How do u deal with having a bi racial child?

Mika - posted on 09/28/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I love my bf so much he is puerto rican and im white. I have never ever thought of my children being any dif because of race. My oldest is 5 and her dad is white. But recently my ex made a comment basicly stating his child will be a lil sister to my daughter but because mines MEXICAN (which i corrected him and said puerto rican because thats important to my bf) wont be. This is the first time ive ever thought of my child being any dif then me or my daughter. Im not ashamed i love my baby no matter what and i love my man but how do u cope with the stares and talk? Im only 3 months along but i wanna know how everyone else deals with this extremely horrible behavior from ppl? I wanna rase my child to be better than them but i wanna input on how to talk to him or her about it as well when the time comes.

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Stacy - posted on 10/14/2009

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Seriously? Ok, after reading so many posts in this group I have to consider myself lucky. I don't recall ever having to deal with any of this nonsense. My 2 oldest are 19 and 17 1/2 puerto rican and white and my baby is 10 1/2 black and white. I've never had these issues. Maybe it's geography? I don't know. I've only had the best compliments on my kids about how beautiful they all are.

I've raised my kids to ignore any ignorance when it comes to racial issues and to let others know how blessed they are to be a part of and to be loved by both races. All of my kids are color blind. They are in tune with all 3 ethnicities (black, white, hispanic) and are accepted by all. I think if they are comfortable with themselves and are educated about their back grounds then their attitudes will exude the posotive aspect of it all and outweigh the rest. Your kids will not even realize they are different from each other (until someone ignorant points it out) because they will love each other that much.

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Mary - posted on 10/16/2009

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I myself am bi-racial and thank goodness for my family never had to pick a side. I was adopted and raised by white parents but they made sure that there was an equal amount(as much as possible) of whites and blacks in the schools. My mom has a bi-racial daughter of her own so she knew how important it was to raise us to be strong woman not a race. My children are multi-racial and my son looks like me. My husband is white and Japanese but looks white and my daughter is a lil lighter than my son and me but like my parents are raising them to be strong intellectual people. There is always going to be somene to look down on you rather race,intellectual,how much you make,etc. The important thing is to let them know they are loved and wanted. Just keep surronding them by ppl who love them and they will be ok.

Stefanie - posted on 10/15/2009

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I get stares and comments too (Cambodian son :) )
- just brush it off. All that matters is the love between you & your child. Sooner or later all the fuss about it will be over with....... and your baby in your belly is no different than Zoey or any other white, black, mexican, asian, whatever, blue, yellow green......... Forget what people have to say and just enjoy the fact that you will be able to hold your tiny lil baby soon and you have your bf who loves you as well.

Mika - posted on 10/14/2009

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Thanks again to all the new posts. I accually get comments just about my daughter shes got blonde hair and blue eyes. My bfs daughter (reminder hes puerto rican) has blonde hair and brown eyes and very light skin! I have brown hair brown eyes and light skin. So im really looking forward to meeting my new child and seeing what wonderful things he or she got from me and my bf. Thanks again your thoughts and encouragement mean alot!!

Brandie - posted on 10/14/2009

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Its only the stupid and idotic ppl who have problems. God see all children the same and just keep your head up when others stare or make comments. My husband is bi racial, has a white mom and a black dad. I have two children and their skin is darker than mine but who cares. They are still ppl like me, you and your ex. I would try and explain that to him. He is white and others are what they are. We have no say in who we are. I would first and formost let him know that your children are siblings and there will be no difference between them. You need to put your foot down now. Let him know you will not tolorate any bull shit like that. Let him know where you stand on that subject up front. Sounds like he is just a racist pig.

Maria - posted on 10/14/2009

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Honey, you're ex is showing his true colors, now that you're with someone you truly love. But, don't let that stop you from moving forward. He's just a spiteful, ignoramus who's using your son to get back at you. Just stick with your guns, teach your son that partiality and racial tolerance is better than hatred, because no matter how you accuse your ex, he'll find a way to discredit you in your son's eyes. Ask your son what he thinks. Tell him that what he thinks is more important to you than what his father thinks, then tell him what you think. Sometimes, it's better to get down to a child's level a this age, to comprehend his behavior and way of thinking. And always keep the communication open between the two of you. Make sure you give him quality time and let him know that you love him as much as your daughter, and that he's as much a party of your new family.

Kelcie - posted on 10/12/2009

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If your happy then who cares. I also have a mixed baby who is half white and half puerto rican and let me tell you she is my pride and joy and hope shes realizes when shes older that no matter what people do or say to be proud of what she is. I have learned to just simply ignore it because if not it can upset me so just stay positive and it will be fine Good Luck!

Stephanie - posted on 10/12/2009

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All you can do is keep your head up and be happy... Raise your children to the best of your ability and screw what others say. All you can do is live your life and make you and your family happy!

Josmarie - posted on 10/04/2009

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Girl all of us here deal with it, people are ignorant haters... if it isn't bc your baby is bi-racial its bc of something else be happy you have something they don't so that is what it is all about. I agree with some of these other biracial babies mamas one day our bi-racial kiddies will rule

Rachel - posted on 10/02/2009

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Hi Mika my name is Rachel. I have two children, one is 3 and the other is 6 months old. Both of which are bi-racial. They both have different dads. i am currently with my 6 month olds father. I am white and my bf is black. Both kids are Half white half black. When I first had my daughter, I got the nastiest looks from people. People my age (24) to really old people. Ive learned that those kind of people are the ones that did not grow up with any kind of morals. My dad kept telling me that the way they are acting by staring and pointing is called being ignorant. Not stupid, but ignorant. Stupid is knowing the difference, Ignorance is not knowing any better. Ive really learned to either ignore those people, or let my kids know that they are the most beautiful human beings on this planet right in front of them. It is 2009 and people need to get over the fact that not everyone was brought up ignorant. I hope to talk to you real soon. Best of luck with EVERYTHING!!

Tania - posted on 10/02/2009

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Your ex is just pathetic, just as mine is. I was married to my 5 older kids dad, recently divorced and happily re-married. Ex is South American & Italian. I'm Cherokee Indian, Black & German. Within the 5 children we have 2gether, 2 are his complexion (nearly white with a very light tint of color) the other 2 are my complexion (brown skinned). I've dealt with all the comments and stupid questions from ppl for 15 yrs and still deal with the confused looks on their faces even more now that I re-married and have 2 children and 1 on the way by my new hubby who is the same race as I am. As My kids get older they realize the difference in skin color and of course questioned it. Easily explained, my genes were stronger than dad's for 2 kids and his were stronger for the other 3. It was questioned and answered once. They all get along with the understanding that they are all my children, 5 have the same father, all are mixed but have different skin color. ( (You couldn'y pay them now to say that my hubby isn't their dad)The biggest issue is how others react and respond to it. It's not rocket science but yet ppl make such a big deal out of it. It's just the ignorance of ppl that we can't control.

Cathy - posted on 10/01/2009

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Your 1st baby daddy is just bitter and also a hater. He might mot even be racist just hella mad that you've moved on and trying to hit you where it will hurt and play off your insecurities.

I don't know where you live , but I live in Cali in the Bay Area and don't have any of that kind of problem. I guess we're blessed here pretty much anything goes, all race mixes, 2 mommies, 2 daddies, blended famelies, but anyway, you wait and see, everyone is gonna say how cute your baby is and how they wish they had her/his hair and their skin is so nice and tans so good. Mixed babies are the cutest.

Also, raise your child with both culteres and sides of the family bc no matter what your skin tone you are what you are. You can find bi-raciel kids books at Barnes & Noble, Target, and online so you can get stories with families that look like yours.

Maria - posted on 09/30/2009

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Only ignorant people are bigots mainly because they don't understand the cultural diversity that is now amongst us and what they don't understand frightens them therefore, instead of trying to learn and be open to the change and be more accepting, they would rather shun people just because they're considered different from them. That being said, Mika, it shouldn't matter to you what others should and have to say, because in the long run, you raise your children in the best possible way you know how, and that's to be loving, responsible, respectable Christian adults, proud of their multicultural heritage.

Christine - posted on 09/30/2009

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bi-racial babies are beautiful as long as you knnow who they are and luv them it is 2009, my boys are 14 and 11. I deal with plenty of racism and you just move on and my boys are dark : ) luv them the same life is not about colors it is all about the heart.

Natalie - posted on 09/30/2009

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Im white and my husband is half white,a quarter malaysian and a quarter chinese!Our daughters have some asian features but not many(they are gorgeous though like all mixed race children!).I havent had anyone make fun of them being different yet,although some ignorant family members on my side make fun of their last name etc...I would just try and brush off what your ex is saying.He is obviously ignorant and possibly even jealous that you are having a child with someone else!

Melissa - posted on 09/30/2009

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How do you know they're not staring at you for some other reason? Ignore the stupidity of others racial opinions. You being in an interracial relationship and having inter racial children makes you better than all of them. One, you are not judgemental, two consider that you are with the one you love, hey our LORD wasnt white. Those ignorant people don't help you pay the bills, raise those kids or sleep with you so they shouldn't matter to you. One quote I live by is Say what you believe because those who mind dont matter and those who matter don't mind. Keep your head up and live with your decision to be in an interracial relationship or get out.

Josie - posted on 09/30/2009

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Just ignore everyone and raise your children to be proud of their heritage. Trust me it won't matter to your daughters what their ethnic background is as long as you raise them to love each other and treat them the same! As for all the people that have anything to say negative I agree with what Monica said..."those starers know mixed people gonna rule the world one day" I mean we may not completely take it over but we do have some things that are going for us. For example, I learned when I went for an advanced ultrasound that there are certain diseases like tay sachs that are more prone to be passed on to certain ethnic groups and when you mix races you eliminate alot of the chances for passing on the diseases. So hey our biracial kids already have a better chance at being healthy!! Other than that I can tell you my daughter is half black/half white and I'm raising her by myself. I've had times where people look at me like I'm crazy walking around with my daughter. Also when I took her to walmart to get her ears pierced they wouldn't pierce her ears because they said I wasn't her mom and told me I couldn't get her ears pierced without proof that she was my child. I was so mad I left walmart with my daughter crying and I know it is because I'm white and my daughter isn't I literally sat there and argued with the woman and she literally told me that I wasn't her mom and I had to bring her parents or proof that I was her parent in order to get her ears peirced. It was ridiculous. Since when do you need a birth certificate to get a little girls ears peirced??? But don't let stuff like that bother you. Those people and their stupidity don't matter!!! You love your children and that's what counts and as long as you raise them to be proud of who they are and where they come from you have nothing to worry about!

Dawn - posted on 09/30/2009

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My husband is also Puerto Rican and I'm white. Which makes my son bi-racial. Anyway, I have never had any remarks from about him being bi-racial. Maybe it's because he looks white...I dont know. But as far as your ex making remarks about your child, I know its hard but dont listen to him. He is just racist. his opinion really doesnt count anyways

Leslie - posted on 09/29/2009

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Allison I think you summed it up GREAT!! I couldn't have put it better, and it does help when a mixed person gives insight to problems like this.

Allison - posted on 09/29/2009

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I am mixed and went to a lot of trouble in life because my mother never schooled me on the stupid attitudes of people. I never knew why I was treated different. Yes my mother loved me and told me I was special but I always wondered why this was not reflected at school. I ended up thinking something was wrong with me. I did so many things to try to fit in with the white and black crowd yet I was never quite good enough in either circle. My mother then went over board making sure I was in touch with my black side and always asking me if I felt black or white. As a teenager I always said that I felt black because at the time that was the crowd that accepted me. I know feel entirely different having 3 kids of my own and they are all ethnically different. My 1st 2 kids have black fathers and my youngest has a white and mexican daddy (my husband). My oldest is light skinned, middle is dark skinned, and the youngest is a really light brown. We get a lot of stares but don't give a darn any more. As a matte o fact I think it is cool how people stare and try to figure us out. And I don't always think they stare because they are racist but because it is natural human curiosity. Just let your child know she does not have to identify with one side over the other because that is what I think can get confusing. She is both! We are all a part of more than one race of people whether we want to admit it or not. There is no pure race if you really look at it. Nothing is wrong with pride in country or teaching your child about the heritage they come from but it is important that this is not what you get wrapped up in. I am a child of God 1st and a woman 2nd and if anyone tries to grade me on the color of my skin they are trippin! So I teach my children the same, child of God 1st and a man second. If anyone tries to put them in any other class they can deal with each situation as it may come and stand true to who they are on the inside not what they look like on the outside. Inner character is more important than race. I hope I summed this up for you o.k.. I would love to hear what you think and maybe get insight from you also. This is definitely an important subject in this world.

Lovisa - posted on 09/29/2009

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whatever you do don't look for it...my fiancee used to look for ppl staring at us or making comments and he always found it....i told him to stop looking for it and now we really don't see it as often...my son is mixed (black and white) but a lot of ppl can't tell..for right now...but i teach him that he should love himself and that there are so many ppl that love him and nothing else matters. yes there are ignorant ppl out there but you deal with them like you deal with doggie doo-doo..just walk past it and ignore it...or sometimes if it makes it better for you say something...intelligent which allows you to rise above their ignorance....just because you and your man are not of the same race doesn't mean you don't have the right to express your love, like other couples of the same race, by having a beautiful child.....a good friend of mine told me that the reason why ppl say ignorant things about mixed babies is because they know their babies don't hold a candle to our babies cutenes level! :) keep ya head up :)

Leslie - posted on 09/29/2009

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My husband is black and I have 5 mixed kids. It is hard in the beginning, but you get over it. My kids get the comments like how are you brown when your mon is white that cant be your mom, you sure you are not mexican, and even the n word.... But like we teach our children let ppl talk if someone is not talking then you are forgotten. You have to go beyond that because you are better then that. There are dumb ppl out there and there is nothing you can do to change that. Unless they children break away from it then they gonna grow up dumb to. I think another thing that helps my children is in my house we joke about color here. For example one night I had cooked chili for dinner my husband said something smart so i told him no black folks could eat at my house that night. So when my children came to eat i gave them half a bowl and told them that since they were half white the white part of them could eat. So when we were in AL and the white lady would not let me and my son walk in front of her but then let the all white family my son just joked it off. Oh because Im black I cant walk infront of the white womans car.. well mama she should have let you. Nobody worried bout that ole white woman she just mad cuz she gotta go to the tannin bed to get somwhere close to my wonderfull color. I always tell my children nobody can make you feel a certian way about yourself unless you allow them to. And if they want to talk bad then let them that just means they are not even close to being on your level and why degrade your self to get on thiers. Never let anybody change you today for the person you will become 2mrw.

Monica - posted on 09/29/2009

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ur only getting stares and snickers because those starers know mix people gonna rule the world one day(already got a mix president) their haters,, dont deal with haters, be proud and forget them!!

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