the things strangers say....

Kelly - posted on 07/22/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

7

31

1

I am white, my husband is Mexican/white mix....we have adopted our 6 year old nephew and our 2 year old foster baby. Our oldest looks like he could be our bio son, but our youngest is mixed with pretty dark skin and eyes. I look at my boys and never see color, so it's kind of surprising to me when people stare or ask weird questions. I'm sure they have all kinds of things going through their heads...trying to figure our little family out. lol! I'd just really like something to say to those people that come right out and ask rude questions in front of my boys! I don't want my boys to ever feel different, and I don't want to tell people that my kids are adopted all of the time! They're OUR children and they know their life stories and we tell them how God gave them to us and how blessed we are as a family....It's just the older they get, I don't want them to feel "adopted" by the comments strangers make. How can we nicely answer a strangers question or what can we say to them so that our kids never feel "different"? We'll most likely be adopting another baby in a few months and I have no idea what race she'll be...... I just want to have a nice comeback for those ignorant questions that are asked at times in front of my children :) Thanks for any help!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

11 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

That is funny Teena. I have never really gotten bad comments from people Thank God! I have two daughters with the same husband and our oldest is kind of tan with dark, dark kinky hair. Our youngest is also slightly tan with loose blondish brown curls; totally different hair. I have been asked if they have the same father, but I am like um yes we both have genes! People are just ignorant as crap and ask things that take major cojones to ask. They are just fixed on the idea that families are only people who look exactly alike. This is an extremely close minded view!

Teena - posted on 02/27/2012

2

15

0

I'm blaque and my ex-husband is whyte.When my daughter was a baby I was asked ALL the tyme. :" is her mother Spanish" I would answer, no I'm blaque

April - posted on 07/30/2010

5

10

0

Aww, God bless you hun! People need to be more like you and your hubby. It's so amazing what y'all are doing. Ignore those idiots and just remember how much y'all are a blessing to those kids, and how much they are a blessing to you. We could use so many more people like you in the world.

Shanae - posted on 07/29/2010

7

2

1

Manners went out the window a long time ago. I have three beautiful children whom are multiracial, and I get the stupidest comments" oooo are they mixed? with what? Oh thats so cool, they are so pretty" I mean come on people, you mean to tell me that if they werent "mixed" they wouldn't be beautiful? And really what does "mixed" mean? They arent food! They are human beings like every one else! They didn't choose their parents like ingredients. You would think that by the 21st century that our species would know more than we actually portray.

[deleted account]

I'm white and my sons father is black. My son is almost five months old and is still quite light skinned with blue eyes like mine and really curly hair. I get mixed reactions all the time. Some people think he is white and some people right off the bat go is he part black? More than once when I have said his dad is Jamaican they always look at me sympathetically and go "I'm guessing he isn't around then?" which is completely baffling to me. My ex wasn't around in the beginning and I still found this so rude that random people would judge someone like that based on their race. Now that my ex is around when we go out some people can tell when he is carrying our son and some people look at him like why does that black guy have a white baby. It makes me so mad and I'm not even the one going through it. As for suggestions I haven't had to go through that yet because my son is so young I either don't say anything or just answer their question matter-of-factly and watch them feel stupid lol. For the people that ask ignorant questions I wouldn't even respond. If they are genuinely curious just tell them they're your kids or that you adopted them but love them as your own. I think it is more important to explain to your kids that yes, they might have come from different birth parents but you are still their parents and how much you love them. Tell them that race doesn't mean anything and how lucky they are to have so many races in one family. Your kids will know that they are loved and that's what matters. As long as you have a happy family, who cares what random people think?

Cat - posted on 07/24/2010

3

18

0

i understand you all the way my youngest dau/was born with blond hair and green eyes knw i'm some what a little dark and people would ask me all the time was i babysitting,omg like we rican's can't hv green eyes and blond in our family as well wtf.

[deleted account]

my son is half white and half black and is pretty fair with red hair that is textured like white people hair. we were on the bus ocne, and it was busy so i was further back and my husband was at the front with uor son and was crying. this lady got on the bus and on her way out she whispered in a loud voice that maybe he should call someone because a black guy was stealing a baby.
people are rude, and ignorant, and msotly don't know any better. they are also curious and don't always mean something. they don't stop to think about how their question mihgt come across. just make sure to explain to your kids why people ask these questions and that there is nothing wrong with how they are and all the definitions of family there are

Amy - posted on 07/23/2010

4

16

1

I am white, married to a very dark black man. We have 3 children that are all the same shade of a deep tan with dark soft curly hair. I have been getting rude comments since I had our first child. I have been asked 'is she yours', 'where did you get him from', 'are you babysitting', 'wow, how lucky you were able to adopt all three siblings'. Yes, this hurts me and you would think over time I would develope thicker skin to these nasty rude comments but I don't. I have not always been so kind to people when they ask me questions like this ( she is mine I have the stretch marks to prove it, he came from my womb..where else? these are some of my less than stellar comebacks LOL) but for the most part I just 'they are mine, their Dad is black'. Since the last comment was just asked of me in front of my children and it really hurt my 10yr olds feelings I have decided to tell anyone from now on (since its none of their business if they are my biological children or adopted children) 'Why are you asking me this question?' And just see where it goes from there. I really wish that people would respect others and be polite. Just because they don't understand how your family can work or how it came to be doesn't mean they have to the right to ask such personal questions. I do understand the curiosity they have, thats just part of being in a multiracial family. I must say though that I do get more nice compliments on my children than negative questions. Most people are very kind and respectful. Funny how the handful of rude people make the lasting impressions on us. But hurtful words sting really bad. Hope this helps in some way and realize you are so not alone in this =)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms