SO doesn't want bi-racial kids

Amber - posted on 08/19/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I'm pregnant newly 6 weeks today and realize I want to keep it. There are a lot of problems me and my so have to work through. His family doesn't for one like me. I'm not african american. I'm bi-racial a quarter spanish the rest is white. But I don't look anything but white really blond with blue eyes and fair skin. Anyway he's talked about how bad it is for bi-racial kids and acts like it's a really bad thing to their kids. I never really cared we're just teens anyway. But he doesn't talk about kids in our future just because of what his family thinks. They dislike me for a numerous amount of reasons. His response to me being pregnant has always been get an abortion. This time though it's not something I really want the thought of mcing made me sad with the fact that my bff is pregnant. I'm 100% sure now. I mean we've been in love been together 4 years we live together and he's the man of my dreams in many ways yet he can't see having kids with me really upsets me even though this wasn't planned I almost feel unworthy. Yet I don't see how I'm going to tell him that despite his family's dislike for me . We're having a child together. Anyone have a similar thing? Like been in an interracial relationship where they'd live with you and even marry you when the time came but not have kids with you? How did you deal with it?

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TINA - posted on 04/06/2012

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I support you having a child but you need to do it only if you are willing to do it alone. Let me clarify this. Its not that I am saying he will leave but that if he does that you will still want this child. If this is only to stay with him or if you think he will want the baby later. He may never want your child. You have to be realistic about how he feels. That being said no matter what he's family thinks they are not in your relationship you guys are. Family though does have away to break a relationship. I hope things work out for you.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/05/2012

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My mother was Kind of in the same boat as u when she had me. It wasn't the family that gave Mom a hard time it was society. In the 80's interracial couples really got messed with and delt with major racism.The bottom line is He should of used protection if he felt so strongly about having a baby and I'm Highly offened that he would even come out his face at u that way saying he doesnt want a baby with You. Excuse my language but he sounds like a complete ignorant ass.If u dont want to procreate with a person because of their race then dont stick ur thing in them moron.With all the education on safe sex and birth control the mess he's talking is ridiculous. Im not even u and what he said got me madd. I dont believe the baby should die because his dad is an idiot.Abortion should'nt be part of the answer. Screw him if he doesnt want u or the baby, Be strong and move on.You are'nt the first or the last to deal with this issue. If my mom did it I believe u can do it and find a man worthy of ur love and that accepts your precious bundle of love.

Brianna - posted on 03/30/2012

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You are both so young. It is rare for grandparents to deny their grandchild after they are born. You need to talk to him and figure out 1) how stuck is he on what his family thinks. Bring up the fact that you live together. 2) Bring up the possibility of them coming around. If having this baby is what you really want, time will tell. It will be hard while you are pregnant but see what happens when the baby comes around. If he is still unsupportive, you need to decide if you want him in the picture. A baby deserves unconditional love and if he does not show that for the baby, I would seriously reconsider allowing him in the baby's life. I would really suggest you write down some things you want to talk about and try to have a serious conversation. It may surprise you how his attitudes change when it goes from a hypothetical to a real situation.

Heather - posted on 10/04/2011

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I'm confused. He doesn't want to be a father to a bi-racial baby..was is he in a relationship with someone of a different race and having sex?? there's always a risk of having a child. That just doesn't make much since to me. He wants to marry you in the future, and be a dad in the future..but not to a bi-racial baby..so either, something in that equation don't work out. i'd sit him down and have a nice long talk with him

Char - posted on 10/04/2011

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Walk away from this relationship now. If this guy relies heavily on what his family thinks he will eventually find someone to be with. Your best bet. Have a healthy pregnancy and set up a life for you and your child. File for child support and eventually meet someone new that will love you and your child.

Robyn - posted on 09/15/2011

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All u can try to do is persue him to come to the doctors's appointments with you look at baby stuff with you parenting classes . Explain to him how u really feel and tht you really need his support. You never know when the baby comes he may change his whole person and he may not but either way you guys need to sit down and discuss this baby that you two are bringing in this world.

Laura - posted on 09/14/2011

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Also you can persuade someone to want to be a dad, but if you keep him or her, he will have to help you financially if you take him to court. I tried convincing my ex to be a dad my whole pregnancy and till my son was almost 1 and it did not work and i just moved on now i'm happily married.

Laura - posted on 09/14/2011

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Do what you feel you want. Really think about it. I was in this situation with an ex and i chose to keep my son and stuck it out. I got married to a great guy. Don't worry about what other people say or think, but if you really cant keep the baby maybe adoption, to me abortion is just a horriable thing which is why i didn't do that when my ex told me to. All kids get picked on at least a few times in their life some more than others, Just be there for your child and let him know you love them and support them.

Troya - posted on 08/29/2011

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i tell you to keep the baby if its what you want to do. i have a bi racial baby and he is the most beautiful baby i have ever seen. maybe once you have the baby he will change his mind but if not you have to do what you got to do for you and your baby

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/21/2011

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"But he doesn't talk about kids in our future just because of what his family thinks"


SO your saying now he does not listen to them??

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/21/2011

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I have never had a similar situation (where the person I was with did not want the child we made together) but I have been in a situation where I thought I could change the mind of the guy I was with. And I am in an interracial relationship now. I can say that you CANT change his mind by persuading him. You say he wants to be a dad, but not to a bi-racial child and not right now??? Well you can make your voice heard, but…unless he wants to do this willingly…not much you can do…

All I can say is wait until the child comes, that might change his mind to see his kid

Amber - posted on 08/20/2011

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he doesn't really listen to them. Well I mean he's with me. So He doesn't listen to them now. I know I'm keeping it. That's not the problem now. It's mainly that I don't know how to change his mind or how to make him realize that its child just the same.He's wanted to be a dad not right now but it's more like I have so little time to persuade him. I was hoping others had similar situations.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/20/2011

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Well if you are feeling like you want to keep the baby and he does not, then you have to do what YOU want to do…bottom line. If he is not going to be there for you with this baby then you both need to go your separate ways, because only MORE problems will arise and if he is still listening to his family now, he will do so after the baby is born.

I know all that is easier said then done, but if you keep this baby just think of the miserable future you will have arguing with him about this and that regarding you not being accepted by his family and the baby.

I am in a interracial relationship and my man choose to be with me despite his familys feelings about it, and after sometime and our son being born they were more accepting of me, BUT the key thing is even if they never did he was NOT going anywhere because he loved me enough to stay.

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