Too much in one year for her to handle...

Holly - posted on 06/14/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I am having so many issues with my daughter, I'm not even sure where to begin.

First of all, my soon to be ex husband's girlfriend seems to keep upsetting my daughter, by saying she can't handle her, she's tired of my daughter lying and making up stories(not even sure about that). My daughter loved his girlfriend at first but now my daughter feels like this woman is sticking her nose in business where it doesn't belong. This woman last night told my son she can't handle my daughter, and doesn't understand why I can't see she's a lyer!

My daughter was diagnosed ADHD in February (we have not disclosed her diagnosis to her)

She has always been a strong willed kid, and has always given us a difficult time, but ADHD? Now that we are going thru a divorce, it seems she has taken that and just ran with it. I know she has got to be hurting, is upset and confused.

Today my boyfriend told me his son (who is 10) doesn't ever want to come over again as long as my daughter is here. He says she tries to beat him all the time. I am constantly on her about hitting and respecting personal space.

My son (15 y/o) refuses to watch her anymore, because she gets upset over the smallest of things, yells and screams, calls him names, dis-respects him.

Her teacher constantly complained about her, she was in 3 fights at school this year, boys and girls club was always calling me telling me how she broke the rules or wasn't respecting someone.

She is currently in counceling, she is on concerta.

I don't know exactly what kind of help I am asking for here. I guess it would be educational to know if other ADHD kids behave the way my daughter does, if so what have you found works for them so as to not hurt your social life as well as your childs? Maybe this isn't ADHD, maybe this is just her already stubborn personality feeding off of our divorce, but I still don't know what to do about it.

After my boyfriend explained how his son feels about my daughter and my son's recent decision to not babysit her while I'm work, and her recent problems with the new girlfriend; I'm so tempted to just pull away from everyone with her until I figure out what I "can" do to help her.

When I try to explain to my daughter that standing too close to someone is disrespectful, or hitting them just because they said something hurtful isn't acceptable behavior...she just yells, cries and screams at me, and won't listen to reason. I'm so frustrated and confused. I love my daughter, she's beautiful, and can be so fun to be around. But lately, I am at my wits end.

Any advice or suggestions? I will seriously take them....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Chrisandjada - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Holly:

Hey Maria
I appreciate your thoughts on the bipolar...I have often thought that her dad is bipolar and I'm not saying that to be mean. I will bring it up in her counceling session this week.
Yesterday was a good day for her. I woke her up to take her pill before I went to work, and my son actually spent the whole day with her. They went for a run and then hung out at the pool all day. She was even decent when I got home from work, we went on a bike ride to the playground and she really enjoyed herself. She only began being emotional after dinner when she asked me to put nail polish on her nails, and a little got on her skin. She wanted black w/pink polka dots, the dots didn't turn out that great and she accidentally smudged a nail...you would have thought it was the end of the world. I remained calm and told her I will fix them, I just needed her to calm down. She just couldn't do it. About an hour later, she wanted to snuggle with me ... which is not like her at all. She has never been a "snuggly" kid.
Back to her taking her pill, that is a huge struggle...she hates taking her pill. It's a teeny tiny pill and everytime, she gags and acts like she's going to throw up. I've tried putting it in a spoonful of ice-cream, yogurt...nothing works. Anyone have a suggestion on how to get her pill down her? I've brought it up w/her doctor several times, and she just tells my daughter she needs to take her pill...I read there is a patch, but not sure if it's for kids ...


