some days I feel like I can't handle it anymore. He's twelve and the episodes are so incredibly frustrrating. Husband and I at witts end. HOW DO YOU COPE?

Tammy - posted on 02/12/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Any secrets for calming down and getting through it?: He's now had a good size episode at scouts and cadets so now he's made things difficult for himself there and may not be able to attend camps because the other kids dont want to deal with it.

He's on medication but mornings and evenings seem to be hell. Some days are ok, others, not so much.

We give him his meds early, before he gets up, but it's no help.

The angry outburst behaviours are not easy to deal with and we're getting so frustrated. We started arguing with each other about how to deal with him.

I know we can't be the only ones.

I'm worried now that he's going to turn thirteen. How will he ever have a social life? How will he succeed, hold down a job, have any kind of life?

He has not gone through puberty yet, but am losing faith that it will be any help to him, or us.

my head hurts.

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Rosemary - posted on 09/22/2013

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I just came online to look for advice or someone who has the same feelings. Its so tough, I am with my son alone all the time. My husband cant handle him and to fight my husband about this is equally exhausting. My son is 7, I fought tooth and nail to get him an Iep because his school kept him in time out constantly. I love my little guy so dearly and I feel horrible because I can't take it lately. He is so incredibly impulsive he hurts himself or others and does not ever learn a lesson. I have no family where I live, I dont even have one friend to call. My husband and I have not been on a date since he was born. I feel like I am going crazy and getting depressed which is not helping I know. I got him a guitar for his birthday and am hoping it could help but I have a hard time even hoping anymore because nothing works and I feel alone. Perhaps divorce would make my husband take him even if it were one day a week.

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2009

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Quoting Megan:

My son is also 12 yrs. & has ADHD. Which he got from, guess who, me! I didn't have the Hyperactivity as much though. He started on Concerta when he was in the 3rd grade & it was working very well in school, but his cooky personality that made us laugh went completely away! By the summer we were more concerned w/ the fact that he hadn't gained any weight in a year! His Dr. & I decided to take him off for the summer & because we kept busy @ the beach everyday he did well w/out the med. 4th & 5th grade were average(w/out the med) but now in 6th he is back on Concerta & his grades r only OK. But he is trying harder! We changed homework habits so there r no distractions but the weight is going down again! He is 83 lbs when last month he was 93! His Dr. isn't too concerned & said we should try things like Carnation instant breakfast & fattening foods. Any suggestions on some other not-too-unhealthy foods? he is an angry boy w/out the meds & we cannot take him off right now. I see alot of similar circumstances here! Maybe we can help each other w/ any probs we all encounter! Thanx for listening!



Hi Megan.  For weight.. I do give my son a Carnation Instant Breakfast every day.  He likes the chocolate flavor so we buy tins of just that.  You can buy it more cost effectively by a large tin instead of the packages(like a large hot chocolate tin.. not all stores offer this larger version so you may have to look around) and we make it with whole milk  3.25%.  We buy two milks weekly, ours, skim, and his, 3.25%.  He has it in his cereal, his shakes, in a glass with supper, anywhere most kids have milk - plus in his carnation. 



the packages are great for vacations.. you can buy a milk almost anywhere, add the powder, shake it up and viola.. extra calories and nutrition.   I also give him lots of cheeses, whole fat yogurt A(danone creamy he loves) .  I hope this helps you.



Tammy

Tammy - posted on 02/14/2009

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Quoting Megan:

My son is also 12 yrs. & has ADHD. Which he got from, guess who, me! I didn't have the Hyperactivity as much though. He started on Concerta when he was in the 3rd grade & it was working very well in school, but his cooky personality that made us laugh went completely away! By the summer we were more concerned w/ the fact that he hadn't gained any weight in a year! His Dr. & I decided to take him off for the summer & because we kept busy @ the beach everyday he did well w/out the med. 4th & 5th grade were average(w/out the med) but now in 6th he is back on Concerta & his grades r only OK. But he is trying harder! We changed homework habits so there r no distractions but the weight is going down again! He is 83 lbs when last month he was 93! His Dr. isn't too concerned & said we should try things like Carnation instant breakfast & fattening foods. Any suggestions on some other not-too-unhealthy foods? he is an angry boy w/out the meds & we cannot take him off right now. I see alot of similar circumstances here! Maybe we can help each other w/ any probs we all encounter! Thanx for listening!



Hi Megan.  For weight.. I do give my son a Carnation Instant Breakfast every day.  He likes the chocolate flavor so we buy tins of just that.  You can buy it more cost effectively by a large tin instead of the packages(like a large hot chocolate tin.. not all stores offer this larger version so you may have to look around) and we make it with whole milk  3.25%.  We buy two milks weekly, ours, skim, and his, 3.25%.  He has it in his cereal, his shakes, in a glass with supper, anywhere most kids have milk - plus in his carnation. 



the packages are great for vacations.. you can buy a milk almost anywhere, add the powder, shake it up and viola.. extra calories and nutrition.   I also give him lots of cheeses, whole fat yogurt A(danone creamy he loves) .  I hope this helps you.



Tammy

[deleted account]

I am a mother with ADD mostly, but have you tried him on different medication...I know what youare going through, my now 17 year old, put us through the stuff times too. we dealt withit for a long time before we found the propper medication. I laso learned through my esperiences that routine is a must.... My oldest also had agry outburst too, it is not easy I know, but if I ahve given you any help great.. The medication that my oldest is on is Straterra... It has helped him e focus, and for the past year he has been doing good, but boy do I remember all the outburst ...

Margaret - posted on 02/13/2009

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Hi Tammy,



I have a 13 yr old son on 54 mg Concerta, with a 15mg Ritalin boost at 4:30pm.  He's told us that he starts getting antsy by 8pm, so he gets time in his room reading/whatever until lights out at 9:30pm.  He is definately going through adolescent rebellion right now.  He is fighting everyone (school IEP teacher meets with him every day during his study period to help him organize his homework etc.).  He meets with a psychologist at the ADHD clinic once/month regarding how to handle his frustrations.  We are very black/white about attitude right now.  If he starts giving us attitude, or is being disrespectful we let him know he needs to change it, or go to his room.  Lots of times he storms off.  At least we get a break away from him.  He started trombone this year and, amazingly, LOVES playing it.  It's ok with me as long as his bedroom door is shut.  I think it helps since he doesn't really have any friends.  He is underweight, but we just let him make his own lunch and eat dessert every night.  We added the Ensure drinks for awhile, but I know he's eating, so I'm not overly concerned.  His Uncle has ADHD and is underweight and was never on meds, so I'm inclined to believe that that's just part of the metabolism of Type A/ADHD people.  If he couldn't eat then I'd be concerned, but my son eats 3 meals a day, plus a snack.



My son has threatened to run off and has actually left the house on a tirade, but he comes back after he "cools off".  An older friend of mine with ADHD said that he didn't "get it" until around Jr High.  Then he started to figure out that his emotions weren't getting him anywhere and he made a conscious effort to change his behavior.  So I suspect that we just need to wait it out.  Especially since our son is socially behind other kids his age.  I'm hoping that he figures it out mid-high school.  Until then, we take it one day at a time and work on lots of positive rewards for controlling anger (earning movies/favorite treats/time with Aunt/fun activity).  The positve rewards work soooo much better than the negative ones.  He really doesn't care what we take away from him.



Good luck.  It's certainly not an easy life with ADHD.  Do take time for yourself!  Sometimes we need the "time out" more than our children!!

Meg - posted on 02/13/2009

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My son is also 12 yrs. & has ADHD. Which he got from, guess who, me! I didn't have the Hyperactivity as much though. He started on Concerta when he was in the 3rd grade & it was working very well in school, but his cooky personality that made us laugh went completely away! By the summer we were more concerned w/ the fact that he hadn't gained any weight in a year! His Dr. & I decided to take him off for the summer & because we kept busy @ the beach everyday he did well w/out the med. 4th & 5th grade were average(w/out the med) but now in 6th he is back on Concerta & his grades r only OK. But he is trying harder! We changed homework habits so there r no distractions but the weight is going down again! He is 83 lbs when last month he was 93! His Dr. isn't too concerned & said we should try things like Carnation instant breakfast & fattening foods. Any suggestions on some other not-too-unhealthy foods? he is an angry boy w/out the meds & we cannot take him off right now. I see alot of similar circumstances here! Maybe we can help each other w/ any probs we all encounter! Thanx for listening!

Desiree - posted on 02/13/2009

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I feel for you. I'm struggling now because I took my son off the meds, because of the side effects. There's good days and bad days. I have found the one thing that calms him is art. I read somewhere that  an ADHD child will only pay attention to something they really enjoy, so we went out and got him art supplies and whenever he gets to wild or upset I tell him to spend sometime by himself and draw. I've also heard that musical instruments seem to interest kids with ADHD.

Heather - posted on 02/12/2009

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I completely understand!! My son is 12 also and I had finally come to grips w/the fact that it wasn't going to get easier w/age, it was actually going to get a lot worse. He has been on pretty much every drug there is out there, therapy,shrinks,EVERYTHING. Finally found a great doc about 6 months ago, he's now on Dextroamphetamine (15mg), which was about the only med we hadn't tried. I saw unbelievable results, as soon as 3 days into it. Now it's not a magic pill of course, and I was worried cause all of a sudden he seemed more depressed, but his shrink and therapist both feel that for the first time he is facing a lot of things that he has never dealt w/, and having to face that is making him blue from time to time. He has 12 years of never dealing w/anything, or grasping what he does to the family to catch up on. He has been on it for about 4 months now, and his grades have shot up,and he's actually doing homework, something he never did. I haven't had one call from the school( they all use to know me by name at every school he's been to), and is quick to say sorry when he slips up, which is also knew. We still have some bad days, but they are much less. I think now, that finding the right med that will allow them to slow down long enough to look at their lives is the key to greatness. Hang in there hon, I know there are days you just want to runaway, feel free to add me to your friendlist for support.

Tammy - posted on 02/12/2009

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Thanks for responding  Christina,



He sees the school councellor and a private one as well.  His meds are checked every eight to twelve weeks.  Mid day he's ok.  He has a very high metabolism and burns through his 54mg of concerta and if he has an after school sport it's completely burned up.

Christina - posted on 02/12/2009

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Maybe you need to take him back to the doctor and have his medication adjusted or maybe he needs to talk to a counselor. Try a school counselor. I just started my son on medication and he can get real emotional when he's coming down off of it. He tends to go and watch tv and be by himself until he adjusts. I feel for you guys. Now, what I do to cope is I read a lot. It takes me out of this and puts me somewhere else for a while. It helps me. Maybe you need to find a hobby that gets your minds off of the everyday things and recharges you. I also tend to listen to music with headphones when I'm frustrated and the louder the better to block out everything. I hope this helps. 

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