Precious baby.. worthless daddy...

Alishia - posted on 10/16/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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Ok. So my daughter is 3 months old.. her dad has never met her.. just seen pictures... he had 4 kids before her and now i just found out he is having ANOTHER baby with his new gf... He said he wanted to sign his rights over for my daughter b/c he didnt want any more kids.. yet now he is having another.. i am wondering if I tell my daughter about him and let ehr decide for herself what she thinks of him or just pretend like he never existed... He wont even take the DNA test that he requested when he got served with child support papers!! All i ever asked of him was to make an effort to be a part of her life and he hasnt ever tried....



Just looking for some advice/ideas.. Also... What about her siblings... do i contact their mothers and try to work something out so they know about eachother or what?! THIS IS SO FRUSTERATING...

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Leslie - posted on 10/17/2009

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I had my son at 15, at the time I did not want his father to have anyhting to do with him. His father was a lil thug! I watched him rob the pizza man for cryin out loud!! So I lied when ppl asked me if that was his baby. I kept my son from him b/c I did not want my son to be around that type of enviroment, plus I did not want him to be able to influnce my son. How ever I always said that if my sone ever asked about him I would find him and go from there. Well when my son was 10 he started asking and so I searched for him, he was in prison ( go figure) So I worte to him explianed why I did what I did, told him that my son wanted to know him asked him if he wanted to know him and be a part of his life. And by being a part of his life I mean being there not just poppin in and out. So he said yes and we went from there. They wrote each other and I even accepted a few calls for them to talk. He promised my son the world, and I so hoped he meant every word of it to him. When he got out he was not there for him, my son called him to wish him a marry Christmas!! He did not even bother to show up to his 12th b-day party, send him nothing for any holidays, not even a 50 cent card from the dollar tree!! I never said anything to my son about his dad. Although I was ready to KILL him. One day I was talking to my son and he explained to me that it was my fault that his dad went to prison b/c I would not let his dad around. So I sat my son down and explained to him that I did not tell him to sell drugs and get caught not once not twice but three times. And if he cared about my son so much then why did he still do what he did when he ahd 4 other kids after I had my son. I even took my son to met his family, and all jis brothers and sisters. They do not even attempt to contact my son either. So as time went on my son starting seeing that his dad was a dead beat. It got to the point to where he would call my son would not talk to him. He did not call him and ty to get him to come to anymore of his games. The one football game he came to my son played his butt off for him and he left when there was 1:03 in the 4th quarter!! That broke my son's heart. He made the comment that his dad didn't stay so he could tell him the 4 td's and 6 qb sacks were for him Or how proud he ( the dad) was of him (the son) for doing so good. I promise I could have beat the mess out that man that day. It was very hard not to get in my car and go find him, when I am sitting there seeing the hurt in my son's eyes!!! But my son sees everything now. He will tell you that his dad is nothing!! " What has he done for me?" He will ask, " Love him... for what?" " Call him daddy... he don't deserve it" It hurt me to see the hurt my son went through to get to that point, however he made his choice, he seen what the man was about, and now he has a new love and respect for his step dad who has been here since he was 4. My son will now tell you that his step dad is his daddy and Charles is just a stranger on the street. Children are smart, they catch on quick. (Sometimes, my step daughter has yet to catch on, my son tells her everyday what a sorry excuse of a mama her real mama is). Give them the space and let them make the choice. I never deny my children to see the other parent, so in the future they can not say I was the one that stoped them. So they will see that the other parent really did not care bout them. I try my best to keep my emotions under control in front of them and vent to my friends later. Even though you want to shelter and protect your children sometimes they also need to go through the pain to see the outcome. Sometimes they catch on fast other times they want that other parent that it takes them a minute. Every lesson you ever learned in life came with a little bit of pain with it. That is how it reminds us to stay focus and learn from it. It is hard a t first but as time goes on it gets easier. I would rather my children go ahead and face some of the pain now when they are a little young, so when they get older and are faced with it they will know how to react and learn. As far as contacting the other "baby mamas" I would give it time, if you do it now he will claim that you are just trying to get info on him or b/c you want him back. He will come up with any excuse to make hisself feel better for doing what he is doing. Does he even take care of the other childen he has? I do think in the future they do need to met, I know I told my son not to date black women or mixed , not that I have anything against them, its just that he may very well be kined to them. His father has 4 other children, 2 mixed boys, 1 mixed girl and 1 black girl... catch my point now? lol and thats just the ones that claim him as their baby daddy

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Rai - posted on 01/28/2010

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There are four of us kids with all different mothers. He payed little mind to me, no mind to my brother, a slight effort to my sister, and now at forty is finally taking care of his last child. I say it's very important for the brothers and sisters to know each other. I feel completely ripped off that I got to miss out on my little brother's life who in now 21. I love that I'm close to my sister even though we live states apart.
The other mothers are good to have around to bitch. Which now I am dealing with the same thing. My ex fiance knocked me up, pretty much left me, then I find out about his three year old son that even his parents don't even know about. I plan to get together when Otis is bigger with the other mother so our kids can bond. Cut the middle man out. And talking with her about how shitty the baby's daddy acts feels good.
But yes, let her decide about what she thinks of him instead of influencing negative thoughts. She will be angry at first but time will heal.

Amy - posted on 01/27/2010

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I am going through a similar situation, my daughter is 14 mos old and he has never seen her. I used to send pics and stuff but he never replied or said anything, except she is to white to be his! I am sorry that my genes are stronger than his and she looks more like me, I had no control of that. We went to court for support because I would not say that I did not know who the father was like he wanted me to. At court he requested a DNA test, he knows she is his and he just did it to save face with all his family because he told them he did not think he was the father. Well, now the results are back abd suprise suprise she IS his!!! Now he wants to sign over his rights but the courts wont let him, I want him to because he said she doesnt matter and he will see her when he is good and ready. One day she will ask and then I will give her all the info I can about him, but untill then I dont want him to be around her. He hasnt seen her in 14mos why start now? He also has a daughter with another woman that he does take care of and spends time with, when I askes why my daughter doesnt get the same treatment.... he said because her mother doesnt take good care of her and without him she would be living in filth and he knows I would never let that happen. So, because I am going to absolutly take care of my child no matter what he doesnt have to support her or be a part of her life??? Makes no sense to me!! But you know what she has Me & My family & we love her enough so she will never feel unloved or unwanted. I wanted her enough for the both of us!! Then when that day comes and she asks me about him I will tell her and hopefully we have raised her well enough that she can make her own decisions and see him for who he truly is. I wish you the best of luck!!! I know this has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through during a time that is supposed to be the most joyous!!! Just look at your preacious one and hug and kiss them and know that you two will be just fine!!! God Bless!

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2010

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Eventually she will ask about her father and I would give her the basics and let her form her own opinion. I wouldn't speak poorly of him although it may be hard. There will come a day when she will realize on her own that her father was a deadbeat and all you can do is be there for her. I'm sorry Alishia that you are going through this.

Tabitha - posted on 01/25/2010

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From what I understand at least as far as North Carolina goes, if they refuse to take a paternity test then they are automatically considered the father by default. I would definitely check into this in your state if I were you. I would not act as if he never existed because in my opinion that will just cause more confusion for your daughter. Children are very smart and although at younger ages they may not understand fully or place blame where it doesn't belong they do realize in time without having to be told all of the bad. they know who was there for them when they were sick or happy etc. I also agree with some of the other posters that I wouldn't let him terminate parental rights. my reasoning is that if some day she decides to find him and he is a little more grown up about the situation it could totally be spun in the wrong direction by saying you were the reason he couldn't be a part of her life.

