Are grandparents having hard times dealing with their i-racial grandchildren?

Mikki - posted on 09/30/2010

I wish I knew. My parents absolutely adore my children (all biracial) and my sister's children (one white, one biracial). My boyfriend's family, well, MOTHER, on the other hand, has yet to have anything to do with our twins. My first two daughters are not her biological grandchildren, and she has been sure to point that out. Our twins ARE her grandchildren, but she has yet to have anything to do with them. Even at my baby shower, she really didn't have much to do with me at all. She came to the hospital once and to the house once to see them. They are now almost 3 months old, and she has yet to even HOLD them. She tried using the excuse that she doesn't mess with babies, but she has SIX children, her youngest is only 7. She can't use that excuse with me, not with her having SIX children, and not with her being a grandparent, and ESPECIALLY not with her having everything to do with my boyfriend's first daughter (all black).
Okay. Sorry. I started ranting.

Christina - posted on 05/10/2010

Hey, my daughter is 1/2 black and 1/2 white. We had no problem from my hubby's family (black) but my family was a little different. My mom never really cared, to her my hubby is just another person, and one that made her daughter happy, not black or white. But my dad had just got use to the idea of us getting married.(He did not like that) When we told him I was pregnant, he was very angry. After about a week, I told him he could either learn to deal with it, or have nothing to do with me or my child. life is hard enough without family judging you. By the time She was born, he had realized that she was his first grandchild like it or not. He still does not have much to do with her, but his wife loves her as her own blood. I don't ever leave my daughter at my dad's house, simply because I know the feelings he is trying to hide. I make sure my daughter is always in an environment of love and acceptance. I hope that things get better for you.

Brianne - posted on 05/02/2010

Throughout my whole pregnancy my mother refused to talk to me because I was having a bi-racial child. Towards the end (around month 7) she approached me about being there for me at my baby's birth, since this was my first baby! She wasn't able to be there the day of the birth but she was there the next day and for a whole week afterwards! She loves my baby more than anything and shows him just as much, if not more, love than her other grandchildren! She was born and raised the same way ... white and black shouldn't be together. But eventually she did a complete turn around and is the greatest grandma! All she needed was time to take everything in!

Brittney - posted on 04/25/2010

Im black and my son father is white and Ive never had a problem with anyone on either side as far as dealing with bi-racial grandkids...even my sons white great grandmother who is 87 loves him to death

Lora - posted on 04/24/2010

i get it from both sides- but i made a decision not to subject my kids (or myself) to that crap- his mom got cut off cause of her drama!

Junay - posted on 04/24/2010

I think it has to do with race! I live in Mississippi and people are still prejudice. So I guess her grandparents aren't used to seeing a black women and a white man, but its different for a white women to date a black man. But like I told them before I don't care If you approve of me and her dad, but can you except your grandchild. So Ima keep on trying....But im not going to beg them to love her.

Laura - posted on 04/23/2010

I did not have a problem from either side, my family or my husband side. Everyone was just thrilled that I got pregnant since we were married 6 yrs before I even got pregnant. both sides were very supportive during the pregnancy. My mom and step dad were at the hospital with hubby and me when my daughter who is 1/2 white and 1/2 latina was born. Then when my MIL came to see her she was in love. I was lucky b/c our realtionship was never a big deal. And it was even better when WE gave our parents the best gift in the world.....their bi-racial granddaughter.

Anisha - posted on 04/22/2010

My mother told me that when she was pregnant with me my (white) grandmother didnt want to know but that changed when I was born. This was in africa Zimbabwe just after the independence, I can remember going to church on sundays black people sat on one side and white people sat on one side and we sat anywhere not because we were mixed race but because my mother said we could its a free country lol I never felt uncomfortable because I was black and white, I love my black heritage and I am so glad my mum is a strong woman. I think how we raise our children is very important and I think if you both have strong family values and embrace both cultures your children will be fine. My husband mother loves our children so much I think sometimes she wants to take them lol I think if she was younger and had more energy she probably would

Kym - posted on 04/21/2010

Junay. Do you think their uncomfortable on a "cultural" level or "racial". My kids grandmother was more embarassed because I am african american. She is caucasian buit we found that we raised our kids very similar and that helped break the ice. Do you think that will work for you?

