so many questions..

Amanda - posted on 10/16/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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my son was diagnosed on sept 29th. I'm a young single mom with two kids. My son is two and a half and austistic. my daughter is only 13 months and I'm not worried. shes already at about the smae level as my son.

I'm having a few issues with him. for one, he won't eat. I'm not sure what im suppose to do. I don't make enough money to make and throw out a bunch of food. his aversions varie so its sort of a guess to see what he will and won't eat. I don't want him to starve himself... He trows his food if he doesn't want it and i leave it.

another is his fits. He throws the worst temper tantrums. nothing i do calms him down. try and talk to him and he closes his eyes and trows himself/falls to the floor. try and give him anything and he trows it at you, try and pick him up he kicks, screams, squirms, hits. he'll pick things up and throw them. I'm always scared he's gonna hurt his little sister. whats worse is she sees his behaviour and is starting to copy it! any suggestions on different approches?

He also seems to have an exterm attachment to his bottle. I've tried putting him to sleep without it. I've exhausted him completely and he will STILL stay up for hours and hours screaming until he gets the bottle. when he gets really mad or upset he'll shove his fingers down his throat and make himself puke so I can't just let him scream all night. He also has siezures so I'm also scared of letting him get too angery uncase he has one.

and last problem. medication. He's on med for his siezures but everynight its a fight to get him to take them. they come in pill form so i have to crush them up and add some chcoclate sauce so he can take them. but everynight its basicly me forcing it down his throat. some nights i have to get someone to come help me by holding him down. (he's a big boy.. 36lbs and 3'2 at his one year appt)

If anyone can give me any advice on any of these issues it would be grately appreciated!

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Leslie Taylor - posted on 10/24/2010

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Amanda- Fist off my heart goes out to you. This is so not easy. I even wsh I could tell you it will get better next week. It seems like with these kids you conquer one thing and five more present. Where to start to try to help in some way...
Okay his seizures, I would really like to know more about them if you are willing to share. Also what medicine is he on for them? Are they well controlled? How often does he have them?

Okay with the height and weight you gave he sounds pretty healthy or at least good in size. He isn't going to be hospitalized for malnurishment if he chooses not to eat for a few weeks even. This may sound bad but with these kids if you don't deal with the behaviors they just get worse. I am sure that you have had lots of unsolicited adivce from "helpers" that have told you to just throw away the bottle. And if he were not autistic that would be the first thing I too would say. First I have to say, I get that if you take his bottle he is going to kick it to such a level that your home will be a total war zone. Not for one day but for probably several weeks solid. So I DO get it. It wouldn't be easy. Does your little girl still have a bottle too? However,honestly at some point you are going to have to bite the bullet and take all bottles from your home. Theirs no way he can even see one for awhile. Each day for him that the bottle stays, the more ingrained it becomes in him. These kids HATE change! You would need to make sure though with your neurologist when you decide to take the bottle that it is okay for him to cry with his seizures. I just think by not taking it unless theirs a serius health issue your prolonging things and it will be so much worse the longer you wait. I also understand about the vomiting. My daughter had grand control over me at his age. I could leave her with no one but me. If I did she would vomit too. I got to the point that I left her anyhow. She would vomit. I was blessed to have someone that said nothing to her cleaned it up and let her cry. You would have to do the same thing. Put him in his bed you know he is going to vomit so be prepared to go in and change him and the bed several times. Do it say nothing and put him right back in his bed. These kids are very smart. It will get better after the first few days. Like I said I do know what I am asking because my daughter is now 9 and if she sleeps 4 hours I am lucky. So I promise I have had my fair share of this. You just can't give him the control and be afraid to "upset" him. Unless their is a medical issue.
I am sure he will eat better without the bottle also. Yes he will still be picky but you may get him to eat more. Does he get any therapy? You can get therapy that you don't have to pay for. That from what you are telling me he needs. He also needs someone who can help teach you what to do when he throws food. He has to be taught. You can throw a ball but you don't throw food. Their are many good threapists that I think could help you with some of that and things would just be better all around. These kids have to be taught to mind even thought they are autistic. Now are you going to stop him from spinning or rocking if thats his thing? NOPE but things can be better than what they are.

AS far as his fits...I can tell you their is a reason for them. If you can figure out the reason you win. It took me just until a few months ago to figure out every single thing my daughter did their was a reason why she did it. Guess what? It wasn't to drive me insane either...lol Since I have stopped just putting her in time out and really looking more into it she is so much better. Now don't get me wrong they have to be held accountable. Just because she is autstic she can't hit period no exceptions. But before if i could see her getting upset and anger automatically she went to time out. That didn't work well for me;) I just thought if I was consistent which that is important too that she would eventually quit. NOPE! I had to get a clue that she doesn't have my perception on life. She sees things so differently. Here's an example the other day she wanted a salad no problem I can do that so her older sister was making it she sat it on the table immediately my 9 yr old started getting up set whinning ect body language pushed the chair...used to she would have went to time out i would have sid nothing which in cetain cases when they are doing things to get a reaction okay but their was something wrong. I said hey wait stop what wrong we can fix it stop look at me what is wrong she started crying and said " She always asks me what kind of salad dressing do I want and she didn't even ask but she asked everyone else!" Okay now in my world...seriously that is not something to cry about suck it up but in her world it is aweful! I just said You know I am really sorry. (Mind you she willonly eat one kind of dressing but she wouldn't understand to her it is not fair) I would find a safe place when he is crying thought that you can put him so he can't hurt your baby and he can calm down. Make sure you can see him somewhat to check on him. Now my experience if I ask my daughter are you doing better or talk much it restarts the fit. So I try to redirect to be done when the crying is better. Their is a book called 123 magic that is great with these kids to. You just want to soon decide what you are going to do and do it.

As far as getting him to take the medicine you may always have issues with getting it down him. Again I think an OT therapist could offer lots of help with this.

I do think you need to go to the pediatrician and ask for some scripts for ot speech pt possibly even and inquire of her or him what to do about these things. I would love to help you any way i can too ! Know that your not alone!

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