EDUCATE ME, Question for white women for black woman?

Lisa - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 105 moms have responded )

10

5

0

First, let me start by saying....I have friends of all races, and I have black children,and mixed black/hispanic children, and one mixed black/white daughter. But there is one thing I am curious about why is it that all my friends who are black or hispanic or asian....date their own race but happened to fall in love with someone of a different race. But its like my white friends only date outside of their race....you notice that all their kids are with another race, my white friend even told me that she doesn't date her own race....and I told her "how can she get mad, when people don't accept her for who she is, when she doesn't even accept herself for who she is". Love is beautiful no matter what color you are....but if you are only dating a person because of what race they are or refuse to date your own race....that is like you're mad about who you are. Help me understand?????

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alyssa - posted on 02/14/2010

12

7

1

I dated all white men until I met my boyfriend (and father of my son). Let me start by saying race makes no difference to me. My man could be purple with green polka dots if he was still how he is personality wise, I'd still be just as madly in love with him. However, being realistic, he would not be who he is if he didn't go through the events of his past that gave him his strength (most of which were racial situations). As for your white friend telling you she doesn't date within her own race, I would say what she actually means is that she isn't attracted to white men and the way they act (now, I don't know your friend--she could just be a shallow person who only dates people for looks which is not unlikely for women who make such generalizations). I would say that I prefer to not date my own race. But I wouldn't exclude ever dating another white man. There's a difference between white men and actually men of all of races. I've found the best way to explain it is that white women find white men boring because they are so similar. I would always end up arguing with the white men I dated because they were very close-minded (but that just is my experience). My mom, however, divorced my (white) Dad to be with her (black) boyfriend. She views her boyfriend as exciting and new. His values are different than my Dad's were. Her boyfriend grew up in a different atmosphere than my Dad (who grew up in a similar environment that my Mom grew up in).



So I think it's more about opposites attracting than being mad about who they are (and not meaning whatever race vs white). It's more about learning to me. I learn something new from my man every day. Something new about the black culture. Something new about his experiences in the past. Something new about him. And that, to me, will always be exciting.



But that is just my view of it. Everyone is different and has different reasons for dating who they date.

West - posted on 05/13/2012

162

4

4

Everybody has experienced racism! Jewish people, italians irsish, black, latinos and asian. What do you mean a white woman can't relate with her mixed child, It's her child! Don't you think the white women experience racism from black people who don't believe in mixing races as well as being shunned from other white people who are racist.

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2012

40

0

2

Maybe they have had traumatic experiences with those of the same race? Who knows? At first glance, it would seem self-hating to only consider other races. However, you never know what experiences people have had in the past that affect the feelings/beliefs they have today. I would assume that if nothing traumatic has swayed their feelings, it would be ignorance guiding their decision to date only other races.

Rita - posted on 04/09/2012

10

26

0

Why would you say something so hurtful and tacky? You don't know these women or their husbands. My daughter's father is Hispanic and I'm white what does that make me?? I mean since I don't fit the wigger category. She is beautiful and loved and incouraged to embrace both sets of her culture.

Mikki - posted on 09/30/2010

23

25

2

You know, I work with two women who say the same thing. They date no one their own color. I never understood that. I am a "white" woman. All my children are biracial (black/white), but I have not always dated black. My first boyfriend was Hispanic, the next were white, and there was a guy who had quite a bit of Native American in him. I didn't even start dating black guys until I graduated high school, joined the military, and moved south.
I, too, have always wondered why I hear anyone say that they don't date people of their own race or color. Why not? I mean, everyone loves and hate. Anyone can be good or evil. That doesn't come with race.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

105 Comments

View replies by

West - posted on 05/13/2012

162

4

4

Obviously you care, since you feel the need to respond, And I would feel that way regardless of who I'm with because I am perfectly capable of forming my own opinions and if that what you want to believe continue to do so I will never know you, oh btw my husband is far from a boy. Damn internet troll

West - posted on 05/13/2012

162

4

4

My point is everyone has to deal with racist assholes and it's rude as hell to refer to a woman's child as a "token" or to say she can't "relate" to someone she gave birth to.