You have done a lot of meds switching lately, which isn't helping. It takes at least three weeks for a medicine to fully absorb into the blood stream, and it can take up to six months for the body to fully adapt.  My nine-year-old, who has some of the same problems you have described in your daughter, is now taking 54mg of Concerta and it's really seeming to work well for her.  However, during the transition in her body, we found that she was having problems with "crashing" as the meds wore off.  When an ADHD body crashes, it doesn't "get tired;" it gets "wired." The hyperness, the whininess, the distractability all magnify. My child seemed to get more and more wound up and would lie awake for hours at night. When the rst of the family fell asleep, she would get up and let her curiousity about things get the best of her. she started taking a tenth of a milligram of clondidine in the evening and it has REALLY helped her out. The change has been amazing. Now, as long as we take the meds at about the same time every day and she goes to bed at the same time every evening, the only regular challenging time we have in our day is when she first wakes up until about half hour after the medicine kicks in. We have also pretty much eliminated sugar from her diet, although she does get maybe once every other day or so.  We also still struggle with lying and she's pretty obsessive compulsive, but we're working on things. It's an illness. Unfortunately, it's easy to just look at it as bad behavior or a phase they'll outgrow, but it's not. We will always have to manage it, kind of like diabetes. Anyway, that's my experience...

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Melissa - posted on 10/07/2010

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this sounds alot like the autism my nephew has. he was removed from a private preschool because no one could control him. he can be very loving but one wrong word and he is done. My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and we are still working on meds but her therapist has been our God send. He has helped us to realize how much we were on her and how throwing so many questions or demands just threw her into a fit. She could not process all that was being said. we learned to make lists of things she can do herself (brush hair and teeth, put on pj's, clean up bedroom, get clothes out for next day, etc). So now instead of asking did you do this and this and this, we just say have you completed your list. one question; one answer. also limiting electronic devices has helped also. no tv, ds, cell phone (not real but she likes to play games, take pics, etc) one hour before bed and none until all school work and or chores are done. We posted all the rules and consequences on paper on her bedroom door. our therapist is at southland services in north charleston, sc. Would not be surviving with out him. Sometimes we just don't know what is going on in their little heads to best help them. hope this helps!

Holly - posted on 06/21/2009

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Hello Holly. I have a daughter who is 13 and some of the behaviors you describe remind me of her very much. She is on Vyvanse and Strattera now. One thing I have worked on really hard, (and believe me, it doesn't come easy for me!) is providing a very rigid schedule for her. She has a hard time adapting to change and it seems to increase her tantrums. I have schedules written out and posted on the fridge. This allows her to feel more in control of herself and less like I am always telling her what to do. The other thing I have found, and it sure is not easy either, is to stay as calm as possible. This is not always possible because we are emotional about our children. She seems to come out of the tantrums faster if I am calm and do not raise my voice or let her see she is REALLY stressing me out! Of course I am human so it is a choice I feel like I have to consciously make every time she "spirals down." Just a couple ideas for you, but there is not a sure-fire answer for every child. I could use tips too as I don't pretend to know how to respond all the time. Hope it helps :)

Holly - posted on 06/19/2009

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Quoting Rabecca:

i dont cringe anymore when the phone rings during the day. 



 my son was on sattara and I really though he needed a priest and some holy water sccarry sorry i know this is long but i hope yopu found something that helps sometimes it just helps to know you are not the only parent who feel overwhelmed and dealing with a ADHD kid thier lots of us thats what were herwe for so vent away!!






Rabecca!  OMG!  YOU so made me laugh!  I swear you were in my head when you wrote this...I DO cringe whenever the phone rings or when I have to pick my daughter up at school, cuz I'm always afraid they'll corner me and tell me what awful thing she did, ie punched some girls lights outs, scratched a boy bloody! 



And the part about needing holy water and a priest!  LOL, I just started giggling when I read that, cuz I so can relate! 



I haven't told her yet that she is ADHD, I did ask the councilor to recheck her for other possibilities...such as the bipolar.  I want an accurate diagnosis before I tell her.  So far the new meds are working; when I can get her to take them.  I asked doc today about a patch form, she is researching to see if there is a patch for children.  There is for adults.



Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your story.  I loved it and appreciated it very much. 

Rabecca - posted on 06/19/2009

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ADHD sound right to me becuase my son is and definatly has personal space issues he puts his hands all over people gets kicked out ot the boys and girls club on a regular basis for pushing throwing things having melt downs what ever .I can tell you most of this stopped when we found the right meds .You are not alone but having a ADHD child can feel very isolating you cant take them anywhere no one offers or wants to waltch them shopping with them is impossible and pease and quite whats that ????

