Maria - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )
I am a bit timid about bringing this up, and I will try to choose my words carefully, so please bear with me... sorry about the length.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter, who is biracial, I found out the hard way my husbands family were not going to be in the picture. His Mother basically accused me of being racist, after telling us she is racist, and is proud of it...
So, since then, I've been looking for positive role models for my family in people of all colors. We are lucky to have my husband's aunt still around, who is one hell of a wonderful woman! I've also been reaching out to friends and family, teachers, and coworkers. I joined groups, chat rooms, read up on all kinds of things, etc. What I have been faced with, repeatedly, is a great deal of negativity towards whites. Now, I don't need a Masters degree to understand why that is, but my being argued with based on the color of my skin, has started to wear me down a bit. Even my husband defends some of this, however he tells me constantly, that the best thing for us to do is to present ourselves as the happy family we are to prove to people this (interacial relationship) is not a "bad thing".
That said, my situation is this. There is a group for biracial families at the local school. There is a Mother (white) who chases after me everytime she sees me to get me to join. I've explained to her my issues. I am on the fence about going. The other day I explain to her that my family does not experience too much negativity - or we are just good at ignoring it. She touches my daughters hair and said "well, I suppose you don't get much of that since her hair has soft curls, and her skin is light." She tells me that I'll hear more as my daughter gets older, where she is different. I point out 5 children within 20 feet of us that are biracial mixed in amoung the rainbow of other kids.
Now, I'm floored. What difference does the texture of my daughter's hair make? OK - I know, it makes a difference to some - but, this Mom, trying to recruit me to join a "positive" group for biracial families????
So my "open mindedness" that I once had is slowly closing in.
My question: Do I live my life and not be bothered with "groups" like my husband wants? Will my daughter benefit by being involved in the biracial community? Or will we hear so much negativity she may be negative towards race herself?
Thanks for the input.