Melanie - posted on 01/25/2010

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Umm, you have to do what you feel is right for you and your child now and in the future. I am in the same situation. My daughter's father has been in and out of her life the last 9 months, and recently took off and nobody knows where he is. When he was somewhat a part of her life, she knew of her brother (his son), but now since he is gone, me and the other baby mama feel it is important to keep these 2 children as close to eachother as possible. The situation is what it is and we can't change it. But we surely don't need to help him keep destroying us and his kids by sweeping it under the rug like he does. We know that someday these children will need eachother.

Jessica - posted on 01/24/2010

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I wanted to terminate my son's father parental rights, but I was talked out of it. Even though I have never recieved child support and we were married, we got a divorce when my sone was 5 months old (I had him served with divorce papers that day after I gave birth.) I recomend not terminating his rights because if anything ever does happen and paternity has been established then you can get social security for your daughter. Please consider that long term.

Jeanna - posted on 01/23/2010

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My daughter is now 18 months old. Her father has never seen her. Has made no attempt to see her. Do not let him sign over his rights. Hound your child support enforcement officer. He can be made to take the DNA test. that he wanted. You deserve to have the money to help you raise your child.
I know how you feel. It breaks my heart that Emily's daddy has 2 other boys because as it turns out he is still married. They are well taken care of and loved. My little girl is nothing more than an inconvenience to him.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

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hey my name is michelle and i have two beautifule mixed girls by the same man. i left my home town when i was 3 months pg and he knew where and how to contact me but never did. we have muteral friends so one day i told me friend to tell him that i raised our child by myself for a year and a half and i was gettin him for child support. well the next day he called and said everything i wanted to hear like he was so sry for not being there and that he wanted to be a family would i let him up there with us well at the time i was seein a really good man and i have always said i wanted my kids to know their father so we decided to let him move up there. so me and my boyfriend at the time broke up. well my kids father already had two kids before mineand didnt have anything to do with them and i thought i could change him but you cant change someone. well he moved up there and everything was great untill he met some of the wrong people and then he started leavein our daughter with people i didnt know while i worked and he stayed home to be with her to get to know her. well i end up gettin pg again and i was so happy about it. well right after he left for a week with out tellin anybody. come to find out he was seein another women and they actully have a little girl 2 months younger than our youngest. and he said he didnt cheat on me. he has never had anything to do neither of them, and the last time we talked he told me that our kids were mistakes and he didnt want to hear from me ever again that i was gettin child support and thats all i needed from him. i married now to the man i was dating at the time before my kids father moved here and my girls think of him and know him as daddy. i know they will ask question one day and ill tell them what ever they want to know but i will not lie to them and they can decide whether they want him in their life are not. as far as theyre older siblings i tryed to talk to there mom and she didnt want our kids to have any kind of relationship so im not pushin it. one day i will tell them when they are old enough to understand and i will give them names and if they want to get to know them then ill help if i can.

Amber - posted on 01/21/2010

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all of this was really good advice. i know exactly how you feel. my daughters father is expecting another with another girl in just a couple weeks and my baby was born just over a month ago. we actually get along and talk more to each other than we talk to him. when he does call all he does is complain about how he wants to be together when he knows there no chane on this earth. i told him it's about our daughter not us and he chose to just stay away. his current girlfriend that is about to have his baby is actually more involved than he is. it's a crazy situation! ive finally decided to wait for her to want to know him. i don't need him in her life coming and going at his convenience. if a sucker cant grow up... NEXT!

Crista - posted on 01/21/2010

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My daughter is 3 and a half and has never met her bio-dad. She has seen photos, and knows that he is her mumma's friend and that he helped "make her" (she's been asking questions about why she is brown and I'm not!) I have a new partner and a 2 year old son with him, as far as we are all concerned, he is my daughters father. He is the one that is helping raise her and care for her, her bio-dad has done nothing. I have contact with him maybe once every few months, and then he'll disappear out of our lives for another few months. It is sad because I have done everything I can to get them to have a relationship with each other, but he is just not that interested. He likes the idea of having a daughter (he has 2 older sons) but isn't so into the actual 'being a parent to her' side of it.

