Tired of being asked where i got my kids from!

Kerri - posted on 01/19/2009 ( 35 moms have responded )

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So rude!



My boys are bi-racial, father african american, me caucasion Australian. Never had this problem when we were living in the States (bi-racial kids more common), but as soon as we arrived back in Australia (which i regard as very liberal minded and less racist than the US), some people, mainly in their 40's and older, began asking from which country did i adopt my children, or which adoption agency had i used to get my kids, etc etc! I politely told them that they are a product of my own eggs and their african-american father's sperm, and that i thought their question was quite offensive and none of their business. My mom told me not to get so uptight about it, until someone asked her when she was out with the boys one day! She told them they were Australian, and the guy asked again, "yes, but what country are they from?", again she replied they were australian. I told her she should have told him that it is possible for a white person to produce such a thing, and to never ask someone such an offensive question again. The funny part is that my husband thinks i overreact too, but then i said to him that whenever he takes the boys out no-one ever expects that because they are lighter than he is, that they are not his children, to which he agreed!



The quick answer would be to tell someone it's none of their business, but i do want these naive people to know that it is possible for a white mommy to produce a beautiful brown baby!

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35 Comments

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Sherri - posted on 11/19/2010

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I was hit with inappropriate questions from the first day I took my daughter out. We went the the grocery store. She was about 2 months old. The cashier took one look at Rach and one look at me and asked "You married to a Black man?" I have a really quick with and short temper, so I replied "No, I just have sex with them!!" Many others thought I was her babysitter- and they always asked "Why do you have a black baby?" Of course, I just answered "I don't know. It's the damndest thing..."

Sammy - posted on 03/06/2009

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Wow! I never would have expected this! My partner is Ghanian and I am Australian, we are expecting our first baby in July. Thank you for the heads up on all the rude questions and comments I will be expecting to hear from nosy people!

Stephanie - posted on 03/04/2009

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if people ask if my children are adopted, I usually just say, "no, they're mine, my husband is Korean." but mostly people just ask what ethnicity my hubby is. :) right before they tell me how beautiful they are and that we should have lots more. :) I have three daughters now, and that's plenty.

Rebecca - posted on 02/28/2009

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I have had this situation happen to me and my boys several times.  I am caucasion and their dad is Afracan-American.  My older son is darker like his dad but my younger son is lighter like I am so I also get the looks of having children with two different dads!!  I have had everything from older ladies asking how old they were when "I got them" and I even had a doctor ask me in the emergency room if I knew my son's medical history.  I do get offended sometimes but mostly I just have to laugh.  I think it is mostly becuase they do not know what to say and that they are just curious.  I am flattered that my children draw so much attention. I definately agree with the fact that we should opening show our children affection in public no matter what race they are.  Children need to know they are accepted.  My children know they are bi-racial and learn more every day about their differences and what they have in common with me and their dad,  Sometimes it is more difficult learning about their dad since we are no longer together and he has chosen not to be a part of his life.  I do have a big support system that includes numerous male friends that are African Americans that are a positive influence with the boys.  We should all celebrate our uniqueness and our simularities!!!God Bless!

Nichelle - posted on 02/27/2009

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Just like everyone else here...I am African-American and my hubby is White. We have two beautiful children (boy and girl). When my daughter was about 1 month old, we were at the grocery store and some woman looked into the stroller at my "2% milk" colored child and said, "oh, she's so beautiful...is she yours?" I was so caught off guard and offended that I blurted out, "nope...stole her from the hospital." She blushed and quickly walked away. Now, I know that I probably could have gotten arrested had she gone out to her car and called the police, then I would have had to spend the rest of the day proving my girl was really mine, but I certainly felt better (in a twisted sort of way...) ;-)

Leigh-Anne - posted on 02/26/2009

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I have the same thing all the time - I am white South African and my husband is Camerronian. People are just very presumptious, and also it has become quite a novelty for upper class woman to adopt "mixed" race children. People are by nature nosey - some more than others i guess....

AmyRae - posted on 02/26/2009

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I had the same thing happen to me when my boys, who are 2 yrs apart, were younger.My younger son is white and my older son is half black and half white. They were about 8 or 9 months and about 2&1/2 at the time. I lived close to a grocery store so I put the boys in the double stroller and off we went. I had bought more than I expected so since we only lived about 2 blocks from the store, I took my older son out and had him walk with me. I was putting my grocery bags in the stroller and the lady bagging my groceries looked at my son standing next to me and said, 'Do you babysit this one?' Sorry if this offends anyone but my response was, 'Um no I pushed him out of my p#@% just like I did this baby!!' I dont usually get so ignorant but I had never been asked that and I was highly offended. I never really did get anymore questions and now they are 12 and almost 14. And btw it was nice to read that other people use the term 'brown' as we do when referring to african american ppl.