West - posted on 05/13/2012

162

4

4

Black women have faced racism before the atlantic slaves trade. Look at the genocide that's going on in certian parts of Africa now it all stems from hatred.

Rita - posted on 05/13/2012

10

26

0

I think your reply just goes to show everyone has to face racism white women included

Maria - posted on 05/06/2012

15

0

5

i know a lot of girls that will only date either black men (even though their white) or even black chicks that will only date any thing but a black men... me personally i just happend to have my bestfriends be black and my husband be black. but thats a not planned hahaha
i dated italians canadians uruguayans hahaha n even bajan and jamaican,.... the fact that i married a jamaican man means nothing except that thats who i happend to fall inlove with :) hes one sexy beast my hubby :P

West - posted on 04/30/2012

162

4

4

My husband is white and he only likes black women. He doesn't hate his race cause he has dated whites in the past he just didn't like there features and skin. It's just a preference.

Emma - posted on 04/25/2012

52

0

6

It just happens to be what they are atractted to . I am only attracted to black guys & im white . Why ? Its because its who i find more attractive not that im racist or a hypocrit . No matter what no one really should ever pick on someone because of what they like . If im 16 & i know this then everyone else should be more accepting too . Im not saying people should all like the same thing but people should always accept how someone is & who they are attraced to .

Brianna - posted on 04/20/2012

27

0

1

People never question a person that only dates their own race but interracial dating always raises questions. Some people hate their own race and are disgusted by the men/women of their race. This can be caused by a traumatic experience, ignorance, self-loathing, or trying to be someone they are not. However, there's a huge difference between disgust and preference. People can choose to exclusively date a race because of looks, culture, or another type of connection. Sometimes attraction is inexplicable. Sometimes opposites attract. There was an interesting episode of Dr. Drew about this lol. One thing I do know is racist views often raise curiosity and rebellion. It can be an experimental phase when for the wrong reasons. However, somewhere down the line there will be interracial dating. People hate what's diferent but when they have a grandchild, they are forced to end the hateful cycle or take it to their grave. My brother is white and dates a half white half black girl. I'm white and my fiance is black - couldn't tell you why cuz we're the only people in our entire extended family to ever have done so. I'm done with my rant lol

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/10/2012

215

11

24

It could be a phase the girl is going though. I used to never want to date dark skinned men because of barbie girl syndrome. I wanted to have kids that looked light with good hair. I am of mixed race and my father was african american and did not raise me. I was raised by my spanish mother. As I got older and through school I did lots of research on My fathers ancestry as well as my mothers ancestry an my veiws changed and I became more open minded on my way of thinking.I am married but I would date any race. I learned to love myself and accept all of my heritage. Sometimes people are limited by their own personal experiance an information. My husband is a dark skinned man an my kids are lovely. I love all types people.

Bridget - posted on 04/10/2012

7

0

0

Married a Filipino so I guess that would grouped as asian, dated 1 black man in my life but he was African, not african american, the rest were white. Can't really help you with that question, I would just say it is a shame as anytime you limit your dating to pool to just one race/ethnicity you never know what you might be missing. I liken it to to just eating vanilla ice cream or lol, I guess, just chocolate. There are tons of flavors to try. If you limit it to an ice cream case of different brands but they are all the same flavor, that is super boring!! I hate boring.

Victorya - posted on 10/06/2010

79

24

4

I am white I (in the past) only dated black men. It is actually very simple I am not attracted to any other race. I'm not going to waist my time dating someone I'm not attracted to. It has NOTHING to do with not accepting your self. People always say that to me. Maybe you could enlighten me on why people think that?? I am white, I accept myself in every way shape and form.

