Snide comments from black women... any advice?

Danielle - posted on 09/07/2010

Ignore them and keep going. They want a reaction, so don't give it to them. I am black, my husband white I used to get those stares and remarks from black woman; the assumed I thought i was better cause me hubby was white. It won't be the first time or the last time. Just ignore them.

Jenny - posted on 09/07/2010

I have had some comments from my family but I guess since I'm not fully white and have rumors of black in me I don't get many remarks for black or latino people outside my family.

Malina - posted on 09/07/2010

my son's father is mexican & his family always made remarks about me because of the typical stereotypes against black women. they always talked nasty of me when i was pregnant, saying that he wasn't the dad because black women are sluts, but as soon as i had my son, it all changed :) so don't worry about what those women say. if you have to, tell them off. i sure did lol

Candace - posted on 09/07/2010

Don't pay it any attention. Some people are closed minded and still have problems with things like this. I myself am black and have no problem with seeing a black man or any other man with someone of a different race. My hubby is white and while I have never heard anyone say anything we do get funny looks from both races and guess what we do hold each other's hand and walk with our heads held high.

Donna - posted on 09/06/2010

that would bother me too so dont feel bad. I'm married to a white guy so I really dont know, but at the same time I dont understand why ppl gotta be like that, kinda like yur dating a black guy to get revenge on the black race or something, its rediculous

Kelly - posted on 02/08/2010

I love what Denise said! It is right on target! But like Danyella said, I'd really watch it firing back with other racist comments like some other women are suggesting here. Of course that gets us nowhere and just further contributes to the problem. Just be strong and confident in your love and be mindful there is a big reality of a limited supply of good black men in this country and it IS a very painful reality for black women who long for the kind of wonderful relationship you have found. If you investigate into that subject a little I think you'll end up feeling more empathy when those comments are made even if they're not right, and it may do you good in your emotional state to understand the hurt that these comments stem from.

Autum - posted on 02/08/2010

I have a mixed son and I have dealt with this because I got pregnant while in the South. Its just hatred plain and simple. And its not just gonna stop with black women making comments. In my situation it has gotten to the point where not only do black women make comments but white ones as well. I just ignore them and walk away. I have nothing to prove to them. I love a black man and I love my mixed baby.

Ashley - posted on 01/31/2010

I know this feeling. I got the same remarks whenever I was pregnant and especially after my son was born. Our son isn't dark skinned, he's actually only a little bit darker than I am and the community always has something smart to say about me and his father being together and him being with us because of how light he is. Doctor says he will gain his color before he turns 2 but the remarks that we get have caused me to snap before. You're doing good though by keeping your cool while they are acting this way towards you. But to tell you the truth, the best way to get at somebody is to not get at them at all. In other words, if you just walk right past them and hold your head high and show them that they don't bother (or pretend they don't bother you) it will affect them more. I've learned this to be true. They act as if it's our fault that a black man is interested in us or even a man of a different race is interested in us, whether we be black, white, or any other race. People are always going to view it in their own ways. I love the father of my child and he loves me and we have been going strong for 2 years and our son is now 6 months old. He is black and I am white, and I would not have it any other way. People who don't understand it or don't like it should not worry about it because they aren't in our relationship. I'm in love with a black man and I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

Crystal - posted on 01/31/2010

I say... be with the one you fall in love with! I am a black woman who is very open minded and I even have a bi racial child myself.. go and enjoy your relationship. I promise that those women who are giving you looks are thinking. Man....... there goes another sucessful black man who probably used and abused a black woman just long enough to get on top and then dumped her for a white trophy woman. there are so few good black men to start with, and it feels a little disrespectful to those women that of all the good black women available, he opted to look elsewhere. Remember, black women above all races of women , have had to find inner strength to hold the family together and provide for them alone.

Tamara - posted on 01/30/2010

Say something will only make things worse. Personally my boyfriend and I are the opposite. I am mixed and he is white. When we are out in public he is the one that feels the looks and notices the comments more than me. I constantly tell him to ignore the looks and comments. People that are making these comments are ignorant, so I would just do my best to ignore them.