Just do whatever you think is right for your daughter, your main concern in all of this is her. It is his loss of he isn't interested in meeting her or being part of her life. Yes it is sad for her, but she has you! Don't pretend like he never existed, she will find out the truth one day, and you don't want her to feel you kept anything from her. Honesty if definately the best way.

I would recommend avoiding contact with her siblings mothers, it could just make things worse than they need to be. Just make sure that when she is old enough to understand that you tell her the truth and tell her she has siblings out there. I'll be doing that for my daughter as soon as she is old enough to understand.

It is a really hard situation, I know how you are feeling. It is so frustrating!! You just want to slap the father upside the head!

Sara - posted on 01/14/2010

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Im going through something similar, my son Eli who is two has not seen his father since the day he was born. I have a really big traditional irish catholic family so thats a big NO-NO my brothers are very close to him and he thinks my brother mike is his dad, things like that really piss me off, it will frusrate you and make you angry and you have the right but you cant force the jerk to be in her life one day she will have questions for him and those questions will hurt him far worse than anything else can once your daughter is old enough to realize that you are the only parent she has that cares trust me she will have her very own opinion of him as far as the sibling thing goes my ex husband ((sons father)) had three kids after we seperated so in total he has four and sees none of them, i contacted the mothers some wanted to let their kids be involved some didnt it all depends on the mother i dont think there is any harm in trying just dont expect them all to be happy about it...good luck

Missy - posted on 01/12/2010

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I have the same situation with my oldest daughter! She is going to be 11 in March. She has never met her dad except for once when she was not even walking yet. She has started to ask questions now and I explained to her that when she gets a little older and more mature then I will find him, contact him and try to set up a meeting for them. Then she can form her own opinion of him. I personnally think that he is a piece of shit, but I will let her decide for herself. As far as the other siblings, my daughter still doesn't know about hers from him and I don't think that I will tell her until after she gets to meet her dad. If you have any questions or need any other advice that I can help with, then let me know!



Sincerly,

Missy

Delilah - posted on 01/12/2010

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Wow, there is some really good points up here!! God job moms! From my experience-Tell your children as soon as they can understand-the sooner the better-I starting telling my daughter when she started talking that her father lived elsewhere, I made him pay child support alright-through the courts but nonetheless she knew who he was and is very aware that he doesn't call her. I don't focus on the negative and encourage her to make things for him and send him pictures and still include him whenever she wants to.. Only once in a while does he respond but he responds and thats what I focus on. A little is better then none-I know as she gets older she will question him and make him accountable for his absence-so I don't stress those things to her. I have a strong sense of self and believe in Father God who is the Father of all fathers (mine included) and a lot of my guidance in dealing with situations such as this is Love, Patience and Understanding-The world is going to try to break our children as soon as it can and no matter what, painful or not-the truth can only build honest, loving kids if demonstrated the right way. You can't fight fire with fire-someone has to pray for rain...God Bless you and your precious baby

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2010

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I know it can be aggraation. My daughters father has only met her four times- and she is getting ready to be 5. I cant recommend anything really, b ut I can tell you what I did. I stopped him from even trying to see her. All he would do was come over when he was high, I cant have that around my daughter. No matter how old she is. And then best thing was when he told me that would kidnap her and bring her down to miami, Fool please. Needless to say thats when I stopped him from seeing her. It may not have been the right decision, but it was the safest one.
That was 4 years ago- my daughter now has a wonderlife life with my fiance who she calls daddy. She hasnt always called him that but then she ust started doing it- after talking with my faince we decided that she can call him whatever she wants- as long as it's acceptable.
My whole point it- do what you think is best for your child. If that means rasing her on your own- do it. Women are strong.....and can handle almost anything. Of course I worry about when my daughter is old to realize that her 'daddy' is not her father- but i will find a way to explain it when we get to that point. Good luck ma!!!

Lori - posted on 01/09/2010

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surround yourself with people that support you and her and love the both of you and dont hide or deny or lie about who her dad is as she gets older and ask questions tell her the truth and show her that you will support her choices. don't worry about him, if he chooses to see her great,send pictures do all the right things and in the end she will know who he is and what his worth is to her.

