Black mommies wirh white hubby

[deleted account] ( 46 moms have responded )

Yesterday me my daughters and my husband were at the mall, I wanted to go eat at chillies , as were going in the first question they ask is " Are yall together, well yea lady we came in together. Anyhow I go to the bathroom and the waiter see our kids and they ask him wow are those kids or are you babysitting, when it was time to pay the check they bring it out on separate tickets. By this point im pissed. So i ask for a Manager and explained the events that happened, he apologized but not first pointing out that there aren't many interracial dating going on here, they wernt use to seeing that kind of thing. The nerve of some people

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

46 Comments

View replies by

Lakerra - posted on 05/26/2009

24

23

0

i have been through that also on more than one occasion....we even went to a hotel and they told us they didnt have any double beds left im like wft i am 7 mons pregnant its the middle of the night and we are together.....

[deleted account]

I got one for ya! I was asked if I was my childs nanny! The seprte check happens once in a blue moon. sometime I got out of my way and reffer to him as my husband or flash the big rock on my finger they seem to ignore. People are just dumb!

Tara - posted on 04/30/2009

9

2

0

Some people really are stupid and just plain mean. That's horrible how u were treated, and yes, I've been through something similar. Before we had children, there were a few times out to eat where a smart a** waitress would bring separate checks ....even though we were clearly together. I learned to ignore these stupid people the best I can. The interesting thing is, I find issues more with black women, or elderly white men/women. But I'm determined to be me, and pray that others will not cave into the pressure, but instead fight the prejudices. How else are we to change the world for the better???

Monica - posted on 04/27/2009

6

14

1

LOL, you must live down south too! Really I hate to make this a deal. But, people down here are really "special"!

Deshawna - posted on 04/26/2009

45

13

6

The next time someone asks me if my hubby and I are together I'm going go "No, I just like waiting outside of your doors and then walking in with total White male strangers, holding their hands and calling them 'sweetie'! Oh, and I don't know these kids either but I think they're doing the same thing I'm doing." *rolling eyes*

Juanita - posted on 04/06/2009

6

9

0

Oh me and my husband it get sometimes. It happen not to long ago when we were on our way to biloxi we had stoped at a IHOP in Mobile,Al. And the waitress was like are you two together. I just looked at her like what do you think.

Deshawna - posted on 04/06/2009

45

13

6

Quoting Deirdre:



I try not to let it affect me and I answer people with the facts.  I am in Baltimore MD and when out with my daoughter (about 3 years ago) this woman asked me  if I was her grandmother!?  I don't look old at ALL (IMO) so that was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard.  Then another person in the Giant asked the same thing!? I started to doubt how old I do look.  GEEZ!  Anyway besides that when we go out with my in-laws I think as long as one of them has one of the kids the people in the restaurnat realize that I too am part of the party.  But it's to be expected I think.  The first thing people see is skin color no matter what.  And when the skin color is "weird" they check the hair or other features so that a label can be placed on the person.  Humanity has a NEED to label people based on apperance it's that simple.  I don't htink it will ever change.  If skin color were not a factor something else would be; it's just human nature to seperate into groups.





Very true Deirdre! There is always going to ge something. People will dig and dig and dig until they can go "Ah-ha!"

Deshawna - posted on 04/06/2009

45

13

6

Quoting Deirdre:



I try not to let it affect me and I answer people with the facts.  I am in Baltimore MD and when out with my daoughter (about 3 years ago) this woman asked me  if I was her grandmother!?  I don't look old at ALL (IMO) so that was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard.  Then another person in the Giant asked the same thing!? I started to doubt how old I do look.  GEEZ!  Anyway besides that when we go out with my in-laws I think as long as one of them has one of the kids the people in the restaurnat realize that I too am part of the party.  But it's to be expected I think.  The first thing people see is skin color no matter what.  And when the skin color is "weird" they check the hair or other features so that a label can be placed on the person.  Humanity has a NEED to label people based on apperance it's that simple.  I don't htink it will ever change.  If skin color were not a factor something else would be; it's just human nature to seperate into groups.





Very true Deirdre! There is always going to ge something. People will dig and dig and dig until they can go "Ah-ha!"

Deirdre - posted on 04/06/2009

62

9

9

I try not to let it affect me and I answer people with the facts.  I am in Baltimore MD and when out with my daoughter (about 3 years ago) this woman asked me  if I was her grandmother!?  I don't look old at ALL (IMO) so that was the weirdest thing I'd ever heard.  Then another person in the Giant asked the same thing!? I started to doubt how old I do look.  GEEZ!  Anyway besides that when we go out with my in-laws I think as long as one of them has one of the kids the people in the restaurnat realize that I too am part of the party.  But it's to be expected I think.  The first thing people see is skin color no matter what.  And when the skin color is "weird" they check the hair or other features so that a label can be placed on the person.  Humanity has a NEED to label people based on apperance it's that simple.  I don't htink it will ever change.  If skin color were not a factor something else would be; it's just human nature to seperate into groups.

[deleted account]

I must agree with Kristel.  I live in Northern California and have been blessd not to have had the people gawking or the comments.  Even when we travel, in the South, or out of the country - I haven't had that experience; and I was terrified of his uncles wedding in Alamba for my stereotypes of the south. 



However now that our daughter Ava is here, and she is so fair I can't imagine what the comments will be.  I am waiting to be mistaken for the nanny.

DaVaughna - posted on 04/04/2009

6

39

1

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and we still get treated differently by ignorant people who can't seem to figure out that it's 2009. We refuse to tolerate that kind of behavior, especially in front of children!

Ona - posted on 03/27/2009

1

0

0

I would be upset to. Sometimes people just assume your not together. My husband and I dont have a child together yet but his son from his first marriage is with us all the time. Dont feel to bad people think I am my step son's nanny!

Shea - posted on 03/26/2009

69

45

5

I just have to laugh. Not becuase it's funny but because if I didn't laugh I'd be crying for half my darn life. Well in my experience it doesn't matter where you live in the states,you are always sure to meet ignorance and racism in some form. Truthfully, it ticks me off major but, I just shake my head and pray for strength and patience. Good Luck and just remember your not alone. Truth be told we've come a long way at least it's not illegal anymore!

Deshawna - posted on 03/25/2009

45

13

6

Quoting Patricce:

I do understand this my white husband and I moved to a mostly white area in NE from TX when we moved here I was the only balck lady for miles..LOL I didn't mind but apparently some older neighbors did. every time they would see us together they had like a hurt feeling on there faces(well lucky for us they did move) Any way I also get it alot from black people that are here saying or thinking I'm trying to be white. So I think this really needs to stop and people should look around them. (it's a rainbow out there when you open your eyes to see it)


We have those "wonderful" neighbors too. When we first moved to our new home I was the only Black person in the neighborhood. The woman across the street who lives alone would stare. I mean just stand there staring with her eyes slitted and lips pinched! I told hubby she obviously did not like me and he didn't believe me because everyone, her included, always waved to him.( I should also mention that hubby had actually moved to TN 7 months before I and the kids followed for his new job while I sold the condo and finished up in Cali. He had months to meet the neighbors and they all knew who he was and that I was coming, including her. So imagine their shock when I showed up 7 months later. He had never bothered going "Oh, by the way, my wife is Black" because he shouldn't have had to.) She never waved to me. I would wave just to see if she would and not once in the nearly 2 yrs we've been here has she returned my wave.To prove my point I waved when hubby was with me in the car and she pointedly ignored me. Hubby said to ignore her and that she was just bitter and jealous. She's not the only one. There are a lot of neighbors who refuse to acknowledge me. Some won't wave unless hubby is there and some wave grudgingly like they're sucking down a bitter pill.  I've walked right by some neighbors while they were out talking with others and have been pointedly ignored.  There are nice people here though and since it's a new subdivision I'm ever hopeful. Well, about 6 months ago another interracial couple (White hubby/Black wife) moved in directly across from Bitter Betty and I'm sure she nearly choked on her own bile. They are a much older couple in their 50's with grown kids so alas, no cool playdates But now she can peek out of her window or sit on her porch and shoot daggers at the house of her choice. Another Black couple moved in within view of her about a month ago. While they are an older couple with grown kids, their grandkids come by all the time and they are biracial too. Another pill for Bitter Betty.



 



I've also felt there is a subtle difference in how I'm treated or viewed when people also realize I'm a Black SAHM vs a White SAHM. Sometimes I get the feeling some people think I don't deserve to stay at home. And another difference I've noticed is it seems less acceptable when a Black woman has biracial children vs a White woman with biracial children.

Christy - posted on 03/25/2009

38

15

1

that is rediculous! First of all its not their business to ask if the kids are yours or if your baby sitting. And wether they were used to seeing "that kind of thing" or not that is not an excuse to behave like morons. And arent you supposed to ask if the customer wants seperate checks or not!

Patrice - posted on 03/25/2009

350

114

22

I do understand this my white husband and I moved to a mostly white area in NE from TX when we moved here I was the only balck lady for miles..LOL I didn't mind but apparently some older neighbors did. every time they would see us together they had like a hurt feeling on there faces(well lucky for us they did move) Any way I also get it alot from black people that are here saying or thinking I'm trying to be white. So I think this really needs to stop and people should look around them. (it's a rainbow out there when you open your eyes to see it)

Deshawna - posted on 03/24/2009

45

13

6

I can't count how many times I've been "ignored" by people assuming hubby and I were not together. There has definitely been a time or two that I've almost gone off on another female who decided to approach hubby with me standing right there talking to him!  Once at a casino in Las Vegas, hubby told me that security came up to him because they were about to go after me thinking I was stealing his chips (we put all of ours in a single bucket).  It's a sore spot for me and hubby knows it. He knows immediately if I'm about to get bent out of shape from someones ignorance and corrects them before I have a chance to.  I know I should just let it go but sometimes I seeth over it. We've been together 21 yrs (high school sweethearts). It gets tired and sometimes really puts a cloud on the rest of my day.



 

Kristel - posted on 03/13/2009

76

12

10

I guess I should feel lucky to live in Southern California. It's rare that we even see anyone looking at us twice. Now, I can't say that no one *thinks* anything negative about me and my husband (who is white), but they know better than to let it show.

Tracy - posted on 03/04/2009

6

11

0

Can’t we all just get along? ......LOL. I have been with Tony for 10 years now. It is a different world when you are a interracial couple. Although, when we started to date I really didn’t give it much thought, I just knew I loved this man like I have never loved another. Yes we to get the looks the stares, by both blacks and whites all the nasty comments. I can recall one time we ventured out of our big City of Minneapolis/ St. Paul were it is common to see interracial couples. We are followers of the Pro Bass Circuit , in which his brother fishes in. We go to support him. After a tournament we went out to eat, there were about 6 in our group, Tony and his brother which are black his brothers son he is mixed, and the rest of us were white. We all walked in you could hear the clinking of forks and loud talking....... We came in all of a sudden it went silent. Ok? We all looked behind us to see what they were all looking at, hahahaha. But I instantly realized they were looking at us. Now I had been out in the hot sun for hours and was hungry and tired. I loudly said “what is your problem? You all never seen white people with black people before”? In that moment heads fell and you heard forks clicking again. We have had many encounters, old people are the worst, we to kiss and hold hands just to hear them gasp hehehehe. All in all we hold our heads up high and pray for those who have to spend there time analyzing our relationship, they need to be looking in the mirror!
Tony has raised my kids with me for the last 10 years and there white, you should have seen the looks when he would take my kids out.....hahahahahaha, you could just read there faces. Thinking why does this black man have this little white boy, and when they called him Dad, oh my! Wish I had a video camera.

Kelly - posted on 03/04/2009

33

33

0

I guess things are different in Canada, I am black and my husband is white. We just ignore people like that. Our town is smaller and there isn't a lot of black or other minority people. There was one lady at the Grocery store who gave me dirty looks when my son was singing really really loudly, but I just figured she had a headache.
I know I will make sure my son knows that he's human and Canadian above all else, so he really is like the rest of his classmates and neighbours.



I don't think we should let those foolish ignorant people get under our skin. At the deli counter one morning some lady asked where I was from, I said my heritage was Jamaican. She told me she loved my accent. Dude, I was raised by a white family in Canada my whole life. I just smiled and walked away to call my hubby so we could laugh about it!



Be a duck, let it roll of your back. And those dumbheads who say I should have married a black man, I have this to say. Isn't it better I married someone I love, no matter his skin colour, as opposed to a man who might beat or disrespect me but he's got the same skin colour as me!



Sorry about the mile long rant, just had to get it off my chest!

Teneshia - posted on 02/24/2009

7

33

1

We have yet to run into anyone who is ingorant... I'm sure there have been people thinking about me and my family and wondering.  I will welcome their comments and set them straight at the same time.

Celia - posted on 02/24/2009

16

20

2

Quoting Brooke:



Valencia, my husband loves to smack my big ol' butt anyways but seems to do it even more when people will stare at us about our family's color. Funny that there's other men like mine ! Girl, you DIDN'T steal any man of mine........right on for you. I love to see black and white couples no matter who's the black one or the white one.





Brooke, I totally agree with you!  I love seeing mixed race couples, especially in my town where people just love to stare.  My older brother is married to a white girl and they have a daughter together.  Imagine how many stares they get: she also has a son from a previous relationship who has light red hair and freckles, and my niece who looks like me when I was a baby.

Celia - posted on 02/24/2009

16

20

2

My white husband and I live in a kinda small town in southern Louisiana, and we get looks ALL the time! It's a shame that people in the US are still so ignorant and rude about something that does not matter. I know that people stare at me when I'm with my son who looks just like his daddy, but I don't care. They can think whatever they want. It seems like maybe we all need to boycott Chili's since so many people have had the same problem : ) So glad to have found a group like this on here! Your families and children are all BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Brooke - posted on 02/24/2009

166

3

18

Valencia, my husband loves to smack my big ol' butt anyways but seems to do it even more when people will stare at us about our family's color. Funny that there's other men like mine ! Girl, you DIDN'T steal any man of mine........right on for you. I love to see black and white couples no matter who's the black one or the white one.

Brooke - posted on 02/24/2009

166

3

18

Girl, I'm white and my husband is black. We get asked ALOT are we together. Get's really old and annoying. I would have been really pissed too about the restaurant situation. Personally, I would contact Chili's headquarters and let them know about the manager's response. Doesn't matter if they are used to seeing bi-racial couples or not, you both have a right to be treated a certain way. Don't know where you live but in my city we have a news guy who reports news storys on stuff relating to this and other fair treatment of people.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/22/2009

159

63

54

You know, its sad to say that this crap still happens and is still very prevalent today. We've been in eateries and the hostess will ask us if we're together or do we want to be seated together. I don't even answer... they watched us come in together, not understanding as to why you would pose that question. We have even sat at least an hour for our DRINKS to come. We wait patiently until then and then we ask why is that people who came in after us has already been seated and served their meals and we are just getting beverages. We leave after that without ordering... hard to do that now that we have the children. We don't have time for the foolishness and we more times than not eat and enjoy dinner at home inviting friends to join us for companionship. I do recall a time in Target where we checking out and I was browsing by the magazine stand right at the cashier's station and he had moved up, right when she told him the total price, I ran up and put some packs of gum down. She told me I had to wait my turn and I said, no this goes on his tab. She looked at him and said, you're going to pay for this lady's stuff. He said, Sure, why not! I said, thank you kind sir and went over to kiss him. The cashier was mortified. She closed her lane after that. Really!!!

[deleted account]



Quoting Valencia:



of course it's  not  a one way street here....    a white girl will say you stole one of heres... just as much as a black girl tells me the same..     i really don't understand  they'r problem..   even if i wasn't with my boyfriend... he moust likely wouldent be with that girl anyway...



me and my man  used to rubb it in for those that thought it was wrong. just to piss them of too :)



 






Quoting Carolyn:

I've had the same thing happen in the grocery line, Oscar will run back to get something, and when he comes to join me in line people look at him like he's crazy for butting up. Then they see he's coming to join me. It's funny. I think the eyes roll more from black women than they do white. I get so tired of that ....she stole our man topic...how is he YOUR man, because he's black...don't think so.
In my area, it's not common to see black women with white men, but I wish it would become more common. My sister-in-law has a white husband, actually our whole family has mixed it up, and pissed them all off. LOL LOL LOL





I just wanted to reply to two things you said.  I can relate to the "you stole our man" thing but on the opposite end of it.  White women are so rude to me when they see my 6'7 blonde hair blue eyed husband come rolling up.  It is so funny because they will be all friendly to me when I'm by myself and then when they realize he and I are together their whole attitude changes.  We also get it from black men who feel like he stole one of "their" women, hahaha.  So I guess it comes from all angles depending on what your relationship is comprised of.   The other part I wanted to touch on is that it is soooo funny to piss people off sometimes.  Back when my husband and I were dating I had a cousin (male) that had a white girlfriend and when we would go on double date - man oh man would heads turn and eyes roll, hahaha.  And my cousin would really ham it up - smacking her on the butt and what not - too funny.





 

Latoya - posted on 02/05/2009

10

35

1

That sucks! I would have been upset too. The nerve of some people! It just goes to show you how stupid some people can be. Plus not even being an issue about race, if anyone is together at a restaraunt you always ask if they want separate checks. You just don't assume! So just the fact that the manager even brought up the subject of color, show how naiive they were.

Carolyn - posted on 01/23/2009

183

21

28

Well, we just went to Chili in Philadelphia and it was alright...no stares, or terrible service. The food was good, and we really enjoyed ourselves before heading to the movies to see the new movie "Notorious" (Which I might add I was disappointed with) Anyway, I don't think it's the chain of Chili's..maybe coincidence, but its the people that work there.

Angela - posted on 01/21/2009

11

43

0

That's funny that that happened in a Chili's, because my fiance and I had an interesting expirence there as well. I live in a predominately white town, with a nickname of klantee, if that tells you anything. I am white and mexican, my fiance is black. Anyway we are at chilis and I notice something odd. There seemed to be a lot more black people in the resturant, which was unsual for our town, then I noticed why it seemed like that. The hostess had sat all the "minorities" in the same section. I couldn't believe it. It was totally obvious. Our service was good though, nice young hispanic boy. But my fiance and I still talk about it everytime we go there and wonder if we will be put in the minority section.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2009

36

28

7

So immature i know, but my ex and i used to purposely hold hands and kiss on the train to piss off the old peope who would glare at us. Because exactly why should't i date whoever i like? As they say, we all bleed if you cut us etc....

[deleted account]

I have experienced that quite a few times with my husband it is really sad that all people can focus on is race, there is so much more to a person than their skin tone.

Valencia - posted on 01/17/2009

39

8

2

Quoting Carolyn:

I've had the same thing happen in the grocery line, Oscar will run back to get something, and when he comes to join me in line people look at him like he's crazy for butting up. Then they see he's coming to join me. It's funny. I think the eyes roll more from black women than they do white. I get so tired of that ....she stole our man topic...how is he YOUR man, because he's black...don't think so.
In my area, it's not common to see black women with white men, but I wish it would become more common. My sister-in-law has a white husband, actually our whole family has mixed it up, and pissed them all off. LOL LOL LOL


I just wanted to reply to two things you said.  I can relate to the "you stole our man" thing but on the opposite end of it.  White women are so rude to me when they see my 6'7 blonde hair blue eyed husband come rolling up.  It is so funny because they will be all friendly to me when I'm by myself and then when they realize he and I are together their whole attitude changes.  We also get it from black men who feel like he stole one of "their" women, hahaha.  So I guess it comes from all angles depending on what your relationship is comprised of.   The other part I wanted to touch on is that it is soooo funny to piss people off sometimes.  Back when my husband and I were dating I had a cousin (male) that had a white girlfriend and when we would go on double date - man oh man would heads turn and eyes roll, hahaha.  And my cousin would really ham it up - smacking her on the butt and what not - too funny.

Angelica - posted on 01/06/2009

20

9

1

You know I've had alot and I mean alot of black women say that I stole thier man one time my husband told this lady "Even if I wasn't with her I wouldn't be with someone as ignorant and shallow as you!!" Then she started with oh she can have him and I was like I already do isn't that why you got mad in the 1st place!!! You by that time she was to through with us!!! LOL LOL

Carolyn - posted on 01/06/2009

183

21

28

I've had the same thing happen in the grocery line, Oscar will run back to get something, and when he comes to join me in line people look at him like he's crazy for butting up. Then they see he's coming to join me. It's funny. I think the eyes roll more from black women than they do white. I get so tired of that ....she stole our man topic...how is he YOUR man, because he's black...don't think so.
In my area, it's not common to see black women with white men, but I wish it would become more common. My sister-in-law has a white husband, actually our whole family has mixed it up, and pissed them all off. LOL LOL LOL

Angelica - posted on 01/05/2009

20

9

1

I really hate when people do stupid stuff like that we went to the grocery store and while the cashier was ringing us up my husband ran back to get something and the cashier didn't ring it up and I was like are you gonna finish she was like oh your together but she said it like she was disgusted I just walked out and we went to another store.

Sheeny - posted on 01/05/2009

2

22

1

O NO!!!!! i really can not believe this, i have had a similar thing happen to me, everyone always say so where is your boyfriend from then n im like hes english, and sometimes they are shocked to hear that.



i wonder if some people walk around with their eyes closed and dont see the different races there are.

xx

Regina - posted on 01/04/2009

99

46

20

I don't know where you live Uvoltta but even in a city as diverse as NYC, you get these ignorant idiots. You just have to keep your head high and confront these losers when they make stupid assumptions just like you did at Chili's.

Liz - posted on 01/04/2009

2

7

0

Wow, I hate that you had to go through that, some people are just ignorant. The pic that you have posted is of one cute babe!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms