my husband is working all night again.

Cynthia - posted on 11/30/2008 ( 22 moms have responded )

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life is crazy when all you see of your husband is him snoring in bed,

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Megan --- take pics or videos with your cell phone to send while he is on shift. or keep a journal of what has happened....or the old fashioned way of just chatting his ear off while he has one eye opened in the recliner. LOL As for those trying to sleep during the day with babies crying and toddlers playing.....we have a fan in our bedroom AND my hubby has these great ear plugs (they are orange..I think they are construction ones) and he hears nothing. After 7 years he can pretty much sleep thru anything now. But I hear you about how tough the nights are. This is when SAHM truly becomes a 24/7 job. They are gone all night, and sleep all day. You get maybe an hour of help before they are flying out the door. I have had nights where a baby just won't sleep, or everyone is sick and you are up with one kid or the other and literally get no sleep. During the early stage of my last pregnancy I started to bleed heavily in the night.....of course, he's at work. And I am laying on the bathroom floor just praying not to pass out and leave my other 2 alone. I couldn't even go to the hospital.... who would I call at 3 am to come watch the other 2? I finally had to call him to come home from work and then TAKE A CAB to the emergency so as to not wake the other 2 up. Worst night of my life probably. (all is well with baby # 3 though). Now I am sometimes afraid at night when he is gone. How am I going to protect myself and 3 kids in an emergency? But then I remember that my mom was a single mom most of our lives, so I know moms just find the strength to get through the tough times. And sometimes, I like the extra foot space in the bed :-)

Alberta - posted on 01/21/2010

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My husband has been on night shift almost all of our married life. He was on nights when we were married in 1996. In 2001 he went on days just after our 1st child was born. When she was 18months old he was sent to teach at the Police Academy (4 hours away) and was gone from Sunday afternoon until Saturday morning or late Friday night if weather was good. (which it often wasn't) He went back on night weeks after the teaching ended (about Feb 2002) and has been there ever since. I hardly sleep when he is home at night and vacation is a nightmare when he is actually home for a week or two! Just when we get use to sharing the bed he is back to work! We have an 8yo, 3 yo and a 6 month old and we have learned to work Daddy into OUR schedule when he is around AND awake and we often go and do things on our own (With my parents often). I have learned to make the most of night shift and not too long ago he said about moving to the 3 to 11 shift and I think that shift would be a nightmare. He wouldn't even get to see the 8yo during the week except for a few minutes before she goes to school. I hope he stays on night shift or ideally 7am to 3pm but NEVER 3pm to 11pm!!!! My husband also does overtime often of the 7am to 3pm shift and if the phone rings around 7am the kids always sigh and say oh Daddy is doing overtime! Being a cops wife and cops kids is never easy but the shift they are on often dictates the kind of life you have. I am determined to make the best life possible with shift work!!! Alberta

Megan - posted on 01/19/2010

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Wow this was really great for me to see everyone else and how I can relate. I hate night shift but my husbands loves it. I am not sure how things will work out in our marriage but it is really putting some extra stress on us as a couple. I never pictured marriage to be like this.. like we live 2 different lives and it is very hard on his days off to try and include him in the day. Like he doesnt know what our daughters favorite book, or her favorite t.v. show or how she likes her bathtime. By the time he is around enough to learn it all, everything changes again. Any advice on how to make him apart of each and everyday?

Elisa - posted on 05/27/2009

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Yep...same here... mine went to work for 16 hrs straight...seems like we never get to see or spend time with them anymore!! It sucks ...but what can you do about it.

Leslie - posted on 05/19/2009

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My husband has worked nights for almost 3 yrs now. I am so use to sleeping by myself that the rare time he does go lay in bed with me I can't sleep. I'm up all night. Me and the kids get so use to doing our own thing that on his days off it's hard to let him join in. I love my Husband more than anything but we definatly live 2 different lives. I can get use to it I feel sorry for the kids because they don't get to see him that much.

Amanda - posted on 05/02/2009

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We have a ton of pillows too-even on a weekend trip with the kids we now as for extra pillows in are rooms!

Amanda - posted on 05/02/2009

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It's the hardest shift for marriages, but honestly after 3 years of my husband on the "grave yard shift" it's the best for the kids. Once your little one is a little older then things get better. At least a parent is always there with the kids and not a babysitter and you make the best of the lightening fast evenings during the week. Dinner time is the only time all of my family sits down together (as long as he's not called in /overtime/or needing to sleep again=) Hang in there

Rachel - posted on 04/10/2009

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ugh..... midnights is a horrible shift.... 1030pm to 8am. When he's home, I'm at work, when I'm home, he's sleeping and I am trying to go about business without waking him up. baby goes to bed before he gets up so some days he doesn't even get to see his daddy. I'll be glad when his days of working that shift are over.

Suzanne - posted on 03/08/2009

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My husband started the graveyard shift again tonight... I HATE being home byu myself at night. I don't feel as safe and I am lonely. We have a 3 year old and a 9 month old so I am not totally alone but you know what I mean. Wish he was home...

Linda - posted on 02/23/2009

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My husband is also on graves right now. I didn't mind it as much when our son was older. But we had another baby last July and now we are back to trying to get the baby to nap when my husband is sleeping. And our house is so small. I wish we had an extra bedroom where he could sleep. I can't even put laundry away or clean up the master bath until he's at work and the kids are sleeping and by then I just want to relax. Plus I dislike the weekend shift. My moms group always does fun stuff on the weekends and I can never go. But...I do like the extra days off during the week. I would like to go back to work when the kids are older but then I don't know if we'd ever see each other.

Deb - posted on 02/07/2009

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Well I'm a social worker so I work during the day, and my husband works mostly evening shifts (5pm- 1am) so it's not usually too bad except that I have to do the supper and cleaning and bedtime routine by myself... That's just the life I guess! During the day my son goes to daycare so that hubby can sleep, he usually picks him up around 3- they play until I get home so he gets to see him at least a little. Sucks when his shifts fall throughout the whole week and the most I see of my husband is him crawling into bed at 1:30 and then for 20 minutes while we do our own "shift change" at home...

:( It's hard, but he loves his job and I'm very proud of him for what he does.

Bonnie - posted on 01/25/2009

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Wow. I'm new to this Circle of Moms community and I'm glad I am. I've never really heard other moms actually speak of the same things I go through. I know I'm not the only one but don't know many moms married to cops. And the fan thing, great suggestion. I'll try it in the morning. Thanks.

Tiffany - posted on 01/25/2009

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I get to sleep with my husband only a few hours a night when he's on the shift he's on now. And then of course keeping a 5 and 3 year old busy and then trying to keep the baby quiet. It stinks!!! I get used to the sleeping alone...I have lots of pillows to cuddle with but it's much better when hubby gets home and puts his arms around me!

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I've gotten used to sleeping alone. I don't even mind that. It's when he's sleeping when I'I'm awake and having to keep the kids quiet and wanting to talk to him, but can't. that's the part I hate.

Amber - posted on 01/24/2009

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I feel for you, my husband worked the worst shift for four years. He recently was elected to be the new sheriff in town so I now get to see him more.

Jeanette - posted on 01/24/2009

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We just bought one of those sleepmates for my husband to use during the day.  That way  the noise from our baby doesn't wake him up during the day.  It seems to work great!!  He is getting so much more sleep then he used to be able to get and it makes me feel better about our little girl playing.

Melissa - posted on 01/24/2009

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oh, Bonnie, try a fan in your room, My hubby just turns it on low, and we leave it in the bathroom area, so it won't make him cold, but the "white noise" covers up a lot of the noise the kids can make.

Kimberly - posted on 01/17/2009

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I don't miss those days. That was our life for the first 7 years of our marriage. I have to admit, however, there are those times when he snores that I wouldn't mind him taking a shirt here and there.

Bonnie - posted on 01/16/2009

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My husband works nights too. 6:30 pm - 6:30 am Try keeping 3 kids quiet so he can sleep all morning and then wake up like a bear anyway cuz he has to do it again the next night and the next. My anxiety is so bad!! I need a shrink..or FB LOL

Nicholette - posted on 12/10/2008

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My husband is working nights too. He has been for a few months, and it does get tiring. I am not so excited about doing the holidays with my 3 boys by myself again either. It is one crazy lifestyle. Last year on Christmas day, my husband was the first on scene with an 8 year old girl who had been crushed under a huge ice heave on the shore line. She nearly died in his arms. She has made a miraculous recovery since. Those are the kind of things that make you realize it is all worth it. Thanks to my husband and others, that family gets to enjoy another Christmas together.

Arin-Marie - posted on 11/30/2008

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I'm right there with you Cynthia, mine just left to start his 12's. Really stinks, our bed time with my boys includes a nightly phone call to Daddy. Sad to say, but I miss the snoring when I'm sleeping....

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