Snide comments from black women... any advice?

Diane - posted on 02/01/2013

how about under your breathe "honey, i can see why you chose me if THATS what your options were."

or to the person since hes mixed "well it took a man and a woman just like us to create such a nice looking, wonderful man. So we must be on the right track"

Virginia - posted on 01/31/2013

I live in Indiana and sad to say it happens here too. I am Mexican and my husband is black. When we first got together it really bothered my husband, the remarks the stares by whites. At work the women told him he should be with a black woman. 10 yrs. later and we have a beautiful son he is 11yrs. old, the remarks still happen not as much. My husband is a social butterfly and people usually come around. We refused to feed into the negative instead turn it into a positive. We have to be the example to our children, letting them know it's not right but we can't react like them or we put ourselves on the same level. Hold your head high smile, and be proud of your family, and pray a lot.

Shannon - posted on 01/31/2013

its really sad that in 2013 that there are still ignorant people out there i'm a black woman and my husband is a white man and we have a son together i'm glad to say we haven't dealt with that in my part of alabama but we do when we go to the metropolitan areas of alabama it always worries me the kind of world my son will be raised up in and that one day he might be judged just because he's blessed to have two cultures in his life but don't fight ignorance with ignorance don't try to be confrontational cause at the end pf the day regardless of what you do or say they are going to have their own opinions and its nothing you can change just raise your children to accept people for who they are so that they aren't following the same paths as others and please don't let a few dumb black women make you think all of us are like that because i truly am not like that

Tanya - posted on 01/27/2013

It's amazing these women claim to be with black men but are racist towards black women I guess these are the same ppl who would after a breakup be quick to call their ex all types of racist names my eyes are officially open just because a person dates interracially does not mean they are not racist/prejudice

Flora - posted on 01/01/2013

Right on Keema Agar!

Flora - posted on 01/01/2013

Excuse me baby, but your Auntie Flo is going to preach on this issue! To all these stupid women-- You think by disparaging this white woman, a child of God, this will help your love life? Stop focusing on this woman and focus on being positive and love yourself. Come on, black women must share the blame when we promote self-hatred by talking about "good hair" and other stupid comments we use to put each other down. If a male child is used to this, then what do you think he is going to do? Stop letting negative black men take advantage of you, sop hating black men who are bookworms, mechanics or just regular men. Excuse me, but last time I looked black men were still marrying black women. You spend more time hating than loving--no wonder no one wants to date you. If the pool of acceptable men aren't where you are, then go where they are. I have a feeling that the black men who want you, you don't want them. Lady, you cannot afford to let these dumb broads get space in your head. Accept that they are stupid. And pray for them and yourself. I was raised around all kinds of people marrying. People like you described are racist, ignorant fools. The ones that often complain about the racism they've experienced. There are many black women who are not prejudiced, they tend to be older. Try to surround yourselves with them.

Constance - posted on 11/05/2012

Some things you have to let roll of your back. I am not bothered by interracial couples but some people are, and that has more to do with them then you. Don't let their ignorance and insecurity bother you. I know the post is old but still.

Tea - posted on 11/04/2012

Children are so precious these women are jealous because they cant keep a good man when you hear those comments squeeze your hubby tighter he's all yours kiss him and proclaim your love when they see that TRUST those hoe's wont have a thing to say and this is from a Black woman :) Congrats to you and hubby on your 1st enjoy the rest of your pregnancy treat yourself and have a stress free life :) CHOW

Keema - posted on 11/01/2012

I am a black woman married to a white male and we get the looks from everyone to. Most of the time it doesn't bother me but when it does I will tongue my husband down right in they face. We have 3sons together and have been married for 4 years now. People will always be negative no matter where you are. They are jealous because they can't get they shit together enough or keep they legs closed long enough to get a real man. I have cursed a couple people out depending on my mood for the day LOL. Congratulations Love

MONIQUE - posted on 10/26/2012

i have heard the same crap from white woman. i am west indian,east indian irish and syrian. i celebrate all that i am and so does my family. my husband is irish and scandinavian. when i first started dating him some white lady who i went to cosmetology school with said oh i dont have a man then looks at me and goes oh why did u take a white man why are u stealing our men. i laughed at her and told her if he was single he wouldnt look at your ass anyway. my husband does not like white woman and was previously married to one. he is always telling me white woman are whores or loose woman. some of his male friends in the military who are white have said the same thing. i usually ignore these woman. black men dont give my husband any problems. they are quick to be his friend . i have had white woman blatantly roll their eyes and say really dumb crap that my husband just says i dont like woman like u to their faces. just ignore them. i honestly believe im to hawt to care rofl

Jessica - posted on 09/28/2012

I live in the south and my husband is black, I am white and we have never had a problem. Every now and then when we're out someone gives an odd look, but no one has ever said anything. When we're out ppl always comment on how gorgeous our little girls are. The only person who has ever seemed to have an issue is my husband's cousin who comes to family get togethers every once in a while and isn't overtly rude but there's this condescension. I mentioned it to my husband one day and told him I really didn't like her and he said she's like that to me because I married a black man. I'm not really a big help, I know it has to bother you, esp if you hear it a lot, but they are the ones being racist and rude so try to rise above it.

Candace - posted on 09/22/2012

After you have your baby, you won't care what anyone has to say. I am truly sorry for the comments that ALL INTERRACIAL COUPLES have to deal with. Men and women alike have their own feelings about these comments but may or may not know how to handle it. The reality of it comes down to a simple idea: If I let this person's comments bother me, how comfortable am I in this relationship? It takes a strong man and strong woman (man/man or woman/woman) together to break through the ignorance of others and build the bonds of a successful relationship. Try to keep in mind your opinions and others are allowed to have opinions of their own. This does mean that all opinions are correct, just love each other as much as you can in the time that you have and never let insignificant comments rule you.

Autumn - posted on 09/20/2012

if your boyfriend/ SO maligns and generalizes ALL or even MOST black women to your face and you accept and even endorse that behavior, then that says more about you AND YOUR attitude than it ever will about Black women.

Autumn - posted on 09/20/2012

not really

Eowyn - posted on 09/18/2012

There are enough whites who aren't privileged as there are blacks who get privileges for being black and having ancestors who were oppressed.

Eowyn - posted on 09/18/2012

I was searching for something else when I found your question, and I was intrigued. I think this is one of those times when your husband could say something to them along the lines of "if you're the best example of black women, I'm glad I married a white one!" lol.

West - posted on 08/27/2012

Black men and white women been sleeping together for a long time. Black women are capable of handling themselves as well as others. People always gone have something to say just like my husband catches hell from black men but I mostly get kudos from black women. I don't know what age group of women you're dealing with but it was only like two generations ago black men were being killed for even looking at a white woman. That's not anyone's fault but it comes with the territory. Be glad we're contributing to a more tolerant society

Kirsty - posted on 08/27/2012

im white, boyfriends black, i get it all the time. but ive been told by many black men that they stay away from black women simply because of their attitude and they dont know how to handle theirselves, ive also been told by many black friends that they dont like it because us white women take their black men. LOL i find it quite funny tbh.

Tasia - posted on 07/10/2012

I know you may have an answer to this already but i new and it popped onto my screen. I am predominantly African American and I would say do not let that bother you. If they see you are effected by it then, more ignorant women will come. You will start noticing it/and maybe even start feeling paranoid-not out of fear, but just because you think you can hear them talking about you and your husband. My advice would be to embrace it when things like this happen grab your husband and exhibit some major PDA...

Jillian - posted on 07/04/2012

Humans have been divided into 3 genetically distinct sub-species(races) of humans: caucasoid, mongoloid, and africanoid/negroid. Bestiality between the sub-species can result in hybrid("mixed-race") offspring, which are normally fertile and able to hybridize again with any of the human three sub-species. You need to be aware that not everyone fully embraces the form of bestiality that you are engaging in, and it is still considered sin or taboo in many parts of the world. You had better get used to hearing comments from those women and develop a thicker skin.

Autumn - posted on 05/26/2012

lol

Carol - posted on 05/26/2012

As long as some crazy white woman dosent ask you constantly ' is that your baby, is that your baby,' even after shes seen the father, youll be fine.

Zeora - posted on 05/21/2012

I as a black woman would never say something like that my daughter is mixed and i think all of that is ignorant.No one can tell you who to love...Just hold your head up high...because when you go home all you have to worry about is your family half the people you see in pubilc you will never see again so dont let it bother you...i know how it is because when i walk around with my light skinned daughter with blue eyes and curly hair i get the same type of reaction,but its not the people who make the comments that i have to make happy it my family

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

I respect your opinion, but don't believe the hype. Not all white people have special benefits based on the color of their skin. Lord knows I haven't.

Next time I have time to read something other than a school book, I'll pick up a book from one of those authors. The interviews I've read from them are pretty fascinating.

Be blessed.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

but, i also see that clearly we're not getting any where with this discussion and I have other things to do. Lunches to make, things to do. But like I said, I think you should do some research and you might be a cool person, but don't just assume that you're right without doing some research. You may not feel like you have white privilege, fine I respect your right to feel that way, but reality is reality and even if you PERSONALLY don't feel you benefit from white privilege, doesn't change that it exists.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

don't give me the "we're all women," sisterhood stuff when we all know that not all women are treated the same. Deep inside I think you know that too.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

and i also said women face inequalities, but Black women and other women of color face sexism and RACISM...I don't understand why that's difficult for you to try and understand. I don't expect everyone to get it, but at least be willing to open your mind a bit. See that things aren't equal even between women.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

oh my gosh. So now talking about racism is racist...? You can't be serious with that. If racism exist you BETTER BELIEVE I am going to address it. As long as white privilege and institutional racism exist I will continue to bring it up. I never once said you were INFERIOR or bad for having white privilege. All I said was white privilege exist, and you benefit from it and your ignorance of its existence and ability to overlook and believe and feel entitled to disregard your own privilege is a prime example of that. You can conveniently overlook white privilege and isn't it funny that for other it's the bane of their existence, and how dare you equate my addressing white privilege and institutional racism with being racist. Projection is all that is.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

forget the sites you need to read a book, check out Dorothy Roberts and Tim Wise.

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

Never once did I say it didn't exist. Autumn, you are proving that right now, because you are saying that since I am white I have more rights than you do. I said that WOMEN have a harder time across the board then their MALE counterparts regardless of the color of their skin.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

forget the sites you need to read a book, check out Dorothy Roberts and Tim Wise.

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

Please tell me how these programs discriminate against anyone based on the color of skin?

I spent time auditing WIA records, and quite honestly they mostly helped African Americans. So how is that discriminatory?

How does Pell Grants discriminate based on race?

How about all the scholarships designed specifically for African Americans?

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

just because it hasn't been your experience doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that it's not a real issue...that's so myopic. R-word and close minded

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

Because that has not been my personal experience Autumn. That's why. It happens, I agree whole heartedly that racism sadly exists, but to say that I have priveldge because of the color of my skin is, as you say, R-word.

I'd love to research some more about this subject. Everything I've seen though is comparison between the two races. If you could please post some sites that would be greatly appreciated.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

Stillettos, flip flops. oh brother. what if you don't have stilettos or flip flops and don't play silly you know what the analogy that I'm getting at is. please don't play that game. don't detract with that game and do some more research about the programs and see how choosy they are about who is able to get the help to get back on their feet.

the funny thing is that you don't even seem like you're willing to open your mind and do some research, yet you've never been a Black women and you want to pretend that racism doesn't impact the lives of Black women and that white females don't benefit from privilege?

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

What if you don't have any boots? Are you friggin kidding me? If you don't have any boots and you want to pull yourself up by the boot straps you slide on your stilletos or your flip flops if that's all you have and do what it do baby. If you want to do better for you and your family you got to get in where you fit in baby and make your own reality. You can't roll over and play dead, you have to shake it off and keep it moving.

There are plenty of programs available to any person who wanted to get on their feet. If going to school was what someone wanted to do, all they need to do is go to the school that they were wanting to go to and talk to the financial aide office and they have the information available for the programs in your area. There is actually a pretty awesome program called the Workforce Investment Act that is designed to help the less fortunate people get into the workforce. Most unemployment offices have access to that information and where to apply. Just have to ask.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

so, let me ask you this why did you overlook in my other comment that I said to an extent women did face discrimination...? Why did you overlook that and why is it that you can accept that your Black boyfriend faced discrimination for his color, but you can't seem to accept that for a Black woman?

Why does it seem that YOU CANNOT understand or even TRY to understand that Black women not only deal with sexism, but racism. your husband faces discrimination due to white male privilege, you accept that, but magically when it comes to Black women, we're all equal. Are you serious? So white women have no privilege and Black women don't face racism or discrimination, but your black boyfriend does?

why do you overlook FACTS and refuse to research the disparity and see that white women benefit enormously from white privilege. You know what it comes off as. It SEEMS like you don't want to admit that maybe you might have just a bit of privilege from your whiteness because maybe it benefits you and deep inside you know that. so you're denying that it exists. I'm not going to use the R-word, but that's how it comes off as.

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

1) Because I see, as a WOMAN, that ALL women have issues with equality despite the color of their skin. What makes it so hard for YOU to believe that perhaps this is the case? Everything you are saying that black women deal with I either deal with on a daily basis or have experienced in my life. I do not see it as a black vs white problem because all women deal with it, perhaps even in the closet. Most white women are not vocal about being in abusive relationships, for example, because they are shamed into not saying anything. But that doesn't mean that it does not exist.

2) My black boyfriend (we are not married) has lost a job because of the color of his skin. We've crossed that bridge and we deal wit that daily. I supported him through that.

Growing up on the west coast I didn't really see a lot of discrimination because all of us dealt with the same stuff. It wasn't until I visited SC that I experienced discrimination first hand. I know its real. I have experienced it personally. But that doesn't mean that I have get special treatment because I'm white. Trust and believe I don't deny that it is there. But truth be told, the only people that it ultimately benefits is white MEN.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

let me ask you something

1.) Why is it that you seem to accept that women face inequality/discrimination in this world (which I agree all women do to an extent) but you can't accept or even try to understand that discrimination based on color still exist in this world? What is that about and why are you so unwilling to accept that even being a woman, that being white gives you a form of privilege?

2.) If your black husband came to you and told you he got turned down for a job or was pulled over based on his skin color, would you tell him that there's no such thing as white privilege and he probably got turned down for the job because he wasn't as intelligent or qualified and it was his fault? Would he tell him that he got pulled over because he was obviously doing something wrong...even if he said he wasn't?

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

oh brother.

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

If I have priveldge for the color of my skin, someone needs to tell that to the employers who didn't give me a job because I was either over or underqualified.

If I have priveldge for the color of my skin, someone needs to tell my lawyer so he can get me off on those pending charges.

If I have priveldge for the color of my skin, someone needs to tell my creditors.

If I have priveldge for the color of my skin, someone needs to tell my doctor.

Come on, nobody is going to do that because reality is nobody cares that I'm white. There are statistics that will cover any situation you choose. I agree that women are being incarcerated at alarmingly high rates. I agree with you that this is a situation that needs to be addressed. But saying that drug use, education - or lack thereof, and motivation levels are not factors is ignoring the reality.

So rather than arguing about points of view, why don't we try to find solutions so that our daughters don't have to deal with this nonsense?

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

and not everyone can pull themselves up by the bootstraps, what if you don't have boots.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

Jen, you're missing the point entirely. I never once said in my post that there weren't some white women who had premature birth, where are you getting that from. If that is what you're getting at with your comment. I said control for health, education, income and black women are more likely to have issues during pregnancy, including low birth weight, higher infant mortality. that's fact. You can't change that with one personal anecdote. But I hope that your children and healthy and well to this day just the same. But that doesn't erase what I said and about you're experience in work again you can't change reality with one personal anecdote facts are Black women are paid less for doing the same work and it would benefit you to do some research on that because it's a very real problem and Black women are also the fastest growing group to be incarcerated, yet white women receive light sentences for committing the same crimes as black women. Like I said this is all fact, read up on it, get a reality check. This is no disrespect to you, you seem like a cool person but reality is racism is very real and you do have privilege even being a white woman, i'm sorry. that's reality.



and i hope you realize that by not acknowledging this privilege, nothing is going to change. we're not gonna ever have racial reconciliation until people come into reality and start addressing these issues, stop sweeping them under the rug, stop denying them. stop allowing you whiteness to blind you to these things.

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

"Ghetto mentality" being happy at the bottom and choosing to stay there. This of course is not limited to black people, as evidenced by the zillions of trailer parks filled with trailer trash. (Of course not all people who live in trailer parks are trailer trash, but let's be honest most are.)

Jen - posted on 05/20/2012

I'm white and my kids were born extremely prematurely (15 and 13 weeks early), so that's not an issue that is white vs. black. In fact at both NICUs my kids were at there were mostly white children, to be honest.

It has not been my experience that my black female co-workers have made less than me because of the color of their skin. A dear friend of mine is a very educated black woman. She and I started on the same day, same position. We made the same amount of money. And I'm actually more educated than she is as I have an MBA and she does not.

Its very interesting to me that you bring up incarceration rates. I did a little research and found this excellent study (http://www.sentencingproject.org/doc/pub...) that discusses this exact thing. The interesting part to me about the whole thing was that there are connections made between the increase of women in prison and mental health, drug use, and guess what.... education. We have to do better for our daughters or they will end up a statistic as well.

Autumn - posted on 05/20/2012

@ jen hornton...don't take this the wrong way, but you're white so you have no idea what it's like to be black and you never will, even being married to a Black man you don't know. So, OF COURSE you won't see that you have privilege. You're unable to understand what it's like not to have privilege because that privilege is so normal to you. Certain things that you may take as a given, are in fact a privilege because, being white, you're the default.



No disrespect to you or your experience, but..even growing up in "the hood," you have white privilege. That is reality, do some research my friend. even when you control for education and income white women still have a higher net worth, more employment made available, they are more likely to carry through a healthy pregnancy. Children more likely to have access to good education, while Black children are pushed into the worst schooling systems where some even are given water that has lead in it. Research that case that is pending about the lead poisoning that was knowingly given to Black children by DOCTORS...and this is something that happened within the last five years not during Jim Crow. Go and research that case and tell me white privilege doesn't exist. Look at Trayvon Martin and tell me white privilege doesn't exist. Imagine being poor, single mother AND being Black and having to deal with racism . You have your white privilege to fall back on even if you do grow up in the "ghetto", you do have privilege. Sorry Let's say we're both poor do you know I'm more likely as Black woman to remain poor and more likely to be turned down for jobs even when we're equally qualified. Let's say we both are searching for a house, I'm more likely to be turned down for a loan to buy a house, I'm more likely to be evicted, even when we're on the same socioeconomic level. Let's say we both get convicted of a non-violent crime like passing worthless bank checks...I am more likely to receive a longer sentence than you for committing the same crime. I'm more likely to be sexually abused and have my perpetuator not charged for sexual abuse. I'm more likely to have my children forcefully taken away from me by social service, without just cause. There is such a thing as white privilege and if you look around and do some research it will be very clear. But, I don't expect everyone to "get it" or even recognize it...after all..certain people ARE benefitting from white privilege, no need to recognize it. as long as certain people refuse to acknowledge that there is such a thing as white privilege you can forget about any racial progress being made...forget it. By ignoring your own white privilege, you're endorsing the very essence of white privilege.



btw explain to me what the "ghetto mentality is"

Alecia - posted on 05/20/2012

Listen to me gorgeous, a hater's job is to hate. If you are not the one doing the hating then you are the topic of discussion. Don't get angry because another person on the planet, of whom you have no affiliation, wants to have your existence on their mind,& flooding their speak. I say darling it is always better to give than receive. Continue to give the warmongers topic for discussion by: looking fierce while preggie, Walk with your chin up, shoulders back and big baby making ta-ta s out leading the way. Ur confidence, baby making beauty, and the divinity that your man sees in you is all the response needed. And smile, specifically when the comments fly, this brings attention to the obvious, ur amazing and they wish they were U. . . .

West - posted on 05/18/2012

@ Autum I don't know about thw whole " white prilvilage" thing but I will say that race relations in America are not where they should be. As a black woman I honestly feel I have the same chance as any other person, but of couse my mother did have to strive to make sure I had those opportunities. My husband is half white and half native american and his mentality is way different from mine. He grew up in the hood and I grew up in the subburbs for the most part. so he hasn't really tried to do better in life while I always have a drive to better myself and my family. I will say kids in the hood don't have to same access to thing as kids in other places but it's also up to the parents to get their kids exposed to the better life, i.e workshops, free symphonies, and art exhibits...

Carol - posted on 05/18/2012

Im mixed and find it amusing! My husband is white and thankfully we where only stationed in Colorado Springs for a short time as I was the one on active duty. But seriously, ignore it. There are black men who like black women and black men who like white women and vice versa. The thing I've noticed as I am both black and white is that there is black white woman who get ghetto fab and I find that extreamly hillarious, then there are black woman who do the typical ghetto fab, there is that loud mouth ghetto black woman within us all.

Jen - posted on 05/18/2012

Autumn, its funny to me that you believe that I have more privilege, as a white woman, than you do, as a black woman. I don't see it that way. This is why, I grew up in the 'hood. Girl I'm telling you I can tell you some stories that would make you cringe. I have lived a multitude of places, and have experienced a tremendous amount of things.

I have a good job now, but considering I have an MBA in International Business - I have a crappy job. I should have a MUCH better job with my credentials, but I am happy about it because any job is a good job in this economy. I clawed my way out of the ghetto, through blood, sweat, and tears I clawed my way out. I worked not one job while getting my MBA but THREE, as a single mother.

I have two sets of sister-in-laws. My sister-in-law from my first marriage is a very successful black woman. She didn't grow up in the ghetto, and she doesn't have a ghetto mentality, but she did grow up in the country. My sisters-in-law from my current relationship (we're not married - my choice), grew up in the ghetto and have that ghetto mentality but they have no drive to leave the 'hood or better their situation. One did go to school, but she has an excuse at the current moment as she's battling leukemia. There are white women who are, for lack of better word, trailer trash. It's all about the ambition.

I know plenty of successful black women who either did what I did and clawed out of the ghetto, or who were never in the ghetto to begin with. With women it's not the color of your skin that will keep you at the bottom, its your mentality. All women are lacking a vital piece for success in the boardroom, and it's what is between our legs. WOMEN - all ethnicities - have to claw their way to the top.

Just my opinion, not that it matters.