My daughters Jamaican daddy doesn't pay child support.....

Messina - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

6

2

0

So my daughter is now almost 20 months old and her Jamaican father is MIA in her life. He hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old. I tried to get child support from him before but the courts couldn't find him. Well now he is married with another little one on the way. Between the two of them they will have 8 kids. I haven't personally talked to him in over 6 months but his family calls me to check on the baby. I don't know anymore if I should even try to get child support. Maybe my daughter is better off without him in her life. What is your opinion... Should I just give up? By the way I hear that his new wife has a condition of their marriage. He isn't allowed to speak to me anymore even though we have a daughter together.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Nickecha - posted on 12/06/2013

3

0

0

they only spirm donors thats what they are i have three boys and facing the same problems

Stacey L - posted on 01/27/2013

1

0

0

Well honestly I am in the same boat! My Jamaican ex boyfriend and I were together for 2yrs and i got pregnantand well our daughter was born 3months early at 2pounds and ready? He was having an affair!Since then I have told him to leave. And he did. Now she is 3months old and he has seen her 3timea and he is 20 minutes away. Honest to goodness when he isnt here? Everything is better.. He being a rasta he tried to change me and now i see
I never saw all this due to much trauma in mu life i thought he was the one. Only you can make the decision thats best,however, our children deserve fathers not sperm donors.. I wish u the best...

Heat - posted on 11/08/2012

1

0

0

Sorry to hear of your demise.. I think that when two people get invovled sexually both become responsible. As a woman it is my responsibility to ensure that i protect myself against deadbet men.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

28 Comments

View replies by

Southernman - posted on 12/13/2013

6

0

1

Should'a listened to the rest of white society. There's reasons why we don't permit race mixing with blacks.

And your situation is one such reason!

Tyrone - posted on 12/06/2012

1

0

0

if he has citizenship here in the USA or if he has a valid SSN you have a chance to collect . try using FREE services in your area. please don't pay anybody to track him down in jamaica not even a nice sweet talking lawyer . they will just steel your money. Jamaica is third world and things don't go like they do here you most likely don't know your child's fathers name. I mean people use many names in these countries there is not a lot of checks ect. in these places. you would have to be from one of these places to understand . I am a haitian born in canada and I now live in the USA . also in black africain culture ,carribean and even north africain islam , women has less rights and almost no way to get child support unless the man just gives from his heart. mybe that's one reason why there is extreme poverty in those places

Messina - posted on 06/28/2012

6

2

0

Wow I am suprised to see this post has life to it still... Brown, no I did not just go on vacation and try to find a black man! Many people from different countries come to the U.S. to fill the seasonal positions that are created in high tourist areas. This is how I met my childs father. He had been coming to the United States for years! And I think that it is unfair to make it sound like we are doing something wrong by dating men outside of our culture! There is good and bad in every culture and it just so happens that some of us get the bad guys from different cultures! There are plenty of white, hispanic, african americans, etc... that don't pay child support in the U.S.! Don't forget about them!
Kristin you are right the U.S. does not cross into Jamaica for child support! But if he ever tries to come back to the country he can be put in jail! But really where does that get you, he can't pay from jail! My daughter is now almost 4. I have been doing it alone this whole time! Yes its hard and between working full time and school full time and mommy full time there isn't much down time but Im making it work! I have given up on trying to make her dad be part of her life cuz all he does is bring pain. She is surrounded by great family and friends that love her. I do find it hard though as she gets older more questions about him arise. I try to tell her the good things about him and not the bad! She breaks my heart often when she asks me If her daddy loves her! I always tell her yes. One day she will decide for herself if he is worth pursuing for any type of relationship, and she will always know that I support her in any decision she makes!

Kristin - posted on 03/11/2012

1

0

0

My daughters father is jamaican also and owes me close to 40,000 in child support. But my problem is that he is now back in Jamaica and I dont think Jamaica has the same child support laws as the United States and I dont think the United States will go into Jamaica to extradite him on a Child Support warrant...So I am just looking at it as a lost case...I will never see a dime...My daughter deserves better than that..and this is my fault for having a child with the loser...

Grace - posted on 12/11/2011

2

0

0

I'm sorry to hear of your situation & any negative feedback you are receiving. My opinion is that you should pursue it until... until you get sick of it & the emotional toll/time investment becomes too much. Don't kill yourself trying to rake him over the coals for a few dollars you may never see. However, he made this baby with you. His other babies aren't your responsibility or concern. He should've been smart enough to prevent any babies he couldn't afford. So here is my question for you...what are the additional processes you have to go through to obtain child support from a non-citizen? I am 11 weeks pregnant and...okay here goes...the father is also Jamaican (gasp!). The only reason I point out out is that he isn't a citizen either. I'm just hoping to have the foresight to deal with any issues regarding this if he doesn't pay. Any constructive advice is appreciated.

Chantelle - posted on 11/28/2011

29

6

2

I am currently going through child support issues. It does take a lot of energy..but i'm in canada where I can get a lawyer for free if im in school/low income. SO there is not much financial burden to me..just time. I was told that its usually successful. Unfortunately in my case, the man quits his job and moves in with another woman, and has another baby so that he doesn't have to pay child support. Doesn't take care of any of his children. You can always try! It is good though that his family contacts you. At least you will have that connection with your daughters other family :)

Ciobanu - posted on 11/24/2011

1

0

0

My daughter's father is jamaican too.he never came to aknowledge her ,my daughter has a line in her BC.it's sad because he can afford to help me with some money...I asked him to buy her clothes and toys and send them in Romania his answer was :his wife is too busy to go buy some and she's also jelouse.and the baby girl is a problem for him.(he got married after the baby was born).sad ...but i know another 2 ladies in same position jamaican deadbeat dads...and beautiful baby girls.

Valerie - posted on 04/11/2010

2

17

0

1st of all who does she think she is? And he doesn't have to be in her life to pay, so try to go through the courts again. My daughter has twins that will be 4 in may, there father is also Jamaican, but that should not be what is looked at, because it doesn't matter where someone is from, if there not going to own up to there responsibilities there not going to no matter where there form. It took around 2 years to start getting child support, and now she hasn't received anything in about 6 months, he is not in there lives at all, he lives with his girlfriend and there 5 yr old, yes he was with her and my daughter at the same time (my daughter did not know). So I say get it if u can, you owe it to your daughter.

Kasha - posted on 04/10/2010

105

17

8

Well that's all nice to know. However if you don't want her to have a complex, stop the focus on "Jamaican Daddy does not pay child support". He is a deadbeat. Stop trying to get money where none will be found. Continue to be a good mother and stop pursuing the pain. You sound like a great mom who took a chance on love but chose a poor partner. Men who dont take interests in their children are Shameful! Bless up and one love.

Messina - posted on 04/08/2010

6

2

0

I only titled it "Jamaican daddy" due to the fact that he is not a U.S. citizen yet and it makes it harder to pursue child support. Not to offend anyone from a different background. He has ran on me before when they tried to find him and it makes if easier to hide not being a citizen and the fact that he was illegal after his visa ran out. I do not care that he is from Jamaica and I still date Jamaican men so I'm sorry you found this offensive. Furthermore I do support my childs heritage and we celebrate Jamaican holidays and visit Jamaica as well. I don't want my child to be ashamed of having such background, but I do worry she will. I have watched my little brother hate being Native American because that is what his father is, I do not want my child to be embarrassed of her heritage. So I fully support her. I don't believe all Jamaicans are bad people, I LOVE the country and the people hence why I am looking to buy property there.

Shea - posted on 04/08/2010

69

45

5

Thanx Kasha! That was my first thought as well. I'm not even either nationality and I was taken back.

Kasha - posted on 04/07/2010

105

17

8

I am of caribbean background and not jamaican. However I take offense to the title. Your ex being a dead beat has nothing to do with him being Jamaican. More to do with the character of him being a dead beat and more to do with you picking poorly. I don't mean to be so direct. As women I think we need to take responsibility for our poor picking in men. Caribbean people are big on family as I was blessed to have both parents in the home. I will say, forget the man and raise your child. Do not focus on what he cannot do for you. Now share the beauty of your daughter Jamaican heritage. This does not take her father to do that.

Best of luck.

Shea - posted on 04/06/2010

69

45

5

We must just agree to disagree. I feel just as strongly as you seem to in regards to taking and giving in terms of the monetary. I have to ask though in reference to taking money away from his new wife and other children..why should one child suffer for the benefit of the others? He helped to create those children equally. It makes no rational sense.