People do not understand how alone and hard it is to have a ADHD child and some try to make you feel bad for medicating them I never will understand that I mean if they were bi ploar you would get them what they need right .and no one would tell you your druging your child to make your life easier I mean give me a break with that its so far from the truth or we feel like its us we are bad parents who cant get our kids to act right but its not us our kids do have a issue that causes this behavior we love and disapline and teach our kids just as much as anyother loving parent.Its hard to know what to do for them and really is a test out to see what works for your child kind of disorder,my son has very bad outburst of anger when he has foods with artifical dyes esp. red dye and we take omega 3 for focus and brain function those things help alot but not enough without his vyvance .

I think the number one thing you should do is have a serious talk with your doctor tell him that she is still having lots of problems maybe its time to try another med and you may have to play these lets see how she does with this one game we went through 3 before vyvance and i could tell the difference right away the others it was kind of like well hes doing better but is this the best its going to get and it wasnt he is doing great now he dose have some sleeping issues once in awhile but all in all hes doing great and this is the frist year we ever recieved awards for his behavior and has been taken off all the school disinplainy action programs and preventative programs hes making friends and I do not recieve calls everyday from the club or school maybe once in awhile but i can handle that its like i dont cringe anymore when the phone rings during the day.

there is light atthe end of this it just takes alot of commitment focus and determination to get them into knowing they can control this butthey have to work at it too as my son gets older he understands more that yes he has to work harder than most kids to act right but he can do it because he is smart and a amaing kid now its just not me that see that

her symtoms could be worse becaus eof the divorce because shes scared nervious just not as safe as she used to feel everything is different for her so that can play into her symtoms becaus ethey start to focus so much on what they feel that they dont realize they are getting carried away or out of control and even if they do they are so far into it they just dont have that capablity to bring them selves out of it impulse control is so huge with ADHD the impluse to touch,lie ,act do whatever it is they just dont have that filter that most kids do the if i do this i am going to get in so much trouble till they ar ein troublr and its to late its so hard to waltch them because after the fact they are sorry and they know they messed up again and they start to have low self asteem and axiety because they know if they go to school they are going to be in the office or to the club hey migh thave a problem so letting them know you dont expect them to be perfect but they have to knoe they ar ein control of the situation they can do the right thing or if they dont they will get in trouble i try really hard to make my son know yes he has ADHD but he is in control of it not the other way around its not his fault he has it but i cant make him behave when he gets all mad or saad or whatever he has it in his control to say im okay i can act right even if i am upset i think it helps him alot to know that he can do the right thing but yes her behavior does sound typical of ADHD but honestly with tthis all kids act and react differently and it depends on what medication they are on you can have the most amazing results with on emed and the ADHD kid next store could have tried it and it was awful for him or her my son was on sattara and I really though he needed a priest and some holy water sccarry sorry i know this is long but i hope yopu found something that helps sometimes it just helps to know you are not the only parent who feel overwhelmed and dealing with a ADHD kid thier lots of us thats what were herwe for so vent away!!

Chrisandjada - posted on 06/16/2009

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Good luck. Unfortunately it takes so much time which is hard on you and your child, I know. I have had times where I have cried, times where I've lost patience with my child, times where I've hugged her until we both calmed down. It's really, really hard. I could tell my mom felt like I was exaggerating when I described things... until we stayed with her for two weeks and she experienced it first hand. I don't know the easy answer. Heck, I don't even know the hard answer. We still work on things every day and sometimes I worry beyond belief about what the rest of her life holds for her. Other days I'm proud of the progress we made. Every day I love her beyond belief. She makes me laugh, cry, and everything in between. I do know that when I get plenty of sleep and make a point of taking time for myself every now and again, I'm a better mom. Circle of Moms has been really helpful to me to. Just knowing you're not alone in the struggles is relief. Bless you and your family.

