im at my WITS END......

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

My 12 yr old is constantly coming home with notes from teachers stating that he is not doing any work during class. My son is required to have a signature after each homework assignment noted in his HW notebook, yet he doesnt write down his homework assignments. This drives me insane because when he gets home and i ask him what he has to do for homework he tells me NOTHING...when i try to get him to make up missing assignments he refuses to do so...when i try to get himt to read a book, he sits at the table and wastes time...HE DOESNT READ!! what am i going to do with this child????

IVE DONE EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE UNDER THE SUN...THE ONLY THING I HAVENT DONE IS GIVEN HIM A SPANKING!!!!

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Laura - posted on 04/20/2009

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is there a reason behind why he is not doing the work? is he trying to cover that he isnt very good at reading maybe? is he getting bullied. there may well be an underlying reason that seems unrelated as to why he is not doing his work, try just talking to him about school rather than the school work.

Melissa - posted on 04/18/2009

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I would agree with Gabrielle. As soon as I started reading your post, I wondered, what else is going on in the home or with him? I am a teacher and I have seen many reactions to trouble in the home and between parents. This is probably a reactionary thing and has nothing to do with homework. Think about when you started noticing the trouble and if it coincides with the trouble with their father. This is very common. Kids are more sensitive than we think and even sometimes give them credit for. Your son may not even realize that his issues stem from other issues, or if he does,he may not admit to it. I would see if there is a counselor at his school that could talk to him and even to you. By no means am I trying to pass blame or create guilt. Things happen between parents, even within good marriages, that affect children adversely.

I see now that you posted this over a month ago. Has there been any change in any thing? I pray for all of you that there will be peace in your family.

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Veronica - posted on 04/21/2009

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It sounds like there might be something else going on or it could just be wonderful puberty...my daughter is 12 too and she is up and down all the time. We talk about the different feelings going on in her mind and body and why she behaves in a negative way sometimes. He may not be able to explain what's going on with him. I agree with Sarah, try to find someone he can relate so he can open up. It might help him work through this confusing period. He may look at you as the nagging mother now so he wont open up for you like he would someone else. Good luck and keep us posted. Are you involved in a church? You might want to try to find a good youth group at a local church...that might help him as well.

Sheretta - posted on 04/20/2009

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Been there done that and am still dealing with it now that she is 15!!! Word for word as you describe your son, I had with my daughter. Keep on him as much as you can, get email addresses from all teachers, principals, lunch ladies/men and any other staff that can help you keep up with what is going on in school. I had my daughter tested(through) public school, tutors, lectures, threats, punishments, taking off from work seems so aggravating but it helps. Check with school counselor and ask them what can they do or suggest to help you help him..Let me know if you have more questions..oh for my daughter...it is a bit better now but she's in highschool and if I had to do it all over again, I think I first would homeschool her, since I am not able to do that, I would have just taken more time but that caused more frustrations with both of us...SIGH...Dont give up..check with the doctor and have an eval done for a cognitive issue..it is all worth searching..

Amber - posted on 04/20/2009

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Have you tried using a reward system. My neice was having problems and my sister began using a reward system. If my neice did everything she was supposed to including homework and everything at home at the end of the week my neice got to choose a reward. One reward my neice loves is getting to have one on one time with me such as going to a movie or something else fun. On the other hand you may look at taking away video games or tv things like that unless all of his work is done.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2009

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sorry...i can imagine how hard things are for you right now with the whole custody thing going on...but a good lesson for your boy to learn right now would be that no matter what, life goes on...some things are non negotiable and sadly, making some effort at school is one of those.....my daughter has no other issues and still tried it on so don't think that any of this is your fault.....kids are kids and issues or not, they need to know that blaming poor performance on outside factors isn't a good habit to get into and will not serve them well later in life...hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2009

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has he been okay with doing schoolwork in the past, and reading? if so, how about just putting it back onto him.....tell his teachers that you are wanting to teach him about personal responsibility and will need their support with it. if he chooses not to write down what his homework is going to be for that afternoon, fine....he has chosen to deal with the consequences of that. it sounds as though you are super stressed about this, and that sux....there comes a point where all our kids need to start learning about how the choices they make affect them and i think this is a good place to start....i probably wouldn't restrict him so far as activities go at home....organise a meeting with him, you and his teachers just so its clear that he is making a conscious choice to not do any homework and let them set the consequences for that at school. i have had to do this with my daughter and it worked a treat...i just stopped reacting and hounding her every day, talked with her teacher and it took about 2 weeks for her to make the decision...she also has aspergers so it had to be made crystal clear for her that if she chose not to do her work...that was okay but she wasn't in any position to complain about what the teacher felt was an appropriate reprimand for that and she got it in the end....may sound tough but he is old enough to start taking more on board...better to deal with it now than wait till high school starts because the consequences then will be much worse! good luck, hey! also, the teachers can send home all the notes they want....unless you are going to home school him, they have chosen to take on the task of educating him and sometimes that might include a bit more than just putting together that days lesson plan....no point them whinging at you about it because you are not his teacher, they are.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/27/2009

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You mentioned you're going through a custoday battle with his dad. Maybe he's reacting to that. He might benefit from some counseling. He might also have a learning disorder or trouble reading. If he won't work with a tutor, maybe some other reward will motivate him, like building up points toward buying a toy he wants.

[deleted account]



thank you for ur response....



for a while my sister in law was helping us out with tutoring my boys...(mainly my 12 yr old) it came to a point where HE TOLD HER THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO DO THE WORK ANYMORE!!! so she stopped tutoring him. it was his lack of respect that made her chose NOT to continue with the lesson. i didnt think he would gone "there" with anyone but he did!!!! as i have mentioned briefly, i am in the middle of a custody battle with their father for my boys, and part of arguement right now is that im FIGHTING to have my children come home afterschool as opposed to going to "afterschool" (daycare). since my ex husband is looking for ANY REASON to say that im not spending the "time" with my children that im fighting for, he will use this against me.....(the fact that im sending them to someone else....)



its a REDICULOUS situtation.....unfortunately!!!!



but i DO thank you for your suggestion!!!



 



 



Quoting Sarah:

Is there someone that your son responds to very positively? My daughter was the same way, so I found someone to help her with homework, other than me. Asked a friend if she wouldn't mind spending some time helping my daughter "get her act together" with homework and assignments. I am thankful to have such good friends, she said she'd be happy to help. We organized some times to suit everyone's schedule and my daughter got help with homework...minus the stress!!
This may suit your needs, talk to some friends and see if they can share some time with your son!! A backpack checklist worked for my disorganized daughter as well to help her know what she needed to bring home for homework. Hope I've helped in some way!!





 

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2009

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Is there someone that your son responds to very positively? My daughter was the same way, so I found someone to help her with homework, other than me. Asked a friend if she wouldn't mind spending some time helping my daughter "get her act together" with homework and assignments. I am thankful to have such good friends, she said she'd be happy to help. We organized some times to suit everyone's schedule and my daughter got help with homework...minus the stress!!

This may suit your needs, talk to some friends and see if they can share some time with your son!! A backpack checklist worked for my disorganized daughter as well to help her know what she needed to bring home for homework. Hope I've helped in some way!!

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