Jessica - posted on 10/03/2010

7

40

0

I am white. I have only dated one white guy before and the rest have been black. I'm not saying I wouldn't date my race or any other race, i'm just attracted to black men. In order for me to date someone i need to be attracted to them in some sense. In no way, shape or form am I mad about who I am. I'm proud of my heritage. I'm so sick of people saying certain races shouldn't be together, or criticise the ones that are. Its disgusting. Let people live and be who they want to be with. WE ARE ALL HUMAN

Jenny - posted on 07/31/2010

52

1

1

some people think I'm white. But I'm latina and white. Mostly spanish portuguese but I'd guess I have native american somewhere down the line. Anyway, so I'm pretty much caucasian. My baby that I am expecting next year is going to be pretty much half black& white and native american. My bd is the only half black guy I've ever dated. I usually date whiter latinos similar to myself. I also know my sister's bff is dating mostly Mexican American/latino guys and she's fully white and so is her daughter. So no we don't always date inside our race. People just find who's ever hot and/or is the one they love as the person but not for their race tbh.

Suzanne - posted on 07/31/2010

4

25

0

im just attracted to black men, have dated white men but prefer the dark skin,eyes and hair look, way i look at it is men can choose the big boobs,long legs or anything else they are attracted to so why cant we lol

Kristy - posted on 07/26/2010

12

5

0

I don't think there is any set answer to your question. There can be so many factors thrown into the equation and you would still not come out with one solid reason. As for me, I am white/native american; I have dated other races but I do have a preference for black men. What's crazy about it is that my biological father tried to raise me to be prejudiced...he used to tell me if I got too close...the color would rub off on me and he would be able to tell and then he would kill me. I used to be scared to death.However, after my mom left him, I spent the rest of my childhood being raised around blacks, attended an all black high school in the D.C. area and now I'm just more comfortable around my black folks.I don't put on a front or an act for anybody...I'm just me. My step father is black,I have a brother and sister who are bi.I have 3 kids who are bi.The funny thing is both my boys are grown and they are both attracted to hispanic girls....go figure. Its a puzzle that can never be figured out.As for those white girls that put on a show for everyone else...yes they are out there...they drive me crazy too. You can be with anybody you want to be with but you don't have to act like you are something else altogether.

Shamekia - posted on 07/23/2010

72

26

3

My husband is white and I am 1/2 black, 1/2 puerto rican. I have dated black men and mixed men before. I think though that they might be thinking about their future children. I know a lot of women who date depending on how their future children will look. It is not that they hate their own race. I know plenty of GORGEOUS white children. The people you are attracted to says a lot about how you want your child to look someday though I think. Very sorry I can't be of much help. I always thought I'd have a beautiful black baby yet I can't help who I fell in love with. I also think that anyone who discriminates is wrong.

Andre'a - posted on 07/23/2010

3

35

0

I am a black woman and my boyfriend and father of my son is White. I never discriminated I have dated men of different racial backgrounds but I have a lot of friends, white women, who wont date white men. They like black men because that is who they are attracted to. You can say it is shallow and people shouldnt look at color but the truth of the matter is its like an orientation I like tall men with blue eyes and other women dont that doesnt mean I wont date a tall black man with brown eyes it just means i have a preference some are firm in their standards for looks and you can call it shallow if you must but it isnt. Women shouldnt settle for someone they arent attracted to just because someone might think it is shallow. At the same time if you spend enough time getting to know someone you might become attracted to them when you werent originally attracted to them.

Ashlee - posted on 07/23/2010

15

2

0

i am white and i have dated white guys in the past but i have always thought black men were more attractive and have more personality..Now i am currently in my longest relationship with my boyfriend who is black and we have 1 son together..and my hubby has a much better personality then the white guys i have dated

Theresa - posted on 07/22/2010

7

19

0

I also dated white till I met my husband which is black, I never looked for a certain race. Although I do also have friends (white) who say they only date out of their race, I belive that they are unhappy with who they are. Yes everyone has preference of a dream guy but color should never be one of them. Love is love no matter color, disability, backround, or money.

Chantelle - posted on 07/22/2010

29

6

2

I am white/native American and have only ever dated black/African. I have just always been attracted to the darker skin tone. I now gravitate to more Nigerian/Ghanaian because of their culture/traditions. It is very close to my native culture.

April - posted on 07/22/2010

6

1

0

I am white woman.I have one child that is white and one child that is mixed(white/blk). What i get a lot from black men is that it is "weird" that i have a child of both races...that is nuts! I love people! I fell in love with the first father of my daughter many years ago even though i dated ALL races. he was white. My son's father is a black man.. To me we are all the same race HUMAN race! Seems a little racist to say "i ONLY date black men" but that is my opinion...I have dated ALL race's It's really what is inside that should count right???