Holly - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hey Jada

yes, they have been trying to find the right meds, dosages, etc...she was on Strattera for about 3 months, and then last month we decided to try the Metheylphenidate, which from my understanding is the same ingrediants as the current med she is on, Concerta.

She doesn't seem to experience hyperness, ever. But the whineyness (sp?) and moodiness...oh yea! LOL

Maria - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hi Holly, Glad I could be of a little help.  The more they study the more they find out of course, and one of the things they have found is that there is most definitely a link when it comes to heredity.  Food choices are important for both bipolar and ADHD people.  Sleep is extremely important.  So is stress levels.  Does your daughter see a primary (MD) doctor or does she have a psychiatrist?  Nothing against primary md's but a full evaluation and possibly blood work and other tests then a proper diagnosis being determined by a Pyschiatrist (they are specialist's in both ADHD and Bipolar).  There are several types of bipolar; and it sounds as if your daughter may possibly bipolar TYPE 2, which has what they call hypomanic episodes in the form of anger, frustration, aggitation and anger.  The episodes are not the same as the "manic" episodes in regular bipolar which take the form of Euphoric but wreckless behavior.  This meaning, excessive spending, driving fast, sexual promiscuity, and things of that nature.  Hypomanic can have the "ups" but are more of just an more stabile mood followed by the swing to anger, etc... in the "down swing"  type 2 can become depressed, withdrawn, feeling hopeless or helpless.  If you have a chance visit webmd.com and look up bipolar and under the bipolar submenu you can find info about the TYPE II bipolar.  Sleep deprivation (over tiredness) and stress are what they call "triggers" for the hypomanic episodes. I hope this helps some more and feel free to message me any time if you would like to talk... I am not an expert by any means but I have experience with this.  I am always glad to share my experiences with the hopes of being to  help.                                                                                                                                                                                                              Quoting Holly:

Hey Maria
I appreciate your thoughts on the bipolar...I have often thought that her dad is bipolar and I'm not saying that to be mean. I will bring it up in her counceling session this week.
Yesterday was a good day for her. I woke her up to take her pill before I went to work, and my son actually spent the whole day with her. They went for a run and then hung out at the pool all day. She was even decent when I got home from work, we went on a bike ride to the playground and she really enjoyed herself. She only began being emotional after dinner when she asked me to put nail polish on her nails, and a little got on her skin. She wanted black w/pink polka dots, the dots didn't turn out that great and she accidentally smudged a nail...you would have thought it was the end of the world. I remained calm and told her I will fix them, I just needed her to calm down. She just couldn't do it. About an hour later, she wanted to snuggle with me ... which is not like her at all. She has never been a "snuggly" kid.
Back to her taking her pill, that is a huge struggle...she hates taking her pill. It's a teeny tiny pill and everytime, she gags and acts like she's going to throw up. I've tried putting it in a spoonful of ice-cream, yogurt...nothing works. Anyone have a suggestion on how to get her pill down her? I've brought it up w/her doctor several times, and she just tells my daughter she needs to take her pill...I read there is a patch, but not sure if it's for kids ...


 

Maria - posted on 06/16/2009

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Quoting Holly:

Hey Maria
I appreciate your thoughts on the bipolar...I have often thought that her dad is bipolar and I'm not saying that to be mean. I will bring it up in her counceling session this week.
Yesterday was a good day for her. I woke her up to take her pill before I went to work, and my son actually spent the whole day with her. They went for a run and then hung out at the pool all day. She was even decent when I got home from work, we went on a bike ride to the playground and she really enjoyed herself. She only began being emotional after dinner when she asked me to put nail polish on her nails, and a little got on her skin. She wanted black w/pink polka dots, the dots didn't turn out that great and she accidentally smudged a nail...you would have thought it was the end of the world. I remained calm and told her I will fix them, I just needed her to calm down. She just couldn't do it. About an hour later, she wanted to snuggle with me ... which is not like her at all. She has never been a "snuggly" kid.
Back to her taking her pill, that is a huge struggle...she hates taking her pill. It's a teeny tiny pill and everytime, she gags and acts like she's going to throw up. I've tried putting it in a spoonful of ice-cream, yogurt...nothing works. Anyone have a suggestion on how to get her pill down her? I've brought it up w/her doctor several times, and she just tells my daughter she needs to take her pill...I read there is a patch, but not sure if it's for kids ...


 

Ardeliah - posted on 06/16/2009

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You say it was after supper that her behavior took a turn for the worse? I don't know if it helps but with my son, he has about an hour a day, when the pill wears off where he seems to be worse than before he takes a pill. It happened more before he turned 13 but every so often the tantrum starts and I just have to look at the clock to know why.

I heard from my doctor that it is possible to be bipolar and have ADD. So that could be a possibility too.

As for the pill, I have no ideas. My son has always taken his well so I haven't had to resort to tricks.

Holly - posted on 06/16/2009

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Hey Maria

I appreciate your thoughts on the bipolar...I have often thought that her dad is bipolar and I'm not saying that to be mean. I will bring it up in her counceling session this week.

Yesterday was a good day for her. I woke her up to take her pill before I went to work, and my son actually spent the whole day with her. They went for a run and then hung out at the pool all day. She was even decent when I got home from work, we went on a bike ride to the playground and she really enjoyed herself. She only began being emotional after dinner when she asked me to put nail polish on her nails, and a little got on her skin. She wanted black w/pink polka dots, the dots didn't turn out that great and she accidentally smudged a nail...you would have thought it was the end of the world. I remained calm and told her I will fix them, I just needed her to calm down. She just couldn't do it. About an hour later, she wanted to snuggle with me ... which is not like her at all. She has never been a "snuggly" kid.

Back to her taking her pill, that is a huge struggle...she hates taking her pill. It's a teeny tiny pill and everytime, she gags and acts like she's going to throw up. I've tried putting it in a spoonful of ice-cream, yogurt...nothing works. Anyone have a suggestion on how to get her pill down her? I've brought it up w/her doctor several times, and she just tells my daughter she needs to take her pill...I read there is a patch, but not sure if it's for kids ...

Maria - posted on 06/15/2009

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I hope you do not take this the wrong way; however let me tell you what I have learned over the last several years. Bipolar and ADHD have very common symptoms in children and teenagers. I know many people do not like to hear this. But it is most definitely in the child's best interest to look into this. If it is the case an early diagnosis is what will help your child because the meds are most definitely different and behavior management can also be adjusted. As far as the husband's girlfriend some people just can't handle children who need extra attention and an ADHD or Bipolar child most definitely need extra attention and different methods of raising them to motivate, keep them on task, and a wide variety of other things must be employed to help the child and yourself. As far as school is concerned, I highly recommend that an IEP or 504 be implemented with whomever handles children with disabilities. It does not cause a stigmatism because the child is not considered "special ed." and should not be put into special classes, they are just afforded the opportunity to be taught in a way which is best for their learning style. My son has been main stream and actually honors classes for most of his school years. The child, under the ADA laws must be afforded the proper accommodations to an equal education. ADHD is a medical disability and should be treated as such and not as a learning disability.

Holly - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Shauna:

I tried that, scouts and tae kwon doe. But he couldn't handle all the other kids in the room. It distracted him too much. Baseball was the opposite. He loved being an outfielder but he would get distracted by a passing butterfly and miss the ball.



LOL, that's my daugther!  A passing butterfly ruins her! 



We put her in gymnastics, she loved it, then one day she just didn't wanna go anymore...she said it was because she got hurt....but I wonder if she was embarrassed because she felt she wasn't as good as the other girls?  I don't know, we put her in soccer too, she loved playing but said the rules were too confusing to her. Her big brother even tried to help her understand soccer, but it was just too much for her.  She loved cheer camp, but now I'm in such financial squander from my divorce, I can't afford to put her in cheerleading. 