Tishika - posted on 01/30/2010

They've been doing it for decades and I don't think they'll ever stop. I'm black and the white women is the ones giving the dirty looks or snide comments. They've even look at me like my baby doesn't belong to me. Plus you might not want to hear it but the white women just like are talking about you too. Some of the black girls I use to hang with thought I would just being with them so I could get their money. But I had found love instead. Keep on doing what your doing don't worry about them raise your family and keep your man because there will always be haters around us. SO ENJOY YOURSELF AND LAUGH!!!!!!!

Tishonia - posted on 01/28/2010

smile and keep going they obviously jealous, plz dont fed into that negative thing i am a black woman, well im mixed my dad is asian and my mom is black but i look black my husband is mixed looks black bt talks and sound of the whit race. my daughter looks black but she has blonde hair i get mess all the time and my daughter looks balck she just has blonde hair. im just saying its nt worth stressing over b happy n let them hate on you and your family.lol much love

Lisa - posted on 01/28/2010

I am from Trinidad in the Caribbean, I am mixed (Indian, Portuguese, Spanish and African) and my partner is African, it is sometimes a novelty to others who see us and for that matter any bi- racial couple together, I more often have issues with women than men, I don't think its jealousy at all, I think they really feel disenfranchised (deprived of the privilege) to have a black man who is good, in their minds he should not be with someone else other than a black woman. They are really angry about his choice not yours.



my advise to you is to really try an ignore it...it is difficult....i have had many situations where similar circumstances occurred and if you choose to brawl and cuss and behave like what black men are use to and are now running away from then your potential actions defeats one of the major reasons why he choose you instead of a black girl.



keep you chin up....a very close relative (HIS) once said "Black men are only with "these kind of girls" because he can't deal with a strong black woman." You and I are these kinds of girls and we are strong, to put up with this turn of the century crap!!

Danielle - posted on 01/27/2010

Sorry you had to go through that. I am black as my husband is white and he too is in the military. we too were stationed in the south and i heard snide comments from both black and white females, when i was pregnant, annoying stares too. Our daughter Madelyn was born April 09 and she is perfect and that is all that matters. I hate to say it , but not everybody moved into the future and it's way of life. try not to let it bother you, that is what they want . It took me a while to understand that is just their way of thinking , narrow minded as it may be.Enjoy your pregnancy, and your baby, forget about those goofballs.

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2010

Hey Morgan! I also can understand what you are going through. I am white and my guy is black and we recently had a beautiful baby boy. We have always gotten "looks" and comments and it bothers me too. I have learned to ignore it and have since realized that ignorance is everywhere and not going to go away anytime soon. When we catch people giving us nasty looks my guy always says "Hi, How are you doing" and does it in a way that isn't rude, but lets the person know that we are aware of the looks and that it isn't acceptable. This simple comment has always worked for us and allows us to get our point across without be rude and ignorant as the person who is staring. We refuse to stoop to their level. Even after you have your baby the comments and stares will continue, but knowing that you have a beautiful family will help you to ignore it. Congrats on the baby boy!

Tabitha - posted on 01/26/2010

I agree with the women who say give him a huge kiss and hug him closer. It is jealous or ignorance and it does come from both sides. I am also white and my hubby is black. We have had some really rude comments made for us to over hear, stares, and some outright rude comments about our children. I am also living and from the south. I agree with the poster who said making a snide comment back will likely illicit unwanted attention an behavior which will be even worse for you and your unborn child. Try to let it roll off and just remember he loves you and you love him and if they didn't see something they liked then they wouldn't be running their mouths.

Cassandra - posted on 01/26/2010

My husband is black and im white. Because we are a bi racial couple. it means that we are going to have issues in the society because some people dont like seeing us together. we do bring beautiful children to the world. dont listen to what they say it dont matter. what matter is that you love him and your kids

Amanda - posted on 01/26/2010

Don't take it personal! It is just thier own jealousy, probably have a bad man at home and want to use you as an excuse of why all the good black men are takin by white woman. As if it is a race thing! Seriously, people need to grow up someday! We are all the human race and how beautiful that we can love whoever we love! Just let it kill those ladies that you have a good black man at home! I personally haven't experienced that but it would bother me too. My husband is bi-racial and my son looks more white with his straight dark hair. People take a few looks when we are all together but hey, families come in all shapes and sizes!

