Is it nomal or is it just my age!!!

Peita-Marie - posted on 01/02/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I've been married to my husband for 6mths now been together for 5 1/2 years altogether i'm 22years old and feel like i'm alone. Our daughter Alyssa is 15mths old now and i find it hard everyday. With his long hours and the odd day off here and there. I'm a stay at home mum to and i'm so happy that i've got my little girl. All of my friends have there husbands that work 9-5, and they help out with bath time and dinner time and i do it myself. When my husband is home he wants to relax and play with her but do none of the dirty jobs or the hard work. I love my husband and my daghther so much i want everything in the world for them both. Is it normal to feel like a single mum except for 2 days a week when he is home or what??? how can i get him to help???

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Peita-Marie - posted on 03/21/2009

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Thanks everyone, We have made some progress he is now helping me out doing more around home we take turns of things around the house now and his work has employed 1 more chef and a 3rd year so thats helping him not stress so much.

As for our daughter he is being there for her now more then ever and we are being a family going out on the days he has off and doing fun things not all the time tho we do the shopping on day before he goes to work and i come home and unload it and he goes to work before hand and we do this so that we don't have to do it on his days off.

He also gets his time to himself when i take our daugther to the park or for a walk or we hang around the house doing painting and activities and then he takes her for a walk or they go outside and play together and then i get some ME time too.

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2009

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sorry i cut myself off..... :) but on the days where he is off at night, he helps out with the bedtime routine so i can breath for a few minutes and take a quick break. plus he helps me out by cooking most of the time he is off. the best thing to do is just discuss it with your "other' AND work something out that is the best fit for the two of you!!

Sarah - posted on 03/20/2009

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dont worry!! as you can probably tell from the responses, you're not alone!! i understand where you are coming from. i've been dealing with this for 7 years now. and it does suck! i do appreciate all the hard work he does. i know its not easy for him, but i wish he was home more. my husband works 2 chef jobs!! haha so he basically only has one full day off. and 2 days where its only one job that he works at. but i hate it b/c it seems like we're rushing around trying to do everything in the one day he does have off.

[deleted account]

Oh Honey I think we've all been there!

Just take it one day at a time. Just because you're friends have husbands home at 5 doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your family. It goes with the territory of being a chefs wife. Just make sure on his days off he spends time with her.

The way we do it is on his nights off he does the bed time routine. That way I get a break from it. Maybe you can suggest that?

Natalie - posted on 02/01/2009

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Hi There Ladies! I should start at the beginning as it's the best place to start. When I met my husband he was actually a teacher at the Abbatoirs as he was a trainer slaughterman, butcher & boner. We had a car accident with me driving & he had the opportunity to re train & became a Chef. It's very hard to live the lives that we lead at times but we had to remember that it's just as hard or even harder on our other halves. If your hubbies are like mine then being a Chef isn't something that he just does, it's who he is. It is the building block of the creative, artistic, tempremental person that he is. I'm ssssssssoooooo much closer to 40 than 20 these days & have been with my husband for nearly 20 years & married for 15. Our gorgeous daughter is 11 this year & I'd just like to empower you with the thought that it won't always be like this forever. With age my husband has had the opportunity to diversify into training, studying & labour hire for the hospitality industry. Most Chefs only last in the industry for 10 to 15 years because they've had enough. It is the most hard hitting, stressful industries that you can be in & we have to remember that even though we're with the kids all day run off our feet & fighting different battles that he's in a hot as hell kitchen dealing with apprentices that don't go quick enough, staff that don't care as much as he does, customers that expect something for nothing & unfortunately people as happy making complaints but when was the last time your significant other came home & told you about a wonderful compliment that was paid to him by a customer? You do feel like a single Mum, I know - I've been there & it's tough, but I promise you will make it out the other side of it. Don't try to make him do things you want him to do with the kids because he's not a child to be placated but do just sit down & be honest. It's amazing how a man can listen so intently when you start a coversation with "Honey I Love You & I'm Missing You Sooooooooooooo Much". I did an exercise once & added up all the time & effort I put into around the house when at home fulltime with our young daughter & then added up the hours he spent at work & it wasn't pretty - it can't be compared. I used to at least have time out when our little one was in bed & could have a cuppa but he would go non stop for 18 hours a day & then sleep for only 3 & start it all over again!!! My magical lifeline though was preparation. At times the industry is chop & change & as my husband has also been a contractor we've had periods where he's had quite a few changes in the locations of his work in a shorter period of time (instead of when he spend years & years in the one place). Anyway, I squirrel money away so that when he's finished up at one place & going onto the next that I can encourage him into taking time off for the "families sake & for his health too". He had the opportunity to finish a contract earlier than expected (just before Christmas) or go through to the New Year, but it was his decision. He asked me if he should finish early & my answer was "Hell Yeah". Our first Christmas together in years & years? I wasn't going to pass that up. Had I not prepared & had money put away though then he would have had to go off to the next contract so that the money kept on coming in. This way we're sitting pretty & he's still at home with us right now! It's taken me years to learn this but maybe it might help someone. The other thing is to find a good support network & lean on them. I don't know what I would have done without my girlfriends in the early days when I had a toddler & no husband, but I promise that I'm living proof that it will get easier. Keep on keeping on & stay with it! Be strong!

Jessica - posted on 02/01/2009

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its def not an age thing its just the way things are. at some point he'll let you know that with you as the stay at home he trusts you more than himself to do the job of parenting and all the time he spends away...being the "bad guy" is not an option.



my hubby and i are going on 5 yrs and it took just about the 3 months after i went back to work to blow up, i don't hide anything well. confront it head on, get you daughter to a play date or something, its always better to talk away from kids. good luck

Holly - posted on 01/18/2009

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i too have the same feelings. As much as i appreciate the hard work and ling hours my partner does i often feel like a single mother of our two boys . They dont seem to realise being a stay at hom emum is a full time job that we dont get any time off for! My partner and i have an arrangement where on one of his days of i get half a free day to do with what i like. i get a break and he spends time with the boys.

Melissa - posted on 01/18/2009

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Hi, I feel the same! My husband has off 2 days a week and doesn't help me very much. When he is home he is so tired. He does cook dinner though which helps, and he brings me home food from work so that I have lunch. Other then that, I have to do all the house work and take care of our 9 month old daughter. I guess we have to be understanding in some way because I would feel the same if I worked as much as he does.

Peita-Marie - posted on 01/06/2009

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Thank you Angela, i've thought about doing up a roster or something like that but then i thought he might think im trying to treat him like a child too, but i will give it a shot and let you know thanks again.

Angela - posted on 01/06/2009

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Hi Peita,



I have had the same feeling of being a single Mom although my husband does help when he's home so I am lucky in that sense. What we do is have certain responsibilities in the house. By dividing everything up we both know what is expected of the other and it works for us.



 



I hope maybe you can use this tactic with your husband.



 



Good Luck!



 



Angela



 

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