Do u ever get looked down at for being in a relationship with someone of a different race??

Terry - posted on 12/25/2008 ( 52 moms have responded )

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I am white and my boyfriend is mexican. And we have a baby girl together. I have people that say things like "u couldn't get anybody better to u had to settle for him" I hate how people judge him cause he is mexican. I don't care what they say he is the greatest man ever and he is just like all the other men. He treats me wonderful and is a great daddy!! Even my family treated me badly after I told them I was pregant with a Mexican's child....but I told them he was a part of my life adn they have to get used to it if they want me and my daugther to be a part of their life. Anybody else have a smilair situation??

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Maria - posted on 04/26/2009

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I'm sorry that a lot of people are still ignorant about interracial relationships. I'm Asian and my husband of 20 years is Caucasian, and we have two beautiful bi-racial teenage boys, you know what? I've learned over the years to ignore what other people think or say. What's important is to nurture your relationship with your boyfriend and your child together. You love this guy and are with him, does it really matter what other people think? I married my husband, not everyone else for that matter, so what my husband thinks is more important to me and the welfare of our children. The others will have to deal with it if you plan to stay together for a long time. Stereotyping or labeling shouldn't be the wall to break you up just because you let what other people think overcome what you think is best for your relationship, in the long run.

Hild - posted on 04/11/2009

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Hi, I am white and my husband is Native - FBI which means full blooded Indian - and yes, it has been difficult for me being in a mixed marriage. We live a town with a lot of diversity so socially it is very accepted and we have no problems with the community at large. The problems come particularly from the Native community who still hold a lot of wounds for what the "white man" did years ago. Somehow I am responsible because of my skin color. Depending on the day sometimes I am accepted and sometimes I am not. One time an older woman told me that I had no business taking my husband (who they consider to be sort of a national treasure) out of the Native community by marrying him. I've been told I have to take my lumps. Even at large meetings people will still get up and rail against the evil white man. And yet so many in the Native community are racially mixed. To hear this terrible negative talk has been very damaging; people walk in much shame. By the grace of God I will be able to teach my children differently.

Kim - posted on 04/11/2009

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I haven't really noticed it either. I'm white and my fiance is filipino. I usually don't pay attention to anybody else anyway. My fiance says people will star at us and he gets annoyed (of course there is a little bit of an age difference too), but I always tell him don't worry about them. Just focus on us.

Carolyn - posted on 04/06/2009

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OMG yeah, it's been 24 years, and people still think, or I should say present, as being horrified at the thought of a interracial relationship. Make me feel like ...you could do better, and are settling for less... It has gotten easier, and I do believe a lot of people have changed their opinions, the question now is...Am I the one who has issues, or is it them..... I think being judged for so long, I automatically jump to the conclussion that everyone looks down on me. I really do believe times have changed and society is willing to accept and give the interracial thing a chance. For those of you who are new to interracial relationships, be glad that it's 2009 and not 1980, because the world has come a long way....TRUST ME

Kristel - posted on 03/23/2009

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Melissa, I hope you reported that co-worker! Let's talk about a harassing comment! That's ridiculous.

Melissa - posted on 03/21/2009

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I never though that I would ever encounter someone who was as close minded as a guy I worked with. He told me that mixing races was against god and not right and the people that suffer are the children. I told him that we are all gods children no matter what color we are and he told me that being with my boyfriend (now husband) was wrong because he was not white. Really it dosn't matter to me but I don't even no what to call him he's portugese do I call him tan. Also his family at the begining didn't like that i was white they wanted him to marry a Portugese or Italian girl. They still speak in portugese in front of me and if my husband is not there to translate nobody else will and they think I'm rude cause I won't sit and talk to them.

