Issues with spouses family do to race?

Stephanie - posted on 02/26/2010

I had alot of issues to be honest but to understand - please know that my ex-husband is not my daughter's biological father. We started dating when I was 1 week pregnant with her, he knew everything and accepted it. I am white and my ex is white but my daughter is biracial (black/white). My father is a downright racist so even after she was born, he assumed because I was married to a white man that that man was the father (fair assumption in any other situation but my daughter never looked "white" or any of the sort, she took after her father and looks extremely black - alot of people don't even know she's mixed) and I am irish, white as ever, so is my husband. So I finally had to sit my father down to explain to him and it has been a rough road with that. I constantly had to tell him that if he didn't stop using the N word around her, that he'd no longer have a part in her life. This was when she was an infant, she is now turning 6 this summer. That was really hard. But I have to say the most difficult was with my ex's family. Because I was pregnant when we got married, everyone assumed it was his even though he tried to explain to his mother otherwise and she was supposed to relay the message or he was ... regardless it didn't get relayed. Normally this wouldn't be a huge deal now or even a story to tell except that even though we're divorcing, he is still her father and an active part of her life. When he gets our other children for custody sharing, he also gets her. His grandparents were extremely racist, when they found out my daughter was biracial (which happened at 3 days old - they caught on alot faster than my father in denial lol), they disowned my ex, his mom and the entire family. That was hard but my ex's family stood by that my daughter was apart of the family regardless of her skin color or whose dna she shared. They still stand by that actually. It took her 5 years to finally find the Lord and come around to talk to my ex's mom again. It was really painful for all. She doesn't ever talk about my daughter, it doesn't come up too much so that's still hard. My ex LOVED his grandmother but he felt like he was forced to chose between his newborn granddaughter (this drama happened when she was 2 days old - it was HORRIBLE) and his grandmother but he figured anyone that would make him chose isn't worth having in his life. You have to make the choice that's right for you, of course!

Shavaune - posted on 02/26/2010

I have an uncle who was extremely racist. I basically disowned my uncle because he actually taught his children to make racial comments to my children! His kid called my kid a "dirty Indian" (my kids are half Native American) right to his face and my uncle actually stood there and laughed. If I seen him on the street honestly I would pretend that he doesn't exist.
Long story short if anyone talks crap around my kids I leave or ask them to leave. I know what their opinion is and that's their right to think how they want but NOBODY in my family would dare open that can of worms in my presence and I made that very clear from the beginning. Kids are going to hear things growing up from other people but their family should always accept them for who they are and if they don't then they should at least have the decency to keep their trap shut in me and my childrens presence. You just have to view it as their problem and not yours. Ignore then if you can but don't let people talk down to your kids.

Rachael - posted on 02/21/2010

When I first met my husband's family some of the women initially had a problem with me because i'm white. they really think that you should only be with someone the same as yourself. that he had never been with anyone who wasn't jamaican before didn't help. it took about a year but they eventually came around once i had spent time with me and they realised i wasn't trying to be black, wasn't racist, and made him happy. some people will just never come around though. if he wants to miss out on his grandkids lives because of something stupid like that it's his loss. sad but it's his loss.

CJ - posted on 02/20/2010

Oh I have an uncle that HATES me....At family functions...I talk/mess with him and when he acts stupid...people know that his opinion is so stupid.......lol and he looks the fool.

CJ - posted on 02/20/2010

25 years ago, my mother told me (her boyfriend hated black people), my boyfriend/now husband wasnt allowed over for Christmas, I said ok, I won't be there either. My sisters said they would come to my house and mom could spend day with her boyfriend alone.
Needless to say we had a nice Christmas...my mother gave in and her boyfriend sat in the bedroom all day....lol. My mother loved my husband til the day she died...
You just Ignore the haters, its their loss, not sharing in the fun of grandbabies...

Brianne - posted on 02/20/2010

My mother is white and my father is black and my mother's stepfather was so pro-white that he was anti-black and he never spoke to me or my little brother. Honestly, I never ever cared because I was taught that color doesn't matter so I didn't waste my time feeling inadequate or hurt by someone who would want to willingly give up something as cherished and precious as their grandchildren due to the race of the other parent. Let's just hope it hits your father-in-law how important it is to be there for FAMILY before it is too late, like it was with my grandpa. I hope this helps you.