Holly - posted on 06/15/2009

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Quoting Sue:

Hi Holly,



I sympathise with your frustration...my son who has ADHD is 23...and it has been very hard work but he has achieved a lot...I am fortunate that he managed without medication...so I didn't have to deal with the side affects...I agree with shauna that making a list and taking a look at it can make things clearer...my son could be totally different with others...we did have problems with him telling Lies although he had at the time never lied at home!

he struggled at school and was always in the middle of problems...the Acedemic children found him too hyper...the more active children found him too intense.



I have come into contact with many young children with ADHD who all display different behaviours...my son had Dyslexic tendancy's something he inherited from me!



even now at 23 he finds the playstation and movies a safe haven...we have real problems getting him to go out and mix...it isn't easy...as at 23 he is an Adult!

one that I might add ...has a job on an IT helpdesk and drives his own car...so there is hope!



I have always found talking to other mums a help...even if it just makes you feel less alone.



some professionals as shauna said ..can be good and some no use at all!...it's all trial and error.



I never said I doubt my daugther lies.  I have had issues with her on that myself, however, I don't appreciate her dad's new girlfriend calling her a liar, to my son! 



It is helpful to read that there is hope!  And I know a lot of these kids do eventually out grow, or learn to deal with ADHD with proper help and sometimes meds. 



I think a lot of my daughter's problem is her dad and his girlfriend.  He never wants to see her, except on his court ordered days, never calls her just to see how she is doing, won't discuss her situation with me. I just text him and asked him if he is taking her for Father's day, and he told me no!  That's gotta make a kid feel wanted, right?  So, I'm not going to tell her anything, and I'm planning a trip to a wildlife park for that day.  Hopefully she will have so much fun there, she won't give it a second thought.



 

Ardeliah - posted on 06/15/2009

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I tried that, scouts and tae kwon doe. But he couldn't handle all the other kids in the room. It distracted him too much. Baseball was the opposite. He loved being an outfielder but he would get distracted by a passing butterfly and miss the ball.

Sue - posted on 06/15/2009

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having had another think I can rememnber James not likeing change....The Doctor suggested a punch bag, judo, or some form of disciplined club...helps them focus and get rid of their frustration

Sue - posted on 06/15/2009

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Hey shauna thats a great dea...we did get a spell checker and dictaphone for James to keep iea's on...now days you can get these hand helds.....James has a phone with a diary and reminders oni it...helps with his memory!

Ardeliah - posted on 06/15/2009

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Another thing, If you do tell her, make sure she knows that having ADD is no excuse for bad behavior. My son tried that for a while and I just let him know that that was the reason he was finding it so hard to behave. It didn't excuse it, and he could still behave, he would just have to work harder at it.

His extra disability is a processing disorder. He can read at a grade 11 level in grade 8 but his writing skills are more like someone in grade 3. He just can't seem to get it out of his head and onto the paper. He will sit for hours with his pen in hand trying to organize his thoughts enough to get the words on paper. Even with the writer, (a mini computer/keyboard he can use in class to type with) he only gets a few sentences out. That was when I had the idea to have him video tape his thoughts, with me typing them out later. He does so much better like that.

Sue - posted on 06/15/2009

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Hi Holly,





I sympathise with your frustration...my son who has ADHD is 23...and it has been very hard work but he has achieved a lot...I am fortunate that he managed without medication...so I didn't have to deal with the side affects...I agree with shauna that making a list and taking a look at it can make things clearer...my son could be totally different with others...we did have problems with him telling Lies although he had at the time never lied at home!


he struggled at school and was always in the middle of problems...the Acedemic children found him too hyper...the more active children found him too intense.





I have come into contact with many young children with ADHD who all display different behaviours...my son had Dyslexic tendancy's something he inherited from me!





even now at 23 he finds the playstation and movies a safe haven...we have real problems getting him to go out and mix...it isn't easy...as at 23 he is an Adult!


one that I might add ...has a job on an IT helpdesk and drives his own car...so there is hope!





I have always found talking to other mums a help...even if it just makes you feel less alone.





some professionals as shauna said ..can be good and some no use at all!...it's all trial and error.

Misty - posted on 06/15/2009

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My son was the same way in his earlier years of ADHD between age 3-5, how old is she? We tried several different meds, and Concerta was one of them, which made him very emotional, it could be the meds, I would switch her to something else....

Holly - posted on 06/15/2009

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Thank You Shauna, very helpful input.

So her behavior could be the ADHD? Yes, we have been messing with her meds and dosages since she was diagnosed. We have had her on Strattera up until two weeks ago, then we switched her to Metheylphenidate and this week we switched her to Concerta. I don't like her being on these medications, she said they make her feel jittery, and funny. The Strattera was all natural, but it wasn't doing anything for her.

I don't believe her teacher was helpful but her Aunt worked at the school and she had a great councelor.

She does complain that everyone treats her like she's stupid. Her brother doesn't have the patience for her, and no matter what I tell him, he just can't cope with her or her behavior. Her dad apparently yelled at her over the weekend cuz she can't seem to get used to the idea of the divorce. She doesn't even want to see him now. I just feel so bad for her, feel like I can't help her.

I will reconsider talking to her about her diagnosis...it makes sense that if she knows it may help. We didn't want her to know because she does have a tendancy to be a hypocondriac..and we didn't want her to use it as an excuse for her behavior.

Thank you again for all of your helpful info. I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you have experienced and what has worked for you and your child.

Ardeliah - posted on 06/14/2009

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First up I would suggest writing down everything everyone has ever told you your daughter has done. Then give that list a long hard look. You may want to believe that your child is not doing any of what they are saying but it is quite possible that they are seeing another part of her that she isn't showing you or that you are refusing to see. I have a 13 year old boy with ADD and I know how frustrating it can be when he acts one way with you and another with others.



Have you tried discussing her medication with your doctor? Is it possible that the dosage isn't correct and needs adjusting?

I know it took a few years to get my sons right. Now we can actually talk to him about things with out him running off screaming. And I am sure the divorce isn't helping either. Stressful situations are incredibly difficult for ADD kids to handle and they don't handle them in the same way as other kids. My sons one response to any question about what he is feeling is that he doesn't know. He has a hard time recognizing the feelings of others. It is possible that your daughter is having the same difficulty.



Now you mentioned that you haven't let her know her diagnosis, I ask you to discuss that decision and reconsider. My son didn't understand at first why he couldn't do things the way everyone wanted him to. We had a long talk at the doctors office and discussed how the ADD affected his brain and his decision making process. A lot of his frustration (that was coming out as anger directed at everyone) was because he thought he was stupid or crazy for not doing things the way everyone else was. He now gets that he has this problem. I found it cut down a lot on the outbursts. He also was told in no uncertain terms, that this was not an excuse for any of his behavior but a reason. We then went on to explain until he understood. (That took a few weeks) that he did have the potential to behave better. That was what all the support at school was for. To help him to behave in a better fashion to be able to understand everything. Little things like doing homework are almost impossible for him. He could sit and stare at paper for hours. Until I came upon the idea of giving him a video camera. He could record what he wanted to write down and I would type it out for him. Or just give it to the school to review.

Now that he understands his own difficulties, he is responding much better to others and is even able to recognize when the frustration is setting in to ask the teachers or even us to leave him alone for a while until he can wrap his mind around what is happening.



My son doesn't have much of a social life. He has one friend who is in another school who comes over for sleep overs just about every weekend. But at his school he feels alone and left out. The teachers are trying to help and so are the school counselors but nothing has made him feel as a part of the group. In fact most of the time he prefers to be on his own. He works best in a very small group (4 or 5) 6 is just too many. Talk to the school about resources she can use to be on her own or in a smaller class.



Also, don't forget to take time for yourself. This divorce and situation has to be stressful to you as well. And it can sometimes come out when you are least aware of it. If you can keep your mind calm and relaxed you will be better equipped to help your daughter. Don't be afraid to ask for help too. Not all professionals are overloaded and some can even go that extra mile to help.

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