Tami - posted on 03/17/2009

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i'm white, my husband of 10 years is black. we live in WV so you can imagine some of the looks we get from BOTH races. fortunately we live in a college town so the racial diversity is starting to change a bit, but racism still exists here. it saddens me to hear especially the younger ones in our community being racist. i assume most are learning what they're being taught at home. but my husband and i are confident and secure with ourselves and our family and we're teaching our kids to be the same. (my daughter 16 is white and we have a 7 year old son together) i think there are alot of stereotypes that follow interracial couples which only ads to the ignorrance.

Emily - posted on 02/12/2009

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in fact my family didn't accept our relationship until just recently after we have already had a child and have been married for six years. It must be a reaction to the fact that we (as in all of us) are not following the "status quo" or "norms" of society and are actually able to think outside of the box.

Emily - posted on 02/12/2009

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Good luck to all of you. I thankfully have dealt with very little with the racial slurs he is from Costa Rica and I am from the US, but we had to deal with the age and green card issue. We have about 19 years between us.... and I know it is a lot but it never rears its head until someone comments on it or reacts to it. yet I truly believe that because of our differences we have a much richer life than if I had married an "American".

Rachael - posted on 02/12/2009

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I'm must say i havent experianced it either i am white and my boyfriend is a black african we have been together for some time now and my family have always really liked him, now we have a little boy and he is the cutest little thing every says he beautiful and i must say all mixed raced babies are xx

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2009

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awww im going to el salvador this christmas so my grandma,aunts,uncles and cousins can see my baby girl

Lauren - posted on 02/09/2009

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my son is going to know both cultures ( white and salvadorian) we plan on making a trip to el salvador for him to meet his grandparents there

Kristen - posted on 02/09/2009

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I had more problems from family than I did strangers. I am white and my boyfriend is mixed (black/white). After the baby was born people actually met my boyfriend (who I have been with almost 2 years). I understand that you can't change the way people feel... but things that have been said really hurt me. We never really get looks or anything in public. The few times we have, I have had to really think about why they were staring because I don't think, "Oh, he's a different color then me and people don't like it." We live in South Carolina... so that doesn't always help. I think interracial relationships are becoming more and more common. I want my son to grow up embracing BOTH of his races. I want him to proudly say he is multiracial and not just black or white.

Terry - posted on 02/09/2009

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not sure yet how we r gonna get the papers!! We are in green bay Wisconsin. I am soo scared too about him not able to come back...but he told me not to worry...I won't be really happy until he is home with me and his daugther. Thanks for the wishes.

Lauren - posted on 02/09/2009

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yeah mine has the passport, but not the papers... mine hasnt seen his family in almost 8 years. I really want my boyfriend to see his family, it just scares me now with the way the boarders are that if he goes without papers he wont be able to come back and i dont want him to miss out on watching and seeing his son grow up. I told him as much as i know he wants to see his family and his family wants to see him they are going to be just as happy to see him in a few months as they would be to see him tomorrow ( the new president is already working on things, so I ask him just to give it a few months) are you guys going to go through a lawyer to work on papers?? where are you located??
I wish you the best of luck too!!!

Terry - posted on 02/08/2009

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Now he has passports that allow him to fly into the US, but does not make him legal.

Terry - posted on 02/08/2009

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We still have problems too...but for about one year things have been great. But now he is in Mexico visiting his family since December 18th...hopefully coming home soon. We are still in so in love..if not more in love. I totally supported him cause he didn't see his family for 6 years! When he gets back we r gonna start to work on him getting his papers and green card so he can go back and forth easier cause he has a family here and there. We want to have a bigger family too and I don't want to make him choose. I wish u the best!!

