Bi Racial families...My daughter is hvin prob w her color dsnt like it whats your advice for me to hlp embrace her beauty?

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Sarah - posted on 09/24/2013

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My daughter is biracial and has the same complaints saying she wishes she had my hair. Some of it is grounded in reality that African hair can be hard to care for and takes a lot more time. But I always counter with telling her that when I was a kid I got a perm twice because I wanted curly hair! Everyone thinks their life will be different if they changed something about your looks. The challenge is to enjoy it and work with what you have.

Stephanie - posted on 02/24/2009

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I probably won't go through this since I have a boy, but all girls seem to be like that. Those with brown eyes want blue, those with straight hair want curly hair, their either too tall or too short, too dark or too light.  After enough time and reassurance she will accept who she is.

Erica - posted on 02/24/2009

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Hello Tricia. As someone is multi racial I know how your daughter feels. I grew up in an almost all white community and was very self conscience. Like everyone says just keep telling her she is beautiful. I know my mom did and it helped. As she gets older she will learn to not only to accept but embrace her looks and her skin color. I don't think I am better than anybody but I love how I look. (most of the time, we all have our bad days.) But I love my skin color and my naturally curly hair and wouldn't want to be anything else but what I am. It might be hard for you now but trust me just keep encouraging her and she will see how beautiful she is.

Brooke - posted on 02/22/2009

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Quoting Katrina:

Hi! Are you talking about the beautiful 6 year old in the picture? I think you need to find the root of where this is coming from, you don't give many details. I think it a bit unusual that a child that young would have a problem specifically with her colour. Try to find out why? What colour would she like to be??? Its really important that our young girls especially have positive self images.



Agree......my daughter was complaining about her curly hair often, telling me she wanted straight hair like mommy. My husband and I never make any negative comments to her about her looks. Although, we think she may have gotten this from Sunday School. Sad huh? There is a little girl in her class who onced asked my husband....." Is Selah black or white" My husband explained to her how special Selah was because she is both. We thought this was a VERY odd question for a 3 year old to ask. Obviously, she hears some stuff at home. I haven't read all the responses so I may be repeating. If she is primarily around only white children I would look for some areas of exposure to other race children........girl scouts, sports activities, church events, etc.  Hope your BEAUTIFUL daughter soon sees how wonderful she is just the way she is.........

Shana - posted on 01/30/2009

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Hi, I have a 16 yr old and a 5 yr old, I've been through this with the older one and now the younger one is saying similar things. Tell her she is a perfect mix of you and her dads best bits!



Also as one other person said, show her beautiful celebrities that she can look up to and try to see as many other brown and black children as poss.



As far as haircare goes I swear by  Anita Grant products, after 16 yrs of experimenting. She makes 100 % natural beautiful hair and skin products.



You can order online    www.anitagrant.comGood luck!x

Tricia - posted on 01/27/2009

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Im really grateful for all the advice and love that we have here to talk. We have come along way but all of us here know personally there is so mich further for us too go!She knows she is beautiful I am thinking it is more so she wants to primp with the other girls..Not so much color its the hair. We all know how fun that can be! LOL I jus thk god she has my texture for the most part. Thanks again!!!!

Jeannie - posted on 01/27/2009

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Wow, I have the exact opposite problem.  My daughter stated when she was about two that daddy was black, mommy was yellow (white) and that she is brown.  We just spent a month in Africa and while we were there she broke down a few times and cried because she would never be as black as daddy.  She has never wanted to be white, but she occassionally says she wants to straighten her hair like mommy.  One thing that I do with her to reaffirm her beauty is to take the camera out and let her be model and take many different pictures of her posed in different ways and let her see them to know that she is beautiful just the way she is.  There is nothing that is going to change her skin color so you just need to help her change the way she sees it.  I live in a small city and my daughter is one of only a few black or mixed race children around, but she doesn't seem to be bothered by it.  Maybe I just got lucky.  Keep reaffirming to her that she is beautiful.

Denise - posted on 01/26/2009

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Hi! My daughter is multi racial and she a  very beautiful color. I tell her all the time I love her color, I tell she is my little chocolate baby. She goes to a school that is half white and half hispanic. Her hair is really curly and she hates it. I have tried to straighten it for special days she loves when I do. I tell her that no matter what she looks like we love her no matter what. My family is multi racial so she is use to being around different types of people and fits in just fine. Even when she is with my husbands side of the family she is the only multi racial child it is not a problem she fits right in. I have told her God has made us a rainbow of colors and everyone is special.

Santina - posted on 01/26/2009

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My daughter went through this around 5-6, she wanted to be white like me.  She is 8 now and very happy and proud of her brown skin.  I just kept telling her how beautiful she was, and I always made sure to surround her with brown figures.  I have brown african queens on our wall, brown dolls and barbies.  Sometimes it helps too if it comes from someone else.  She had a teacher who was white and said to her one day I lay out in the sun all summer to look like you and that summer she did.  Everyday she would come to daycare and compare herself to my girl, and say I'm almost there.  After a while it finally sunk in that she was very blessed to have such wondering brown skin.  To all the Mommies with this problem, just keep telling them how beautiful they are.

Quatia - posted on 01/26/2009

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There is a hair care forum - www.longhaircareforum.com, its multiracially based (more so towards the AA community) I am on there all the time! There is a childrens hair forum, I think it will help you. You can read through the threads! Not just to learn about my own hair, but each of my children have a different texture. I want to know how to probably take care of their hair as well. From the split ends, its could be she needs more protective styling on her hair. Try to seal her ends w/ castor oil...you can buy it a the pharmacy. and keep her hair bunned and braided and be sure to clip the ends so they stop coming back. If your somewhere the air is extremely dry, protectively styling is a must for our hair types.



You can order a LOT of good hair care products online. One of the raved sites is www.mixedchicks.net

[deleted account]

Hi! I'm biracial (black & white) and I grew up with my white mom. Don't worry too much about it- I think at that age it's so hard being different from everyone especially your own family. Just make sure she knows that our differences are what makes the world go round. For me, being bi racial-although not always easy- has taught me so much about embracing others, having tolerance, and showing compassion towards people who were different than me, which was virtually everyone I knew.
And for the record- if her personality matches her outward appearance I think she will be just fine. She's absolutely gorgeous!

Sarah - posted on 01/25/2009

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dont worry, my oldest daughter went through this when she was around 2-3 years old. i'm white, and her dad is black....she would freak out anytime we'd tell her that she was black and white. she only wanted to be white, she would constantly tell us she wasnt black, just white. at first i was freaked out, b/c i didnt know if having a bi racial baby was a good idea after all....haha...but i spoke to my mother in law about the issue, and she was great support. not only to my daughter but to myself. she just told us to keep reassuring her that she is beautiful the way she is. and that she is a beautiful white woman as well as a black woman. and keep reassuring her that black women are intelligent and beautiful as well. so after a few months of this she finally became accepting of who she was. another thing that helped out was i never really bought her baby dolls or barbies that were just "white" i always tried to find the ones that were the same skin tone as her. i think that really helped her feel better about herself, to see that the darker dolls where pretty also. hang in there!! my daughter is 6 now and has no issue, well as of now, being mixed. she embraces it more than anything. she was really involved with the election and thought it was really awesome that barack obama is like her and her siblings, black and white. good luck!!

Lauren - posted on 01/25/2009

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It's hard for me to say when I don't know your family dynamic or what you're already doing to help her embrace it, so please excuse me if I'm telling you what you already know or have done. The best advice I can give for helping her feel better about her color is everyday exposure to more children and families like her own and of many other colors.
Making sure that she gets into playgroups, daycares, schools and events with children that look like her mother, her father AND her are an excellent way, but for more in-home exposure, I know that there are many children's books out there about loving your skin and yourself, books about being from all sorts of families, etc that can be very helpful, as well as having minority magazines and artwork so she doesn't feel like the "only one" and can see how beautiful she is.
Although I am black, my son is mixed-race; black and white. Best wishes to you and her, and I hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Positive reinforcement from Mommy & Daddy is key as well as making sure the child feels comfortable around both communities that they are a part of.

Barbara - posted on 01/23/2009

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I think a lot of times little girls just want to be like thier my mommy, which they idolize.  I always make sure I tell my daughter how gorgeous she is.  Probaly too much!  It's sad to be insecure about your skin color!  I am sure she will get past it.

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2009

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My daugther was going through this at 6-7  years still wants to have straight hair but telling her she is pretty and reinforcing her identy is getting her to be proud of who she is. It hurts her father to hear this as my son went through this stage too i know it will past.

Louise - posted on 01/19/2009

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my daughter was the same she is nearly 6 and going back bout a year ago she told me she didnt want to be brown she wanted to be white like me cos she didnt like her hair because she has proper afro hair and wanted it like mummys, it was heart breaking cos i want her to be proud of who she is and her roots, she even would cry if any1 said nething about her and said she was black she would demand she is not black she is brown, her younger sister is alot lighter than her, people even said to me alot she looks black not mixed, but she also said its not fair kasey (her sister) is like u and im not, but its been a while now and she just has not said anything since, maybe it was a fase i dont no but she seems happy now.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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Does she recognise any celebrities or anything yet Maybe you could talk to her about how beautiful some of the black/mixed race celebrities are? eg Beyonce, kelly rowland, Halle Berry, etc. If you can get her to see that the 'dark isn't pretty' concept is flawed, she may realise that there's nothing wrong with not having fair skin. White ppl always want their skin to be darker, and dark ppl seem to always try to be fairer, it's crazy!!

Carolyn - posted on 12/17/2008

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I truly believe constant reassurance is the best key. I tell my daughter all time how beautiful she is..and now as a teenager...she truly believes "she's the bomb"...she is beautiful inside and out. Couldn't ask for a daughter with a better personality, and caring heart. I don't need a reason to tell her she is beautiful...I could be passing her in the morning on the way to the bathroom, and will give her a hug, and say.."Meg, you are so pretty" If they hear it enough, they will soon believe it themselves. I'm so thankful in my case I don't have to lie....She truly is beautiful, and thanfully so is her spirit. Tried but never broken....

Tricia - posted on 12/14/2008

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I hve a great mother inlaw who lets me knw what to do..We use pink or bb lotion also anti frizz serum...I do cholesteral caps need to do it more often..She does need her scalp greased I only do it once a month tho...She jus gets splt ends more frm her always plying w it...Her shampoo i lv is dwn south so I need my inlaw to send more but I go to sally's when she cnt send it...

Bobbie - posted on 12/14/2008

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Yeah I can understand not wanting to dry her hair out.. Are you putting any moisturizor on it to help keep it from drying out? I am 25 years old and still trying to figure out how to take care of my hair... Try some pink lotion light dont put greese in her hair unless its really thick and has the texture of a black persons hair, but if she has a good grade like most mixed kids then just put light stuff in her hair to help keep it from getting dry.



I understand about the playing with boys.. I did the same thing. The other girls mostlikely just dont understand her. Tell her its ok to play with the boys if she feels more compfortable around them... One day she will grow out of it well not out of it but she will want to spend time with girls from time to time when she is older

Tricia - posted on 12/11/2008

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I straightend her hair once..Its my texture but curly..It does dry out easy so she has been gettn split ends so I jus dnt wnt to do it too mch Maybe for her bday if its nt rainy out I will...She plys well with boys so I thk some of the little girls just arnt excepting her.. She is very athletic and is verly girly but rather ruf house and ply tag. IDK kids..I dnt miss school lol!

Katrina - posted on 12/10/2008

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I agree. Keep telling her how beautiful she is. All young kids will go through phases of this and that. You say she goes to a mostly white school? Perhaps you could consider a more multi-racial environment for her school? I live in Hong Kong and I recently changed my kids to international schools, simply as I was getting some bad vibes from both kids regarding race and colour. In their new schools, both kids are happier and more positive. Perhaps you could also enroll her in activities outside of school which have more mixed groups? Buy glossy mags with pictures of beautiful models of all hues. Have a girly day out with her, get your hair and nails done together. Be positive. She is a beautiful girl, so keep reinforcing that.

Bobbie - posted on 12/10/2008

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Sweety just keep telling her she is beautiful!!! Just try to teach her that everyone is different. But that shouldnt discourage her from wanting to be who she is.. When I was younger I was teased because I was bi racial.. But now I have good confidence in myself thanks to my mother...



Is her hair curly straight or what... You can try to flat iron her hair every now and again but not to much to keep from messing up her hair with the heat.. Dont perm her hair though..



just remind her every chance you get how pretty she is and how you wouldnt have her any other way.. she will grow out of it sooner or later but now she needs you.. and let her know one day those same girls are going to wish they had her hair...

Tricia - posted on 12/10/2008

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She goes to almst all white school..She sees the other grls primping in the bathroom and she cnt comb her own hair yet..She says she cnt do what they do.She wnts to be white like me...She tld me dark isnt pretty..She has alwyz been a very ind strong grl so it breaks my heart to hear this come out of her mouth... We are a very multi racial family..I thk i jus might even switch churches jus so she can b mre arnd other little grls..Daddy is gnna take her to the liabrary to go ovr sum positive history to hlp her w her pride...

Katrina - posted on 12/09/2008

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Hi! Are you talking about the beautiful 6 year old in the picture? I think you need to find the root of where this is coming from, you don't give many details. I think it a bit unusual that a child that young would have a problem specifically with her colour. Try to find out why? What colour would she like to be??? Its really important that our young girls especially have positive self images.

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