Anisha - posted on 04/21/2010

My family is so mixed up no one really cares, children shouldnt grow up knowing that the colour of their skin means something. My 2 year old knows all her colours but when she was asked what colour is daddy (white) she said skin colour lol and she said the same thing when she was asked what colour is granny (black) so we will keep it that way

Junay - posted on 04/21/2010

Its no talkin to them...They dont accept me or her. I tried. They didnt even come to the hospital when she was born.

Manige - posted on 04/21/2010

That explanation "When we grew up every race stuck with its own" is a line or racist BS. It was also socially acceptable to lynch black people, and own slaves, and if everyone had that same ideology then we'd still be living in the society of 1864.
Here is the deal. They accept her and her family or they don't. There is no getting over it. They will just learn to keep their mouth shut about their beliefs. I would NEVER put my kid in a situation where she was looked down upon or her very existence was disapproved of, especially if it was family passing the judgement! You need to have a frank conversation with them and tell them that they will either love and accept her now, or never.
I know they are your parents, but you need to protect your child and that takes priority.

Junay - posted on 04/21/2010

Hey kym, I really understand what you are saying. My daughter is half white and her grandmother on her dad side is really not accepting my daughter. It's kinda sad to me really. But she is missing out on her life.....But I see that we went through the same crazy stuff.

Marisa - posted on 04/19/2010

Actions are everything and Love in the end conquers all. She will come around. Kids are a blessing and it's hard to hate when they are just so damn cute!

Robin - posted on 04/18/2010

We are very fortunate. I am white and my fiance is black. Both sides are very accepting, and the kids are very loved. They are just like any other kid, and we are just like any other family. I am sure some families have difficulties, but we have never had to deal with it. We are happy, and great!

Vanessa - posted on 04/14/2010

All the grandparents in our family are obsessed with our son. He's the first grandchild on both sides and the first boy in the family in 7 years. Not to mention he's absolutely beautiful with an amazing personality. A friggin poster child we have.



However, there was a point while I was pregnant that my boyfriend's mom told my step-dad in Spanish "I hope she doesn't raise him black". WTH?!! First off, why would you say that to him and what constitutes "raising black"? My mom was mortified, I just shrugged it off. I'm just happy that the are in love with their grandson and would do anything for him.



The Great Debaters on Circle of Moms

Felicia - posted on 04/06/2010

No my parents and my in laws love my daughter. Its not about race, but they do support her knowing and celebrating her mixed heritage.

Deanna - posted on 04/06/2010

i find that the hard core haters of certain races have children who end up with that very race. it is funnie my family were anti black and japanise. well i got married to a black hawaiian japanise man and my bro married a black japanise woman baby bro married a white girl. my mother in law hated white girls lol here i am married to her oldest fav. son she never showed it for her sons sake but were best of buddies. i found out a few years after about the anti white girl thing kina funnie. when i had my first baby with my hubbie my mom asked if she was coco (as in dark) i was so mad at her cause she asked my husband n she didnt even know him. but have since realized it wasnt ment that way. some other family members just think of him as hawaiian to deal better but to me if thay dont like it too bad i told my mom that the day i told her we were gettin married. she has come around and the rest of the family well i just dont care really. my in laws are great and well thay have all married or dated outside thair race. in time some will come around others well forget em its you against the world sometimes if it matters enoph it wont be a loss for you or your family.

Chesslee - posted on 04/06/2010

my grandparents are younger than most and they raised me, they had a hard time with the fact that i was haveing a bi-racial child. once he was born things got alittle better. Now they think he hangs the moon, However my husban's mom (who is black) asked for a DNA test and everything AND HE IS MY HUSBAN. she doesn't want us together and when my son come out light skinned and hasn't gotten much darker it was really hard. she tried to say god made him that way so MY family could deal, but race is big for her. my son is almost two and I found out a few months ago that it took her almost a year to believe my son was her grandchild. to this day he still doen't really have anything to do with her. i think he can tell she doesn't really love him

Roberta - posted on 04/03/2010

My family is fairly used to interacial children in the family. My only living grand parent was happy because she had been wanting some "carmel colored sweeite pies". My mom adores my children. I did have an uncle and an Aunt that decided that because I married a black man I was no longer their family. But thats fine with my its their loss not mine. I do think that some of my in laws aren't overly fond of the fact some vanilla was added to the chocolate in the family.

