Correctional Officer Wife Blues

Stacey - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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After 12 years of marriage and half of it to a complete stranger I often find myself wondering why am I treated like the inmate rather than a soul-mate? Are there any seasoned wives out there that can help me out? I can only understand so much of what life is like for them behind those walls but can not fathom why it can't be turned off and left at work.

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Nicolee - posted on 06/30/2009

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It is not that easy to turn off and off for some officers. I grew up with an officer for a father and I have been married to an officer for almost 10 years. I also worked at the department for three years. My husband and most officers need some down time when they first get off work. If I hit him up the second he walks in the door it doesn't give him time to decompress and go from job mode to husband and daddy mode. Another big thing is that if he tells you a story about something that happened at work, be sure to support how he handled the situation. When we aren't there it is very easy to second guess what they did and how they may have been too harsh. We weren't there and should always trust and support that they did the absolute best they could. If we second guess them it puts them on the defensive and once again it is us vs them and they stay wound up. I will try not to go on too much more but if you haven't already, try talking to him about how you feel. Not about how he acts but how you feel. My husband and I have a deal that if he starts to treat me like a suspect, or someone else he encounters at work, I just smile and say, "I am not an RP (reporting party)". Usually this makes him smile and he realizes what he is doing. I am just always very careful to say things with a smile and without attacking. They deal with confrontation all day long and don't want any more once they get home.

CINDY M - posted on 03/13/2013

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I feel the same way that my hubby thinks of me a a imate as well and its driving us apart

Lori Nicole - posted on 04/20/2014

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Me and my husband met at the prison we both are employed at. He is a Corporal and I am a nurse. It is hard to understand the life if you don't live it. I know what his life is like inside those walls. When something happens he has a split second to think how he can defend himself and the people around him without violating the inmate's so called rights. Inmates can spit, throw urine and feces, call you names, threaten you and your family, and the officer has to follow policy and procedures when inmates become a danger. The place sounds like a zoo most of the time. Inmates will kick their doors so hard the floor will shake. My husband works four twelve hour shifts in a row, so I don't ask anything out of him those four days. I pack his lunch and iron his shirts. When he isn't able to leave things at work then my famous quote is, "You are off the clock". He will smile and apologize. He goes to the gym religiously so all he has to worry about during his work week are sleep and gym.

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Carolyn - posted on 01/23/2015

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Thank You guys I miss him so much as I dumped him he had options to talk but he did not want to seems I am in solitary forever shame as I believe on the inside he was a beautiful person and I do love him. I need to move on as life with a prison officer is challenging. to all who are still there Thank You it is a hard job but I believe it is harder for the partner so hang in there girls love Carolyn.

Carolyn - posted on 01/23/2015

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I have just dumped my man that I believed I loved so much have just stopped crying ! I could see he was changing the person I was before I met him slowly he was making me be not the women I was when I met him? if I questioned him he would put me in lock down EG not talk for as long as it took for him to be satisfied!

Carolyn - posted on 01/11/2015

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Thank You so much this does make soo much sense its like when I am confronting he puts me in lock down, wont speak for 24 hours like he does not ring me. we have only been together for 6 months not living together not sure about future but I really love him , I say I love you he says ditto, what is that all about?

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