If I hear once you go black...You'll never go back...One more time.

Carolyn - posted on 01/11/2009 ( 45 moms have responded )

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If I hear once you go black you'll never go back one more time in my life I think I'm going to vomit...SERIOUSLY.

Why can't people, all people, accept the fact that you are physically attracted to certain characteristics of a person (and no I'm not talking about the male genitals either....I know, and have found that to be a lie, LOL)

On a serious note though...that's what people I come across believe...

People who have never experimented or dated outside their own race (Yeah, I'm talking white people now) always wanna go there. Some even have the Balls (no pun intended) to ask.

Why can't I just be attracted to dark skin, bright smile, long eye lashes, and sparkling eyes, with a nice sculptured body......Hmmm.

It's okay for SUZIE (fic name) to like Blonde hair..blue eyes... and no one questions her.

Just frustrated with the whole thing, and could seriously blow my lid when the topic comes up.

It shouldn't come up.....

Agree/Disagree....Got a story to share.

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Alvin - posted on 06/16/2013

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I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About 2 year ago I my partner had misunderstanding, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your email: Akwukespiritualtemple@live.com on a site about what you have done. I requested 1 to 2 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within 3days frank company had relocated him back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other I can't really thank you enough.

Johnybgood - posted on 01/21/2014

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Because it is all About sex, there is not True LOVE. It is ok for Black Men to be with a white woman but if a white man is seen with a black woman all hell breaks loose. Black men dont know how to treat a women, that is why a big majority of black women are leaving and going after white man.

Erin - posted on 01/15/2009

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I just honestly can't believe people are still so ignorant. Unfortunately I hear comments at least weekly about me previously dating black men and about me having a white one now.
Why is skin color even an issue these days? I just wish I knew the perfect thing to say to make all of the ignorant people in the world realize that people date people based on each person individually; inside traits and outside ones!
I am with the man I am today because we share core values and because he loves me and my bi-racial child unconditionally and neither has anything to do with skin color!

Kristina - posted on 01/12/2009

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EXACTLY KELLIE!! A person is a person and why does it matter what they look like? And Carolyn....me too.....people do that with me....automatically assume any man I find attractive is black. It's like I CAN'T  find anyone else attractive. I think as I grow older, I realize that I have to be open minded and try to teach my children the same thing because so many people are not....life lessons. One of the reasons I love to be a mom.

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Sarah - posted 2 days ago

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I have always heard "Once you have Black, you end up a white single mother with black babies". Your parents must be so proud! NOT!

Joey - posted on 01/19/2014

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haha dumbasses I grew up with 80% black dudes very few white guys n growing up all I basically learned was white women where nothing more than a piece of ass for u n ur buddies to get off in I'm a white guy who will only date black girls cause they want nothing to do with the black dudes cause all they wanna do is fuck n smoke or runn a train which is funny cause white whores n black dudes give me shit know figure that out oh wait I did EVERY race is secretly Lil racist

Mariah - posted on 06/23/2013

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I was married to a white man and have two white children and when I divorced him I started dating again only I was completely turned off by the entire white male population. So I began to explore other races I looked at countless photos of men from different races and I felt no attraction whatsoever for any race but African American and something in me clicked and from then on I have dated only black men . I am now the mother of a biracial daughter and have been in the fight of my life for my white children, the day after we brought my youngest child home from the hospital my ex husbands aunt legally kidnapped my sweet babies (2&3years old) now its been almost 4 years and my oldest child has dropped the N word at his little sister several times .... I will never stop fighting to reunite my family ....

Alanna - posted on 06/07/2013

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I know what you mean! I grew up as pretty much the only white girl in my class. I've dated both but my circle of friends only has a few white people so all the guys i meet are generally black. My fiance is black and we're happy if that isn't enough well then what is.

As to the penis size thing well my fiance is perfect and that's all i care about. Though the biggest was a white guy.

Nicole - posted on 05/25/2013

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I've dated/been married to black men for going on 30 years (God I feel old) in the South no less. I haven't had anyone say that to me in a LONG time but I have been asked WHY do people say it. I honestly don't know why. Having grown up in a very racist all white community I would have said "Even if I wanted to go back I wouldn't have been allowed to" and that would be the truth. Once it got out that you dated black guys none of the white boys would have anything to do with you. But I think things are better nowadays (of course depending on where you live). If something were ever to happen to my husband, I don't think I'd have a problem finding a white man to date, even with my biracial children. He probably wouldn't have grown up in the South, but ya never know. LOL I also dated every color under the rainbow before I met my husband (who just happened to be African) but I've always been attracted to the 'person' and not the skin color.

Dana - posted on 04/08/2013

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lol. I know what you mean by so, so many people thinking that "once you go black, you never go back." I've heard that before. Annoying. But, I have always dated black guys since my very first boyfriend and I have never dated a white guy. I guess because I am so white and have that blonde, nordic look because my parents were mostly Scandanavian and the guys I've dated were all very dark-skinned Black-African decent. My boys are noticeably from black too, so I get a lot of stares and my current boyfriend is my fiance'e who is very dark. Most stares and comments come from insecure older white men. A few come from the black girls who seem angry and call me names like "cave bitch" or even worse things. It's the price we have to pay I guess for liking black men, but I'm okay with it and have learned to deal with all the racism stuff going around.

White guys are cute too, but I find black guys far more masculine and dominant, more aggressive in their ways and more proud of their culture as a Black Man. They're just different, that's all .. and I know that I'm not the only white girl to feel this way.

Cc - posted on 08/01/2012

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One thing I can't stand is when my partner (afrocaribbean male) and I walk outside and other interracial couples smile at us. For those of you who think tht statement sounds funny, I live in NYC. People don't smile at each other unless they know each other. You do not know me, you do not know my partner. We probably have nothing in common. turn the other way and mind ur mother lovin business.

And yeah, I can't stand that statement either bc I actually jumped from race to race while I was still dating around. Yes, I went from black to Asian to Latino to white to mixed and eventually to Afro carribean. So statement not true.

Sarah - posted on 05/15/2012

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A few people have actually assumed that just because I have mostly dated black men and now married to a great one, that I must be attracted to EVERY black man lol. I do have preferences just like everyone else when it comes to looks :)

[deleted account]

I agree...my daughters father is dominican and everyone(friends and family) make comments about how I don't like "white" boys...it's annoying so now when they point out a cute "white" boy I just remark "I don't like white boys remember?" and they get mad...oh well they'll get over it. Even when I was pregnant my family would make remarks that I was having a black baby...I would have to correct them that her father is hispanic dominican but they wouldn't pay attention...

Nannette - posted on 07/25/2009

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In the Corporate world the word diversify exploded like a bombshell... Did I see it? NO! Does anybody know that... there are no more pure race anymore? What is the purpose of the color of the skin? It is not for identity nor just for identifying one's place in the world. The color of our skin if we go back to time immemorial ( billions of years?....), our skin just like the all the animals in this world are determined by the weather we as humans are supposed to have originally been born. warm weather dark skin, the warmer the darker your skin is, the colder... the lighter your skin is. So where did these races came from? protecting their territories... seemingly europeans thought the whiter you are the more you have royal blood in you. With due respects, I can't seem to understand why do people could not see another person beyond what you have outside? and what is diversity for when they themselves are the first poeple who would defy not doing it? PERCEPTION...MONEY... and GREED because the world is becaoming more diverse as it is, and they want to look as if they could go with the flow. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against any race or color. I am for looking beyond your skin, I too am disgusted by the facade they project, and all I could say is that lets all line up all together take off all those skin and lets look at a mirror all together... don't we look all the same?

Cassandra - posted on 07/25/2009

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Ugh! I feel the same way! I can't stand when people say that.....People like to think of my daughter and I as a statistic because I am white and her father is black and we arent together. He has 9 children from 8 different women......that can also be said about any other race also. I have met amazing black men with goals and ambition as well as dead beat ones. I've also met the same amount of white men with those same traits. Personality and how the person makes you feel should be the most important thing! And people ask me "will you ever date a black guy again because of what Chandras(my daughter)father did to you, it's like I dont know who I will date! Just because I found a dead beat doesnt mean they are all like that either!

Jami - posted on 07/24/2009

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I'm black and grew up dating black men. It was my sophomore year of college that I first became attracted to a white guy (Jeff, I'll never forget). It's not that I was fed up with black men or anything of the sort, I just saw a guy with a great personality and realized how incredibly hot he was. I continued to date black men but then gradually I became more and more attracted to non-black men. My husband is white and its very rare that I find myself checking out a black man. Not to say they aren't still super sexy, it's just no longer what catches my eye.

Jacque - posted on 07/24/2009

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How could I forget the thing that ticks me off the most. We have 2 kids and if i hear that the kids have to pay the price for our decision one more time I am gonna lose it. My kids will see two points of view for being bi-racial not just one narrow minded side like some others!!

Jacque - posted on 07/24/2009

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Oh I am so glad there are other people with this problem. My boyfriend is the first black guy that I dated. I agree with Amy we could talk about anything. That was the first attraction. We still can. He cooks, cleans, goes to work everyday, comes home every night, No drugs, no excessive drinking, would never hurt me physically and emotionally and a lot of my family can't see what I see in him. Some think it would be ok to be with a guy that treats you sorta good as long as they can tell their friends he's white!! WTF!

Denise - posted on 07/23/2009

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Brooke -

Hello I was reading your posts and I can totally feel what you are talking about as to people saying that you have taken the 'best of out the bunch". I am married to an african man being that the culture that we have to deal with on a daily basis is more Anti-bi racial which is sad. But we are proud of our relationship and our beautiful son that we have together! I think whoever we may be with is for love and not colour , race or religion. My husband and I met on a fluke best thing that ever happened to me! And I had never met someone that I had the most common with in my life! Being Im white and he is African race has absoulutly nothing to do with who we are as a person! Love these postings its nice to know there are people out there that are feeling the same way!

Oh also, My son has an extremly light tan as to me I am very fair and my husband is very dark where both of us have no mix at all therefore anything is possible I say! Interacial Children are the most beautiful :)

Erin - posted on 07/20/2009

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ok, maybe the reason they think we don't go back is bc of the ignorant white men who wont or dont think it's "acceptable" to be with a girl after she's been with a black man. Don't get me started on how hard it is with a bi-racial child. White men dont even look my way..not that I would care. Like you said what is wrong with prefering a dark skin. I'm from Mississippi and you wouldnt believe the comments. One man actually said he wasnt going to paint his privates black for me. I just keep my head up bc my son needs a strong mom.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/22/2009

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Thank you for the compliment, we recently just took that picture when we went back home to Virginia (we missed the beach terribly). Anyway, your questions.... neither of them are anywhere close to my complexion. My oldest son is fair skinned and my youngest son has a year around tan, lol. The little bit of brown that the children do have, I'm sure comes from both our heritages, my husband is a dark italian (although in the picture his feet are pale in close quarters to my brown self, lol). I hope that answers your questions.

Your children are absolutely gorgeous... love the beach background. Wish we could go "home" more often. Take care, Gabby

Brooke - posted on 02/22/2009

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Gabrielle, I love your profile pic. Seriously, I think black and white skin next to each other is something so beautiful ! I'm white and my husband is half Jamaican ( all black just half is Jamaican ). Hope you don't mind my asking......are your children light skinned ? My sister-in-law told my husband and I that our family in Jamaica has so much mixing of races in it. Our kids are very light ( not too much darker than me and I'm fair-skinned ) We've wondered if their skin tone has alot to do with the Jamaican roots.

Gabrielle - posted on 02/22/2009

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I meant to say "women" dating/ married outside their race... sorry for the misprint...

Gabrielle - posted on 02/22/2009

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Quoting Kristina:



Do mixed couples with black women and white men get the same reaction?