Lauren - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:



Quoting Lauren:

I know EXACTLY how you feel about poeple looking down on him because he is mexican... my boyfriend/ babys father is 100% salvadorian. people make rude comments to me all the time about him only being with me for a green card and ask why dont I find someone else because I deserve so much better.. well he treats me good ( not hat we dont have our problems just like any couple) but he allows me to be a stay at home mom. he loves me treats me with respect. I know how you feel with your family, my moms side of the family isnt so accepting of his different culture and just keeps telling me I am looking for problems. As long as you and your daughter are happy with your situation and are healthy.. then forget about what everyone else has to say.. this is your life, dont let them bring you down!!





im so jelous you got one of the few good men that us salvadorianos got! lol.... there isnt maney out there..... but thats a first i ever heard using for a green card.....





we still have our problems ... he still has the bad hispanic jealousy!!  in reguards to the green card its all because he doesnt have papers ( which we are working on because we love each other and want to have an even bigger family) -- bt he wants to be able to go home to visit his family ( he still hasnt cut his unbilical  cord yet)

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Lauren:

I know EXACTLY how you feel about poeple looking down on him because he is mexican... my boyfriend/ babys father is 100% salvadorian. people make rude comments to me all the time about him only being with me for a green card and ask why dont I find someone else because I deserve so much better.. well he treats me good ( not hat we dont have our problems just like any couple) but he allows me to be a stay at home mom. he loves me treats me with respect. I know how you feel with your family, my moms side of the family isnt so accepting of his different culture and just keeps telling me I am looking for problems. As long as you and your daughter are happy with your situation and are healthy.. then forget about what everyone else has to say.. this is your life, dont let them bring you down!!


im so jelous you got one of the few good men that us salvadorianos got! lol.... there isnt maney out there..... but thats a first i ever heard using for a green card.....

Lauren - posted on 02/08/2009

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I know EXACTLY how you feel about poeple looking down on him because he is mexican... my boyfriend/ babys father is 100% salvadorian. people make rude comments to me all the time about him only being with me for a green card and ask why dont I find someone else because I deserve so much better.. well he treats me good ( not hat we dont have our problems just like any couple) but he allows me to be a stay at home mom. he loves me treats me with respect. I know how you feel with your family, my moms side of the family isnt so accepting of his different culture and just keeps telling me I am looking for problems. As long as you and your daughter are happy with your situation and are healthy.. then forget about what everyone else has to say.. this is your life, dont let them bring you down!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2009

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ALL THE TIME I can relate! my brother doesnt do it.. neither does my dad but my mom does ... she looks down on her father and on me at times and we are full spanish and my baby father is half native and half french... but i dont see no problem with it... we made a beautiful baby girl shes our angel and her father loves both me and her.. yah we might not be together ne more but he still cares for me and our baby... I completely understand what ur coming from. I just think that some people have to come to reality that this is the 21st century and people are going to mix... so you dont have to worry your not alone.

Bisa - posted on 02/07/2009

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Ok I may be a bit dense because I just had this conversation with my friend. I told her I never heard and saw anything negative except one time when my ex walked away from the bar a black man asked me if I was with him? I said yes and he asked why wouldn't I date a black man! I just laughed at him and I asked him "why wouldn't I date a good man no matter the race?" But as I said I can be a bit dense I have other gf or are in interracial relationships and they constantly tell me about the looks and the stares and snide remarks. Maybe I just have selective hearing and seeing...lol

[deleted account]

hi.

me(white) and my boyfriend(black) meet when i stayd in Africa, there we got some coments... but in the local lanuage(they didn't belive i understood them).

A old lady even spitted infront of me(that is an insault down there) i didn't care to much.. girls used to "give me the look" too but never sayd much

i love him and he loves me so what other people think they can keep for themselfe!!

his friends even told him that he shouldent wased his love on a white girl..we are just to have fun with...





here in Norway i havent heard any coments but my botfriend have..

luckely i have never had any coments on my son...

Jennifer - posted on 02/03/2009

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Hi there,

I dealt with the reverse of your situation. When my husbad and I first started dating 9 years ago his family would not accept me at all. His mom said to him is this what he wants? I have two children from someone else who were babies at the time. His mother always thought I was after his money and looking for someone to take care of my kids. I always felt the distance from them for years when we would go to there home. Well 3 years ago we had gone home for dinner to his parents and his disrespectful mom pulled my hubby into a bedroom and talked to him and said where is this relationship going with her? If it is not going anywhere then you need to end it and find someone else. He told me this on the way home. I was pissed beyond belief at that. He was 34 years old at the time. I looked at him and said who does she think she is. Til this day I don't care that much for them because they still do not accept me fully. But I also did deal with not being accepted in the asian community and always get stares and have been asked why. It is a shame how people are. Stay strong and go with your heart and always what you want. Screw others around you if they can't accept your happiness.