Tammy - posted on 01/03/2010

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Well, this is definitely a tough one. I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I have 2 children whose biological father want to see them, he wants to be in their lives, but doesn't want to pay any support. Go figure! Top it off, I've taken him for support and he played on his disability to say he couldn't work or support his kids. (Totally not true, he worked while we were together and the non-support thing is just a way to get back at me)
But anyway, on to your situation. What you opt to do depends on mostly one thing: Do you want/need him to pay support? If not, I'd say he already admitted to not wanting to be her dad and if he wants nothing to do with her, it would be best for her if he did sign over his rights. That way when she's older, and asks about him you have proof to show her he willingly gave up his rights, it wasn't your doing. This way also will allow for a new man in your life to adopt her one day. Suppose you get remarried (litd away his rights, the new husband could adopt her if he wanted and your daughter would have a worthwhile daddy in her life.
If on the other hand, you decide you need his monetary support I'd just take him for support. Domestic Relations (as it is called here in PA - not sure where you're from) will force a DNA test and when it comes back saying he is the father, they will enter a support order for you. I grew up with dad after dad, all turned out to be losers. I had my mom's revolving door of boyfriends. My mom always told me my dad didn't want me. So after dealing with the revolving door, when I turned 18 I went to find him, to see for myself. My mom proved right. I gave my bio dad a chance to be involved with my life and even now, he still isn't. Some men just don't care.
I'm sorry you and your little baby have to go through this.
As for the mothers with siblings of your child, maybe send a letter, telling them your daughter is their child's half sibling and leave your contact info and let those mothers decide if they want to start a relationship.

Jaimee - posted on 12/22/2009

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I know this is a difficult situation. You can't make a boy be a dad, we can nag and scream and bitch all we want but a person will only do what they want to do. I would contact the mothers of your daughters siblings and make it clear that you want your child to have a relationship with her siblings despite what the dad has going on. Understand that just because a woman has a baby doesn't make her a responsible woman or adult, so its likely that they may or may not be open to being civil for the sake of the kids, but someone has to be the bigger person, so it might as well be you. If they don't want to do the right thing where the kids are concerned, then at least you can say you tried. I would still pursue the child support order, because if he doesn't want to be a dad (which speaks volumes about how little of a man he is) then he needs to at least help you take care of her. I really want you to know that him not being around is his loss. Good luck love and if you need a sound board, you can hit me up. Good luck and God bless

Laura - posted on 12/16/2009

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well I seen this and I had to join and add my story! I am a single mom of a six month old little boy. His donor has never seen him. Except when my cousin seen him walking back to work and she showed him pictures of my baby she had on her phone.When I was pregnant with my son his girl friend that he left me for before I found out I was pregnant was supposed to be pregnant by him but ended up not being she missed her cycle for like 4 months or something. I called him at work because thats the only phone number I have for him and he told me he doesn't want to see him. If he had transportation to go see his daughter he would. When I asked him about why he didn't want to see his son he told me it is what is. and I have asked him how can I get a hold of his other babies mama so my son can know his sister but he said he hadn't seen her in two in half years. I really think my son should get to know his sister! So I think you should contact them because it's not your daughters fault he doesn't want anything to do with her. She has the right to know her siblings and they have the right to know her. I was a child that had a dad that wasn't really involved in my life and I never thought I would have a dead beat babies daddy and he didn't seem like the type until I got pregnant! Anyways now that I'm grown I get to see how much of a dead beat he(my own father) is. My mom never talked bad about my dad to me nor my sister. but when we got older we figured it out. So don't talk bad about him. Trust me she WILL FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF MAN HE IS! I asked my sons father what am I supposed to tell my son when he ask me mama why didn't my daddy want me and I said what am I supposed to tell him he said I don't know. and one time he told me I'm going to pay my child support and do what I'm supposed to do. Basically like hes paying my son off like he is some kind of bill or something! all I want is for him to be a dad to his son! I told him my son didn't ask to come into this world why do you have to be like this! i told him everything I could trying to make him realize what he was doing but he didn't care! So I go to court Feb.11th 2010 and he is going to pay! He helped make this baby so he is going to pay! So i say contact them other baby mamas! I even told him I would go pick him up to come see my son. He has yet to call me! I always call him my baby cause in my eyes HE'S ALL MINE! Thats what i said since the night I had him!



but good luck to you and may God bless you and that beautiful baby girl!

Eileen - posted on 11/21/2009

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I have been in the same situation luckily the man i have been with for 8 yrs stepped up and is her father no matter the DNA. 1st i would contact the other mothers because i beleave they have a right to at least get to know their brother or sisters. 2nd i would let her know about him not talking down about him but just enough to ease her mind. When she is old enough she will form her own opinion about him and see him for what he really is. TRASH. It sounds like to me she is better off without him like my daughter is with her sperm donor....He has many (like 8) other children and takes care of none of them unless he is with the mother. She sees him every now and then. When he makes the time which isnt often. She is 12 now and i never talked bad about him. I let her decide what she thinks of him. She knows now what kind of person he is. She will love u for that in the end rather than hiding it from her.

Summa - posted on 11/18/2009

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i have such a similar problem my son is 10 months and his daddy well he had THREE children to THREE diff lady all born within a 6 month period PLUS already had a son.... however he told me bout them and i knew the situation i was getting myself into i guess.. i was with him until i found out he was sleeping around.. i then moved to a diff state he has seen his son 1 because i paid his airfare to visit but he was only here for 2 days... i have never received anything from him he doesnt work etc etc but i just thank gopd for this beautiful lil boy that he has given to me.. my thinking is that i dont go out of my way to enable him to act the way he does i get on with my life and i look out for me and my son.. if he wants to step up to the plate or visit i will never stop him from visiting but im no going to go out of my way for him.. i also didnt put him on borth certificate or anything if he has nothing to do with us cept fo rthe occassional phone call and we get no support from him the last thing i want is havin to check with him anything redgarding my son.. my advice is to move forward with your beautiful daughter n do the best you can to build a life for the 2 of you im suire that by the sounds of her father you r better of without him. as for the other children is up to you but when u contact these women you may not get the response you are looking for.. good luck xx

Michelle - posted on 11/15/2009

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My son is 8 his father begged me to have a baby in fact we lost one before I had Noah, at 2 months old he walked out and back ot his former wife, who for a time actually wanted to see my son and make sure he knew the three kids she had with my son's father. I allowed it, but as time has gone by his father see's him, oh let's see the last time was December 2008, I have told him he can see him anytime, call him anytime, and he does not respond. I have been blessed that my Fiance walked into the picture when Noah was 2 and a half and has fully stepped up to the plate as his father. I have agonized for years that this is going to really hurt Noah at some point but I realize that Noah does not hurt for a father he does have one that totally loves him. He knows that he has a biological father out there, but does not ask anymore about seeing him, I myself did not meet my real father until I was 10 and did not really start a relationship with him until i was 26 and I was hurt, got over it. You can't make her father be what he is not. I hope a wonderful man comes into your life and excepte you daughter and is that father. As far as contacting the mothers of sibblings, I would make that effort and if they are open I'd take that step, if they are not you tried. You give that little girl lot's of love and try not to talk bad about her father, be honest with her when she starts to ask where he is, but not mean about it. You have to remember you played a part in this too. He's not 100% the guilty party, you chose to have this baby by him. I feel for you I really do, I have been there I am there, I have made every attempt to let him be a part of his son's life it's beyond my control. My son does not even ask why does daddy not see me, he don't care, he's loved beyond measure, he has a whole family that loves him, he's not missing a thing by not knowing his dad, in fact considering his fathers actions and the actions of your daughters father, what kind of influence would they be? By all means though pursue that child support you deserve at least that. And except that might be all you ever get out of him. God bless you and your little girl.

Manon Alexe - posted on 11/15/2009

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My ex last "saw" my baby girl when she was still inside me. She is now almost 14 months old and besides the pictures, he has never been to see her. I have tried to get him involved on numerous occassions but have come to the point where I can't pushed it anymore. If he's not interested than he's not interested. I think she's better of without him anyway. When she gets to the point where she wants to know about him, I'll tell her as much as I can and won't keep her from contacting him.

Amber - posted on 11/14/2009

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My daughter is 2 1/2 and I've just went thru the same situation. Her bio father hadn't seen her since she was 8 months. His mother, her grandmother would call to see her but I was being selfish. I finally took her to meet her grandmother. She's also met other family of his along the way. She just recently seen him for the first time in almost 2 years. I never speak bad of him in front of her and will always be truthful. She has 7 half brothers and sisters, older sisters 11 & 8 (twins), older brother 6, her two younger brothers are 4 & 6 months younger than her, and she has a little sister 16 months younger! He doesn't support any of them! However he was there for her birth, cut the cord, stayed in the hospital for the 2 days, and signed the voluntary paternity forms! LOL Guess that was his way of showing that he's a good dad! I do take her to see some of her half siblings

Lyz - posted on 10/27/2009

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i say yes to the contacting the other mothers just to see if they would like to have a realtionship with you for the sake of the children....they are siblings and as for the sperm donor just let it be(not the child support) when she is good and ready she will ask questions and all you can do is tell her the truth and one day when he tries to be a daddy to her it will be too late and she will give him what he deserves...my daughter is 4 and her dad was there for the first year and then i got the child support in motion and then he procedded to call me a whore in front of the whole courtroom and demanded a dna test(he was at the hospital and signed the birth certificate) and the last time he has seen her was xmas of last year and the only time he calls is when he has a new gf and hes trying to start drama between her and me by telling them i dont let him see her(hes taken me to court 2 times and been denied both times) but she knows who has been there and who hasnt so i would tell her anything just do you and your baby girl hun dont worry about him....hes missing out on all the glory of having a beautiful daughter not you.

Maria - posted on 10/26/2009

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Apparently, he wants to have his cake and eat it too! I hate to say it, Alishia, but you're better off without this guy, and so is your daughter. As much as you would like to take the horse to the water hole, you can't make the horse drink, so it's best that you get the aid of the law enforcement to get dead beat dads to pay child support. But then you're not married to him, so legally, he has no right to your daughter, specially when he doesn't want to submit to a DNA testing. Besides, your daughter is not alone; she has you and your family. Just focus on her upbringing and raising her up to be a good Christian daughter to the best of your ability. Obviously, he doesn't want to be a part of you and your child. All he seems to want to do is have fun and doesn't care if he procreates. He had his fill, and now he's moving on. You should, too. For your daughter's sake, and your sanity, too.

Amber - posted on 10/23/2009

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Honestly I think your daughter is so young you shouldn't have to explain anything for a long time still. My neice's father sounds just like your daughter's father. My sister has always been open and honest with my neice and my neice has turned out so wonderfully. My sister never kept my neice's father from her, but she doesn't chase him down trying to make him involved. Your daughter won't ask for some time, but when she does you should be honest with her tell her who her dad is. My sister always told my neice she doesn't see him cuz he lives far away (really only an hour) and that satisfied my neice for a while. Her father never attempted to see her or anything, but when he went to prison he began calling and my sister told him that he could write to her if he would like. He has written letters and my neice even asked him for a picture so she could see what he looks like. My neice really doesn't ask about him much or pay any attention. Even on father's day she doesn't really worry about him when they make things at school she makes stuff for her uncles. She loves having men in her life so I think you do need to ensure that your daughter has positive men that love her to death. As far as siblings my neice has tons too she knows all their names but has never met any of them. I think she just has such a full and wonderful life that she doesn't feel like she is missing anything.

Gemma - posted on 10/22/2009

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My situations totally different. I left My daughters daddy because he likes 2 drink and gets abusive and when back 2 my parents house. He went 2 jail now because when he drinks he gets into fights. I try 2 make an effort cause i want her 2 know her daddy. He has another child with another women but im not going 2 take her 2 meet him. I personally would let her make her own decision about him when shes older.

Heather - posted on 10/22/2009

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my daughter is 4 months old and has never met her dad.He has saw one picture of her and told me he didn't want to see "that" baby. I don't ask him for child support or anything, i just ask him to see his daughter every once in a while and he won't do it. Here recently i got in contact with his brother and he spends time with my daughter. i figure just because he doesn't want to see his daughter, his brother shouldn't miss out on his niece. so i'd contact the other mothers and let your child know her siblings.

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2009

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Hi my name is Jennifer & my daughter Kaylee has a bio father similar 2 yours. He came 2 the hospital 2 sign the birth certificate & then took off. It was just me & her until I met my husband when she was 10 months old & HE has been her father ever since. Her bio dad ended up in prison when Kaylle turned 1 & just got released in May this year. I let him c her a handful of times but he couldn't stay off drugs so I stopped all contact all together. On her 4th birthday THIS MONTH, I get a collect call from him in county jail bc he got arrested AGAIN!!! Kaylee has never acted like she misses bio dad or wants him in her life, so THANK GOD she's not suffering for his ignorance. So that is my story. I hope u & ur child ALL THE BEST LIFE HAS 2 OFFER U!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2009

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I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through! My daughter is 5 1/2 now and has never seen her bio father. I decide to wait until she was old enough to tell her about her bio father (or as I call him the sperm donor) all she knew was that he didn't want to be apart of our family. When she turned 3 she started asking about him more and I would tell her little bits and pieces about him but never really go into details. I honestly thought she would never have that male father figure in her life, and then I met my husband and the first time they met she started calling him daddy and asked him if he would be her daddy! It's been almost a year since we got together and 3 1/2 months since we got married and he wants to adopt her. We both agree to never talk bad about him and to let her make her own opinions about her "sperm donor". He signed over rights when she was about 8 weeks old and has never paid child support. We were a block from his house one day and I called to see if maybe he wanted to see her and the answer was hell no! It was all very frustrating but the best decision is to inform your daughter of everything when she's old enough, not just the bad but the good as well and have her make her own conclusions about him. Because no matter what she always has a mommy that loves her and would do anything for her! Good luck on everything I know it's a hard part of life!

Amanda - posted on 10/18/2009

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I'd say that you should forget about him. Donating sperm does not make someone a father. Date new men, meet someone new, move on with you life, get married and provide your daughter with a real father. Let him go ahead and play around, but I would not agree to letting him terminate rights. . .thing is, he doesn't legally have any rights anyway unless he goes to court, gets adjudicated as the father and the two of you establish custody. Child support and family court are 2 seperate intities, so just because he's established as the father for child support doesn't give him rights, remember that. Make him take care of her financially until there's someone else in your life that's willing and able to be a real dad to her.

Jodi - posted on 10/17/2009

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I agree with letting her make up her own mind and I believe she needs her siblings and any other family members who are willing to spend time with her.My son enjoys going over to my husbands exwifes house.He gets to play with his nephews who are close to his age.That extra support system will be a great help to you as well.Good luck and God bless.

Jael - posted on 10/17/2009

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I agree, let her make her own opion but I would for sure call them and see if they are willing to let them get to know eachother. Just because he wants nothing to do with her doesn't mean his family won't. I know lots of people who there kids know there grandma cousins sibling but just not there dad.

Kristi - posted on 10/17/2009

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I totally understand where you are coming from!!! My daughter is 10 and her dad hasn't saw her since she was 3 mos old! I wish I had all the answers for you but I don't. I told her about her dad and I am just letting her come up with her own opinion of him without my influence. I do not talk badly of him in front of her. It's hard but the deadbeats are definately the ones missing out! They are the ones that miss the first smile, first word, first step,etc....

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