Mary - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )
It has been 13 months since I lost my baby. I was only 10 weeks along when I had my miscarriage but it still felt like a piece of my heart was being broken off and would never be repaired. My Ob/Gyn thought that I had probably been carrying twins which made my loss that much greater. I had no one that I could talk to about my miscarriage because the only person that knew that I was pregnant was my husband. All I could do for days was cry and my husband could not understand why it hurt me so badly. He was hurting as well, but not in the same way. We finally talked to our pastor and his wife about the miscarriage, but they could only help so much since they had never experienced this loss first hand. It was hard seeing my sister-in-law getting bigger and having her own healthy baby when I had lost mine. The worst part was when my other sister-in-law told us first that they were expecting again and did not even realize how much this tore me up inside. Just counting down the days till I should have had my baby was excrutiating. I kept thinking in my head what did I do to deserve this loss? Was there anything that I could have done to prevent this from happening? Being a nurse I know that there was nothing that I could have done, but that didn't help comfort me at all. Time has healed some of the pain, but everytime I look at a baby I see the child I will never hold. I just keep wondering when will I be able to look and talk about babies and pregnancy and not feel the overwhelming need to bawl like a baby. My husband and I want to try and get pregnant again, but I am afraid to try and get hurt again. I don't know how to let go of my pain and what I need to do. I know I need to trust in God and let him heal my pain but it is so hard. I would really appreciate any suggestions that any of you have.