Cheryl - posted on 01/21/2010

I haven't had this problem in many years...didn't know it still went on. Hold your head up and down't worry about it. Don't let the jealous people steal your joy and change your mood. One day it won't even be a problem or anything unusual.

Tyiesha - posted on 01/20/2010

i know that is not easy at all. these black women are so childish. love has no color. i would smile or do something silly like kiss my husband while i hear them talking about us lol. woman in inter-racial relationships always seem to be a target.

Wendy - posted on 01/20/2010

My thought is this....confrontation only helps when you believe there will be a change in the behavior. This is probably not the case so don't waste your breath or energy on it. If you are with your husband and happen to hear a snide remark, just reverse it....give your husband and hung and plant a nice juicy wet kiss on him then look them straight in the eye and smile. It will irk them and you've lost no dignity by stooping to their level. Good luck!!

Angela - posted on 01/20/2010

OMG!!! This Deja-vu!! I am a white female married to a black man and I have gotten those same stares and comments!! At first it bothered me but now as long as they don't get in my face I just ignore the IGNORANCE.. I know with you being pregnant what with horomones and all this is really hard to do so here is a suggestion when they say These white women always taken our men you can respond by saying I didn't take him from no one we were both single when we met..or on those real horomonal days you could say He came with me willingly and seeing how immature you are acting...who would blame him??? Just keep your head up!!! Love is a beautiful thing and race differences does not change that!!!

Kasha - posted on 01/20/2010

Belinda,



I love your comment as well mama! Where do you live by the way. I need to add you to my circle if I have not already.



Kasha

Belinda - posted on 01/19/2010

Kasha,



Very well said. We also need a lot less assumption in this world. This entire page, among other things, is the reason why I focus on raising well rounded, intelligent, open minded children. I believe race is only important for a person to know their heritage. It is not important in life, love, education, success or happiness. You can have all these without race or color being a part of it. Race and color are not the issue, the issue is the people who have a problem with certain races or mixing of races. Being a certain race never kept anyone from getting a job...it was the ignorant person hiring who is prejudice that kept that person from getting the job. Like they say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Race and color don't discriminate...people do.

Kasha - posted on 01/19/2010

Celeste,



Her comments were directed at the person above you. We use this blog in our Graduate program to gain insight to some of the issues that Interracial Familes deal with. You proved some of our points with your assumption of her being black. She is your daughter given her background. We are both of mixed backgrounds.



I think you phrased it correctly on the assumption considering you made the same ones given the name with NO PICTURE. Why do we continue fight against one another on these pages? I married a beautiful man who happens to white. I could careless about the last good black man which I doubt you have considering I have a couple fine cousins who are young and still single. However I get your point. Whatever helps with the haters, I'm just not into sinking down to peoples level.



Please everyone stop responding so ignorantly and carelessly. So many beautiful and intelligent woman of all color exist. This does not good and certainly does not intelligently address the real issues.

Belinda - posted on 01/19/2010

I have to say that people are to damn hung up on color. I raise my daughters to be educated and successful. I do not make one race more important just because they look more like one race than they do the other. My girls are technically 3/4 black and 1/4 white but both races made them and that is how it is. I will define my children as female because that is the only sex they are but I will not define them as being black or being white because they are both. My daughters know that they are beautiful, intelligent, talented young ladies and that is how they define themselves. They don't care what society says because I have taught them that society is what is bringing us all down. I do not teach my children black culture and white culture...I teach them all cultures. If we all new more about different cultures and didn't just focus on our own, there would be a lot more open minded people in this world.

Celest - posted on 01/19/2010

Monique,
You've got it all wrong, I'm not speaking about my black girl friends, the same ones who will be quick to put an ignorant angry militant sista in their place. The same black girl friends who get just as much flack for being my friend as I do for having brown babies. And why are you so quick to go on the defensive to stick up for someone just because they are the same race and gender as you? The argument goes both ways. The "N" word is not a description of color, but a description of attitude and mentality. I would never defend the white woman who feels it necessary to put extensions and corn rolls in her hair to fit in.Yes my children are black, but I know what color my skin is & I don't have an identity crisis. Yet here you are defending the very thing you are trying to dismiss as ignorant on my part. The closed minded black woman who looks down her nose at a white woman for the simple reason that her children are black. I am in no way saying that all black women are ignorant and militant, nor am I saying that all white women involved in an interracial relationship are pretending to be something other than what they are. Maybe you should take the blinders off and look at the whole situation before you jump to conclusions. A conclusion you jumped to because I am white

Nicky - posted on 01/19/2010

Many here are highly misinformed and don't seem to know anything positive about black women. Yet you have daughters who are seen as black women despite being mixed. Not my definition of your daughters but society. Be careful of your words, these reflect them. I feel sorry for many who have posted such ugly comments on black women.

