Separation and culture.........

Mary - posted on 06/15/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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A while ago I read in another forum about a woman who separated from her husband. They have two kids together, she is white (Norwegian) and the father are black (African). In her revelation, she wrote one sentence that struck me. Her final quote said that she is to never be with another forener ever again. The man might be of no good, but I see nothing reasonable to exclude any forener in the world, based on one person only. There are good and bad in everyone. What I do know there has been no domestic violence or any such abuse in the household. So I addressed that final saying, told her that it was rather narrative and bit thoughtless to say. I told her that I am myself are like her kids (mixed), and she should think twice or more about her saying, she might not think it, but such saying do affect children in ways you do not know. And have heard many times ladies speaking about the children`s father in a negative tone, even in front of the children. Even I told her even that I once had that similar thought in mind. I am now met the love of my life. He is from Cameroon, and I could not be more grateful. I am not giving a "free pass" here to anyone, but what I can see of most of those relationships that fail, are due to culture difference. I do not agree on everything, but in our relationship we meet each other halfway. And we talk about our differences and customs. From before she said that she did not want any African names for the children. I live in Norway and the primarily thought of great deal are that if you give your children "white" names your children have a greater chance to make it in life. Everything is debatable, and time changes. I have a white mother, and my dad never lived together so I say things a bit from my point of view. I live in a very urban city where you see people of all different kinds, there are still some sort of race issue here but not so much in a big degree. However we have included African and European names to our son. He experiences both our culture. The reply I got in return from the woman was not of the thoughtful kind. I was even called a racist.

I like to quote Bob Marley “Me don't dip on nobody's side. Me don't dip on the black man's side nor the white man's side. Me dip on God's side, the one who create me and cause me to come from black and white”

I just wonder, since many you ladies in here have a partner from another culture. What is your thought on separation and culture, when you are having kids together?

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3 Comments

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Farol05 - posted on 06/17/2010

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My children are adults now, but they were raised in both cultures. A child has the right to know where they come from and the option to decide what they want out of life!!!!

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I think that culture is very important for kids and think they should grow up knowing both cultures. Just because things don't work out between myself and the father doesn't mean I should pretend like his culture doesn't exist. I would also never speak negatively about him in front of his kid because I think it's bad to do. The problems are mine and the father's, not the child's. And if things don't work out between my husband and I, who did come here from Jamaica, I would probably only be with a Black person, not specifically Jamaican, but Black. I wouldn't want to get with a white guy and then my son feel different becaue he looks a bit different, and I also don't want anyone, whether intentionally or not, to say anything that would make him feel abd about being mixed

Betty - posted on 06/16/2010

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Honestly, here in Australia, mixed race marriages and children are soooo common so people are all used to it and we never get any negativity or judgement.

Some times my husband and I do have different opinions and view because of our culture (I'm Chinese and my husband is Lebanese) but we give and take.

When it came to naming our daughter, he was the one that said to name her after my mother who passed away in 2007.

Food is the biggest complication in our house. I do not know how to make Lebanese food but for him I learnt a couple of dishes he likes from his parents.

He's learning how to speak Chinese right now as we're going to China in 3 weeks to visit my grandparents and uncles and aunties etc.

We're both learning from each other's cultures.

I believe that marriages are always give and take, whether you're from the same culture or different culture. You could be from the same city and yet different suburbs or state and have different views. Either way, a marriage will not work if you don't learn from each other and share your opinions or lifestyles.

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