stressed out and feel alone

Karie - posted on 11/02/2010

Oh boy~do i ever know what your going threw!!! The sad part is i have a partner that isnt really there at all to help with him as he does the same as my 8 yr old son.My son bounces off walls every morning & night,he has been on & off ritalin,and onto concerta,i found concerta to work better for my son but he is at a high dose now but it helps him.He is also on a pill at night to help him relax n fall asleep~with that being said though~they learn how to fight the med's off,as my son has-so in turn it dont help.I have tired that melotonin & found it to be more harm to him than good :)......i have another son who is 19 now but was diagnosed at age 5 & was on ritalin from then till he was 15ish,then was taken off cold turkey & he is awesome.I feel ur pain of being alone & crying as i do this each n every morning & night....Take care,wish all the best to you :)

Rebecca - posted on 10/29/2010

My son is 10 and he was diagnosed when he was 6. He has been on concerta which worked well and then they switched him to vyvanse. Which is good too. U aren't alone if u need someone to talk to, u can talk to me

Kelly - posted on 10/29/2010

I just wanted to add my support here. You are NOT alone. I am married and having a child with pretty severe adhd has definitely put stress on marriage and family as a whole. It is really a challenge.

You sound like a GREAT mom. Keep advocating for your son and be sure to take time for YOU.

My son was kicked out of a daycare before he was officially diagnosed with adhd (pediatrician would NOT even address it because he was only 5 then and he won't deal with at that young of age.)

We did not get the opportunity (in retrospect - I should have fought harder) for assessment and meds until my son was in 2nd grade. Meds are working well for school day, but we're still struggling at home in AM before meds and after meds wear off. He also has some sensory issues that are getting better with age.

It DOES get better with age and time - with your child's maturity, with both of you developing coping skills, etc.

Hang in there. It's a game of constant tweaking, too. Right now we're switching my son's meds to see if it helps some of his anger issues at home. We're also now trying melatonin to help him get more sleep/better quality sleep. We're also now talking with a psychiatrist as opposed to just his pediatrician...and we may be looking at some behavioral psychology for him and for us as a family to develop better coping skills.

It is stressful. But, I can hear the love and concern in your posts. You just want the best for your child and it shows. (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) and be good to yourself ,too, mama. I can't really afford it but, I've started booking myself for a massage every 6 weeks. I don't think my husband likes the $$$, but it may keep me out of the funny farm ;-0

Cyndi - posted on 10/29/2010

Its hard my son was expelled from one daycare and they said he was to young to be diagnosed and at the time I was not sure if I would do medication if it was offered. I put him in a new daycare and they worked well with him, when he was in kindergarden we had him diagnosed with ADHD and sensory integration disorder, We did start medication and it worked well for him. He is now almost 10, we have to keep him on a schedual, he has an accasional accident in his pants related to the sensory issues but he is mainstreamed and is doing well so hang in there, hope is around the corner

Marta - posted on 10/28/2010

No matter what we do or don't do, these specail kids are high maitance children. It is vital that you get into a support group and also get time for yourself as well as time for you and your fiancee. I raised my ADHD/ODD son(now 16) along with his 4 other sinlings as a single parent for the past almost 7 yrs. I found that the times I felt most alone was when I couldn't get time for myself. Also anything that aids in getting night sleep for the child is always a welcome blessing. Caffine is a calming aid for an ADHD child. I thought my sister was wacked when she first told me that, but everytime this child of mine had coffee he did indeed calm down. Thier brain functions different than most so Caffine just simply has opposite effect on them then it does most people

Delita - posted on 10/28/2010

yor are not alone i am going through the same thing it will get better

Lisa - posted on 10/27/2010

Need a suggestion??? I have a son who is bipolar/adhd& ODD and a daughter who is ADHD & OCD and what I found that helped is because the brain has a hard time shutting down at night so kids with adhd tend to not sleep well is using an herbal non prescription of melatonin at nighttime. Both of my kids used to bounce off the walls. The melatonin has helped reset the inner system to function better. Even though it is non-prescription I would still strongly suggest making sure your child's physician is aware that you may want to try it before you just buy it off the shelf. My 9 year old takes a 1 pill 3mg dose every night an hour before she goes to bed. We used to have blow ups because she could never shut down and since she has been on it she goes to bed better then sleeps better which helps her function better the next day. I still give her the adhd meds in the a.m. but I find it works wonders and now she feels better about herself everyday. worth a try.wouldn't suggest trying any more than the 3 mg dose though. I only needed to use the 6mg dose cause my son who also used it was almost 11.

JONI - posted on 10/27/2010

I would be happy to help you find one as I know it can be hard.. feel free to e-mail me anytime.. Try contacting NAMI they can help you as well NAMI stands for national alliance for mental illness they would be a good start.