Nicky - posted on 01/19/2010

How do we stop this thread...The more ignorant comments posted...the more i wonder why this blog exist...

Celest - posted on 01/19/2010

I am pretty outspoken when it comes to things like this. And I can tell you that in my experience, all it takes is to say something, anything, and they stop. I will look directly into a lady's face after she has said something negative to, or about myself, my relationship, or my children, with a bright happy smile, and tell her to have a blessed day. Either that or I will point at my man and say "You're right, I got THE LAST good one that wasn't gay or married."

Rachel - posted on 01/19/2010

Your funny I like you i have tones of black women friends and latina friends and white friends I was raised in New York so i have been around too many nationalitys and i love all my friends and family but their will always be racism. I have three mixed Daughters and they are now experencing racism well my oldest daughter is and I just tell her God loves her and Me and daddy love you and that is their problem dont make it your problem baby. Even though she gets very upset she still want to keep the peace.

Rachel - posted on 01/19/2010

I had those same remarks and My husband is black too. When i was younger i would look at the black women and say if you dont like it dont look. But as i got older i would just laugh at them right in their faces that pisses them off more because its is there problem. Dont let there problem become your problem and try not to let them see you get angree or upset because thats what they want. Most black women want the white ppl to fear them when you show them it doesnt even bother you it will eventually stop. But it will never really stop i hate to say that. I get racism from both side whites and blacks. You just saythats their problem. Good luck with the new boundle of joy.

Natalie - posted on 01/19/2010

Where in the south are you? My hubby is military too, we're in Texas. I'm white, hubby's black.

I know some black women think that black men kinda "abandon" them and pick another race to marry and have children with.

But i don't understand why it's so important to stay in your own race. Black women don't own black men. Just like white women don't own white men or Asian women own Asian men etc.

We're all humans and it's what's on the inside that counts. Not the color of the skin.



You will encounter many more situations in your life b/c you have a biracial child. There's no way around it. You learn to ignore them and live YOUR life. You grow a thick skin.



Don't let them get to you! *hugs*



Btw, i am pregnant with our 3rd child :-)

Jalisa - posted on 01/18/2010

I myself am mixed .... but coming from my side its a little bit different for me its white girls to... but my husband is white and were both from texas...... so i totally know what your going through but theres really not much you can do.... when it happens with me and my husband i simply say " what happened to equality" that usually shuts them up. but in all honest you cant change there thoughts ive tried my entire life and had a hard time in school because alot of it ended in fights but best advice roll your eyes and walk away.... dont let them see that it bothers you...... Keep in mind there just mad because you have a man that they wish they could .... their jealous of you and i know that should like bull but trust me they are cuz they dont ever say it when the guys ugly

Amanda - posted on 01/18/2010

I am white and my husband is black and he too was military, we were staioned in louisanna, and i got all kinda of stares and remarks, a woman (black) actually left a store because she didnt want to be near us, racisim comes in all shapes sizes and colors, just laugh it off, snuggle up close and move on, people fall in love with minds and hearts, not skins and the ones that cant see that will always be unhappy!

Mary - posted on 01/18/2010

First, I would like to congratulate you on you soon to be bundle of joy! I have 2 bi-racial children, well they are grown now 23 and 20. I live in Arkansas of all places and had to deal with all kinds of thing from choosing a race for them to get them in school to the racial comments. I would like to say that it is very important to chose your battles in this matter. I wanted my children to know that also. I want them to be proud of who they are and understand that there are people in this world that do not like that. Just ignore women who are obviously jealous of your relationship they are not worth the breath that it takes to respond. You will have bigger battles to bear later save your strength! Good luck! God bless all those who came before us and have gotten us this far in the racial divide.

Valencia - posted on 01/16/2010

Vicky
8 Dec. 2009, 6:47 pm Where ever you go, there may be people that will make remarks like that or give you dirty looks. I've been married to my husband (black) and I'm asian. The women who do this are hating themselves because they think, that the other races are taking their men away. In fact it's the men who are tired of black women and their bad attitudes and "ghetto" ideals. Don't worry though, it's their problem, not yours just be happy and ignore the "haters".


Vicky,

I usually try to be really tolerant and use situations like this to teach rather than condemn but there are so many things wrong with what you just said that I can merely shake my head in disappointment and dismay that you may one day (or already are) be the parent of one of these black women you seem to abhor. You sound like someone from the "good old boys" network of cross burning bigots. To call black women "ghetto" and say that the reason black men are dating outside their race is because they are tired of black women's flaws is truly f-ed up. If that is your logic why are there so many Asian, white, and hispanic men married to black women? Did they want a taste of the ghetto? Did they want to downgrade? Maybe I'll go ask my six figure earning, blonde haired, blue eyed handsome as hell husband who is in the kitchen of our 5 bedroom home cooking me and our two sons dinner why in the WORLD he wanted a nasty attitude ghetto black woman on his arm? It just makes no sense.....................???
Since I truly question your intelligence after that post you wrote I feel it necessary to explain to you that the above was called sarcasm. S-A-R-C-A-S-M - look it up if you don't know what it means. God bless.
(For all the other women who are not crazy - I apologize for my rant. I am usually quite nice)

Jessica - posted on 01/15/2010

Wow. I live in the South as well. My husband is Dominican and at first people would make assumptions. I have had White, Spanish and African American women make comments. I never liked to date inside my race, so I got it from everywhere.Prejudice is what it is. There will always be someone with an opinion stemming from ignorance. That is definitely abundant in the south, unfortunately. Sometimes it is just better to smile at them. Not everyone understands that love has no color, race, religion or sex even. Once I was with my husband and children out having fun and a woman glared at me the whole time. I actually sat down next to her and asked her if she was okay. She said to me that stealing her people's men was the reason she couldn't find a good man of her own. I had to ask her to what " people" she was referring to? Then I looked at her and said, woman, you are MY people too! She laughed and I had to introduce her to one of my husband's friends. I think they are still dating, actually. All people have the ability to learn tolerance. Smile at them, introduce yourself and tell them how pretty you think they (or their clothes, jewelery) are, if you'd like. When a person can see YOU as a person and not a threat, the whole situation changes. But whatever you do, unless they get downright nasty, don't agitate or play into that game!!!

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2010

I know exactly how you feel. My husband is Jamaican and Chinese, I am white. It is very frustrating to have someone judge your relationship based on your color, like you are steeling or something. I have been with my husband for 15 years and we now have 2 children. The best advise I can give you is to not say anything, just smile. Don't give the immature women the satisfaction of bothering you. Instead I have learned if they are bothered by seeing a white woman with a black man, then it will REALLY bother them if you show that you see their reaction and just give a big smile. Just know they are jealous because you are in a happy relationship. They are probably jealous of all people in a happy relationship, regardless of color. Don't stoop to their level and act immature. Rise above it and rub their nose in it!

Melinda - posted on 01/15/2010

I know how you feel about being judged. I am mixed white and Hmong but people only notice the Hmong because my eyes... I have a child with a white man and he has pale skin blue blue eyes and light brown hair. I get judged by the Asian race all the time especially by the elders. It really bothers me that people can't open their minds to the fact that people are just people! I think what hurts them is that for the Asian culture if you mix you lose that culture. Like the fact that i don't know ANY Hmong language at all or cultural aspects of being Hmong. Oh well life goes on and I'll love the man I am with regardless.=]

Lisandra - posted on 01/15/2010

Everyone here is correct in saying that they are just jealous. I am Puerto Rican and my boyfriend is white....you can't help who you fall in love with. Biracial babies are beautiful as yours will be. Next time one of those jealous -itches decides to make a comment, grab your husband's arm, give him and kiss, tell him you love him, and walk away. Thank God you have someone who loves you so much and God is blessing you will a beautiful baby. That will make them even more jealous but guess what..you got him....not them and he isn't bothered by it and best of all, you will be a beautiful biracial family!! Please, we are all mixed in one way or another....