Carolyn - posted on 07/21/2010

67

23

3

personally i think that its not about what color the person is, its about attraction. i am white and have never dated anyone who is white, or a black man either. ever since i started dating i have dated hispanics, i have nothing against my own race or any other race. i just happen to be attracted to hispanic men, and my my sisters with the exception of one are the same and the other likes men of color. i have said i dont men of my race but i say my reasons as to why. love is blind and people like what they like and there is no changing that.

Veronica - posted on 07/15/2010

42

34

6

I can tell you personally that I was abused for several years from the age of 7 - 12 by a white man so I think that resulted in my attraction to men of color...I know it sounds strange but it was the opposite for my mother who is Hawaiian, she is only attracted to white men and I think it's bc she was abused as a child by several men of color. I have never said I don't date white men bc I have (just a couple) but I fell in love with a man of color. I'm with you, I don't understand why ppl would state that they don't date men of their same race why not just say you are not attracted to men of my race instead...that makes more sense to me.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2010

2

0

0

my husband is puerto rican and looks black. i have never dated out of my race before i was with him. i didnt think i could ever be attracted to someone outside my rice but was being closed minded. love is love. your telling me you never met a black man that only dated white women???? it goes both ways most people just have there preferences, it has nothing to do with not loving yourslf. i am jewish and would have rathered i married a jewish man but it didnt turn out that way thats not who i love. but even though i am married to a "brotha" that doesnt mean that im not proud of my oun culture.i am!

Mary - posted on 07/12/2010

8

10

0

I have 2 cousins who say that samething. 1 dates only mexican and the other only black men. I get that thats who their attracted to. But really have you met every white man, how can you say that your not attracted to someone based soley on their skin color? I mean isn't that kind of racist in itself? To me it sounds just as ignorant as if they said I don't date black men or i don't date mexicans... love is color blind in every way.

Charley - posted on 07/12/2010

93

68

2

i am a white woman my fiancee is black and i come from a very raciest family on my fathers side but my mother always taught me that i should be color blind that their is no color fall in love with who they are

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2010

27

16

0

its a matter of personal attractiveness i suppose.....to each his own...i am white and date outside AND inside my race...i think u cant stereotype any paticular person to one thing just might be the people you are around i am open and attracted to any and ever race ...however without intention ended up with a hispanic...and would not like it to assume that this is all i am intersested in"one of those white girls" (untrue) but i do sometimes wonder how a person could just be oposed to there own race regardless of dating-racial frequency....i am a white women and am not trying to be a different way..love myself and go with the flow of my life wut it goes and where it takes me...sm women just get a little intrigued or sprung by particular features,unfortunately some women look somewhere to fit in and feel different...i just say either way dont be close minded!!!! i dont descriminate against any man(any REAL man that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) =0 =D

Brianne - posted on 06/21/2010

40

20

4

I would have to agree with most of the comments on here ... I think it is more of a personal preference! In my case, I dated white guys up until I was in college ... but that was because I was from a primarily "white" area. In college I dated a Jamaican and that was the end of me dating white guys! I think with me it is the "confidence" that the black man possesses. I myself have always held a certain level of confidence about myself and I believe that men should as well. I am very opinionated and am not afraid to speak my mind ... and I think because of that I need someone who is just as strong minded! In my experience the white guys that I have dated have been "weaker" and never showed that confidence! On the other hand, the black men that I have dated are confident in themselves and have also been just as opinionated!
In my case it has nothing to do with me being mad about/against my race.

Although, I have heard some white women make statements about dating black men simply for the attention and stares they receive from others! In my opinion ... these women are the type that just want attention from anyone and don't set high standards for themselves!

Xylina - posted on 06/19/2010

18

16

1

i guess to say if many women on here want to say white men are boring is judging men of a race by few. I am mixed myself black white and native american. My boyfriend is half white and half mexican to go off the all this race is this would be dumb so if i was to go by what some of you ladies go by with my own race black (black men) not attracted to them because they are sex crazed perverts who are full of fake game and don't know how to treat a woman but nah that's just the ones i been with doesn't mean there all like that even though many i meet are that way to me. But at the end, its not the race it's the person! I find women who seek a man just because of there race is very ignorant!

Brittany - posted on 06/19/2010

83

27

4

well the color of the skin means nothing to me it just happend to be dating a black/native american man when i got prego but i am white/native american i did not set out to only date black or spanish or white men if i think that the man is nice and i like them for them then i will date them it dont matter to me what color they are because in the end we all bleed red and that is the same to me but i do know white girls who only date black men and that is just because they wanna be black and most of them act a serten way my sisters are like that they will not date a white guy or and native american only black and i am still not shure why makes no sence to me eather because they must not like who they are because they will not date white or native american but it dont matter to me for me it is what is on the inside that matters to me

Kathlene - posted on 05/27/2010

27

78

1

i am the mother of four children..my oldest two are 1/2 african american and 1/2 caucasian...my younger two are caucasian...race isn't (or shouldn't) be a factor in determining who you choose to spend your life with...however it will determine what you are attracted to...sometimes people go for dressy heels and sometimes sneakers...it all depends on what you are more comfortable with and how they make you feel...now ladies i'm not stating that some races are a pair of stilettos and some are a pair of working boots...what i am stating is all people should have the chance to try on their pair of shoes and get a perfect fit...without others judgements,and criticisms... the perfect fit (thats what we all want)

Rachel - posted on 05/26/2010

201

11

27

I dated men of all races, but the white ones where the ones who happened to be crappy to me. The last one introduced me to drugs. I met my husband and he is wonderful. It's not really about race for me. Maybe they just had bad experiences?

Rita - posted on 05/25/2010

10

26

0

I don't know I didn't date my daughters dad because he was not white I did it because I cared for him and if I meet someone who is white I care about I would date them.

Anitra - posted on 05/25/2010

7

17

0

The father of my child is white and after dating hime for 2 years before we concieved people can see we are generally in love. the reason I began dating ime in the first place was because he was nice not white. Buthime being white was a plus. i'm black and people used to call me a traitor because donalds white. Well im sorry but we started dating in highschool, at a predomintly black school and most of the guys there were immature and already had at least 2 children. not to mention that I had out smarted most of them and had called them some type of mean name by the time i was even intersted in truely dating. but then donald came along and then wham bam gaurenteed prom date!!! And two years later a pretty little girl who already has her father wrapped around her little fingers

Alesha - posted on 05/24/2010

120

8

34

ive dated just about every race there is. i dont go for guys based on their race, i go for personality. and of course looks, but the color of their skin does not detemine if theyre attractive or not.

Jessica - posted on 05/22/2010

146

40

19

i am a white girl that has dated only white and hispanic men. It does not matter what color they are. Its there heart and family values that really matter. I will add that hispanic men that i have known have been far more interesting than the white guys. I live in the mid-west (sw missouri) and theres just not much to choose from as far as the color wheel goes lol

Jayne - posted on 05/16/2010

157

20

14

its because there are way more sexy black guys than white guys ;)

seriously though, i dont define myself by race, and i dont define anyone else that way. my ex used to always be amazed that i could be around him and his family and not feel awkward at being the only white person, but its because i'm not really aware of being "different". i forget im ghostly pale until someone takes a picture and shows me.
i have dated white guys and would have no issue dating another. but he would still have to be very different to your average run of the mill aussie guy, because they shit me.

Dawn - posted on 05/14/2010

66

24

6

I am white. I grew up in a mostly white town. I have never been attracted to white men. Only other races have ever asked me out. No white men have ever asked me out. I actually met my husband in a parking lot. I think God puts you with the person you are meant to be with.

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2010

31

22

2

In this day and age, should we really care who is dating who and why? Here is a simple answer. " I date/am married to/had children with So and So because I want to." Bam. Simple as that. I would never sit there and try to justify my decisions to a stranger or near stranger. It's none of anyone else's business why you make a your decisions if it doesn't hurt anyone else. Who cares? If you are a person that cares that much about it, then please, educate yourself by walking in front of a mirror and asking yourself that very same question. "Why do you choose to be/ or not to be with someone outside your race?" Really, no one else's opinion matters and those that would readily judge another person based on that are ignorant and tactless.

Jackie - posted on 04/24/2010

576

61

70

Race makes no difference whatsoever. Were all the same color when the lights are out and I'm sure that if we were side by side bleading that it'd be the same color. I only dated white men until I met my sons sperm donor, not being racist he's just worthless. Hes mexican and now Im dating an Italian.

Carol - posted on 04/24/2010

325

14

15

It can also be affected by the type of people you are around. I like white guys specifically white men with an exoctic hair/eye color. Its a personal choice, I wouldn't be caught dating a black guy or a hispanic because of how they look ( Its very shallow to say that but Darwin was very right with natural selection) or a white guy where I'm from. Women look at a man based on how attractive they are to them. I don't find acting like a gang member, dressing like you just got out of prison or drugs/ alcohal attractive. Thats just what I see around where I live. Each person has a diffrent reason, my husband is a country boy with blond hair and blue eyes and I love him for many diffrent reasons but his looks are what caught my attention.

Laura - posted on 04/23/2010

17

6

1

I dont think that it is just white woman who date outside their race, I know alot of my friends whom are black that date outside their race as well. And I agree with alot of the woman on here when they say that you dont fall in love with someone for the color of their skin. although that is how society takes it, that she prefers once race over the other. and if they then they do, me I like spanish men, I like the culture, I love the language and it is what I am attracted to. Now that is not to say that if I some day came across a white man who gave me what I wanted like a spanish guy that I would not be hooked as well. And in all honesty I think sex has some insight into a decision as well. Women have needs just like men and we want the kinda the same thing. just not as much and it is not the sole decision breaker, but we know what we like.

Wanda - posted on 04/23/2010

17

45

1

I have dated more black men than white men, but its more about preference and what I find attractive. It's not that I won't date a white man, I have and I will. But typically I am only approached by black men, and I am typically more attracted to black men. As far as your friend is concerned, I don't know that I have an answer to that. Is she young? Maybe immature? Or maybe she just likes the attention. I don't know her so I'm really don't know.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2010

29

20

5

Just cause a woman is attracted to a certain race DOES not mean they do not love or accept who they are.. I LOVE MYSELF AND MY FAMILY! My dad is the greatest man in the world..But that does not mean I have to find white men attractive. So because of that reason I could neva see myself datin one (not that i will be datin anyone else i am married..lol

Tuenesha - posted on 04/22/2010

95

33

4

well im black and i trend toward white men so Im the opposite. its just a personal preference for me. Black men are great and Im sure lots of women find great happiness with them. Im just not one of those women, I guess. Yes love is love but attraction comes first, well for me anyway. I do see a lot of black women only dating black men, which I think is silly, because they get so angry when they see black men date outside their race. But honestly, who told them to date their own race only? Just because most of us tend to be bigoted doesn't mean we all have to follow suit. Then I get it where they are upset with me for dating white men, I mean blacks period not just one gender. Its amazing and confusing why people care so much about how other people are getting their groove on. lol

Janessa - posted on 04/21/2010

444

38

28

hey great topic as a black women i only date white men because those are the kind of men that always ben attractive to and do not see me for the color of my skin. i also had asian,middle eastern,jewish,native and mulatto men that were also attractive to me. I just get piss at black men period beause i had them say i was too dark for them when :( and i am really pretty for a black women wow those two really made me piss. One other reason that i have father issues because my father was never around cheated on my mom got many women pregnant at the same time as my mom. My mother had to put as for adoption risk her life for me to leave haiti what did my dad do shit all. So i never had recpect for black men but now i know not all of them are like that just certain kind.

Kayla - posted on 04/21/2010

10

8

0

everybody is differant nobody thinks the same anymore. im white and ive dated white men and black men and i fell in love with a black man and ppl ask me why its cuz of the person he is but as far as other ppl its there mind frame thats all

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms