Choosing one race over the other

Shelly-Ann - posted on 12/08/2010

I'm a Jamaican(Black) my husband is white we have 1 child so far, i plan to teach him both culture. children should learn both culture of there parents, do not let any1 tell u otherwise! :)

Beverly - posted on 12/04/2010

I agree with a child not having to choose. Both races should be taught. I am Latina and my oldest is half Irish/Scottish, I've always made sure he spent plenty of time with his "white" side, encouraged their customs and plan on taking a trip to Ireland and Scotland so that he can see where his family came from. My youngest is half Italian. I teach him Italian even though my husband doesn't speak it, we visit with the Italian side for macaroni dinners frequently. I've never had an issue come up. I always felt and showed that both sides need to be taught so I guess their families can see that. Still you shouldn't have to "show" anyone. Maybe explain to your ex that this is who you are and this is who you're with and how can we make sure they get enough of his culture?

Malina - posted on 12/01/2010

my son's father is mexican. i'm black. he hears both spanish and english (mostly spanish because i speak it too), and his dad is catholic while i'm christian. he goes to both churches. its extremely important that any child of mixed race be brought up knowing both cultures

Victoria - posted on 11/30/2010

I am a pure ffilipino. My daughter married a white man with a mixed blood from German and English. Now I have two grandchildren of mixed blood. Now that they live in Minnesota, they are being raised the way life is in Minnesota. When they come to the Philippines they also live the way filipinos live. I also stay with them in Minnesota from time to time and I treat them a human being is being treated. So what is the difference of the races we have. We are all people or human beings created equally but of different colors and cultures. The best thing to see how we can raise our children is go back to the basic teachings we human beings are being taught by our Creator. That is to LOVE all that is created for us. There should be no distinction of how we treat people as long as we LOVE our children and ourselves. And to LOVE is giving an unconditional treatment to all the gifts God has given us. We have to bear in mind that children are precious gifts from God. And anything precious to us, we love it and take care of it by giving them the treatment we love to treat ourselves. Loving also means freedom for everyone to choose what life they may have. However, as parents we have the responsibility to teach them the right thing our Creator wants us to do regardless of race, color, culture, etc. People are people and are to be treated as human beings.

Erica - posted on 11/22/2010

I am multi racial. My mother is fillipino and white and my father is black. In my opinion there is no such thing as raising a child one race or another. I mean there are some cultural differences sometimes but I think is more of a religious or regional thing. Just raise your children the way you want. As long as they're happy and healthy nothing else matters. When people ask me I tell I am black, white and filippino because that's what I am. I don't prefer one over the other and children should hopefully do the same.

Stephanie - posted on 11/21/2010

I am mexican and my husband is black. My family would like to see our baby daughter raised Mexican and his family wants her to be raised Black. By the way, she looks Mexican and her hair is straight like mine. My feelings are that I want her to know both and to say that she is both. I just overlook some of the things our families say because ultimately this is our decision and we're the ones doing the raising.

Karen - posted on 11/16/2010

MY KIDS ARE OF MIXED RACE IM HAITIAN AND HOUNDURAN THEIR DA IS IRISH AND ITALIAN THEY SAY THAT THEY ARE MIXED I THAUGHT MY BOYS TO EMBRACE BOTH OF THEIR HERITAGE EVEN THE GREW UP IN A MOSTLY BLACK HOME THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH BOTH RACES. BYTHE WAY WAY ONE OF MY SONS IS MORE OF A CARAMEL COLOR AND THE OTHER IS ALOMST WHITE

Shell - posted on 11/15/2010

I totally understand what you mean, but my kid's grandparent doesn't even know she's saying it. It doesn't really matter which race to choose to raise children as long as they're taught respect, morals and to see things with an open mind.

BB - posted on 11/13/2010

Love is Universal.There will always be people who like to label and organize everything in life/society to fit into neat little boxes of "truths". Life in never easy no matter what color someone is.I'm glad that person in your ex b/c obviously he must be missing a couple bolts if he wants to try to erase his own childrens heritage.I think it's important for "mixed" kids to learn about all of their diff cultural backgrouds and to omit one would be to lie and steal a part of who they are.I think if you teach them to be proud and to accept themselves as who they are and push them towards excellence.They will be proud they were raised the Right way.Besides there really is no black or white way to raise someone.

Jessica - posted on 11/13/2010

Well my son is half black. But for me, I never really thought that there was a certain way to raise a child who's african american.

anyway, I think he'll probably just consider himself african american especially since I'm not white. But no matter what he grows choosing it won't matter he's my son I don't care what race he chooses to say he is.

Victorya - posted on 10/06/2010

You and you Ex should not make any choices. The children will decide what they want to be like. They know they are white and they will choose what they want to know about their heritages.

Your ex is an idiot.

Cassandra - posted on 10/06/2010

i agree its not right...my kids r mixed white n black...do u know that in ga they make u choose wat race to put down on thier papers! they say u cant put biracial ne more that u have to choose black or white but thats crazy bc they r both how do u choose one? wat do yall think of this?

Laurie - posted on 10/04/2010

I am the mother of three mixed race children (they look a bit mixed but mostly black). My oldest is in middle school and I can already feel the racial difficulties she will be made to face in high school. My community is very diverse, but largely segregated (of their own choice). I am ready to move to a less diverse city that is more tolerant. Children shouldn't be made to choose one race over another. What is white or black any way? European countries, African and dark skinned countries? I tell my children they are all the races that I know they are. The white part is Swedish, Norwegian, Finnish, Danish, and Irish. How many "white people know what their actual ancestry is?

Lesley - posted on 10/04/2010

you should not have to make a choice. My kids are half black and half white. I taught them ever since they were little that they were of both races. We have books based on both cultures meaning i have stories with black and white characters. I also have books with important black people that they would not hear about in school. I would never choose a race for my kids to be.