Hi Kristina (and other wives dating/ married outside their race),



Reading your story and others just really took me back to when my husband (Italian) and I (Jamaican) first married. There were so many instances of blatant racism its rediculous. I really had to learn to turn a deaf ear to the ignorance... especially when we got stationed to Arkansas five years ago. I had never in my life been around such petty and ignorant people, even at our previous church of FOUR years, we recently just left because little incidents and comments were happening to the our children.



As someone stated above, they recieved most criticism from black people. I can agree. One 'previous' hair stylist explained to ME, why I had a chosen to marry a white man... because I didn't want my children to be dark. Are you serious? I am a dark beauty as my husband calls me. Not only was my family taught to love everyone no matter what their skin complexion was but my mother is mixed and our family consists of various races due to marriage. I chose my husband because I love to laugh and he absolutely funny. I love who is and what he brings out in me and my personality. 



I too, have been called a golddigger as to explain why I married my husband (ie... my husband is far from being rich, he is an airmen in USAF). Hats off to us who are "color blind" and marry for love.

Brooke - posted on 02/21/2009

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I have gotten comments from some of my middle/high school friends about how I always did like black guys. I guess they knew all my thoughts.....whatever ! But.....now, most of the looks or comments we get are from black women. I was actually told ( by a black, female co-worker ) when I was engaged to my husband, " that women like me were the problem. We take all the decent black men away from their own women". Dumb of me, I didn't know that people of any race were branded with a mark to date/marry only within their own culture. And my husband didn't choose me by my race, he choose me for who I am. He loved me for me and vice versa.



About the genitals, I wouldn't know.......my husband has been my ONLY partner and always will be my only. To me he's perfect !

Teaisha - posted on 02/17/2009

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Quoting Regina:

When people say that to my fiance he in turn says If you go white then it's all right! On the opposite end I find that people always think that if you are a black woman and with a white man then he must have money. So ignorance goes both ways unfortunately.


Boy  thats so true,Im black and my hubby is white and I always get that,likw Im some gold digger.

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2009

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I totally hear you there. I'm still young, 22, and I'm with my second black bf and my sisters friend asked her if I only date black men because my sons father is black (not my bf.) I was like, uh that's a little weird to ask. But my sisters response was "yes, she only likes black guys but yes there's been white guys." Again, a weird thing to say but I am attracted to the black male. Always have been, even as a little girl in Oklahoma City I always had a crush on the little black boys in class. Then we moved to Missouri and it was like "whoa, where's the dark skinned people?" I would LOVE to move somewhere that's more diverse to raise my son in. I think being raised in OKC till I was 8 has played a big role in who I am. I like diversity.  When I was pregnant with my  son my sisters other friend said "I always knew Sarah would find herself a black man." Is it really so weird that I like men of color? Especially since I myself come from color(My dad is Mexican.) My mom says she also always dated the non-white guys so of course she got ridiculed for it. She even dated an Iranian when all that was going on back in like the 70's.



 



But I agree, in fact, I was just thinking about this the other day. There's just something about looking into the eyes of a black man that is just so different. I love dark smooth skin, big dark eyes, and nice arms. As for white men, again, I like dark  hair and dark eyes and if he's tanned or naturally dark complected then I like that better then a pale white man. I like facial hair as well, it's just what I like. But yeah, the whole black male genital thing isn't true. In fact, neither of the black men I've been with were bigger then the white men I've been with. My first who was white is actually the biggest I've been with.



I was talking to my bf, his bro, and his bros ex about this when I first started hanging out with my bf and I was telling them how I just like black guys. When I was in college my roomie made the comment about me getting a big black guy (she was white but liked to think of herself as black and she also hung with black people) and I was like "I just like black guys, it's not like I act "black" to be with them. I am who I am and I like who I like. There are some white girls who think they have to be "ghetto" or "black" because they like black men and I think that's a little messed up. But my bfs brother's ex is black and she said she never liked black men till she got with Derick.



 



Here's what I don't get. I had this friend Heather that said "I'll have my fun with black guys and I don't mind dating them but I don't think I could marry one or have a child with one." That through me for a loop. I was like, that's just insane.

Janie Marie - posted on 01/19/2009

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It really is sad to read this. In today's world, you would think ppl would be more understanding of interracial relationships. I HATE older ppl who look at my boyfriend and I like we are commiting just the biggest crime. I've date plenty of black men. Some more respectful than others but that doesn't mean all BLACK men are dead beats. My boyfriend works in fast food...usually drive-thru. There are some ppl that are just the sweetest ppl w/him until they see that it is a black man at the window, a black man that is taking their money...some of these ppl even ask, "was that you that took our order?" Its really frustrating to hear and see how ppl react to ppl who date "outside" of their race. We are all human, why does it matter what race you are? There are plenty of good black men out there, just like any white man.

Jeannie - posted on 01/19/2009

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I am from a very small town that is mainly white and was suprised at how well they all accepted my black husband.  Of course some of the younger more ballsy kids asked ridiculous things like this.  Suprisingly though, it was the black community in our city that seemed to have the issue with our relationship.  Like so many people here have said though, it isn't the color of the skin but quality of the person that brought us together.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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I never 'went looking' for a black bf, i just happened to meet him through a friend and we hit it off. We chose to have a baby, but the relationship ended. I don't know if i will end up dating a white, black or other man when i am ready to start, but i won't choose by the colour of his skin.

[deleted account]

Another thing that completely bothers me, is people's closed minded stereotypes. I am a white woman, when dating my ex boyfriend whom is black I got pregnant. My ex knows about our daughter and has chose to not be involved with her. He is not on the birth certificate... he does not live in the same state... he will never have a relationship with his daughter.... I hate hate hate when people assume he is not involved because of the color of his skin. Any man, of any skin color can chose to not be involved in their childrens life. It is sad, and it is something that I had to work through, but it has nothing to do with his skin color! He is just a dead beat loser kind of guy. Thankfully I got the good end of the deal, and have been blessed with an amazing daughter who has a huge family that loves her.

Kristina - posted on 01/18/2009

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I agree. I hear this a lot but from both black and white people. I do not think that people are stupid just ignorant. My son is mixed and people atuomatically look at my hand to see if there is a ring on it. Just peoples perception and what they have been taught to believe. I am married to a black man but he was the first and only time I ever dated outside of my race. Now people think that i have been dating a black guys my whole life like they are the only ones i could ever be attracted to. When we started dating i got the same reaction as most of you.... i didnt think you would go "that way" I know though we are just getting a small taste of what it is like for our black men to live in a white world. It sucks to have people out there that just cant love people for who they are on the inside. There are beautiful wite and black people on the inside as well as ugly white and black people. This really goes for any race but for some reason it is more criticized among the black and white couples. Do mixed couples with black women and white men get the same reaction?

Carolyn - posted on 01/18/2009

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I was in Phillie this weekend...it is such a cultural change for me. When Oscar comes to my house and we go out he is the only black person in the crowd, but when I go down there I am the only white. It really lets me get a chance to see how he feels when he's in my enviornment. We went to see the new Biggie movie and I was the only white person in the theatre. As we walked through Home Depot, I grabbed his hand just to see the look on ppl faces as we walked through the store, again I was the only white in the the area. Just makes me realize how far we HAVEN'T come.

Amy - posted on 01/17/2009

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Honestly, I was never attracted to black guys until I met my husband, and really I wasn't attracted to him at first either, he just had a great personality and we talked all the time. After a while I realized how sexy he is and we fell in love, been married 4 and 1/2 years. Just goes to show, color isn't what attracts a smart girl, a man who treats you right is what is important.

Gabrielle - posted on 01/14/2009

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I got a lot of that when I dated a couple black men in high school. I'm half white, white Latina, and I got grief from black girls, one guy's parents, and just people who would stare. I didn't date them because of their race - I dated them because they had qualities in their personalities that attracted me. I've been attracted to men of every ethnicity and religion, and I learned a lot about myself and others by being open to dating "whoever". Honestly, I think people who fall for the stereotype of beauty meaning blond and blue-eyed are pretty pathetic. My husband happens to be white, but my purely physical attractions tended (before marriage) to lean toward darker skin, like my Mexican grandfather - I thought his picture as a Naval graduate was just the handsomest thing I'd ever seen! I think people who limit their dating interests based on race are ignorant and foolish. They could be missing out on the love of their life simply by refusing to look past skin color.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2009

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Quoting Regina:

When people say that to my fiance he in turn says If you go white then it's all right! On the opposite end I find that people always think that if you are a black woman and with a white man then he must have money. So ignorance goes both ways unfortunately.


Agree as well...  A good friend of mine is black and she prefers to date white and middle eastern men.  She gets "whats wrong with black men?" all the time & it really gets her fuming.  It is pure ignorance in those who speak the words of any negative racial remarks.  Thank you for bringing up that it does go both ways.

Amanda - posted on 01/13/2009

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AGREE



4 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 7 years.  He is black and I always had people telling me that I didn't "look" like I belonged with a black guy.  Nice to know that others have a stereotype of black men & white women who are in a relationship together.  * rolling eyes*  Anyhow, I am now dating a white man.  I have had numerous people ask me now that they see me in pictures with my current boyfriend, "What ever happened to 'once you go black you never go back?"  I just can't believe peoples ignorance!  Can a woman not be attracted to the person and forget about the color of their skin!?  Drives me nuts, too!  I mean, yes... black men can be georgeous.  As you said, nice bright smile, deep eyes, dark skin, etc.  But, white men ( and other races) can be geogeous, too.  Most important is that you've got someone who treats you right, no matter what their skin color is.  This also may sound strange, but I honestly often times forget that my ex was a different skin color than me and that I have a child who is bi-racial... it is just not a thought that often crosses my mind.

Regina - posted on 01/12/2009

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When people say that to my fiance he in turn says If you go white then it's all right! On the opposite end I find that people always think that if you are a black woman and with a white man then he must have money. So ignorance goes both ways unfortunately.

Kristina - posted on 01/12/2009

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EXACTLY KELLIE!! A person is a person and why does it matter what they look like? And Carolyn....me too.....people do that with me....automatically assume any man I find attractive is black. It's like I CAN'T  find anyone else attractive. I think as I grow older, I realize that I have to be open minded and try to teach my children the same thing because so many people are not....life lessons. One of the reasons I love to be a mom.

Kellie - posted on 01/12/2009

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i was married to a black man, we are now divorced. and now i am married to a white man. but with that being said the true statement should be" i was married to a man whom i dovorced then remarried another man. who cares about the color. why is that the first thing that someone asks? who cares? a person is a person, it doesnt matter what color God made their skin. That is always the question that bothered me when i was still dating. the first question was " is he black?" i dated several men before i found my husband. (first and second) to me they are human beings, not a BLACK guy or a WHITE man. stupid stupid stupid.....

Carolyn - posted on 01/11/2009

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I recently had to go for a second job, I am a RN and applied for a second job, just some spending money.

Anyway, the guys that interviewed me was very much eye candy.

I went back to work and when I was telling my girlfriends at work about it, they didn't seem interested because they automatically thought he was black, which he isn't. Like you said, dark hair and dark eyes, with a magnetic smile and personality. I felt some type of way about it.

Kristina - posted on 01/11/2009

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People are stupid, plain and simple. If they are white and attracted to other white people, they assume it's the "norm" and if you are not you are strange or it's just a "physical thing" or (I love this one) a fad. I am 35 and have been dating black men all my life. Over the years, I asked myself the same question...why am I attracted to black me....it's not them being black...I am attracted to men with dark hair, eyes and complexions. I think dark skin Italian men are so hot, but blonde eyed surfer boys? NO WAY. I just laugh at those people and say...it's because the myth is true!!!!! lol



I think the better one is when people tell you that because you date black men you "won't date" a white man. What is the deal with that?? I have dated a few and never found a connection. After  trying I was like "what am I doing? Am I trying to prove to people that I don't fit the stereotype white woman dating a black man? What do I care?"



Ignorance is bliss. I love my life and I don't care if anyone else does. I have 2 lovely daughter and a great man in my life. You seem to as well, so congratulations on finding a good man and having beautiful, wonderful children!

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