Tamira - posted on 10/27/2010

You ladies are awesome thank u so much for your encouragement I have tried to find local support groups here but was not succesful have not found one yet but I have not givin up

Wendy - posted on 10/27/2010

Well, everyone else has said what I was going to say! I totally understand what you are saying: feeling stressed and dealing with it on your own. My son is 12 1/2, adhd, clinically depressed and has anxiety...and I homeschool so I never get a break from him. My husband has gotten better about dealing w/ him but my son still feels like Dad hates him. (Dad just hates the symptoms) Hang in there, really try to find a support group, and take each day as a new begining. And let us know how he and you are doing!

JONI - posted on 10/27/2010

Hi Tamira,
Having a child with a disability is very hard for both people in the relationship, I have a 8 year old daughter with ADHD and Bi-Polar disorder and my fiance is not the biological father of any of my kids which in turn can create a bigger problem. The most important thing is to remember you have be your sons best advocate, I would suggest starting him in a remedial thearpy service as well as looking for a support group for parents with kids that have ADHD, you should check with your doctor and local hospital.
Keep your chin up and remember you are not alone and your son is not his disorder and his disorder does not define him. Yours truly Joni

Tamira - posted on 10/26/2010

I live in hampton va and he is 4years old andkatilyn u are absolutely right thats what im doing because my son is my world I could never choose a man over my son I have noticed since our talk things are improving around our home he has been taking darius fishing something they both love hes teaching darius patience and also spending more time with him to understand him better

Doris - posted on 10/25/2010

I will try and respond quickly once I get your response

Doris - posted on 10/25/2010

How old is your son and what town do you live in???

Kaitlyn - posted on 10/25/2010

If it comes to choosing fiance or son, choose son. Your finance needs to start loving and not hating, even though its hard. You already have enough trouble - marrying someone who hates your child will make everything much worse. I am not suggesting to break up - just let him know he has to step up if he want to be with you.

Keep working with the docs to find the right help for your son. Don't forget to have a really good friend take care of him once in a while so you can have some respite time to yourself.

Tamira - posted on 10/25/2010

I dont have any close relatives and my mom works alot I know ur right when I said I think he hates my son I was really upset so I did talk to him and told him how I felt he doesnt hate him he said that he just gets overwhelmed and frustrated sometimes with him but he does love him and me he is here for us and is gonna help any way he can for all of us to get through this

Stephanie - posted on 10/25/2010

Sounds like you need some mommy time! I totally understand your stress--especially when it comes to daycare issues. For years I found myself on edge during work hours wondering if I was going to be called by the daycare because my son was out of control. It took some time, but I finally found a daycare who was willing to work with my son and his ADHD issues. Have you considered finding another daycare? I know sometimes this isn't an option, and I totally feel for the position you are in. Also, what kind of support do you have? I have been very lucky because my mother has been very supportive and always helped with my son. But, it is still overwhelming at times. Do you have family or friends who would be willing to do some free childcare time for your son so you can have a break? The saying, "if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is so true!! And when you have an ADHD child, you always have to be on your best game. Try to take some time for you at least once a week so you can be your best--which in turn benefits your son. Lastly, I know your relationship is none of my business, but even if you love this guy why would you want him around if you think he hates your son? If he's not going to be supportive, you don't need him! Plus, remember that your son picks up on those feelings. I'm only saying this because I got rid of a boyfriend for saying things about my son and his behavior. Best of luck to you!! Take care of yourself!

Tamira - posted on 10/23/2010

You know what I do the counting and it works some days and some days he thinks its a joke but im gonna look into getting him a pcyh or something but thank u so much for ur help

Kristen - posted on 10/23/2010

Well, that is good that he is on something if he needs it. My son is ADHD and was diagnosed when he was in 3rd grade. He was always hyper and out of control before then but my husband did not believe in putting children on med's. Finally, after the teacher, psch, and myself spoke with him we tried him on Concerta. Things got so much better. Then, in 4th grade they put him on an anti-anxiety medicine and that helped even more. Now he is a totally different child and doing awesome in school and at home. Besides the medicine I think it has gotten so much better with him just maturing and growing up.
I don't really know what to tell you except to make sure he is on the right medicine for him, have him see a therapist ( my son met with one every other week and it helped a ton), and just keep working with him. I know this sounds crazy but when my child was younger, one of the things that really worked with discipline was the counting method. I would give him a warning of 1, then if he continued with behavior I would say 2 and then at 3 he would get a time out. I know that with ADHD kids don't respond as easily but a friend of mine with a child with ADHD told me about this. I did not think it would work but it really did. You just have to make sure to follow through on 3 every single time or they know they can get away with it. Anyway if you have any other questions let me know and I will try to help.
K

Tamira - posted on 10/23/2010

Yes hes on ritalen but thats it ive been looking for ways to help him since he has been diagnosed not just for him but me as well to learn how I can deal wwith this and help him

Kristen - posted on 10/22/2010

Is your son on medications? Is he seeing a psychologist and therapist?