Teneshia - posted on 02/24/2009

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When my son was born, 9 weeks ago- he was white (I'm black and my husband is white). I knew he was mine. I was hoping he would darken up.. even if he didn't darken, I was going to love him no matter what.  We never once had a remark from the nurses. I think they were ready, at times, to bring him to me to feed.  We have not had anyone say anything to us, YET! I'm sure we will run into stupid people and I'll be ready.

Helen - posted on 02/23/2009

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oh wow havent been asked that question i usually get u have gorgeous girls when im out shopping and old ladies stop and stare

Brooke - posted on 02/20/2009

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I haven't gotten too many questions about the "race" of my children. Although, when my daughter was 4 mths. old a woman in a store asked me if her father was Asian. ( My hubby is half Jamaican and all his Jamaican family have almond eyes) I replied, "no....he's black". She seemed shocked. I guess she would have expected a darker baby with alot of curls. Just proves people's ignorance on how BEAUTIFUL multi-cultural babies/children/adults are. I love the fact that my children are beautifully 2 cultures !!!!!!

Malou - posted on 02/18/2009

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Sometimes I get asked if I'm the Nanny. My answer is always the same. I'm a SAHM so I say "Yes, I'm their biological Nanny" and then I give them a dirty look. I still get irritated when I get asked this but I have come to not be surprised by it. Other times they ask me what nationality my kiddos are. They are American, duh!!! Some people don't know the difference between nationality and ethnicity.

Chrisa - posted on 02/18/2009

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Imagine the stares we get when we're all out together - my husband and I are white, our oldest is our bio kid, our middle is bi-racial, and our youngest is African-American. I love watching people try and do the math! The funny part is they don't have the guts, usually, to ask us where we got our kids (here in the US, thank you very much, from foster care adoptions). But once my hubby once told a nosy stranger that our middle kid was his and his misstresses - that shut her up, LOL!

Dawn - posted on 02/17/2009

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Exactly same thing has happened to me in the UK.. it's unbelievable really.. Where was there born?.. London!!!

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2009

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I'm sorry but some of your responses are hilarious. " the country of my uterus." LOL



 



But I've never been asked in anyway if my son was adopted. The only thing I get asked is if his father is black, which he is or if he's mixed, which again he is.

Tara - posted on 02/16/2009

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I am Bi-Racial (mother white, father black) Raised with my mother only and 3 other bi-racial siblings. I can tell you from my life that it was very hard because I heard and understood everything that ppl said to my mother. If we were at the grocery store and put candy at the register the cashier, several times, picked up the candy and told me to wait! So, I would just put it back and look at my mom...she would give the cashier a dirty look and tell them not to be so rude and offensive to her child, whom by the way, she gave birth to! I've heard so much, from the adoption question...to dirty looks in places that were majority white. I hated going places with my mom especially after she got married (to a white man) then i had two white ppl with me EVERYWHERE! At that point I didn't want to go anywhere because I was tired of ppl looking at me like I was gross and wondering why this white couple had this dark kid with them (and I'm not dark!) I could even see ppl mouth the words "Oh look, that girls adopted!" All of this didn't hurt as bad till I grew up and understood and thought of all of the hurtful things that ppl said.



Piece of advice:

Teach your child that they are bi-racial no matter what anyone else says. Make them feel comfortable in public by showing that you aren't ashamed to be seen with them. Kiss them and hug them in public! Talk to them about how they are yours and you'll never forget the day you gave birth to them. Anything to reassure them that you haven't forgotten. When I was going through that, I was CONSTANTLY and unknowingly seeking reassurance from my mom. CONSTANTLY calling her Mommy when ppl walked by and I still do that. I would also say aren't you happy you pushed me out mommy. I guess that was my way of letting the ppl around know that I was hers! Yea, my advice may seem strange but I can tell you this...wether you know it or your child knows it or not...they NEED that reassurance in public! Also, keep up with the comments like "She came from the country of my uterus" and "She's mixed with her daddy and I". Try not to define them in front of them to OTHER ppl as bi racial...it's best in my opinion to say that he/she came from YOU! But of course to always teach them that they are bi-racial and they don't have to pick one race. THEY ARE BOTH! They don't have to fit in anywhere...they just need to learn who they are and be that...and only that!



