Just Curious, I noticed that mixed/white children with white mothers call grown ups by their first name, and black/mixed children with black mothers call grown ups Mr and Mrs. Has anyone else noticed this?

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Donna - posted on 06/27/2012

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Brown please, I was using shorthand. Yes I got the point. And I don't need to be black, white or whatever to know. Did I need to type Ms. Jones for you to understand me..

And when you say it's not part of our culture, what do you mean? Which culture specifically? Do you speak for all black people? In the South, East or West Coast of the USA, London, Rome, Africa or Tokyo?

What is your purpose here? As a parent of a bi-racial child my expectation would be that we all work together in this forum, not alienate other parents in the same circumstances.

Charlene - posted on 06/28/2012

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Thanks Julie, I was thinking she seemed like a troll, but I didn't want to be accusing just in case I was wrong. The comments seem to be jaded.

Julie - posted on 06/28/2012

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@Brown, here's an idea for you....how about you go start your own little community on Circle of Moms where all you do is bash, judge and put down white mothers of bi-racial children. Just a thought :)

Julie - posted on 06/28/2012

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Donna,
It's very sad, I didn't want to jump to any conclusions when I first noticed all her mean and negative (to say the least) responses and comments to some of the mothers' on here that were truely looking for help or advice and her seemingly pointless questions (obviously putting down white mothers' in her "secret way".. DUH lol) but it's very obvious now and she needs to go find a hobby. I really like this community and have found it helpful at times and it's always nice to know when someone is going through something similar as yourself, whether it be hair care or issues on dealing with comments from strangers for example and to have someone like her here for absolutely no reason other than to do her best to start trouble is sad and crazy at the same time. Unfortunantly I don't see her leaving anytime soon, than what would she do with herself? Sadly she will probably stick around and maybe change her name but it will be pretty obvious as to who she is with her questions and comments becasue I haven't come across anyone esle in this community who says the stuff she says.

Jennifer - posted on 06/28/2012

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I am white raised by a white family in a white community we were taught Mr. , mrs.& Ms. Now have I seen other white people use title, and I have heard first name basis. I have also heard it from black people. It's all in how you were raised whether its disrespectful or not. I was raised to call my aunts aunt so n so and uncle so n so. My husband on the other hand calls his aunts and uncles by their first name. Without using aunt or uncle in front of their name. I was taught it was respectful to use it where he was not. When he talks to my family he uses the aunt and uncle , and when I talk to his family I use first name only. Each household is different and I don't think it has anything to do with race.

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Julie - posted on 06/29/2012

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Actually Brown, hun....I don't recall asking what term you use to discuss your imaginary "mixed kids" and I refer to my children as mixed but that's besides the point, they both mean the same thing anyways (more than one ethnicity). Who said we were offended?? I just think it's very sad that someone like yourself has to make up a pretend little world and try to make trouble. As far as me defending snide remarks about black women, well hun, I haven't seen any on here probably because I only read and respond to questions/posts that are of interest to me or have something to do with a topic I can relate to or need advice with or am just simply curious about. Unlike yourself I don't go through every one to see what rude, nasty comments I can make on them. So there ya go...have a good day :) Oh and I LOVE how you always seem to avoid direct questions and come back with short little worthless, garbage comments.

User - posted on 06/29/2012

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Julie there are some posts out there with some snide remarks about black women, are you defending those?

User - posted on 06/29/2012

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Julie, Hi hun, in my family we use the term mixed rather than bi-racial. I consider my kids mixed if you must know. Donna and Charlene toddles, have a good day. Oh you too Julie. Sorry you were offended.

Donna - posted on 06/28/2012

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Julie,

I feel so much better, thanks. I have not encountered a troll here so I was thinking the same thing, but now I just feel sad for him/her.

Julie - posted on 06/28/2012

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..Brown is a TROLL in this community, plain and simple. She wishes she had biracial children or just children for that matter. It's sad really that people like her have to join a community and pretend to be something they're not and make it a point to stir up the pot and try to cause debates and arguements, I really think she gets off on it.
@Brown maybe next time you can post a question that doesn't have to do with how much better non-white mother's raise their children or how they are just simply a better parent all together. You should make a list of all the questions you have ever posted, I would love to see them all. Just incase you missed the purpose of this community, here it is..."A community to support other parents of bi-racial children". That being said all I see from you is non-support, criticism, ignorance, nastiness and RACISM againt non-black women. As always, looking forward to your always ignorant response :)))

Donna - posted on 06/28/2012

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Brown,



Here is what you wrote "I noticed that mixed/white children with white mothers call grown ups by their first name, and black/mixed children with black mothers call grown ups Mr and Mrs. Has anyone else noticed this"



It is the same thing as me saying "Just curious, I noticed that bi-racial children with black mothers do not show respect to their elders, and white/mixed children with white mothers will stand to give up a bus seat or hold a door open. Has anyone else noticed this?"



Does that offend you? It should, because it is a wild generalization and I would never say it.



My purpose here is to get support from other mom's that are experiencing the same things that I am. I see clearly you are not.

Rachel - posted on 06/28/2012

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All my kids call adults Mr. or Mrs. I am white and I was raised this way. I have never noticed what you are talking about.

Charlene - posted on 06/27/2012

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Ok, you can believe what you want, but I know that's not how it is here. I have a Jamaican neighbour, her children and her friends children call all the adults here by their first name. I have quite a few African (various cultures) that I am neighbours with, none use formal titles when addressing the adults here (unless in school). I've lived and dated a few men from Nova Scotia Canadian black communities, none of the children there use formal titles for their friends parents. I've worked with inner city kids in California for a time, most of whom were black, none used formal titles when addressing most adults. I'm not saying either way is wrong or right, but I do know formality amoungs neighbours and friends is rarely used in this era in our Canadian culture. Black cultures vary depending where you are brought up, just as white cultures do. You're generalizing something that is not the case everywhere. There are communities, of all nationalities where formality is the expected what to address your elders, but it's not specifically a black cultural thing or white cultural thing. It was something that was part of our cultures, but in many places has changed.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Donna, what is your purpose here. You took it upon yourself to answer my question, you could have went on to the next post, but something must have pulled you back cause you were and are still answering. No one is alienating you, you didn't have to get involved. THere are many more posts out here. And yes you would have to be black to understand black. Sorry if I offended you.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Charlene, I am not at all offended, its okay. However, I am sorry I still don't buy that. Black people don't normally do this. Trust me not in our culture. You may have heard a few if even. But in the black community its highly looked down on, its a big NO NO. If i was your friend and met your mother I am not going to call her say Janet, I will say Miss Janet or Miss whatever your last name is. I strongly disagree with you on that. I have been many places and notice the same thing.

Charlene - posted on 06/27/2012

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Brown, I don't have to be raised in a black home to know whether or not the black children around me and within the Canadian culture to know whether or not they call adults Ms, Miss, Mr, Mrs. casually. I hear them call adults by their first names without the formality of the titles. Within your black community, that may well be the accepted norm, that does not mean that is true in EVERY black community. I'm white, I was raised to address adults formally...still do with some older people. You are speaking to what you have experienced, but unless you have lived in a black Canadian community and experienced the culture within one, then you don't know what they have been taught, or how they have been raised. That goes for every communinty, unless you have lived in every community, and experienced that community, you can't really generalize.

Again I hope not to offend you or argue, just discussing.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Thanks Donna but i believe you missed the point. I meant Ms or Mr first name or last name. Black people know what I am talking about.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Charlene being around and being in the Black community is not the same you were not raised black. WEre you raised in a black home. I am sorry I just don't believe that. That is not in our culture.

Donna - posted on 06/27/2012

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Interesting observation. My daughter is mixed and her teachers all call themselves by their first name, even at camp at the Y they call themselves Coach Karen, or Assistant Sarah, but still by their first name. I was brought up to call all adults by Mr. and Mrs and I am white. I asked my husband this question the other day and he said go by what is happening at the school. This is what I have done.

I will say there is a difference between calling someone Miss or Mr and actually having manners. Holding the door open for your elders, getting up on the train if a woman coming on is pregnant. Making eye contact and saying please and thank you. When you are crossing a road, walking faster and thanking the person for stopping. You can barely get people to stop the car for a pedestrian crosswalk. There have been 3 deaths recently due to this even though they have signs in the crosswalk that says it is a state law and they have to stop. These things seem to have stopped white, black or any color. So instead of looking at color, maybe we should look at all trying to be the role models.

Charlene - posted on 06/27/2012

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Sorry, I have to disagree, I am around the Black community where I live on a daily basis, and 99% of the Black children/young people in Canada call adults by their first name, as do Whites, and Asians and Native Canadian's, unless in formal settings such as school. There are exceptions to this, but it is not based on the skin colour. It's based on the communities, and societal acceptance of the language custom. I'm not trying to be argumentitive, just saying that it's more of a subcultural thing within communities, and what is accepted, rather then based on any one culture as a whole.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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I also wasn't saying they were bad parents for the people whose kids do this. I said has anyone noticed this?

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Sorry Charlene, most black people do not do this. Trust me. Its not in our culture.

Charlene - posted on 06/27/2012

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I was mostly addressing the people who implied that if you're children don't call all adults Mr., Mrs., or such, then you're a bad parent. I didn't think you implied that, you were just asking a question.

Charlene - posted on 06/27/2012

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That's the culture of the Black community where you grew up, and it was the culture in my community where I was brought up, and that's great, if that's part of your culture, I totally respect that. It's not the culture of all communities...black or white. Cultures also change...which is the case here, in general, people of the newer generations, regardless of skin, usually are less formal in casual settings. You can't generalize people based on colour, because within different countries, especially within the US and Canada, where there are vast differences in heritage and in regions, the subcultures within the main culture can and do accept differents in how we address one another. It's not right or wrong, it's just different.

User - posted on 06/27/2012

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Charlene, I have never in my life called a grown up by their first name. In the Black Community its looked down upon. You won't see many with Black mothers calling people by their first name. In Black Culture its considered disrespectful.

Charlene - posted on 06/26/2012

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And really, children calling adults by their first name has nothing to do with that parent being a good or bad parent. My children are respectful and polite because I expect them to be, and they call adults by their first name most of the time, by the adults request, does not make me a bad parent.

Charlene - posted on 06/26/2012

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It's all in where your raised and the culturally accepted way to speak with adults. I was raised to call grown ups Mr., Mrs., Miss. In today's culture, at least where I live, most adults want to be called by their first name, myself included, that's how we introduce ourselves, it has nothing to do with being disrespectful. However, when it comes to the older generation, or in a formal setting, out of social graces and respect, my children use formal addresses. Personally, I would find it uncomfortable to be called Ms. Pollard. And it has nothing to do with skin colour, it's everyone here...it's just less formal and seems more friendly to me.

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@Brown and that's in your point of view, it's your upinion and matter of way and I have nothing but respect for it. If you see it that way, then that's you.

Julie - posted on 06/25/2012

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Definently depends on the way the child/children are raised and has nothing to do with the mother having white skin.
@Nikki and Janessa--Very well said!

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It goes either way, I think it's bias, some black children do it too, not all children are "perfect little angels"

Janessa - posted on 06/19/2012

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Maybe it depends on how the person raised and it is what really how good a parent those kids had. Because I meant bad white and black moms and great black and white moms.

User - posted on 06/16/2012

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Julie you want my phone number so we could chat sounds like you want to be my friend.

Julie - posted on 06/16/2012

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My children refer to ALL adults by Mr. Mrs. or Ms. It's called respect and yes believe it or not some of us white mothers' do teach our children respect. When I was younger my mothers' black friend had a son who called his mother by her first name, never once did I hear him call her mom....hmm go figure. Keep the questions coming. Just curious, do you ever notice anything POSITIVE that non-black mothers or their children do?? Oh and please if you do, feel free to give some examples and not simply say yes to appease me.

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