The Stares and Odd Looks in Public

Jessica - posted on 09/01/2010

thanks kristen :) you said it better than I could have !!!!

K. - posted on 08/31/2010

I'm confused. In other threads I hear moms bitching and moaning about why there is not a biracial box to check on government forms, why they have to choose one over the other because 'damnit i'm proud of my babies ethnicity and it'll be a cold day in hell before i have to pick just one!!!'. Raving and ranting and yada yada yada. So why is it that some of us get offended when we're asked what races our children are? Why do some of us want to slap people across the face when they inquire? Are we only proud some of the time? Candace's comment, "I've had a who was african american tell me that he looked like a "white boy" whatever that was suppose to mean, I didn't feel the need to go into detail and tell her that he's half white. I did however feel that was stupid to say" Well I guess that meant your kid looks white and is a boy. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with telling your friend your son was, in fact, mixed? This type of attitude amongst mothers of biracial children is getting just as annoying as the ones who give funny looks.

Jessica - posted on 08/31/2010

I find it kind of funny that this is even an issue... i have had to deal with since I have had my kids, black girls everywhere acting like I was doing some major crime by taking a good black man away from the black people and talking about me and my kids because they are dark and I am white... black people staring at me and making comments like who do i think i am for living in an all black neighborhood...people calling me hey white girl, like the color of my skin was my name, when if I would have addressed any of them by "Hey black girl, I would have got beat down"... i am not saying that there is any excuse for racism in any sense, but for you to have a baby with a white guy and just assume that your baby is going to turn out black like you is just ignorant. get over it... love your kids, and don't let what other people say or do affect your stride, keep on moving forward and to the positive, when you feel like you have to defend yourself you stoop to their level, is that really how you want to be?

Amanda - posted on 08/31/2010

My husband is black and when my sons were born they were very light. My older son didn't start looking biracial until he was almost a year and a half old and my younger son has blue eyes and still looks very light. My husband even got weird after their birth because all the hospital staff kept looking at the baby and then at him. Talk about unproffessional. We still get funny looks when we go out because of the extreme color differences in our family. My response to the funny looks is generally always the same. I just look at them and say genetics are weird huh?

Krystal - posted on 08/27/2010

it's hard to take these stares with a grain of salt, but you just have to think that you have a beautiful baby no matter what anyone else says. My son is half african and someone at the mall kept saying how lucky he was and asked how long i had had him for... She thought I adopted him... I love little red headed babies :)

Dionna - posted on 08/24/2010

Ignore them! People can be so ignorant. I had a lady ask me if my daughter was mine!! I started to say something really smart like" No, I am a convicted kidnapper!" You caught me! lol. But seriously, just ignore them people like that are extremely DUMB.

Crista - posted on 08/24/2010

Ohh! I have had issues like this too. I am white, my daughter's father is Jamaican, so she of course, looks more like him. I constantly getr asked if I am her nanny, or is she is adopted. I was once even told (sarcastically) that I must think I am so cool for having a "black" baby. (This comment made me mad!!)
I just ignore all the stares. I am no longer with her father, and my new (white) partner and I have a son together, so we get stared at all the time. Its not my issue, its other peoples. I don't care what anyone thinks. Best not to let it get to you. Although it can be tough, I know.

Catherine - posted on 08/17/2010

Oh and im so tempted sometimes when people ask "what is their father?" to say "human" lol.I think that would shut them up!

Catherine - posted on 08/17/2010

My husband is South african (black) and im aussie (white) and we have 4 beautiful children and all 4 are different colours.The youngest is very white with blue eyes and my husband gets alot of stares when he is holding him.I get offended when people say "oh what have you been up to?"like the child is not his.I know people joke but its still very offensive to me.People really need to get past this whole colour issue.We are all beautiful,just different shades and i love it!Be proud and dont worry about what others say as they are just ignorant.

Danyelle - posted on 08/16/2010

im sorry to hear this. i went theu the same thing i still do im a young mom im whitre and m bf is spanish but is dark and ppl look at us every were we go and say she is gonnahave promblems in school i think they need to mind there bussness and keep to them self try to ignre it its hard i know but they will get the hint to back off good luck

Guinevere - posted on 08/15/2010

My husband is Filipino and I am white. When I'm alone with my daughter it looks like I adopted an Asian baby because it's so trendy now a days. No one has been rude to me so far but to avoid that awkward question of "is she adopted" I just laugh and say "she looks just like her daddy!" That usually opens the conversation to "where is he from" and the whole situation ends with everyone saying how beautiful/well behaved/happy she is.