I watched a movie on Lifetime one night with my husband and it was based upon a child being born black/white and the mother was taken to court by the father of the little boy. The father was a black man who was married to a white women. And they won the custody battle bc the child was 1/2 black. They had stressed to the court that a white women would not know how to teach a black child culture or help him when he was bullied about being black. To make a long story short the mother finally got custody to her child back. They could not prove she was a bad mother. The movie really upset me. I am a white mother to 3 biracial boys. People have no right to judge anyone. Just thinking about the movie makes me upset.

Jessica - posted on 10/03/2010

I have 2 mixed children with different men. My ex, whom I had my first child with is half Jamaican and my current boyfriend is African-American, we just had our babygirl a month ago. My ex seems to think that his daughter really needs to be around him so that she knows she is half black and he told me there are things I just cant teach her. It really hurt me when he said that because how can he tell me that pretty much I wouldnt be able to raise my own child the way "she needs to be"? The way I look at it is that she is her own person. The way I will raise all of my children is to treat everyone the way they want to be treated. Dont discriminate against someone because they are different. We were all born the same way, we breathe the same air, etc.. We should all be treated equally. Even though she WILL know her background, I dont feel the need to even fill her head with any type of thoughts that dont need to be there. I hate people that STILL talk like white and black people are so different. Times have changed, move on!

Krystle - posted on 10/02/2010

I am half white, half filipino. My bf and the father of all my children, is mostly half white and half black with a little bit of indian and some other stuff...when I am asked what ethnicity my kids are, I don't claim any one over any of the others. I say they are mostly black, white, and filipino. The way I see it, if your ex didn't want them seeing the "black side" then he shouldn't have married a black woman and had kids with her. If he is ashamed of his children's ethnic backgrounds, then he's ashamed of his kids and therefore should be ashamed of himself. The same goes with the rest of his family. As long as the kids are happy, healthy, and loved equally then that should be the only thing that matters as far as the "way" they're raised.

Sarah - posted on 10/02/2010

I'm white and my daughter's father is from st. kitts virgin islands, so he is black. we're not together so i can only raise her the way that i know how and if she turns out more "white" then its not for lack of trying. i'm doing my best to raise her to be of good character and i'm not focused on the whole color thing. do whatever feels right for you.

Bethany - posted on 10/01/2010

I certainly agree with your feelings on this. My oldest son is biracial and my husband and I are white. His father biological father is Haitian and choose very early on not to have anything to do with him. I being very open minded have chosen to support him and not even bring up race most of the time. I've told him he has many ethnic backgrounds in him not just white and black. They should be proud of their heritage not their color! Personally I am mixed with Irish, Scottish, German, and American Indian. Not just white. Therefore your children should be proud of ALL of there heritage not just the present. Intill that kind of pride and no one can really talk against it. So your child (not knowing what your situation is) may be proud of being African American, Scottish, German, etc etc. Make it more of a culture and what group they belong to. My son has turned out to be a very open minded person and treats everyone equal regardless of color or popularity. Hope this helps. Never allow your children to be around people who are full of hate regardless of color.

Amanda - posted on 09/30/2010

a choice should never have to be made, your children belong to two cultures and should celebrate both of them, you're children will have a better life if they are taught to love everyone no matter what color, hope , faith and love. . unfortunatly for me we do not speak to my husbands family, i always worry that noah wont know his "black " side , but in reality as long as you raise your children to do right and treat others with respect, it doesnt matter what race anyone is, there are two kinds of people in this world, good people and bad people and thats it.

Joy - posted on 09/29/2010

kids should be raised the way YOU want them not no other way....there are alot of mixed kids being raised in a black world..and balancing out in the white world..these are your kids not the loser grandparents... they should have stopped your ex long ago if they are gonna be that way..

Rachael - posted on 09/29/2010

i don't think that your ex husband should have any say in who you date unless they are physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive towards you or your kids. otherwise it's none of his business. i also don't think that kids should be made to be only one race. they are mixed, and should be exposed to both sides of their family, although eventually they will probably identify more with one more than the other. i also think that, while it is true that even today white people have the advantage, i don't think that should be a reason for trying to pass them off as white, nor should u try and pretend like they aren't black

Catherine - posted on 09/29/2010

Wow, that's really strange to me. Picking one side? Dont we all, regardless of our backgrounds (mixed races, or not) learn about both sides of our families? I'm white, but my parents come from different parts of that world, ones american, ones from french canada, and I grew up with both american and canadian thanksgiving etc. Aside of their different religious backgrounds, there are so many differences in our families. I dont think I'm one "side" more than another, just me, sharing aspects of both and enjoying the diversity.



That being said, my mother in law (who's fijian) thinks that because my family is very close and their family isn't, my son isn't going to know he's "brown." I make a big effort to make sure he gets together with his dad's family as often as we can (his father and I are together, he's just not overly close with his extended family) When we go and see his family, they try and make a big deal about how my son should be hindu, how he's not going to be if he thinks hes white etc. It's really bothersome, but I make myself known and tell them hey, he's gonna be who he is, if he wants to be hindu when he's older, sure, that's why I'm exposing him to both his families!



Your children should be able to grow up knowing both sides of their families, and whatever feels natural to them, they should be. I dont think it's fair that a "choice" was made for them.. it doesn't sound like you had any say in that, and they're your children! I hope things work out for you!

Juliana - posted on 09/29/2010

A choice shouldnt have to be made. I believe kids should grow up knowing their heritage on both sides of a family equally. Is there that much of a difference of raising kids as "black" or "white"? If so I missed that memo. Im white and my daughter's dad is black. We seem to agree on parenting and race has never been an issue.