Are your adult children not talking to you, like mine!!

Sandy - posted on 07/06/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Ok I have 5 children and my 2 girls are not talking to me, one is 32 and the other one is 29. The older one doesn't like the way i raised her (too strict), but she isn't talkingto siblings either, just my twins who are 16, not talking to my other granchildren either and she has one of my granchildren he is 6 I have seen him 3 times. My other daughter thinks I am being disloyal cause I am talking to her sons' (4) father, actually he is a friend of mine and a good father. She has another child by another guy (4 months) and I can't stand him, he is very manipulative and controlling her, as I feel the guy from my other daughter.

I made a choice from the 2nd one cause he was verbally abusive to me and my daughter didn't find a problem with that and actually she has been mean and yelling at me for 6 months, so the choice I made is to not watch my granchildren anymore and to stop speaking with my daughter. She actually isn't talking to the other people who are speaking with him also. I feel bad cause I am not talking to them but they are adults and if they don't want to speak to me, it is what it is. Believe me with the older one I have tried for 3 years to try to get her back into the fold and she says "i am not ready" well, honestly I am tired of walking on eggshells with both of them.

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Kate - posted on 12/20/2013

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How do you deal with not seeing your daughter's and grandchild? I suffer from depression and I am finding it hard to even move on. My son is 36, my first born. It all came about because his wife told me had been to see an ex and was having another meeting with her that weekend. She said she had a hard time at first, but then was okay with it. I was APPALLED. I emailed my son and asked him to seriously think about what he was doing. What was he expecting. Was it worth taking the chance of losing his family. He blew up at me as did she, and I'm not allowed to see my grandsons 9, 5. This has been going on for almost five years. I'm devastated.

Carol - posted on 07/10/2010

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Adult children are so hard. Almost as bad as the teen years. You have to be careful of what you say and what you don't! It's like a double edged sword. I would just back off for awhile and leave everyone be. Let them come to you and don't discuss child A with Child B, I promise that will backfire!!! Best of luck to you.

Barb - posted on 10/28/2010

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i'm not really sure i just pipe up on this one, as i've had an on and off relationship with my mother since she forced me out at 14.

Maybe from the prospective of an adult child to my mother, it might be helpful.

I'd like my mom to be herself. To let me like her for the adult she is, and for her to like me for the adult i am.

I don't allow my friends to talk bad about my spouse or my family and that means her too. If she doesn't have anything nice to say, she shouldn't say it at all.

She shouldn't pin her regrets on me or think i am her. We weren't raised by the same parents or in the same time era.

If the mother/daughter relationship isn't working out, how about we try a friendship? I know she may love her daughter, but does she like me, does she even know me?

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Lydia - posted 6 days ago

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I met my daughter's boyfriend twice. From the moment he walked in the door that second time I was uncomfortable. Not much better the first time either. There was just something about him. I definitely did not see what she saw in him. Things happened between the two of them and that was my opportunity to let her know I just didn't think he was right for her. We spent the next couple of weeks talking about him and how he is with her, etc. I tried not to put him down and focused more on his behavior and what I thought was passive aggressive, controlling, and things that I thought should have been pointed out. I was half hoping the 3 hr. trip she made to go see him would have been an eye-opener. Naturally, she came back more in love than when she left, made plans to go back up to see him in just a few short weeks and yet more plans for him to come down into the City, but not here again. Since she's been home all she said was things were great, And did I mention he suffers from anxiety and is now on Prosac. Awesome. She's now returning early to school and because I need to know, I asked if he was going to be there. You already know that answer. She will be turning 21 in just a few short months. In my heart I truly believe this young man is not right for her. With that said, it is her life and I try as best I can to accept that. My concern is that she's not even speaking his name and I have a hard time bringing him up without sounding pushy or bossy or like I'm prying. I hope this is enough for some feed back. I am having a hell of a time sleeping any more.

Sandy - posted on 07/13/2010

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that is the problem i am not walking on eggshells and watching what i say, deal with it you are adults..

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