Marie - posted on 01/15/2010

I understand how you feel. I have two bi-racial children. They are grown now, but we went through it! I wouldn't suggest any confrontational replies. These women are already angry and ignorant, not a good combination. The old saying is true, you can's argue with ignorance.The only thing I can offer is to hold your head high and find a close friend to vent to. You have to release your frustration and hurt somewhere. Find comfort in knowing that you are in good company (our esteemed President, for one!).

My daughter solved her end of the issue in grammar school:

A white classmate of hers saw me at a function and said that I couldn't be her mother. Here is what she said: "My mama is white, my daddy is black, and I am brown!" The teacher smiled and didn't say anything, she said Nicole handled it just fine.

Marie

Annastasia - posted on 01/14/2010

believe me when i say, you are not alone. no one likes to be attacked, but why give anyone the satisfaction of making you angry? i know its easy to say "be the bigger person", but it is not impossible to ignore bitchy women. i live in louisiana, so i know how it is in the south. there will always be women like that, and they will be everywhere. there will always be white men who hate it even more.

Jamilia - posted on 01/14/2010

well i am mixed and my kids father is white..i say let them talk..they look stupid..you enjoy your life together..i get ot from the black men all the time..i just say " why you date white women?" not being mean just dont question me when you doin the same thing..all i say keep goin i love seeing mixed couples i think its beautiful

Patrice - posted on 01/14/2010

Fist of let me say you are in the south and there is some deep rooted racism there. Your are in the part of our country that Blacks have been treated poorly by whites for many, many years, however it does not give them an excuse to be rude and disrespectful to you and your Husband should tell them to take there comments and put them where the sun don't shine!! I am a black woman married to a Mexican man we have been together since I was 14, I am now 33 so yes I have heard plenty of rude remarks from both Black and Hispanic especially when I was pregnant. People can be hateful, but it is usually because you have something they don't......... A good black man!! P.S you need to tell your husband to not let them disrespect his wife!!

Destiny - posted on 01/14/2010

First and foremost CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I love both my boys more than life itself. You are going to have sooooooo much fun!



As for the ignorant remarks. Females in general are stupid. And be it that the topic of their stupidity in this instance is race related you can't really say too much about it to the offenders. Why?? Because the first thing out of their mouths is something about you being white. And you don't feel that way because your pregnant, its because they're stupid. Lol. Luckily I've never had to deal with any stupid remarks like that. Then again I'm not white. Keep your head up. Take it as a compliment. You have a good man regardless of his race or color.

Monica - posted on 01/14/2010

OK honey I am a white woman and my man is black. I wouldn't even bother with responding to that non-sences. 1) You are Pregnant and don't need the worry. 2) This is not going to change them even if you do say something to them. 3) People are People and no matter who it is they will always have something to say no matter who you are with. Live your life for you and your family that is all you can do sweetie. And the best way to get revenge is to lead a happy life no matter what they HATERS say. I live by that all day every day. It is about making sure I am the best woman I can be and take care of my family and if I am doing that then screw them and what they have to say. You getting mad is not going to change them or make them a better person just keep being you and love your man. Live your life and be happy and raise your kids the best you can. Good Luck and I hope that helped.

Wanda - posted on 01/14/2010

Girl live your life and be happy and proud of your family, no matter what you do who your with or how you act there is ALWAYS gonna be somebody that has something to say so hold your head high and love your man.

Angelia - posted on 01/14/2010

I would ignore them,they are jealous, I am a black woman and was married to a white man we have a little boy,would not take him for nothing in the world.Good Luck.

Autumn - posted on 01/14/2010

I have to say I am blessed. My son's family wlcomed me with open arms. The reason they did this is because I make him happy. That is what you have to think about. First of all those women do not know you or know what kind of relationship you have with your husband. Second they are just looking and seeing something they wish they could have. The world is full of naysayers. There is always going to be some one who has a bad life and wants to knock everyone down with them. Just pray about it and remember the lord gave you this man and the child you are carrying so keep them close to your heart and kick the haters out.