Mamasnov - posted on 02/02/2009

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I've experienced it from my Mother. What nerve she really has to say anything considering that she is not married to someone of her own race. On top of that, she is mixed as well. My husband is Black/Indian/White and my Mom doesn't like the African American race at all. I am quite the mix myself. It is ashame when people judge a person by race as a whole, rather than as an individual. Though my Mother is like that I never saw the world as she does till this day. I grew up in a city of all colors. Every race is stereotyped, every individual has a flaw. I have noticed that people that are the same race as my husband look down at me, and people who are the same race as myself look down at me and glare at him. The looks, glares, comments don't bother us. The only thing that matters to my hub and I is to make sure our children grow up to love who they are and not let people (like said My nutcase Mother) tell them differently.

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I've been married for almost 7 years and I have never met my father in law. He does not approve of our marriage and has not spoken to my husband since we have been together. I feel so sad for him and his ignorance, but what can we do?
The bottom line is people are people-they judge, they criticize-maybe it's because they are bored or insecure or ignorant. It doesn't really matter, you love him- he loves you and you have a family together. That's it. It is what it is...

Lucy - posted on 01/28/2009

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i see it a lot too but like i say if two different races were not suppose to be together god would not of made it possible for us to have made our beautiful children and thats exactly what they are beautiful no matter what colour or where they come from they are all beautiful



Were all human were all equal we all have blood running through our veins !

Valencia - posted on 01/17/2009

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I don't get it from my family or my husband's family but people out in the world truly get on my last nerve.  I am black and my husband is white and the looks and treatment we get from people out in the world is really unfortunate.  I have never understood why people are so racist and close-minded.  Most times I just ignore it and it doesn't bother me but every once in a while I just get intensely fed up with it.  It's like we can never just go somewhere and enjoy ourselves without someone giving us a dirty look or saying something inappropriate to us or loud enough for us to hear. 

Karissa - posted on 01/17/2009

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I think that there are few places on this earth where people are above race...for the other part of the world you have to hold you head up and not let things bother you. Sometimes people stare out of curiosty not saying its right but they do..some out of jealousy....all in all its our lives, this is what we chose and we need to be concerned about making ourselves and our families happy..if people are going to be ignorant that is their loss! I think everyone on here has beautiful children and it would be best for them to teach them to not dislike people because of skin color...so in this I feel proud belonging to this community that we can freely and openly talk about these issues..it is always good to know what other people are going through..have a great weekend everyone!!!

Marie - posted on 01/16/2009

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I'm White and my husband is Chinese and here (in Australia) its ok, nobody really comments, but when we went overseas (Hong Kong) people staring made me concious of it and it felt uncomfortable.  But in saying that, i found over in Hong Kong there are a lot of other races marrying into Chinese, and some groups of Chinese for some reason are terrified this will "water down" the ethnicity!!! Im quite proud of my husband though and my kids are gorgeous.

Kristina - posted on 01/16/2009

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That is so awful! I am very happy to say that I haven't dealt with that type of stupidity for a long time. Not that I understand it, but unfortunately, there is a great deal of racism directed towards Mexicans. I work at a restaurant and I see it ALL the time. It really disgusts me and I inform people of their own stupidity (in a very polite way, of course) on a regular basis.



It seems like you know he is a great man and a great daddy. It just reinforces to you that there is STILL a great deal of stupidity in this world!

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It doesn't matter what anyone thinks but you. I'm sure people think things about my husband but I don't give a crap. Look at how many woman are single parents with no support or worse they are with someone who abuses them or treats them like crap. I don't even think about it anymore. I have one uncle who is really racist and i refuse for him to be around me or my family but I feel no loss over him. Anyone who makes a big deal over the situation does not respect you or your judgment and you don't need them in your life anyway.

Telicia - posted on 01/15/2009

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Very rarely have I experienced that. I'm black and my daughter's dad is El Salvadorean and any rude comments we get normally come from other Spanish people. I ignore it; its a waste of my time to get into it but my bf gets bothered with people's ignorance.

Shel - posted on 01/09/2009

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its very sad how there are people that have still issue with mixed raced relationship in the 20th century. i think they just havent adapt to the modern society..children have no idea what racism is they learn that from adults.my family are international and i think its great having different culture its quite interesting and diverse social times.. if you get along, raced should not be an issue.

Terry - posted on 01/09/2009

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Karissa...I think u are right! It is considerd rude. Whenever we go to a resturant that have spainish speaks employees they speak spainish to my boyfriend..but they usaually speak english to me. That was rude what the waiter did to u Jennifer!! They could have spoke engilsh to you and spainish to ur husband. They usaually speak bot languges if they do that sort of work.

Karissa - posted on 01/09/2009

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Yea I think that is pretty lame myself...how can you choose one over the other when they are both a part of you..makes no sense what so ever....i guess people just have to have the need to make sure everyone is being catorogized..ugh!

Caroline - posted on 01/09/2009

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Blatino, I love it!



I remember registering my son for school, and got to the part where you have to choose the child's heritage... I wanted to check Black and Hispanic for him of course, but the woman at the desk said I could only choose one.

Even now, I keep thinking, WHY can you only choose one?? Especially in a day and age when there are a lot of multicultural unions and multiracial children being born?

I think that's stupid.

Karissa - posted on 01/09/2009

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Jennifer Juro...i have worked with many latin people and my grandfather is from cuba and what i have been told is that if you know that the person speaks spanish..and you speak spanish as well but you start to speak in english with them it could be considered rude...i don't know for all latin people but i have heard that more than once.

Carolyn - posted on 01/07/2009

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I've noticed this as well, I am white, but in appearance often get mistaken for being latino. I think it is excepted more socially to be latino in a relationship with a black man verses white. Not sure why. Some of my girlfriends who are blonde hair blue eyed really get the looks like they are just being manipulated by a black man. Society is funny like that, and it's not just the white people it's discrimination from the black side as well. I'm glad I'm comfortible with my relationship and relationships that I can hold my head high and not worry about what other people think. Sure I notice it, but it doesn't affect me or how I choose to live my life.

Nancy - posted on 01/06/2009

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Hi! I am also in a multicultural relationship and I love it. I am white from Canada and my husband is from India. Initially my husband's family were completly opposed to the idea of interracial marriage. They tried to change my husband's mind and get us apart. They brought thousand reasons why we should not be together. We talked it out a lot, we even wrote to one an other to clarify some cultural differences and try to ease their fear. I realise a lot of it was just due to ignorance from both part. Now we have a nice family and they like me. Hope all will get better for you!

Carolyn - posted on 01/06/2009

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Blatino, I really like that...I think it's time we expand our vocabularies and stop worrying about what society wants us to call this one or that one. It's a new century and times are changing. My sons use to joke with their friends that they were halfricans, and I thought that was clever as well. Anyway, blatino, just added to my vocab, thanks.

Cara - posted on 01/05/2009

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i am white and my daughters daddy is from EL Salvador, and i know exactly where u are coming from there some people are so ignorant and racist it isnt funny. i just tell them look my dad is mexican and my daughter is mixed salvadorena and if u dont like it shut ur mouth and keep ur comments to urself becuz u dont hear me say racist comments about white people do u even though i am i have been raisied in a hispanic hertiage household i mean i even speak spanish and some people mistake me for a hispanic which if u are being kind about it than im grateful if not i will tell u wat i think. so gurl dont let them run all over u make sure u speack ur mind gurl once they know they cant run all over u then thinngs should change. KEEP UR HEAD HIGH AND STAND UP 4 U AND THAT BEAUTIFUL BABY!!