As for my post and my feeling towards your response...well it is what it is. When one offers an opinion it's just that. However you took what I said and approached it as a "theoretical" stand. When in fact it isn't, as I've stated prior to this post. In my opinion... It might turn out to be... This may not always work. Those are statements to proceed or follow an opinion. You just flat out stated in theory this sounds good, but! Following that statement you mentioned facing facts about existence, I'll ask again..what do you mean by that?



I realize you haven't mentioned anything personal and are evasive with your advice. Which I believe to be the wrench in it, so to speak. Primarily I gave a short to the point opinion piece of advice. Fine, leave sleeping dogs lie. You may not have meant to, but you did dig and in a negative fashion. All I ask is, if your going to comment on something I've posted please be willing to fill in the blanks. I'm not asking you to agree or like that I disagree or agree for that matter, only to take time to read what you post like on of us out here in the land of Circle of mothers whom don't know your past or present. As you've stated there are those who want and appreciate an INFORMED opinion when dealing with matters of importance.



Random thoughts...please re-read that as I used it in a descriptive context and nothing more.

I asked if you agreed in the accountability of both parents, not your stand on the presence of both biological parents. Forcing an absent parent to pay support doesn't have to go hand in hand with being a physical part of a child's life. That's fact not opinion. In lieu of that I do not understand how you can say "You owe her as stable a future as you can provide." and in the same breathe not advocate child support. It's very contradictory.

Lyndal - posted on 04/05/2010

130

19

8

It's good you differ. Healthy debate and a difference of opinion can be very useful sometimes. Especially when someone is in such a difficult situation and they truly want to make an informed decision.
I believe that both parents should have a role in raising their child but if one chooses not to I personally wouldn't force the issue. A very easy thing to say here but in life one also fueled with so much emotional hurt, etc. I recognise.
I wasn't digging at 'you' or what you said. Sorry you find it contradictory and demeaning. Those are strong words and overall it is just my opinion. I don't believe these forums are very helpful when 50 women reply in vocal support of someone. Again - that's my opinion.
One should never hide from the truth. If he doesn't want to know his child you can not force him and taking money from his new wife when they have so many children between them is probably not very good either.
I have not mentioned anything personal about my circumstances which could be very similar to the lady posting or very different. So please don't take anything personally and there was nothing in there about 'random thoughts'. You wouldn't answer a post if you didn't care. That's also why I mentioned being devil's advocate.

Shea - posted on 04/05/2010

69

45

5

Did somebody win the lottery ? I beg to differ Lyndal. It's not the value one places but the value we place on our children. Myself , I value my children above all else.( even the really great guy that has helped me raise them). As for the pursuance of child support leading to an emphasise on the Monetary, again I disagree. The emphasise lies where you as the mother/parent lead it. Children learn by example its not automatic...you have a choice in direction. I choose to steer it towards a lesson in responsibility. I'm am hoping you'll agree both parents should be held accountable for their actions? You also stated concerns about the child knowing it wasn't wanted...so other than the fact a mother should be able to cushion the hurt..are you suggesting to lie or just hide from the truth? A bank account ...wow well it works not only in theory. What in blazes may I ask are you talking about when you referredto a savings leading to " facing facts about her existence? I gather I should state for the record the advice I gave was given out of kindness and taken from experience. Hence I find myself a bit upset when someone responds as though I was just randomly throwing thoughts. I could pick your post apart sentence by sentence. I won't no matter how contradictory and demeaning as I find it. I will however state, I have two well rounded well loved ,responsible and happy children...with savings accounts funded by myself and their biological father. I owe it to them...to prepare them for a life/world fueled by all the afore mentioned things.

Lyndal - posted on 04/05/2010

130

19

8

It depends what value you place on money. If you pursue child support then you are putting an emphasis on its value to you and your child and also forcing your child to have a relationship with him, even if it is an absent one. You will always be pursuing the money, in lieu of the presence of the person. That means your child will know the dad is not there and doesn't want to be.
Placing it an account for her for later, whilst good in theory, also forces her to face certain facts about her existence in the future. Maybe, like another lady above, you will meet someone wonderful who will be a father to her and she will be a very secure child who doesn't need to know her birth father nor feel any animosity and confusion towards him.
I am being a devils advocate on purpose because it is such a difficult situation and there is a lot to think about for the future. You can never know but it's good to be aware. Don't just pursue something because 'it is right and you/your daughter have a right to it'. That has been determined by the courts and law, not by your heart and your child and not by him. Fundamentally it is a choice, not a must because 'he owes her'. You owe her as stable a future as you can provide. I hope all this discussion is helping you make a decision that is best for you. :)

Shea - posted on 04/05/2010

69

45

5

Post script .... she as his child deserves the monetary support from him even of he isn't present in her life physically. I suggest pursuing child support and placing it all on a savings account for her..as you seem to be indifferent about needing it to help you support her presently.

Shea - posted on 04/05/2010

69

45

5

Can I inquire...what does him being Jamacian have to do with him being a dead beat father?

Kerry - posted on 04/05/2010

60

20

8

my daughter hasn't seen her natural father since she was a week old and he punched me in the face because of how light skinned she was, my daughter is 3 quater jamaican and she is now 2. i have a partner now who i met when my daughter was still a baby and she has always called him daddy, i haven't tried to get in touch her natural father due the fact that he is a waste of space, my daughter has her daddy he is a white man who worships the ground she walks on, he would do anything just to make her smile.



when we talk about her natural father we refer to him as the doner due to the simple fact he has been and always will be M.I.A my daughters doner has another 12 children out there with a minimum of 9 other women and it wouldn't suprise me if he had nothing to do with them either.

If i were you i wouldn't bother trying to get money from him, as long as you know in your heart that your daughter is happy and she has everything she could ever want and ask for from you and family that are around the two of you thats all that matters.

Andrea - posted on 04/04/2010

18

16

4

i beleive that's up to you if u can deal with the time and strength it's gonna take to get the child support then go for it or if u feel u can finacially support her yourself then do it if that's what u feel is right.

Lyndal - posted on 04/04/2010

130

19

8

I personally wouldn't pursue anything. I think the courts are horrible places and the cost and emotional dragged out drama is not worth it. If you can afford to raise her on what you earn then just be ok with it.
If it's a visa to stay in the US that he wants then maybe this current situation is temporary and he will eventually come back. He seems to be having his arm twisted and though he is choosing this situation by marrying the woman, if he was good with his other children then take it that is who he really is. Therefore in the future he may want to be in his daughters life.
If there is no love lost between you then don't create any anger/hate/aggravation.
Get on with you life and let things take their course. But in my experience, through friends, courts only bring heartache and negativity and the money in the end just isn't worth it.

Messina - posted on 04/03/2010

6

2

0

He wasn't married when we were together. He had 3 kids with a previous girlfriend in Jamaica and he treated them great. We used to go school shopping for them together and he sent there mom money to put them in school. After he and I broke up he wanted to stay in the U.S. and that is why he pushed to get married so fast. Now his wife doesn't want him to speak to his other baby mamma's. So he didn't seem to be a dead beat when I slept with him and I knew him pretty well, Janessa.

Janessa - posted on 04/03/2010

444

38

28

wow that is a sad story but why do you women go have kids with dead beat dads in the first place. I here these stories time and time again it is the child that suffers in the end period. Did you know he had other kids and if he takes care of them? and did you know he was with someone else before hand get to know your partner first before sleeping with them.

Cassandra - posted on 04/03/2010

74

97

7

Thats up to you. I mean this daughter is his and he needs to take care of her. One day she will be asking where is my daddy. so if i were you go for the child support even if you have to fight for it.

[deleted account]

it depends. if u want to spend the time/energy tracking down his address and going after him in court again then go for it because she is his daughter and he has, at the very least, a financial obligation for help support her. if you just want to move on with your life then forget it. also his new wife shoudl be ashamed of herself. if the situation was reversed she would probably be really pissed that he wasn't in their child's life so she shouldn't be acting the way she is, banning him from having any kind of relationship with his daughter. he should also not be so much of a pussy as to turn his back on his own kid. whatever you decide, good luck.

Tanya - posted on 04/01/2010

104

21

14

I don't agree with letting the father get away with not taking responsibility for his child. This isn't money he's paying to take care of you but it's to take care of his child. Try talking to his family and see if they would be willing to give you his address that is all child support needs to file a violation for child support. Plus if he is married and she is working they can collect from his wife's wage child support for your daughter if he is not working. You owe it to your daughter to follow through. It's bad enough he doesn't have a relationship with her but he could at least make sure she is financially taken care of because you didn't lay down alone and make her.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms