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He asked if he could work nights.....

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

My husband went on day shift less than a year ago because we just moved to a new city, and just had a new baby. I needed his support. It was the first time I have ever been away from my family and support network. Well now he wants to work nights..... says the night cops have more prestige and it will be good for his career. I have fears.... that we will begin to enjoy our separate lives and drift apart when he starts nights. I have guilt... we have a 3 yo and an 8 month old.... with me working days, and Daddy working nights.... it's like they don't have either of us as much as they should. I am sad. But I can't hold my husband back. I just feel like this is the beginning of the demise of our marriage. Great outlook, right? I know i need to adjust my frame of mind, just a bit down about it right now.

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Kelly - posted on 10/20/2011

I had to laugh at your title alone... I've been there and done that, twice. The first time he was bumped to nights (right after we had our first baby... he took 4 wks off to be with us and went from afternoons to midnights. I HATED it) The second time he asked. After about a year on midnights he was bumped back to afternoons but he said it wasn't as exciting as midnights. So when the time came, about 6 months later, he rquested to go back to midnights. And... I still HATED it. Every so often, I would lose my mind what with having to do EVERYTHING in and around the house on top of working my full-time job (out of the house). He worked midnights for about 3 years (after requesting that shift) till right around Christmas of last year. In that time we'd had another child and my complaint was never about them not getting to see him. They did. I didn't. And on top of that he never had to do anything around the house because he was always awake at the "wrong" time of the day and didn't want to wake us if whatever he chose to do was noisy. That, the noisiness factor, created yet another problem... By the time we had our 2nd child I had become a stay-at-home-mom via layoff. Well, the work still had to get done - sleeping husband or not, small house or large (and ours was tiny). So, he got away without helping out around home and in the meantime I had to do the work and keep us all quiet.

I really love him, but I REALLY HATED THAT SHIFT. He's back to afternoons and it's still difficult. Now he really doesn't see our kids as much but they're used to it and it doesn't affect them because we use his days off to catch up. But, I feel like my days are even longer because now I have to get up quite early to get our oldest off to school (he does help since that's our only time together as a family).

I don't know. I'm sure our parents made the same kinds of sacrifices and debated the pros and cons of such shift changes, too. It'll all work out in the end. If you want it to, then you'll make it work.