Julia - posted on 01/05/2009

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I am white and married to a black man. We live in a city with a large air force base which brings in many different cultures of people so thankfully it's not so bad but I go get comments and looks from black women who think I am taking a "good black man" from them. That's about it. I have a few white friends married Mexican men as well and they get the same thing. One friend with a new baby too. They moved to a bigger city which has people more tolerant and openminded but the smaller, the worse they are. Hang in there. We all face it in one way or another. Your relationship is more important then stupid people

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My husband and I are young also, 22 and 24. We don't really have a lot of problems in our general area in IL, maybe because after 8 years they are used to seeing us! However, when we go down south to visit my family in TN, the snide and rude comments start. It can be extremely frustrating. I also feel bound to a certain extent. My husband is in ministry and he is really considering going to Beason for his master's degree (it's in Alabama) but I told him no. I am really concerned about my family's safety. We have been sheltered and protected from most of the dangerous attitudes here, I am afraid of exposing my daughter to that type of hatred.

[deleted account]

Im 22 so people feel free to tell me exactly what they feel. Black people say why did you go white, your to cute for him, and so on and as for his friends he tells me they are super curious. People look at us all the time but I cant figure out if its beacues were interracial of the fact that we are so HOTT together. I believe its because were Hott. Honstly it seams like there is racial problem as if because your white you better than him. Your a GROWN woman you don't have to explain yourself to NO ONE, if they got a problem with it that's is there business, there is alway going to be somebody out there who doesnt like what your doing. If your life. Screw everybody else.

Terry - posted on 12/31/2008

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Thanks for sharing your stories and for the support!! It would just be nice if people would understand skin is just a color!! Underneath every skin color is a person!! My daughter doesn't look Mexican...she looks white, but her skin is turning a little darker. But I am so proud of my daughter and boyfriend that I like to show them off!! I love both of them more than anything in the world!! Just hate how he gets judged...especially from my family members. His family adores our daughter and they are there for me whenever I need them!! Thank you all for ur stories and support!!

Gabrielle - posted on 12/31/2008

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Good for you, sticking up for yourself, your boyfriend, and your daughter. People who say things against inter-racial relationships are just ignorant, and thank goodness they are slowly disappearing. People like your daughter (and me - I'm half-white, half-Latina, too) are going to be all the more common in the years to come. We're just proof that good people don't see color of skin when we love someone.

Carmen - posted on 12/31/2008

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Trust me Caroline, I know. I'm 1/2 puerto rican and 1/2 ecuadorian and my son is half black. So he is BLATINO just like your son. I know people that don't understand put us all together in one lump. But hey don't get offended at least they have the correct location "the carribean" at least she is not all the way off and saying he looks columbian or mexican, which is another continent!. (Not trying to offend anyone I love mexicans and columbians). Just try to educate your mom as much as possible b/c it does become offensive at times when we are all lumped together. have a happy and blessed new year. And BTW I know for a fact your baby is totally cute.

Caroline - posted on 12/31/2008

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I'm black and my son's father is Dominican. It's not really a big deal, although my mother is ALWAYS making comments, becasue in some pictures, he looks more Hispanic. Then my mom will say 'He looks like a real Puerto Rican'. I constantly tell her he is not Puerto Rican, he's Dominican, they are two different countries. I think she feels like they all get lumped together, and she doesn't feel like differentiating. It's kind of annoying.

Regina - posted on 12/30/2008

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I'm sorry that you had to experience that Terry. It's not easy being in an interracial relationship sometimes because people will always make stupid or snide comments. However, we all know that our children were created out of a love that some may never understand. As long as you are being true to your heart and your man is good to you and you are good to him, then i say to heck with everybody else. Your main objective is to take care of your daughter and raise her to be a fine young lady. Good luck!

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