Does anyone ever feel like they are a bad mom?
Jackie - posted on 10/04/2010
I think we all do. We set such high standards for ourselves as mothers but the sad reality of it is that mother or not were still just human beings and not these perfect creatures. We all make mistakes. As long as our kids have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, clothes on their backs, and are happy then I think were doing pretty god. We set these high bars to be the ultimate "soccer mom" or the June Cleaver type moms but most of the time those mothers are fortunate enought to get to stay home and not work. I got the change to stay home with my son for the first 9 months and I loved it. Then I went to work and things got harder. I beat myself up over it but you know what, I got over it. My sons healthy, happy, and well cared for. He knows hes loved and thats all that matters in the end.
I think as mothers we all have to learn to relax a little lol. When I started going back to school and leaving my son with his grandma 2 days a week, I cried. I felt so bad about leaving him, not being with him, but then I see the pictures, or how excited he gets to see Grandma and I remember.. he's having fun! He's safe being with the amazing mother I had myself, she loves him as she loved me.
It's funny, I've been taking a psych course that talks about parenting, the affect we have on our children and different stages in life, and a lot of it's hitting home. Apparently through most of the parenting models, I'm a pretty good one! And if having a happy, healthy child wasn't enough to show that, I guess the cold hard "facts" of classlet me know. We do what we do for them, and no matter what, they think we're prefect anyway lol. (ok so that may change depending when they get older.. but we're all that right now! haha)
BB - posted on 09/26/2010
OH GOD YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Everytime I hear my kids cry b/c, tehy want a cookie bf dinner and I say NO, everytime they wanna finish a movie or play a little longer but it's bedtime and it gets cutoff....when they have to go in timmeout for being fresh, to each other or to me or hubby and they give you the cute little sad puppy face.....you know the one. But the reality is as parents we have to set limits or I know the kids will grow up bratty and with a feeling of entitlment....and that would be worse.I think everyone feel like a bad mom sometime.
Shell - posted on 09/24/2010
Yes definitely. I think my problem was, I was trying to be the mother my mum was to me. I tried to be as perfect as what I thought she is. Also my partner has never complimented me on everything I have done for our kids, so I automatically thought I wasn't doing a good job. It wasn't until I had a major stress breakdown when both my mum and partner admired my parenting skills and made me feel better about myself. My kids are always happy and contented and I equally show my love and attention to both of them, that should have showed me I am doing a great job.
Madeleine - posted on 09/04/2010
Oh my yes!!! Even before I was pregnant I had ideas of what a fabulous mother I would be, reading ALL the time, no tv, lots of walks, feed her only veggies first so she developed a taste for them... all that good stuff. I waited a long time before I had a baby, I wanted to be in a stable relationship and married. I didn't want to raise a baby on my own. My mom was a single mother and though she did the best she could, it wasn't easy for either of us. So I waited. Until I was 39. My husband told me I could be a stay at home mom, that he wanted my only job to be taking care of Bella for the first couple years...And of course he walked out on us. So I find myself raising a child on my own. Trying to get back on my feet, find a job and go back to school.
That leaves Bella sitting in front of the TV while I make her meals, not getting that story read to her because I have to search on line for a job, not getting out for a walk because I have to study.
I love her more than myself and I have to remind myself that I'm doing all this for her so that one day we can have our own place, I can take her to the zoo or Disneyland. I need a paycheck so I can buy her a doll of her own.
So yes, I think it's a feeling many mothers have, for whatever reason. We do hold ourselves to impossibly high standards, as Serena said, and I think we should all take a moment and give ourselves a little praise. Being a mother is the most difficult job, but a quote comes to mind and I think it fits here, "People don't remember what you do but how you make them feel" so as long as our babies feel loved, they won't remember that you didn't read to them as much as you should.
Leila - posted on 09/03/2010
I think everyone does at one time or another. I am a first time mom with a five year old daughter. She is very high energy and defiant. I have tried tons of disciplines to get her to be more respectful and I talk to her about making better choices. Nothing seems to work, then I get frustrated and wonder what I did wrong. I try to keep that balance of love and discipline and reward her for her good behavior. I even had a white friend tell me that she acts the way she does because she is mixed. She implied that all black kids are bad and that is why there are so many in jail. Needless to say, she is no longer my friend. I love my child and do not believe the race as anything to do with a child's personality. But anyways, we all feel that way sometimes. Have a blessed day.
I love my son more than anything and I would do anything for him but I think everyone reaches their point where it's just too much. Especially for those of us who don't have much help or even those of us that do have it sometimes but don't want to ask for it. I'm a single mom and I would always hesitate to ask my mom or my friends to watch him for a while so I could have a break. I didn't want to be a pain or have them think "Look at that, she can't even take care of him". Even though I know I take great care of him and they wouldn't say that it still crossed my mind for some reason. What I'm realizing is we all need a break sometimes. It doesn't mean we love our kids any less or that we're any less of a mother, we're just human!! When I'm home alone now and I need a minute I put him in his crib, turn on the music and take a couple seconds for myself. It's not going to hurt him to cry for a minute while I calm down and can better deal with him so we're not both frustrated. When I have someone who can take him for twenty minutes while I sit and watch TV or take a bath I take advantage of it now and so far it has been a huge help.
Tara - posted on 08/26/2010
Of course! I think the whole point is that no one is a perfect parent how much you try and it's a good thing to be able to admit that we all have a slip ups where we lose our temper or whatever it is. I have felt like that the past couple days and started feeling like I am not wothy of such a good kids but than I remebered... hmmm... I am overtired and no one has watched her in months so I haven't really had me time. No matter what I'm sure you're a great mother and don't be to hard on yourself and take some time for yourself it will change your perception.
Serena - posted on 08/26/2010
I spent the first two years of my oldest son's life feeling this way. I just held myself to impossible standards and when I made mistakes, it just made me feel even worse. I know for me its a struggle everyday but I have learned that you have to take other's opinions with a grain of salt.
I do my best never to judge another parent's parenting style because I know how it feels to be judged but then there's "Max and Ruby" (nick jr)'s parents come on now who lets their 6 year old bake a cake in a house alone with her 4 year old brother to take care of LOL :)
Yes. Quite often. When I was pregnant I had all these plans for what kind of mother I was going to be. I said that I wouldn'\t let him watc tv, eat fast food or junk food, and would never yell at him. So far I have done all of those. I try and think that n one is perfect and that as long as I am not doing those things on a regular basis then it's ok to sometimes give in. I think everyone feels like a bad parent at some point
Join Circle of Moms
Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.Join Circle of Moms