Adrienne - posted on 04/03/2010

My parents and my in-law are first in line to shut anyone down that may say anything negative about my husband and our children!!

Anna - posted on 04/02/2010

that's tricky. My parents weren't exactly thrilled when they found out who I was dating after I divorced my ex, but they learned to love them. It helps when they can start talking or even when they can see them and be around them.

Jeanna - posted on 04/02/2010

My mom loves her grand baby dearly, but I know deep down that she really was not happy about it and would prefer that I date within my own race. If I were to have more children she would prefer they 0be of our race"white" but she does love the one she has,.

Tracey - posted on 04/02/2010

My baby Grandmother, absolutely adores her bi-racial grandson. I am black and his father is white and he is so adorable, ya just gatta love him.

Michelle - posted on 04/02/2010

My family has no issues with bi racial children. They would be in trouble if they did since the whole family, immediate and extended, has children of other races scattered throughout it.



I actually had trouble with my mother-in-law. She wanted my husband to marry someone of their race. She told my husband when we first started having babies that she felt sorry for the half breeds (nearest translation). Six plus years later she loves them and thinks they are beautiful and now wants to take them back to her country to show them off.



I think sometimes it takes time and being around children for some people to get over their issues.

Lindsey - posted on 04/02/2010

My parents have no problem with my daughter being bi-racial or with her half sisters from my husband. But I have noticed that my stepdaughters grandmother(mom's mom) and their mom don;t celebrate the fact that they are Native American....They never talk about it. If my husband and I didn't talk to them about being Native American they wouldn't even know they were...It really bothers me, because it makes me feel like the grandmother and mother are ashamed of thier daughters Heritage

Michele - posted on 03/30/2010

As a grand mother of multi-cultural children I love them with out color they are my heart. I take care of them we dont see color we all have the same blood. I could never EVER turn my back on them we are family for life... Some people may just dont understand loving a child is a gift no matter what the race is. God gave us many so enjoy having more family. I sure do!

Brooke - posted on 03/30/2010

My parents have NO issue with my kids being multi-cultural. Honestly, I think they are proud of the fact that my kids are who they are being of two cultures. I think my MIL had a hard time in the beginning only because her side of the family is prejudice ( my husband is black...so it's the black side of our family that is RUDE ) Now though my MIL is in LOVE with her grandbabies for who they are. She loves them for who they are not for what culture or "race" they are. We are blessed to have our parents fully love and accept our children !!

Plus, anyone would be insane to not love my kids...they are GORGEOUS and so full of life !! Blessings indeed :)

Wanda - posted on 03/28/2010

Grandparents are not from our generation.. opinion , belief is often based on ones enviroment, upbringing or personal experiences. Trying to change or convince those can be devastating or dillusional most times. My advice would be to prepare your children.. mold shape their minds for the acceptance or non acceptance. Let them know they are loved by you. The grand parents can be watched from a distance.. & this I would forever monitor bcz her views will reflect upon her actions. Be realistic within your goals for a grandmother-grand child relationship. You already know how she feels , so that's half the battle. If you set the standards up front for respect & tolerance of one's views... just as they express the "uncomfortable".. you do the same.. let them know that you will not allow your child to feel unwelcome or not accpeted anywhere & if it's ever an issue then you will remove your child from the situation.

Stacey - posted on 03/28/2010

My parents were more worried about the concept of having bi-racial grandkids, I think. Once they were actually born it was love at first sight, and there have never been any issues.

Andrea - posted on 03/27/2010

my grandpa is very happy and loves my son now on the other hand my other grandparents act so much like they care but we never get invited over to there house or anything so i don't think they are really happy about the fact he's bi-racial

Jenner - posted on 03/26/2010

my mother in law, is less than unhappy about having bi racial grand babies, and makes that pretty clear and at the start it was more uncomfy for everyone but as they began to walk and talk and she got to know them as little people, i think she fell in love with them for there cute lil personalities than focusing on the color of their skin =)