I hope I made sense!

Pam - posted on 02/16/2009

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People don't ask me, but have unfortunately asked my 8 year old. She has gotten questions just this year like "Are you adopted?" (because I am white and she has darker skin) and "Were you adopted from Africa?"

First of all, she is not very dark. Secondly, are people, even kids, not more aware of differences nowadays in families? Not everyone looks the same, not everyone is married, not everyone has a mom/dad at home etc...

I think education begins at home and parents need to teach their children to be sensitive and to appreciate others regardless.

Kylie - posted on 02/15/2009

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I have not had this experience and my girls are maori/aussie-maltese!!
Although a friend of mine fell pregnant whilst in African (to an African), and being a young single Aussie/Maltese mum she gets asked various ignorant questions all the time!
I personally think that if people are curious it wouldn't hurt to work around the question in a less hurtful, and assuming way......something along the lines of "Isn't s/he gorgeous, can i ask what nationality s/he is? Oh so she must get .....from you?" Most of the time if the child is adopted the parent is willing to volunteer this info, being just as proud of that child as someone who is the biological parent would. People really need to think about what they say before they just say it. A little consideration for the parents feelings goes a long long way!

Celeste - posted on 02/15/2009

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I have never had this particular problem, but I know people who have gone through experiences like these. I feel for anyone who experiences situations like these.

Emily - posted on 02/12/2009

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I get asked if I am babysitting my daughter. It frustrates me but I usually tell them that it is a babysitting job that will never end.. hopefully one of these days she will resemble me more.. although I must say I envy her beautiful black eyes and toasted almond colored skin.

Cheri - posted on 02/12/2009

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Oh my gosh, after reading everyone's posts I feel so much better!  The first time I was asked 'Where'd you get her?' by a man referring to my daughter, I was first confused...I had no idea what he was talking about.  I just answered 'I gave birth to her if that's what you mean'.  It shut him up.  I think basically people don't mean to be offensive, they're just curious.  I'm American and my husband is Japanese.  I live in Japan and everyone says how 'American' my daughter looks.  Yet when I'm in the States everyone says how Japanese she looks.  All I see when I look at her is a beautiful young lady ('u')/

Bisa - posted on 02/07/2009

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When my son (who is Black and Japanese) was brought back into my room by the nurse she tried to turn around because she thought my son was not my baby! I had to stop her and say.."Yes he is mine, can I have him back please!" Truthfully I just laughed because the look on her face was absolutely priceless! I knew this would only be the begining since I am a single Black Mother walking around with a very asian looking and very beautiful little boy. I am hoping to raise my son to be comfortable with himself and who he is. All my friends are beautiful array of all different nationalities and I absolutely love introducing my son to so many different cultures.

User - posted on 02/06/2009

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I am 53 years old and look nothing like my daughter. She is brown and looks like her father could have given birth to her. She is now pregnant with my first grandchild (a girl, so very exciting! ! ) , and the father is white. So we are going brown to possibly lighter brown in this family. She is now 25 years old. My answer to this question has alway been, I got her from my uterus. It shocked questioners enough to just walk away. I knew early on that people who implied that she must have come from an orphanage are too stuck in a place where teaching them anything would take more time than I was willing to spend. I also would like to add that I refer to my caucasian/black child as brown because she does. Do not label your children. Let them find their own comfort zone with their race. Trust me she knows who she is and it is not defined by race. The best way for all of us to be ! Hope this helps

Natalie - posted on 02/05/2009

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My children are mostly Native American with nice tan skin, thick black hair, and large black eyes.  I had a lady ask me where they got their good looks.  I said, "I guess not from me?"  People can be terribly rude, but mostly I laugh it off.  Today as I was walking my kids home from school, a car pulled alongside me and the driver asked if I had openings in my home daycare!  I don't have a home daycare, just beautiful children...

Lisa - posted on 02/05/2009

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This happened to me also! I'm African American my husband is Canadian. My daughter was a few months old at the time she was very, very fair with jet black hair and bright blue eyes. We were in the grocery store at and an African American man was next to us. He looked at me, he looked at my baby, looked at me looked, at the baby and said to me very incredously " Is she yours?!?!?!" I looked right at him and said "yes....Why?" He didn't seem to know how to answer. I said "she's beautiful isn't she" and he couldn't help but agree. I know there's an initial sting when you come across ignorance but just know that our children are unique and the future. One day this won't even be a topic.

Amy - posted on 02/04/2009

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I will never forget in the grocery line with my oldest when she was about 6 months old(who is now 13 and loves every bit of her mutt-ness as she calls it LOL) and the bagger, probably all of 17 and thinking she was being cool says to me "ohhh, what she mixed with?" (no, there was no s on the end of what - she was white, as am I) and I said "her daddy and I" smiled at my baby and walked away. You can not give stupid people power and by allowing others stupidity to take that much out of you, you're giving it to them. We just have to raise our wonderfully beautiful "mixed" babies to be better people and know that there is no color (my kids are blessed to part of me (all white) and part of their dad (half german half black) and I wouldn't change their skin color, their hair, and most of all their simply inner beauty for the world!

Mindy - posted on 02/03/2009

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yes, this happend to me in the grocery store! a woman came up to me and said "what a beautiful baby! where did you get him?" like i picked him up in aisle 3 or somthing! i said "i got him from my womb". she got so red in the face and walked away without another word.. then when my son got older a woman walked up to my son put her hands on her knees, and in a baby voice to my 3.5 year old said "well aren't you all mixed up! what are you mixed with?" my poor son looked up at me like mommy what is wrong with this woman.. i was shocked seeing this woman seemed to me of mixed race herself! seeing she was really trying to be nice and obviously not knowing how ignorant she was coming across, i explained he was 1/2 african american and 1/2 white. she proceeded to tell me how handsome he was.. but come on people.. smarten up!!!

Susan - posted on 02/03/2009

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I thing you do over react, as the Mom of three bi-racial children I don't bother with it so much anymore. People will always say stupid things and that is their ignorance. Just raise them as kids not as a particular race, that is what I did with mine and they are very good kids, sure we have had a few racial things said, but those people can soon be put in their place. Let it go and enjoy racing your beautifull children to be good caring people.

Kynyetta - posted on 02/03/2009

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i personally havent had that happen to me, and my hubby i know he gets stares because our Daughter is a few shades darker than him and doesnt have that straight hair like him, but what those people that said those things like that to you are outrageous and im sorry that you have to hear things like that, i dont think you are overreacting, i mean that is so rude, "which country did i adopt my children, or which adoption agency had i used to get my kids, etc etc!"..i dont know how i would've handled that situation.

Kris - posted on 02/02/2009

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It does happen in the states too. My daughter's father is African American and I am white. One day while my older daughter was in dance class someone asked me about my little one, "Where did you get her?" I replied from my tummy and they promptly shut up.

Tiarra - posted on 02/02/2009

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I agree!! I have been asked this same question about my son (latino & white). I was so taken aback by the question "what country is he from" that I stumbled over my words and replied "Ummm, the country of my uterus!" Not my best response, I must admit. However, these questions are a great opportunity to educate those inquisitive minds that people can love someone so deeply that skin color doesn't matter (as is the case for my hubby and I) and that there is beauty in our differences!

Stacey - posted on 01/23/2009

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My husband is Asian, so we have two girls who are 1/4 Korean, 1/4 Japanese and 1/2 caucasian. After being repeatedly asked "where I got them from", I finally bought them matching t-shirts which read "NOT MADE IN CHINA".

Christin - posted on 01/20/2009

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I have had the same questions. My husband is Indonesian and i am white, so my children look mocha colored with asian eyes. Most people are very polite, compliment me on my beautiful girls (I know it!! lol) and ask what nationality they are. The only time it hurt my feelings, is when my youngest, who was 3, was very percocious and told everyone she was from China and a lady asked me when I had adopted her. I was so outraged and upset that tears sprung into my eyes. When I got home in a tissy, my husband laughed and pointed out that with her asian eyes and short bob she kinda did look chinese. It just hurts that when people look at them, they rarely see me peeping out of their faces.

Jeannie - posted on 01/19/2009

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It happens here too.  I am Canadian and my husband is African and I have had many people ask me this.  It went so far one day that I had to tell a lady that my children came from by body and I gave birth to them.  Some people are just ignorant and stupid.  I just camly tell people they are mine and my husband is African and then they understand.  I have even had people appologize and say they felt stupid.  Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it and answer the question.

Amanda - posted on 01/19/2009

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It has only happened to me once (my baby's dad is African, and i'm Aussie) but i have a friend who is asked daily where she adopted her daughter from, and some days it really upsets her. I do always get asked where his dad is from though. Mostly i notice the weird looks older people give me when i'm out with my son.



I guess all you can do is answer these people, and hope that one day people will realise that it's ok to have parents of different races, and that the children are beautiful adn intelligent, and as aussie as the next person!

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