Nikki - posted on 08/13/2010

hello my name is nikki i was married for 11 yrs to a mexicain and im white i recently got divorced but i had the same thing happen to me but i have 6 kids and ppl in walmart would count them as we walked into store and even the old ass ppl would say wow you have lots of tomato pickers ..me lol i just cant help but be nasty its wrong what ppl do..

Sarah - posted on 08/13/2010

Just tell them, this is my biological child.

Shannon - posted on 08/12/2010

When someone asks me "are those your children?" or says oh, they are so cute, are you their mother? I just smile sweetly and say of course, why do you ask?
I think sometimes people need a bit of correction and bringing it to them in a non confrontational way helps them to break out of the ignorant syndrome.
Just like when people see me and my husband we just laugh and make some sort of wise crack. Usually he comes up with some good ones. He's better at that than me.

Sharon - posted on 08/12/2010

".just tell them to look up genetics....... especially when mixing races :) x x"

I do sympathize--realizing, at the same time, that a Jamaican mixed with any other ethnicity poses a particular problem, since Jamaicans come in black, white, brown, East Indian, West Indian, Arab, and Chinese descents. Also, possibly, still more races/ethnicities/combinations that I haven't yet encountered. If you lined any given bunch of them up, you'd have quite a spectrum of shades, combinations, etc.

The first Jamaicans I met were Caucasian--some of Arab ethnicity, some of East Indian ethnicity. Next, I became friends with a Chinese Jamaican. Only FINALLY did I meet black Jamaicans--and yet, that Jamaican = black seems to be the preconceived notion of most people I know. Fact is, though, there IS no single Jamaican racial identity, just as there is no single American racial identity.

Incorrigibly,

Sharon

Sharon - posted on 08/12/2010

My child is Asian/Caucasian racially. Probably because we live in a very cosmopolitan area (Greater Washington, DC area), we don't see a lot of staring or hear remarks. The worst (and the ONLY, really) thing that ever happened of that nature happened with people of Asian race.

My daughter was very small, just between two and three years old. While we were shopping in the toy section of a store, a group of little Korean girls slightly older than she made a circle around her, staring and staring until she began to shrink in bewilderment under such scrutiny. Finally, "Doesn't she look FUNNY?" one said to the others.

Whereupon, I'm not ashamed to say, Mama lost it. I picked her up in my arms to cuddle her, and said to the little ones, angrily, "NO! She doesn't look funny at all! She's my baby girl, and she looks very beautiful! Is THIS the way your mamas and daddies have taught you to behave towards other people?"

Off they ran, wordless, in search of those same mamas and daddies.

Oh! And one woman at a party where my daughter and I (but not my husband) were present, asked me "How long have you HAD her?" Evilly perhaps, I responded "Since about nine and a half months before she was born."

Incorrigibly,

Sharon

Jayne - posted on 08/11/2010

i just laugh at people who are that stupid. my daughter is half black, half white (im white) and when i go out with my latina friend who has a mixed son (half white) people always look at us funny like we have each others children hanging off us, not our own. people are just so dumb.
my daughter actually looks a lot like me but everyone has trouble seeing her features past her skin colour and curly hair. one lady asked if she was adopted.
i dont care much. i love my baby and thats all that matters to me

Glenda - posted on 08/11/2010

People still ask me if I am the mother and she will be five in two weeks. It was worse when she was younger because she was extremely light complected. She has the dark blonde hair and her eyes are either: blue or green in any given moment. I was followed a couple of times and you must stop, turn and ask them why are you following me?

Vivian - posted on 08/11/2010

Janessa hit it on the head! It is annoying, and can make your blood boil when people are so ignorant. I actually had someone ask me ..what are they mixed with! I wanted to slap her face off!!
However, you do have to ignore the ignorance of others, and enjoy your beautiful babies. Teach them better and move on.

Crystal - posted on 08/11/2010

my husband had that issue when our daughter was a baby. she is half black and white but she looked like a straight up white baby blonde hair blue eyes fair pink skin.(she is almost nine and still has no color) it was worse on a man. theres not much you can do but not let it bother you. people are in general rude. btw my other daughter is darker complexed and people think i am babysitting her or give me crazy looks when she calls me mama.( at her school too. so it happens to us all. good luck. try .

Crystal - posted on 08/10/2010

I use to get a little taken aback by this as well but all I would reply with is "have you never seen a bi-racial baby? if you have you should really work on your staring issue." If they are rude and ignorant, u have 2 choices, ignore or educate. I choose educate. And now I find it quite entertaining that my son has become more observant and outspoken. The best comment from my 4 yr old was, "My daddy has blue eyes and I have brown eyes and he's still my daddy, so my mommy can have brown skin and I have white skin and she's still my mommy". Their reactions to his comments are even more priceless. lol

Andie - posted on 08/08/2010

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! and I live in "Redneckville USA"! Girl there are always going to be racist people in this world, don't worry about them! Teach your children about the important things and let God take care of the rest. Try ignoring them if this doesnt work, patiently explain that yes she is yours and God made her just the way she is supposed to be!

Juanita - posted on 08/08/2010

I have learned to be really good at ignoring people. Basically, they can't annoy me if they don't exist :) Unfortunately that only works to tune out the "looks". As for the comments... I usually just smile and say, "Yep these are my kids and they look like their Daddy!" with as huge and genuine a smile as possible. Then they usually nod, smile, and go on about their way.

Paulette - posted on 08/08/2010

WOW ! That would have made me so mad, but you handled it will. I'm African-American with a Caucasian husband too. It hasn't been easy. I married Robert in January 1996. Imagine having a mixed child then ! I got strange looks when my children were infants too. If someone follows again, tell them " May I help you " No one has the right to do that and get away with it. Judging from your profile, she looks a light version of you. I would understand a little staring but I would only tolerate so much. Hang in their and keep your head and continue to do what you go to do take care of your family. : )

Ruth - posted on 08/07/2010

ignore ignorant people...

Ronnell - posted on 08/07/2010

Hmmm,I never had that problem about the babysitting,etc.I do feel for you all that have that problem.My teens have white skin,the girls are like milk or porcelain should I say.My friend told me that I didn't have that problem because I was light enough so as people have to guess what I am which I am mixed,black,white(English) and Native American Indian with long good hair.I never thought about that at all until she said it a few weeks ago.She is black and has two biracial children and gets asked where they were adopted.I felt bad for her and anyone else who encounters(ed) this ignorant questions.My hubby is Italian and 6'5",so noone messes with us at all,plus,if someone looks at me,I give them a look back like what the hell are you looking at,and then they turn their heads away fast.I'm living in podunk Texas,so that's why the looks,but never asked questions,people look at me when I'm by myself trying to figure what I am.I'm born and raised in Va.Beach,Virginia,and we have all races and multiracial/biracial people there and all over the state.So,I never had any problems growing up with my parents being separate races.Just ignore them,they are clueless.Keep your head up and don't let anyone bring you down and teach your daughter and future children to have high self-esteem and be proud of what they are beautiful and biracial :).

Ashley - posted on 08/07/2010

I am white, and my babys dady is black and everyone thinks that I am just babysitting and when I tell them that they are mine they back off and give me really bad looks.. I just blow em off... Dont care what others think of you and your daughter.. I show my boys off all the time, knowing that the older people look at me.. I am a signle white women of twin boys and I am prod of it... I cant spell...

Janessa - posted on 08/06/2010

"I'm an african american mom married to a caucasian guy. To our surprise our daughter came with white skin and red hair. "



I do not understand why you guy are suprise and coming from someone who is african american lol that just sounded weird. You know that blacks in the americans meanining north america, latin america, caribbean and south america are not full black right. Majority of blacks are mixed so you have no idea what is your gene pool also. Gentics are crazy you never know what your going to get and everyone one knows black americans are mixed anyways.



Tell those people to mind they own business period. I have no idea why ceratin kind americans have issues with race. Majority of so called white americans are not white they are mixed just like black people we do not keep it a secret like whites do. I guess those people need to read up on genes. People just need to undertsand it does not matter how white or black somone looks you can never determained what anyone is mixed with anyways everyone is mixed no one is pure.

L - posted on 08/06/2010

turn around look them in the eyes and address the fact that they're following you;the same thing use to happen with me and it made me insure at first to go out without his dad by my side,but then i thought about it,he's mine ,i'm proud to be his mother and all nosy people need to back off.

Tyneisha - posted on 08/05/2010

It comes with the territory. Ignore it and keep it moving. my son is biracial and my husband is white. Im not giving ignorant people my time.

Rachael - posted on 08/05/2010

unfortunately no i can't. my husband is jamaican and we have a son who has red hair and is white also. people stare at him much like they stare at you, like he has stolen someone else's baby. last weekend we were in the mall and I left to go get lunch and the lady at the opposite table asked him if it was his baby. He, and I when people are so rude as to ask if I am sure he's the father, try and ignore it and not take it personally. People don't know any better and thik that all mixed babies should look exactly the same, with the curly hair and the tanned skin. Just ignore it.

Jenny - posted on 08/05/2010

well I always was unsure if I got stares already with me and my baby's dad. But I think that's more cause of other reasons that aren't relevent. I think most people will be able to tell my kid is mine because his dad and I aren't too far in skin tone really. I'd just ignore any stares of any kind. It's not your problem they're idiots it's theirs imo.

Tammy - posted on 08/05/2010

When my children were little, I took them to Reynosa, a border town of Mexico. I was detained coming back because my children looked mexican not black, and get this I was detained by a black officer. I was panicky and begged and cried for him to let me bring my babies back with me and he made me stay there while he sent my sister home to get their birth certificates. So unless your detained at the border with the threat of taking your child i would tell them to mind your on business. Ignorant people can't be educated!!

Charlena - posted on 08/04/2010

Ive been trying to figure out how to handle these people kinds of people for three years now my daughter is white skinned with blue / green eyes and longgg curly hair , , i even almost knocked some ladys head off her body when she called my daughter a mut ... I think i might make a tshirt saying yes these are my kids stop staring ... I cant believe having a mixed child would get so much attention it makes no sense to me , even when i didnt have kids i never questioned someone about their children because number one i didnt care and number two it would be just plain rude . People look at me crazy if i yell at my daughter and one lady even told me if your not going to do your job right then ill take her home ! Im pregnant with my son now so i can only imagine the questions and stares , im just going to have to ignore ignorant people because i cant fight the world lol



and when people ask me if im babysitting that really upsets me i was in labor 16 hours with my daughter shes mine ! like if i wasnt a mom there wouldnt be any kids with me lol ill be at some club or something . And then i tell them yes and they are like your lying !! like wtf do u expect my children to look like is what i want to ask them .

Candace - posted on 08/04/2010

Fortunately I havent had to deal with anything like that yet, my son is of the same mix but he's a little tanned so at first glance some people think he's just a light baby. However I have been getting a lot of people saying they thought he would be much lighter for some reason. I've had a who was african american tell me that he looked like a "white boy" whatever that was suppose to mean, I didn't feel the need to go into detail and tell her that he's half white. I did however feel that was stupid to say

Carolina - posted on 08/04/2010

The only advice I can give you, is let go of all the stares and comments etc, nothing in this world is going to change. People will be people. I had to learn that the hard way. I'm latina and i have a baby who's half black and he most of the times looks more black & i've had people come up to me and say things like oh he's half black? Oh he's cute because he's latino too, THAT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL!! So now I think of it like this, Why should I get over worked over things like that, i mean it's not like they put food on my table or clothe my son & I, they are nobodies to me, and know i ignore it and let life be. As long as you're happy don't let nothing else get to you.

Aimee - posted on 08/04/2010

My children are 1/4 Jamaican and my daughter is dark for her mix and doesnt look a thing like me, my son is very light for his mix and doesnt look a thing like me!! When people comment on the colour difference i tell them to look at the children, they are spitting image although they have different toned skin!! - People assume when i am with them they have different dads, when there dad takes them out without me they both look like his little clones and no-one thinks any different........ people are so rude @ times and even some of my friends have said that if Leon didnt look so much like hi dad they would wonder if he was even his..... now that upsets me, as its only his colour that they think that for........just tell them to look up genetics....... especially when mixing races :) x x

Iris - posted on 08/04/2010

I'm sorry you have this issue. People can be so stupid and hurtful.
If someone would chase me around the store staring at me, I'd ask if there was anything I could help them with or get to some worker there and tell them loud and clear that I think I'm being followed, that would fix it :). If anyone asks who I was babysitting for I simply say "That's my daughter, my clone" smile politely and walk away. The reaction is priceless, yet you haven't said anything offensive.