focused, calm, respectful, does not engage in immature behaviors, high pitch screaming, baby-talk, etc. Only concerns have been that he is sometimes TOO focused (school has NOT complained of this - I just feel this way sometimes - like he is so serious and focused and flat at times - not always) and also he has to be encouraged a lot more to eat (which is worrisome because he has always been a small and skinny kiddo). But, nobody at school has agreed with me on this. They tell me he's very social at school and full of personality.
Mornings SUCK - I repeat myself continuously, he's sill and can't listen, lacks focus, can't get things done, makes us late, drives his sister crazy, drives the dog crazy, is totally unconcerned with time, etc. but of course his pill hasn't kicked in. I have tried to make it better by creating a checklist with photos that shows everything he needs to get done before he can have some TV time prior to school. This helps, but we still have some terrible mornings and then I lose it (raise my voice) he is so sensitive and gets so ANGRY and it's all my fault and he thinks I'm so mean, etc., etc., etc. I know in my heart it's like he can't hear all my warnings, calm talk, etc. He only HEARS me once I am angry and then he must be like, "wow, she so's mean!" This is the way it seems anyway.
This Saturday morning, after we had been up late the night before at a birthday party he seemed wiped out. We had nothing planned so I thought I'd give him a med holiday and hopefully just pack him full of calories and chill that day. It was an EPIC, BAD DAY. He did not listen to anybody. He was rude. He was annoying. He was in everyone's face. He was disrespectful. He was sassy. He was loud. You get the picture. I gave him warnings that if I continued to have to talk to him about being disrespectful he was going to lose having a 'movie night' with the family in the basement (big couch, big TV in basement - family snuggles and eats popcorn and candy). Finally, after 3 strikes he was told to go to his room - no movie night. I go upstairs a while later and find him in my bedroom, watching TV! I calmly tell him he needs to be in his room and that he is not having movie night with us. HE FLIPS OUT. Goes in his room. Yells at me that he has already taken enough time upstairs being grounded and that he really wants to do movie night. I repeat to him calmly that he is to be in his room, that he had plenty of warnings and that he is NOT going to do movie night with us. He SCREAMS, YELLS, acts like (but does not) he wants to hit me. Bangs on his walls. He yells things like, "You just think I'm a stupid idiot. You hate me. You are being cruel. You don't want me in this family. I can't even watch a movie with my family. I hate this. My life is hopeless. I just want to run away from this family. I just want to be dead. I want to kill myself!" WELL, OMG. I never heard him say things like hopeless, wanting to be dead, wanting to kill himself.
My husband and I talked outside his room and waited for him to chill. He did not. We were freaked about the suicidal rant and we put him in the car and drove to children's hospital ER. He yelled at us the whole way that we were taking him to jail and that he would 'get his revenge'. Again, OMG.
He shortly calmed down at the children's hospital...as they were giving him slushies and letting him watch Spongebob...sigh.
Doc checked him out for medical issues and he was fine. Mental health assessment was required. Freaking out inside I am...wondering if I did the right thing by bringing him there. It was humbling to say the least. Of course, they have to talk with him to rule out that we are abusing him. We may not always know how to deal with ADHD, but my kids are MY LIFE. Certainly no abuse happening. Mental health provider finally talked with my husband and me and said she felt - probably because no meds, probably so angry with consequences and w/o coping skills that he threatened those things without really understanding what they meant, may be some anxiety issues in play (I certainly have always felt he's prone to anxiety - he's very afraid of being alone, stays RIGHT by my side at grocery store, likes me to stay at birthday parties even at this age, etc.)
Next stop is to get with psychologist this gal recommended. Right now, we are only under care of pediatrician who prescribes the Vyvanse (after we had an assessment by a pediatric behavioral psych who only does ADHD assessments - he does not do ongoing therapy).
Questions - Can anyone relate to this? I am so freaked out. I just want life to be good and happy for my son. I am so sad. Ugh.